Fishsticks Went On A 3-Week Detox, Is Still Full Of Shit
In this week's edition of Caca Soup For Your Soul, Fishsticks Paltrow tells us how she lost "extra pounds" by completing a three-week mostly-juice detox. Yeah, I don't know where lost this extra weight, because her mouth is fatter than ever. Here's what Fishy had to say:
As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you.
Hey, Fishy, I asked my doctor (aka my dealer) and he said that you should take two doses of STFU-PM and call him in the morning. Okay, okay, I'm being hard on Fishy as usual. She's just trying to make the world a cleaner place, but she's really just making it a shittier one. LITERALLY. I mean, have you been on one of those detoxes? Your butt will turn into Niagara Falls. It will be a 24-hour feces party! It's not pretty. And there's a good chance your asshole will go raw and fall off. Nobody wants to be without a b-hole. Trust.
I tried to do that mess once, because my friend's daddy told me he did it for like 3-months and he started shitting out shiny mercury. Maybe he was pulling my nipple (not like that), but I wanted silver to come out of my ass too (it's the closest I'll get to butt sex with Anderson Cooper), so I gave it a shot. NEVER AGAIN. I nearly died after 12 hours. I have never wanted a greasy cheeseburger so bad in my life. I was so tempted to eat the paint off the walls with hot sauce. Before the day was through, I had consumed 2 McDonald's #1s. FAIL.
Fishy doesn't even give you the details for the detox. It's just a forum for that doctor dude to sell his crap inducers. If you want to feel like you've just gone on a three-week detox, just read the entire newsletter. All your insides will fall out of your butt.
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Submitted by sparkys nemesis on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 1:11pm
gwyneth is that you?
UAHAHAHAHA MK at his best, i laughed histerically
Of course, most of us have jobs and lives that require us to eat protein or drop dead in our tracks. We don't have the luxury of saying to our bosses, "sorry, Mr O'Dell, but I'm on a juice fast to cleanse myself of unwanted pounds even though I'm already shaped like a straw but twice as empty!"
Relax and enjoy? What, did she eat a baby tomato with her daily lettuce leaf? SUCH DECADENCE!
two drink: VODKA DIET?!?!?! link please! LMAO
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley
"I just begun too" Teresa Giudice
"Wudnt nuthin strage bout yo daddy!" Al Sharpton
Screw you Sparkynemesis. i'm reporting you as abuse.
Michael K, r u going to make fun of her every single time Goop comes out (oh I don't mean out of your no-no hole; that's poop). Goop is worthwhile, sweetie! And this column was interesting!!! And yeah, for the info of the blogger who thought it wasn't good, crapping your brains out is *good* for you. Gets rid of toxins and other s--t attached to the intestine lining. So there. Go Gwynnie, don't let the Fishy haters bring you down.
I think that majorly fun month was when she went off with Mario Batali and just watched them eat and ate small spoonfuls of fish soup...she is Fishticks after all!
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
3 weeks of juice does not sound like fun at all! I just know about the week and 10 day detox cleanses, but it's not that good for your digestive system because after you finish one you can get really sick if you're not careful about what you eat. So it's more pain than it's worth. Just exercise and eat healthfully, damn it! This c-u-next tuesday IS full of SHIT, literally!
"Nuzzle your succulent nose in my no-no. It will be safe there. Well, not really, because I had Mexican for lunch. SUCIO! There I go again." - MK
My mom just said she thinks Gwen is the most beautiful actress. I disagree. Did anyone see her in 'The Anniversary' with Jennifer Jason Leigh?
She had no makeup on, and she had freckles and strawberry blond hair, (her natural hair color).
Truly fug.
seriously, i can't take her. there's no need for me to detox because listening to this bitch makes me vomit.
who the hell has a relax and enjoy life "phase"? um, maybe if gwennie enjoyed life on the regular we wouldnt be bombarded with her idiotic and pretentious crap.
