When Crazed Twihards Attack!
The keeper of the unicorns was almost trampled to death by a mob of horny hyenas in NYC today. RPattz was making his way back to his trailer on the set of his movie Remember Me when the fangirls were unleashed and tried to impregnate themselves by dry fucking him. I can smell the chonie cheese from here and it's thick!
Somebody give them the q-tip! Turn the hose on them! Give them a squeaky toy to hump on! What am I blabbing about? None of that would work! Even if you tasered their asses and peppered them in the eyes at the same time, they still wouldn't let up. These psychos had a whiff of RPattz's magic dust and they are in the zone! Nothing can stop them.
The city of New York should probably keep a judge on set at all times to hand out restraining orders, because these crazy bitches are thisclose to crawling through the shit pipe to get into his trailer.
That being said, this whole scenario would be considered perfectly sane if you replaced RPattz with Prince Hot Ginge and the curly-haired loon in the plaid with me.
And there's video:
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When I was in high school I read Bram Stoker's Dracula. He did some effective setup at the beginning, having Renfield as totally clueless, thinking he's merely going out to the countryside to seal a real estate deal and get a client's signature on a buttload of papers, and then he sees HIS CLIENT crawling up the side of this huge old castle like a lizard. But by that time it was too late for Renfield and he was owned by the lot of them.
For a quick laugh, read encyclopedia dramatica's page on Twilight. The reviews on amazon.com are pretty funny, too.
Why is there debate on the book?
It's about a guy getting mobbed by a bunch of fucking idiots, clearly stressing out Robert Pattinson.
Yes, I am the first to say you have to deal with this shit when you're an actor, but c'mon - to throw yourself at someone is just fucking WRONG. I don't care if you hate the guy or not.
I love the guy and I'd hit it 1000x over but I'd never, EVER do something stupid like this. Embarrassing for the non-crazy fans of RPatz.
Submitted by D on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 10:16pm.
If Ms. Meyer wanted to write about teenage relationships, she did not need vampires. She writes about vampires in teenage relationships ... as opposed to vampires in adult relationships.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Also, if you want to read about vampires, read Bram Stoker or Anne Rice. If you want to read about teenage relationships then I guess "Twilight" is for you.
Submitted by D on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 10:08pm.
The scariest book I have ever read was Anne Rice's "Ramses the Damned".
Her crappy books are still good.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Fuck this, he is always gonna get mobbed by tweens. Google the London puppy, Dynamo, I think, who at a week old got flushed down the toilet and lived!
I saw the trailer for the sequel and I can one hundred percent guarantee that any random actor picked from any high school drama class could deliver a better acting performance than this twink.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Erm, I'm a HUGE Anne Rice fan (yes, I even read the shitty books she wrote after she went insane and became a born again Christian). Even Anne Rice's shittiest vampire books are millions of times better than all of the Twilight books combined.
Vampires that can go out during the day? (without any particular reason)
Vampires with crushes on teen aged morons?
Vampires wearing douchebag outfits?
Give me a break...
At least Anne Rice's novels (yes, even the shit ones) were beautifully well-written. That woman has definitely done her homework when she includes world history into her books, and the prose is just...sensual...it's to die for. Literally.
Submitted by D2 on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:58pm.
All you RPatz haterz are jus jealous! I bet you never even saw the movie or read the books.
That'z right. Some of us are literate.
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Sorta.
♥ Threadkilla!
Jason Jones: "So why is aged news better than...real news? "Well, I don't think this is AGED news." "Give me one thing in there that happened today." ~ Interviewing Rick Berke, ASM of the NY Times for The Daily Show.
Why did I call you Mary Jane? I must have marijuana on the brain. :)
Yes, Miss Mary Jane, that's a good point. But that name - Bella Swan. That's a Mary Sue name if ever there was one, and yet she's a mud hen. So very plain, in her own eyes, and yet she wins the heart of this demi-god. Maybe it is all just wish-fulfillment, one of the oldest and most basic generators of romance fiction - wow, that could be ... me! Oh, Edward ....
But seriously, what about his dick? I haven't gotten to the part where they do fucky times yet.
@ girl_cheese
As jaded as this sounds, Twilight is popular because it's the plain no self esteem girl who gets attention from the bad boy reclusive. It's sad but he brings romance back.
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
I had to read Twilight because so many were calling Stephenie Meyer a Suethor, Bella Swan being a Mary Sue character. And it's true. Twilight passes the Mary Sue litmus test. I kept reading to see how a Suethor could have become so wildly successful if her books were so shitty. I'm on book 3. I blame the dumbing down of America.
