Twinkle, Twinkle Little Dumbass

You know how sometimes when you're passed out drunk your friends (or in my case, your own mother) will write words like "DRUNK, WHORE, SKANK, PEEN SUCKER" all over your face? Well, 18-year-old Kimberley Vlaminck of Belgium claims that's what happened to her (sort-of). Except the fresh graffiti on her face wasn't from a Sharpie and couldn't be washed off with water or even hot gasoline. This fugness is pretty much permanent!

Kimmy tells the Daily Mail that she paid a Romanian tattoo artist £55 to decorate her face with only three stars. Kimmy, who might have the worst case of narcolepsy ever, says she fell asleep while the dude had a sharp needle on her face and woke up covered in STARZ. 56 stars to be exact.

Kimmy is suing the tattoo artist for £8,500, because that's how much it's going to cost to get them all removed. Kimmy says that she told him she only wanted 3 stars in English and French, but he must have misunderstood her. The tattoo artist says that Kimmy is made of lies, because she specifically asked for 56 stars. He said she was awake and even looked at the mirror a few times. He went on to say, "The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotized her. What rubbish!" It's safe to say that he's MADDER THAN FISH GREASE.

I've never had a tattoo, but I'm pretty sure that if you had a sharp ass needle right on your bone you wouldn't be skipping through the clouds in dreamland. The stupid bitch got the tattoo and her father threatened to quit her ass over it, so she played dumb.

It's really not that bad either. It kind of looks like her ear is queefing out stars. It's like Glamberace scooted all over her face. Look on the bright side. Or should I say, the "STARZ" side (GONG!!!!).

Kimmy is moaning that she can't leave the house now, "I am so embarrassed. I just look horrible."

Um. I've got news for Kimmy. The star bukkake on her face is less ridiculous than that SEXY belt buckle she's wearing.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by Snarkley on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:19pm.

Do they make a shiny belt buckle that says "DumbAss"?

Submitted by Master Blaster on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:19pm.

Bullshit. Having just had a tat done, there is no way in hell you can sleep through having one done anywhere. Especially on your face! Maybe if you drank a lot and took some horse tranquilizers on top of that and then had someone suckerpunch you. Then, yeah, maybe.

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Submitted by greenfinch on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:19pm.

i loves her sexy belt buckle :)

Submitted by Raul Duke on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:19pm.

If you play "dot to dot" with them it spells out " Stupid Whore".

Submitted by Plecostomus on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:17pm.

Kimmy can't handle stardom, eh? She better lay off that Romanian tat artist, though, unless she wants to wake up one morning to find asteroids on the other side of her star-crossed mug.

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Bottom-feeder.

Submitted by LipGlossJnkie on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:17pm.

Wow, what an idiot.

Noting on your reaction, however, it is remarkably easy to fall asleep while getting tattoos. I don't speak for *face* tattoos, as I'm not an idiot, but your body releases endorphins to ease the pain, and it ends up being rather relaxing...

Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:17pm.

"Dancing With The Galaxy"

Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:17pm.

she's only 18 people, be careful what you say or you could be asking for a beat down and forced to apologize.

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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley

Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:17pm.

I mean - if you say THREE in two languages and you're sitting there 2 hours later asking: So, are they done yet?...well...Not to mention the fact that faces do have feeling in them. They are able to tell you when things are happening to us that we don't want to happen.

♥ Threadkilla!
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Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:16pm.

I cannot stop laughing at Twinkle Twinkle Little Dumbass. LOL

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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.

Submitted by U1TIMATE_H8TR on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:16pm.

I laughed so much when I read this on buzzfeed but what I'm wondering is how much did she pay for those shitty little stars in the first place? This story screams BULLSHIT.

This just reminded me of my sharpie whiskers I had a couple weeks ago. I still managed to get into a club with no ID and looking like a complete fucktard. I lost 7 mini sharpies for about half an hour before I remembered I'd put them in my boots for safe keeping.

Submitted by ewlulu on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:16pm.

I know a few tattoo artists, and they would never tattoo someones face unless they were a regular client with many tattoos already. Same with hands and necks- they won't do it as those are the hardest to cover with regular clothing (you can't wear turlenecks and gloves all the time!. They won't do anyone who they think is high or drunk either.

Goes back to the "you get what you pay for" and if you go to some cheap ass random tattoo guy who may or may not speak your language, well, you get a face full of starzzzzz.

Submitted by kittycatastrophe on Tue, 06/16/2009 - 12:15pm.

This chick's "truth" is suspect as hell. I'm betting Lil' Kimmy was in a manic phase or high as hell and came up with the bestest idea that had ever hit her brainpan, then, in the cold light of day, she realized not so much on the face tattooing.

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I am not a pussy.