Fishsticks Went On A 3-Week Detox, Is Still Full Of Shit
In this week's edition of Caca Soup For Your Soul, Fishsticks Paltrow tells us how she lost "extra pounds" by completing a three-week mostly-juice detox. Yeah, I don't know where lost this extra weight, because her mouth is fatter than ever. Here's what Fishy had to say:
As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below. Designed by New York cardiologist and detoxification specialist Dr. Alejandro Junger, this program allowed me to work and exercise regularly, something I cannot do if I am on a liquid-only detox. I followed it to the letter and I can report that it worked wonders. I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago). I also really enjoyed learning about the incredible health benefits of resting your digestive system, etc. This thing is amazing. And don’t forget to ask your doctor if a cleanse is right for you.
Hey, Fishy, I asked my doctor (aka my dealer) and he said that you should take two doses of STFU-PM and call him in the morning. Okay, okay, I'm being hard on Fishy as usual. She's just trying to make the world a cleaner place, but she's really just making it a shittier one. LITERALLY. I mean, have you been on one of those detoxes? Your butt will turn into Niagara Falls. It will be a 24-hour feces party! It's not pretty. And there's a good chance your asshole will go raw and fall off. Nobody wants to be without a b-hole. Trust.
I tried to do that mess once, because my friend's daddy told me he did it for like 3-months and he started shitting out shiny mercury. Maybe he was pulling my nipple (not like that), but I wanted silver to come out of my ass too (it's the closest I'll get to butt sex with Anderson Cooper), so I gave it a shot. NEVER AGAIN. I nearly died after 12 hours. I have never wanted a greasy cheeseburger so bad in my life. I was so tempted to eat the paint off the walls with hot sauce. Before the day was through, I had consumed 2 McDonald's #1s. FAIL.
Fishy doesn't even give you the details for the detox. It's just a forum for that doctor dude to sell his crap inducers. If you want to feel like you've just gone on a three-week detox, just read the entire newsletter. All your insides will fall out of your butt.
OMG, she looks so hot. It seems that girl is dating online now. I saw her profile on dating site " !!! .sugarscupid. c o mo m" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
I can't stand this bitch, but I used to lose weight by drinking juice only for a week...and once I passed the third day, it became very easy and enjoyable. Maybe I'll try it tomorrow.
What an obnoxious, oblivious bitch.
"I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago)"
So what phase is she in now? The "Please let me die now phase"?
Nice face there Fishy. You look like Renee Zellweger's evil squinty twin.
I'm on the seafood diet.
I see food and I eat.
Eff you Fishy you smug elitist POS.
Yada Yada Yada
B Breezy
Amazing...I seemed to see she had a personal account on the rich and success dating site sugarscupid. co m with profile and blog when looking for dates and fun with hot girls there recently. The blog was updated very often. Lots of guys joined in her friend circle.
What kind of ugly face is that? Geez...
Submitted by WhatWouldJackNC... on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 3:05pm.
Everything you say makes me almost tinkle in my pants Michael...but I disagree with how hard you are on Gwenyth and her newsletter.
I think she figures that she has access to people like nutritionists, trainers, spiritual advisors, etc, that the rest of the world doesn't, so she want to share.
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I agree. This helps me say what I was trying to say earlier but a lot more clearly...
I think she needs to step right away from the blogging process too. The collection and dispersion of information. I read GOOP a couple of times and her writing is pretty horrific. And then it has the nerve to be pompous at the same time. She could easily put her face in front of someone more suited to the work; someone with a better/longer history of being involved. She's such a newbie - it's very obvious....
and then she could still flit around in pomposity by adding "GWENYTH'S TRADEMARK TESTIMONIALS" or some shit. You know? Stop trying to own it and tell it like it is.
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Is it terrible that I am beginning to hope she has liver failure soon?
So, she went on a “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago...
Really?
What's her life like the rest of the year, it a: "be uptight and dislike" anything 'beneath' her? As in social status. Fucky Gwynneth, never liked you never will and I hope you choke on a carrot.
I want to live only till I die, no more and no less - Eddie Izzard
She's cute & is hysterically funny. Liking her more all the time:) Go Fishy!
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2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
"Fishsticks Went On A 3-Week Detox, Is Still Full Of Shit"
Ahahaaahaa!
Shit like Goop caca
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I've got a hot cactus butt plug colonic I'd like to introduce Fishy to. It works better when someone simultaneously slams your head into a concrete wall.
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Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca
Here's a tip-- if you want root beer to shoot out your ass, do what I do: go to your local Walgreen's and buy stool softener with laxative. Take three of those babies with a platter dinner from Steak and Shake and VOILA!! Instant liquid. (And don't y'all go psycho on my ass-- literally. I do it b'c I have the constipation side of IBS.) Fish isn't lying when she says it makes you feel cleaner and lighter --to which I say a great big fat DUH, ASSHOLE. That's the whole fucking point. But as usual, she has to act like she invented sliced bread. Or sliced shit. I wish she'd throw herself back in the ocean.