Shitting your brains out is not healthy, otherwise we'd all have a vodka diet.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
What doctor put her on such an idiotic diet? (Rhetorical question)
She just fucked up her digestive system. Lol.
Submitted by TT99 on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:37pm.
i thought there were rumours that he was already cheating on her boney arse?
What the hell is the fuss about these detox practices anyway? they sound like bullshit for the gullible to me. Isn't eating right and exercising regularly the biggest secret for a healthy lifestyle?. I don't know, but laxatives and diuretics sound like they do more harm than good for anybody. Also this liquid-only detox or macrobiotic diets, purple diet and related bollocks are just means to make some folks rich and fuck up your body in the process.
But well it's Goopy here, another shallow hollywood bitch endorsing dietary-detox bullshit to the masses.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Bitch is TOTALLY botoxed! I don't even recognize her. How the hell can she twitter on about detox and being natural when her laughing face looks like that?
Why the fuck do they do this to themselves?
i just had a creamy caesar salad, no grilled chicken with real parm on it with real bacon.
when i got too full to finish, i picked out all the bacon and ate that and left the leafy greens. detox that fishy.
Submitted by Jizzball on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:22pm.
Oh man, are we going to have another Harlequin Romance on the main board today? That was too much the other day.
*goes back on Dlisted vacay*
Announcement to the class: I have a timeclock on her marriage to the guy from Coldplay. He's gonna cheat on her with like a swimsuit model or something in 5...4...3...2...
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"There isn’t any flying under my radar." - Brad Bellick
STFU-PM. I love it!
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“He who hesitates, doesn't get laid.”
--Brian Kinney
For most people, I believe giving your digestive system a rest/detox is known as sleepytime or night-nights.
you're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop - Patches O'Houlihan
Is that you Jizz?????
Good for you Fishsticks for losing the 1.5 lbs you gained 'during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago)' Was that the vacay you went on with sweaty Batali but you stuck to your macrobiotic diet? Why don't you take some Diprivan tonight?
Submitted by shut the smurf up on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:21pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:12pm.
I do the opposite; for the most part I maintain a pretty healthy diet (except for the alcohol)but sometimes I feel the need to eat everything that is bad for me and next day Voila!! I have a wonderfull day after I crap everything.
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LOL! I kinda do that too, sometimes. That's kinda nachos and chocolate for me right there - deadly combo - cleans me right out!;p
But even that is more consistent, really, than a month of gluttony and a month of detox...it seems to me she prolly doesn't even do gluttony right!
What bothers me the most is that she really SHOULD just back someone professional. She's a celebrity. Just be a celebrity and support someone who REALLY knows what they're talking about - someone who's devoted their life to these ideas...instead of stomping all over their work. Cuz that's what she's doing, really. Her celebrity means people will look at her before they look at someone WAY more qualified. (like that lady with the almost identical but way better site - who's name fails me now, of course)
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
EATING DISORDER!!!!
I don't think anything is MORE unhealthy than going through alternating period of binging and starvation.
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"Why would Brad leave such a beautiful woman to hold orphans for Angelina?" - Michael Douglas
Submitted by missy on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 11:53am.
mother superior, you KNOW I work hard for that paper!
;)
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Sorry, darlin', I meant Madamme Gwyn...heheheh :D
JIZZ??????????????????
MUSCRAT
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:12pm.
I do the opposite; for the most part I maintain a pretty healthy diet (except for the alcohol)but sometimes I feel the need to eat everything that is bad for me and next day Voila!! I have a wonderfull day after I crap everything.
and Goopy, you truly really MUST shut the fuck up dear.
Is like she wants to be the most hated cunt in this earth.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Thanks for the advice, Gwen. Although many of us little people probably couldn't afford this treatment, we appreciate your concern.
Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:12pm.
