Thursday, July 2nd 2009
This Is Unpatriotic
Okay, okay, Jessica Simpson's version of the National Anthem didn't make bald eagles bawl or try to peck out their own ears, but I'm sure they shed a few tears. My ear holes sure fucking did.
The chili cook-off chanteuse almost busted her dress open while singing at the AT&T National Golf Tournament in DC yesterday. There's no need to shout when you've got a microphone in your hand. You are not honoring Billy Mays by doing that, so just quit it.
Jessica's "sober pig getting circumcised with a nail clipper" yodel probably held the game up, because all of the holes on the green closed up during her performance. But you know Papa Joe's hole only widened while he watched Jessica's blow job faces (and her PJ-approved nipples).
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Jessica Simpson is an ok singer. She's not a great singer, but she's not bad either. But I'm basing this on when she first hit the scene back in the late 90's. She's the poor man's Christina Aguilera.
The problem with Jessica is that she thinks she's a much better singer then she actually is. That's why she gets up there and really forces it the way she does. She thinks shouting equals SINGIN'. Of course there are some singers that can shout, and overdo the riffs and runs and STILL sound good. Jessica is not one of them.
Oh, and I thought she was drop dead gorgeous on Newlyweds when she walked around without much makeup.
Not bad. Try-too-hardy. Nice dress. On a skinny girl.
♥ Threadkilla!
It's "FACEBOOK" not "ASSBOOK" ~ Bart Simpson's lines, Season 20
I think Jessica subscribes to the notion that if you sing loudly, you are singing well. Not true. That was a loud mess.
i like her curves...hope it sparks a trend :)
and once youve heard the SSB you heard it all... not much you can do with the song except add a lot of annoying "ooooooooooh's" and "aaaaaaah's"
~ <3 ~~ <3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~~<3 ~
Damn, her tits are HUGE! I'm surprised she doesn't topple right over.
She did alright with a notoriously difficult song. It didn't stir my soul or make me want to hunt down the Taliban but it didn't make me want to jam a pencil in my ear either.
I can't believe I just, kind of, complimented this person!
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Go forth. Be conquered. Go forth and die. - Dethklok
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The Star Spangled Banner is such a difficult song to sing because it was composed for four-part chorus, not solo voice. It's a rather beautiful piece--stately and dignified--when performed authentically.
That being said, change the anthem to America the Beautiful. It's lame that our national anthem is about the FLAG during wartime, and that it ends with a question.
God, she is awful looking.
I think she can sing but it is the way she sings that annoy the hell out of me. It makes her unbearable to watch and listen to. Also, you should dress according to your body type. If you have hips and thighs, you really shouldn't be wearing anything that magnifies them. In her defense, I have yet to see anybody pull of the pinstripes.
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If you get to vote on my rights, when do I get to vote on yours?
She has some stumps for legs. Lets see: a few boobs jobs, a couple nose jobs, had her chin narrowed and she still looks funky.
Frances Key Scott just rolled in his grave.
Wow, she looks XXXXXXlarge.
idk Jimmy Bocca, she reminds me of the girls that work at the Mall or something.
But I honestly never found her attractive.
Meh.
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by RichBitch on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 9:36am.
Jimmy Bocca, your licence to gay has been revoked.
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LOLOLOLOLOLOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley
"I just begun too" Teresa Giudice
Jimmy Bocca, your licence to gay has been revoked.
I remember the days where she was with Nick, I used to envy her body, I look way better than Jessica simpson!! wow.
For thos ewho are saying she is hot.
I , Don't see it, I think she is kind of cute. Not pretty , not hot and my ears are being good to me, why would I put them thru that? No, Thanks.
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Were they booing or mooing at her, towards the end of this video?????
I couldn't watch the video............she really makes my ears hurt! Does anyone else think Jessie has "enlarged" the boobies?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 9:21am.
Did she wash her hair in lard?
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No, she ate all the lard then fell asleep. No time to wash her hair!
I couldn't get past 14 seconds... She just looked so silly. Bless her heart *shakes head* Now that NIck is single again, wander is these two will get back together, hell I have no clue if she's still with _____(insert name)
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 9:14am.
Really Jimmy Bocca? You think she is hot?
Not looking to start a fight, just a question people.
I don't see it.