I've been on a "relax and joy life phase" for a long time. At least when I die I'll know what happened.
Don't worry, Fish-head. That month-long, off-the-wagon, caution-to-the-wind, textbook example of reckless abandon (read: gluttonous, shameless consumption of four whole ounces of non-vegan ice cream from, like, *shudder* an animal secretion) went straight to your bloated head, not your hips. If Spanx isn't already making control garments for egos, perhaps you'll inspire them to branch out.
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For the love of all that is hairy, WHY DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT THIS TWATWAFFLE??????? --Sugaroo
Hahaha, Dirk Diggler!
Sounds about right. Last month she probably spent binging and purging, then calling Vadge 'for advice.'
I've tried detox plans twice before, all with the intention of re-triggering through a fast, or restricting calories consumption to liquids.
Did not work obviously. I lasted two days, then went out for some scones down the street with dh. The scones were old and stale, I'm sure, but I'll be damned if they did not taste marvelous.
"Relax and enjoy life phase" = uncontrollable junk food binges while my husband is on tour and the kids are asleep.
Oh my asshole...when did the internet become so negative?!
I never noticed it before. I think I'm going to give my mouse a heavy hit and cancel my MySpace account. ;)
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I'm already holding my bossums...no fancy pick-up lines needed.
Everything you say makes me almost tinkle in my pants Michael...but I disagree with how hard you are on Gwenyth and her newsletter.
I think she figures that she has access to people like nutritionists, trainers, spiritual advisors, etc, that the rest of the world doesn't, so she want to share. If you think about it, an actress is the ultimate expert on how to stay fit and looking good. She gets tripped on the spiritual part of it. If you think about it, if you're just someone who tries to be spiritual yourself, but has access to people who are gurus...you're more likely to come off as pretentious.
In general, I'm all for it. You know she's going to get the mo-mo police coming her way no matter how good it is.
The mo-mo police btw are the people who like to make fun and make people tinkle in their pants such as yourself.
I agree with you about these things that involve excessive messing with the bum bum area, though.
I'll give you an example...
I once tried to have one of those colonic things. All I remember is the woman took off the gloves at the last minute and then I'm stuck there with this woman I didn't know sticking her bare hands up my jumper. She WAS NOT cute either.
Never again! I guess that's different than 'cleanses' but whatever...it's all areas I'm not comfortable messing with. I like to have a coffee in the morning combined with good reading material and I'm good to go.
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I'm already holding my bossums...no fancy pick-up lines needed.
Bda on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 1:56pm.
Oh shut up bitch! Your sole purpose for doing it was to lose weight! As if your skinny boney ass wasn't thin enough. Why do white women think being a size negative 1 is attractive? Especially these actresses! What is wrong with being a good size 4 hell even a 6? She annoys me anyway.
im a size 6, by standard not clothes I have to buy size 4 and people always say im too thin cannot imagine being a textbook size 1
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
With that said we can all go on an all natural diet of pills and booze. jk. Don't all Lohan out on me...I need you guys to make me laugh.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
JoMama - I have something to say about everything today. Fishy isn't the only one who needs a STFU-PM. I love how people call things all natural. LOL...where do chemicals come from? Narcotics?
Aliens? Yeah, they come from nature too.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
Poster girl for why you should hate celebs! For some reason she thinks we really care about her fucking colon! News flash douche bag, we don't care about your colon, your asshole, your vag or frankly any other body part you may want to chat about. Just hit the beach in Spain and shut the fuck up you annoying twit.
I love how these arrogant celebs think they've invented detoxing diets. Hippies were doing it back in the sixties eating only brown rice for three months. Peace.
UAHAHAHAHA MK at his best, i laughed histerically
Yea me too.
This so screams: eating disorder. It would be more honest to just say: i am better than the rest of you and i will prove my superhuman inner me with not eating like the rest of you.
I was just looking at her CRAP website and she is so pretentious! My god. She has these little sections that she entitles GET, MAKE, GO, DO, etc. Then she tells you to MAKE a vegan sandwich that will set you back $25 for the ingredients alone or to GO to Barcelona. What a bitch! Most people are trying to figure out how to afford to go the county fair this summer NOT Europe. Oh, and she says she's going back to her DAY JOB (making movies) and just has no idea what to wear in L.A. She is such a cunt! HATE HER.
And if you're not overloading your body with major drugs and toxins, it will do a fine job of detoxing ITSELF. That's what the liver and kidneys are for. And that's what SHITTING is. Eliminating the waste.
Lindsay Lohan needs a detox diet. Miss Macrobiotic doesn't.
Oh shut up bitch! Your sole purpose for doing it was to lose weight! As if your skinny boney ass wasn't thin enough. Why do white women think being a size negative 1 is attractive? Especially these actresses! What is wrong with being a good size 4 hell even a 6? She annoys me anyway.
Heaven help poor Apple if she ever balloons to a size 1 in her awkward teen years.
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It's creamie, not prune!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQbwt-dicpo
OH WOW, I have never laughed so hard! MK you are going to get me fired! Lauging my ass off at D-listed all day isn't exactly in my job description, fuck it...I'll get a job at Target...