Actually, consistency is the best thing for your body. That means having a little "majorly fun and delicious" time and detox time every day. Sometimes you can even mix the two! (like tomato soup! or fruit salad delicious AND detoxing!) Not lots of either for long periods of time. Din't your doctor tell you THAT? You really don't need to make such a huge deal out of it - especially if you're already thin and fit. Yeesh!
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You hit the nail on the head, angel. "Detoxing" is the biggest bunch of medical quackery I've ever seen. What ever happened to consistency and moderation? Taking laxatives and diuretics and then going back to a shitty lifestyle isn't gonna do anything for your system.
It's disgusting that she's holding herself out there as this prime example of good health, when she stands sideways & sticks her tongue out, she looks like a zipper.
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
Momus
Speaking of unemplyment...I might be waiting in line...online. Because I found out you can file for unemployment online. Good to know.
Oh lord
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
For a bitch that hates America and everything it stands for, she had no problem referring to a NY Cardiologist. Fuck off.
I need an open post - I have a question about Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. *sigh*
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Submitted by nursebetty on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:06pm.
Wow she must feel so much lighter and healthier having shed that 1/2 lb she gained during the majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase”
Who talks like this? Excuse me while I continue my "gag me with a spoon phase related to reading anything that has remotely to do with this smug, ano, annoying person."
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LMAO! Seriously!
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
Actually, consistency is the best thing for your body. That means having a little "majorly fun and delicious" time and detox time every day. Sometimes you can even mix the two! (like tomato soup! or fruit salad delicious AND detoxing!) Not lots of either for long periods of time. Din't your doctor tell you THAT? You really don't need to make such a huge deal out of it - especially if you're already thin and fit. Yeesh!
There you go.♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
I loathe her.
There, I said it.
Yah and in other countries they would call that STARVING! Fool!
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Kiefer 1 Christmas Tree 0
TEAM KIEFER!
Funny thing is, I hate every fucking word that ever comes out of her mouth.
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"We've got Company." - Lincoln Burrows
*drop kicks Fishy in the head*
Too bad the ending to "Se7en" wasn't real life.
Can you imagine having to live with this pretentious pain the ass?
Hmmmm well if I did this: "resting your digestive system", I would be more full of shit...more full od shit dumb ass estupida.
Coma Caca!!
I whoreheartedly cannot stand this bitch.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Wow she must feel so much lighter and healthier having shed that 1/2 lb she gained during the majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase”
Who talks like this? Excuse me while I continue my "gag me with a spoon phase related to reading anything that has remotely to do with this smug, ano, annoying person."
It actually makes me curious to know how she pulled it off, because if you exercise regularly, you should eat solid food. Carbs are good people!(the good kind)
And what extra pounds is she talking about?!
She probably freaked out about having that cookie with "William".
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
She's fish belly ugly.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by Jinxy McDeath on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 11:47am.
I'm glad she lost the 1 1/2 pounds she gained off of her already gaunt frame.
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Ha...I was thinking the same exact thing, her weight is perfectly fine, WTF? Why would SHE need a freaking detox?? Isnt she the one always bragging about how much she exercises & how she eats so healthy & only eats organic food & keeps her environment safe & green? And isnt she the one always telling us to do the same? What is she detoxing? The plate of pasta she ate last year with Mario Batali? The tiny fried fish & olives from Spain? The occassional glass of wine at a party & a piece of dark chocolate is probably a major indulgence to her...So sad.
Psst..Hey Fishy.... YOUR BODY NEEDS FUCKING FOOD IDIOT!
Submitted by Miss Priss on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:01pm.
what's wrong with "relaxing and enjoying life a little"??
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For most folks below her income bracket, it's called unemployment.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Oh Fishy-shut the fuck up will you-the rest of us dont want to hear about your pretentious crap..
You honestly dont look as if you ever put any kind of food in your mouth without having a big neurotic fit about it-and I doubt youve had a 'relax and enjoy life phase' for the past 30 years you idiot.
Can you imagine the conversations between Fishy and Vadge-two emaciated crows discussing bird seed...
Tedious........................
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"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"