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Yea I honestly think shes gorgeous and she has a sex appeal about her. Very womanly body and pretty face. What don't you think is attractive about her? (other then her singing of course. lol.)
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www.myspace.com/Dreamkilla26
I do not think that the Star Spangled Banner was meant to be sung like a pop song with bubblegummy run ons. That rendition matched her 'look' ~ a fucking hot mess.
Chili cook offs and golf tournaments? Pimp Daddy Joe needs to step up his game.
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I just watched the MK interview and I swear to the Goddess' of Lucite and Cutlets the minute he spoke unicorn kittens followed by rainbow glitter shot out my ass!!!
Did she wash her hair in lard?
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Jessica, Jessica, Jessica! You should have stopped at Oh! Wow.
I'm glad I can't play this at work; my ears would probably be bleeding. Bitch needs to learn to TONE IT DOWN.
Icky hair and ugly dress.
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“Do anything, say anything, and fuck anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets.” --Brian Kinney
Chili cookoffs and golf courses? What's next? 'Entertaining' MJ's fans outside Neverland?
Really Jimmy Bocca? You think she is hot?
Not looking to start a fight, just a question people.
I don't see it.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Why wont she cut her hair into a nice style? All that money and she has her hair pulled back like shes going to the laundromat.
Well, it is one of the if not the hardest songs to sing let alone 'membering all those words Jess probably doesn't even know, shit she probably asked her Pappy to translate to English, I'll give her brain some credit.
But she really needs a rocket's red glare bursting in her ass to make it all work.
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Boy, she has no friends. A true friend would not let her walk out looking like a Dollar Tree patron.
~*Everybody's Doing the Gosselin!*~
She might be really dumb, she might not sing real well, she might not be able to act, but Jesus Christ she is so hot looking and I would do her in a New York minute and so would every dude out there! Her tits are awesome and she really is pretty!!!
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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Jessica Simpson has to be one of the most beautiful woman in the world, I mean I'm gay and I'm attracted to her so I can only imagine what she does for the straight boys. Oh and She should try not "over" singing that song. It sounded all sorts of scary.
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www.myspace.com/Dreamkilla26
Submitted by Green Is Good on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 9:06am.
Well, there's no denying she has huge set of silicon lungs, but I swear the soldiers behind her were actually cringing in agony. Poor devils
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I had the feeling any one of them could have shot her and gotten the Congressional Medal of Honor for it.
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Bottom-feeder.
She has an average voice at best - please make her go away!
Tony - I hope you are smarter than you look.
Well, there's no denying she has huge set of silicon lungs, but I swear the soldiers behind her were actually cringing in agony. Poor devils.
Nice and Klassy. Faux "O" faces and making out with the mike while singing the Star-Spangled Banner.
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
That dress is not flattering to her shape. Makes her look wide from the hips.
That dress is a poor, poor choice. The shoes are terrible with it, too. Straight up nonsense.
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If Shia LaBeouf and a gay-faced bobcat from the 1980s had a meth baby..... Stun. Ning.
What's with the stringy chicken of the tuna hair? Rinse bitch RINSE!!!
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suddenly I have an overwelming uge for a sausage.
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San Diego, roughly translated means a Whales Vagina.
suddenly I have an overwelming uge for a sausage.
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San Diego, roughly translated means a Whales Vagina.
Say something nice: at least she's not anorexic or on coke.
um, ok, i hate to admit this...but she wasn't that bad. Not great but girl can sing. Maybe if she toned it down a little.
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It's better to be safe than itchy. - MK
Horizontal stripes. Good choice.
What is with the exorcist faces? Does she always make them when singing, or was she having some sort of attack?
Too bad she can't afford shampoo.
Hey people let's give her SOME credit for having the balls to actually sing a very difficult song. All of the other whores lip synch it. Can't we just switch the anthem to America the Beautiful? That other shit is too hard. And yes, the dress and the those big, ole circus tits are hideous.
Awwww, it wasn't that bad. The national anthem is a very difficult song to sing for most skilled vocalists. I think that's pretty well known. Jessica did ok with it...not great, but ok. She does bob her head around and make some crazy faces with the eyes & mouth.
There are two types of singers. Those that really can sing, and those that make the ugliest faces while singing. I'll leave it up to you to figure out where Jessica falls.
...my ears puked
Submitted by Team KFed on Thu, 07/02/2009 - 8:36am.
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LOL! That was harsh.