Assault With A Deadly Cheeto

40-year-old James Earl Taylor (Unfortunately, not that one) and his 44-year-old girlfriend Mary S. Childers were having a fight (probably about who was going to siphon gas from the neighbor's pick-up so they could go to Wal-Mart) when they did the UNTHINKABLE! They threw Cheetos at each other! The Shelbyville Times Gazette in Tennessee says that the police were called, because abuse of Cheetos is a serious crime. However, I think the officer at the scene is guilty of the same crime.....

According to the police report, James Taylor and Mary got "involved in a verbal altercation at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault." Holy Cheesus! "Cheetos potato chips"?! Cheetos and potato chips hate each other! A Cheeto wouldn't even let a potato chip lick its peen after a drunken night. That's real hate.

The report went on to say, "There was evidence of the assault. However no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined." Well, at least these two fucktards came to their senses by licking up the Cheeto dust left on their bodies. Never waste the Cheeto dust.

James Taylor and Mary were arrested and charged with domestic assault. They are due back in court on July 15th.

Expect Our Lady of Cheetos to be front row in the court room to speak for the innocent victim who doesn't have a voice in any of this: CHEETOS. You don't disrespect the Cheeto like that! The only time Brit Brit is okay with someone throwing Cheetos is if they are throwing them into her hole (you choose which one). Cheetos were made for love, not war!

(Thanks Stephanie)

Posted by: Michael K

•

Britney Spears • Real People

Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:34pm.

This is so fucking retarded... They ass-salted each other with a snack food! Imagine the ridicule that will ensue in lock-up while exchanging "crimes" with the other convicts... I would totally make some shit up! I cut a bitch!

********************************
"EH, I'd tell you to shut the fuck up and suck it, but I fear being unoriginal.

*SALUTES*"--------ISprainedMyUvula 06/12/09

Submitted by Anonymoussss on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:34pm.

When I saw this article, I knew it was going to show up here today.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:33pm.

Submitted by shut the smurf up on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:30pm.
Why is this news?

===========

Methinks that MK is trying to lighten our mood after yesterday's sadz.

At first, I thought that something had happened to BritBrit.

************************************************
"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
************************************************

Submitted by gia on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:33pm.

Yeah, those Cheetos can get mighty dangerous if thrown the right way...For petes sake! They are the Nerf football of snack food.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:32pm.

This reminds me of the time I assaulted my husband with cotton balls and marshmallows. Yes, I have a record.

♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/

Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful -- Seneca

Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 06/26/2009 - 12:31pm.

Uvula! I am doing weight watchers too. I hate it soooooo much, but it works. The worst is when my coworkers eat delicious smelling food at their desk. ugh!

**************************************************************
*Blondeface*