**Wanna Fight About It**
idiotsdrivemeloco: I have the same thing with my pregnant SIL who is pregnant but drinks diet cola all day long and is watching every calorie so she won't gain weight.
I don't even want to be right about the issue. I just want her baby to come out a healthy weight without tumors on its liver.
My dislike for Gwynnie Paltrow knows no bounds!
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You got that?!
There is nothing wrong with being cultured but she makes damn sure everyone knows she's cultured.i don't go around telling people that Trojans are actually a group of ancient people and not just fucking condoms.
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http://redroomflare.blogspot.com/
I don't mind her, or other rich people in general, for the fact that they are rich and obviously enjoy their money -- having lots of free time to pursue travel, charity, fashionable causes, etc.
What I don't like about her is that she so obviously considers herself superior to normal members of society, and in her delusional world probably attributes this superiority not to the fact that she doesn't worry about frivolous things like money precisely because she's always had it, but to some false idea that she is just inherently more intelligent, stylish, and relevant than the rest of us.
It's easy to go on a three week diet of sipping juice and reading Marie Claire on a couch in your mansion, yelling at your maids, when you don't need to have the energy to pound through commuter traffic, hit the office or other job 9 to 5 or whatever hours there are, study for finals, or write a twenty page report on Chaucer.
She should just be rich, enjoy her life, and shut up, because other than her other rich friends or people who want to kiss her ass to get something from her (money, fame, connections, etc.), her opinions are meaningless.
She is neither Audrey Hepburn nor the Pope, but she obviously thinks she's got the resume of the former and the world-wide influence, good or bad, of the latter.
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Work it, baby.
Hey Greenfinch, I'm chuffed that you even read my post but I always liked Gwynnie as an actress and as a NY kinda gal. Sure, she has that pretentious side but very few actresses don't (general statement, I know). I find that Goop column kinda helpful at times.
Now ask me where the words Sparkys Nemesis comes from, I dare you:) Yes, the baseballer.
I bet talking to Goopy is like talking to my idiotic sister in law that spews on an on about her awesome green vegan diet while she stuffs her fat ass with cake every chance she gets. She loves to lecture people about eating meat while her hair is falling out because she won't eat protein. It takes every fiber of my being not to scream at her, Newsflash cunt-hair is non essential. You're losing your fucking hair because you're not injesting enough nutrients. Your body has rerouted those nutrients elsewhere. It might be why you've also developed cystic acne and look 20 fucking yeras older.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Hey, Two Drink Min, I knew you'd have something to say about ol' FishyPoop...and it looks like she's as obnoxious as ever...Aren't these detox diets unhealthy as hell?? I mean, the diets starve your body and deplete it of necessary minerals and vitamins...stupid bimbo...I hope she chokes on her Wheat Grass Slushie...
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Why in bronzer on the nutsack hell is she naked, but he's fully clothed? Take all them panties off, Zac!
A gallon of Draino is all the detoxing she'll ever need.
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Bottom-feeder.
Submitted by TT99 on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:37pm.
Announcement to the class: I have a timeclock on her marriage to the guy from Coldplay. He's gonna cheat on her with like a swimsuit model or something in 5...4...3...2...
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fuck swimsuit model! it NEEDS to be Beth Ditto!
MyBF<3PB&J
MK's totally right about fishy. You're body naturally poops out what it doesn't need unless your pooper is broken. No need for nonsense detoxes. That's what your liver is for. These are all gimmicky hollywood boredom syndrome that makes them want to fuss with the last frontier, the no-no. Or in MK's case, the first frontier.
Submitted by EvilPopTart on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:58pm.
My mom just said she thinks Gwen is the most beautiful actress. I disagree. Did anyone see her in 'The Anniversary' with Jennifer Jason Leigh?
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I Love The Anniversary Party!!! Great movie, and I though Gwyneth looked great.
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"Everybody wants me to show my vagina to the world all the time. And the truth is, I don’t have to."
- Lady Gaga
Submitted by dreadpiratecuervo on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 12:34pm.
For most people, I believe giving your digestive system a rest/detox is known as sleepytime or night-nights.
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Good point!
♥ Threadkilla!
BritPics
Ohmeegee! 100% natural, how rad!!!!. I'll pass on those wonderful 100% natural soy crap products... and I didn't know new spammers were blooming here. Food supplements on a Gooppy thread, dating bullshit everywhere and what's next? an incest-lolita dating site on the Morgan Freeman thread?.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by megalomart on Thu, 07/09/2009 - 1:15pm.
I liked this doctor's comments about switching over to green cleaners and the way people should detox, they were true... but his product is expensive and inconvenient!
If you truly want to detox
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well arent you a dear for offering us another PRODUCT TO PURCHASE!
how thoughtful of you.
now, go along and fuck off darling.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I like that hair on her. But as MK so aptly said, she's still full of it.
I think she likes the word 'amazing'.
Oh shuttee ! extra pounds.. right. She just needed a good dump.
troll harder, sparkys