Fishsticks Went On A 3-Week Detox, Is Still Full Of Shit
In this week's edition of Caca Soup For Your Soul, Fishsticks Paltrow tells us how she lost "extra pounds" by completing a three-week mostly-juice detox. Yeah, I don't know where lost this extra weight, because her mouth is fatter than ever. Here's what Fishy had to say:
As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you.
Hey, Fishy, I asked my doctor (aka my dealer) and he said that you should take two doses of STFU-PM and call him in the morning. Okay, okay, I'm being hard on Fishy as usual. She's just trying to make the world a cleaner place, but she's really just making it a shittier one. LITERALLY. I mean, have you been on one of those detoxes? Your butt will turn into Niagara Falls. It will be a 24-hour feces party! It's not pretty. And there's a good chance your asshole will go raw and fall off. Nobody wants to be without a b-hole. Trust.
I tried to do that mess once, because my friend's daddy told me he did it for like 3-months and he started shitting out shiny mercury. Maybe he was pulling my nipple (not like that), but I wanted silver to come out of my ass too (it's the closest I'll get to butt sex with Anderson Cooper), so I gave it a shot. NEVER AGAIN. I nearly died after 12 hours. I have never wanted a greasy cheeseburger so bad in my life. I was so tempted to eat the paint off the walls with hot sauce. Before the day was through, I had consumed 2 McDonald's #1s. FAIL.
Fishy doesn't even give you the details for the detox. It's just a forum for that doctor dude to sell his crap inducers. If you want to feel like you've just gone on a three-week detox, just read the entire newsletter. All your insides will fall out of your butt.
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Hey freebird! I agree! Bwahahaha... *tears*
Missy - good choices. I would go with...
Spencer Pratt but maybe he just an ass clown
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Methinks that Chris encourages her to this crap so that she stays out of his (receding) hair.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Triston! Sally! *muah*
I want as much tox as possible, thankyouverymuch.
Submitted by MizRo on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 11:56am.
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Hey MizRo! *hug!* She should botox her mouth so it won't move.
what's wrong with "relaxing and enjoying life a little"??
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
Uuuummmm
Real people in this country can not afford $350 for this program.
Move on to the next......
100% Hondu-Reyna
I really wish a famous nutritionist would call her on her eating disorder disguised as healthy living bullshit. What she is advocating is nothing more than starvation OK'd by some doctor looking to get into the very profitable diet business. Extra pounds my ass, she's always been pencil thin.
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I am not a pussy.
lol breakdown, thats why ive never "detoxed"
I need my daily TOKIN & TOXIN baby
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
And this dumb bitch is raising a daughter.
Woah, I cannot spell...weight..not wait...
Crap...
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
verrry good question twodrink...
my asshat submissions would be
our own fishy here
tommy girl cruise
and Im gonna throw in kate hudson on account of her recent romance choices....
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Breakdown, despite past grievances, I think I love you now.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
"Hey, Fishy, I asked my doctor (aka my dealer) and he said that you should take two doses of STFU-PM and call him in the morning."
omfg LMAO!
She also has Botox forehead.
Submitted by missy on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 11:52am.
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LOl! ITA. I always look to what products are available to affirm how I should live my life. McDonald's offers supersize, that's affirmation that I should be eating more of it. If it's good enough for corporations to make money off of it, it must be fabulous, enriching and better for all of humanity.
Fuck a detox!
I need my gin and juice!
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http://www.myspace.com/triston
ask me how to subscribe for "Heaux Confessionals©", delivered to your inbox and other holes
this bitch...
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a wet pussy and a dry purse don't match....
i wanna detoooxx!
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"And I went through this whole thing; am I gay?! Am I straight?! And I realized: I'm just slutty." ~Margaret Cho
"This is supposed to be about delicious booze!" ~MK
This is the type platinum patient you want to measure a "zinc" level, walk in with a frown on your face, and ask for their credit card number. I'll save you Baby.
missy - thanks...the word asshat always makes me laugh. The thing is if webster were to actually contain it...who's pic would they use?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
mother superior, you KNOW I work hard for that paper!
;)
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Celebrities dropping like flies the past few weeks and this self-righteous, pretentious cunt is still on earth....it's just not right.
"majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase"
If fun and enjoyment are only a phase in her life, then how about the rest?
That explains all.
Detox treatments are fine- as long as you don't have a job to go to like Missy here....
I hate this cunt more than words can say. I would love to pick her up, snap her scrawny ass over my knee, then bash her head into a wall repeatedly. Smug cunt bitch. Who cares about her opinions, she's a fucking ACTRESS, not a doctor.
Although she did suck on Brad's holy pole once upon a time so maybe that's why she thinks she's god's gift to save the fatties... having a touch of the divine juice made her think she's something more than A BAD ACTRESS who hasn't done anything relevant in years.
She has Botox Laughing nose. Well done, but still botoxed IMO.
If she wanted to lose wait and some metal, she could just pull out that wire hanger shoved up her ass.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
her bullshit "green" edition newsletter pissed me off royally.
she was saying how great it is that "green" products have become so widely available and how that in itself is an sffirmation of the importance of "going green"
and I was just yelling at the monitor "MARKETING YOU ASSHAT!!! ITS ALL A FUCKING MARKETING PLOY!!!!"
are proctor & gamble and GE cutting this bitch checks or soemthing?
I hate this bitch.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Jizzball on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 11:46am.
FUCK HER IN THE ASS....HARD!
Will you be removing the stick out of her ass? or fucking her with the stick in still?
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
I just lost my b-hole laughing at this.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Yeah, right! BS
Hey Gwyneth! You know what will really work wonders for your digestive system? Me putting my foot in your ass, you flatulent, pea-brained, pretentious twatwaffler!
I. HATE. YOU!!!
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If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh. Otherwise, they'll kill you. - Oscar Wilde
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I'm glad she lost the 1 1/2 pounds she gained off of her already gaunt frame. You know, what? Good for her. I'm glad at least one person in Hollywood is open and honest about her SERIOUS eating disorder and exercise addiction. I mean, is she on fucking crack? She is a fucking toothpick and she went on a fucking fast and working out during it for 3-weeks! And what's hilarious about it is that she thinks that's totally normal! Oh my God! If I did this, my friends would call my parents and I would be forced to go to the hospital. What the fuck. How is she even married!
psl: Hahaha! I loathe this pretentious bombast.
FUCK HER IN THE ASS....HARD!
oh, whatEVER!!
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"Everybody wants me to show my vagina to the world all the time. And the truth is, I don’t have to."
- Lady Gaga