Steph, clutzy-ness is not a character flaw.
Stephenie Meyer admits she'd never been to Forks WA, and it shows in her writing. Her descriptions are severely lacking. And a good number of Quiliutes live in and around Forks. They don't all live on the reservation in small, sad homes. Their homes on the reservation are actually very nice (they have excellent salmon). The town of La Push should band together and sue her ass, if they haven't already.
Her writing and situations are clumsy and awkward, but she has had two plot twists I didn't anticipate, I'll give her that.
How's it going to be when Bella finally gets Edward to give it up? Sure his dick's going to be hard, but it's also going to be cold as ice. I don't expect we'll get any details from Ms. Meyer, but I'm sticking around, anyway, to see how she puts this down.
Twilight the movie sucked so hard it made my face red. But I did get a few laughs from the deplorable makeup job someone did on the vampires. They should be banned from working in makeup ever again. Kristin Stewart was so damned dull I couldn't understand why the student body didn't all get together and give her a one-way bus ticket out of the damned state. But Robert Patz - I think he did the best he could with a shitty script. I could be wrong.
I have yet to solve the mystery of why Ms. Meyer has been so incredibly successful. So far it really does seem like the dumbing down of America is to blame. Ppl no longer know what's good.
I'll bet he ends up with someone who fucking hates Twilight.
I thought that girl was Miley... hahahaha!!
PS ~ I'm the one on the right right now as I write....
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - 11/24/2008
sorry - i'm a drunk hooker tonight and i double posted!
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
@ Clarisse - okay, shew. I thought I might have to hurt you...I've been in love with Cbale since Newsies.
I've read all the Twilight books...and they are complete fluff crap. But they were great distraction. That being said, I've seen all of RPattz's movies and he is way more talented than that shitty ass movie.
Anywho love him or hate him...he doesn't deserve the pyscho.
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
Submitted by D2 on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:58pm.
All you RPatz haterz are jus jealous! I bet you never even saw the movie or read the books.
That'z right. Some of us are literate.
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That my dear whores is a fucking Twitard if I ever saw one. Nice mixing That'z with the word literate in the same sentence. Dumbass.
Who the hell does he think he is? Ricky Nelson? Shit, Shia couldn't even pull this off.
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MK about the whores on Dlisted:
..and there are animal stories, they like a kitten on a vacuum for some reason…
Momus,
I may email you about that...thank you!!
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:53pm.
These "adoring fans" are probably paid by the studios just like the screaming Beatles' fans when they first came to America.
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I would have thought that to be true, had it not been for the fact that I had the "fortune" to experience Twilight in a movie theater. The good thing? You didn't have to walk to the parking lot, you just let yourself be transported by the monstrous big-ass mass of chocha gravy. Seriously, like all the squeeing, the screaming and the moaning (yes, moaning) weren't embarrassing enough...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
She looks exactly like I thought she would. Don't they all?
D2,
No offense, but IMO those books blew! They were worse than the HP series. Both authors have no idea how to separate writing for young adults, adults and children.
NaNoop!
I'm trying! Thanks!
CTH,
You rock! I hope I never have to take you up on it, but when I get a new job, we are having dinner, on me!!
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Submitted by D2 on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:58pm.
All you RPatz haterz are jus jealous! I bet you never even saw the movie or read the books.
That'z right. Some of us are literate.
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You're literate AND fucking stupid. Only a complete moron would try to extract self-glorification from an extremely poorly written, asinine, shitty set of novels.
I'd rather read the damn yellow pages.
P.S.: If you're into sappy vampire love stories, try reading Bram Stoker's Dracula. At least that shit was well-written. And original.
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"Perseverance: The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back."
Submitted by D2 on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:58pm.
you know what?
go find a quiet corner and fuck yourself.
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by D2 on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:58pm.
All you RPatz haterz are jus jealous! I bet you never even saw the movie or read the books.
That'z right. Some of us are literate.
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Given that you have only been here under this name for less than 15 minutes, you do not know what you are talking about.
Criticism is not hatred.
Some of us have tried to read the book but feared that our brain cells were turning into the mush that was printed on the page.
RPattz did not impress me in the Harry Potter film where he had a supporting role. I seriously doubt that he has the acting chops to really carry a film.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:54pm.
Go to small business who have no buying power, form a a co-op, managed by you, that gives the small business the buying power of larger firms. Office supplies comes to mind.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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All you RPatz haterz are jus jealous! I bet you never even saw the movie or read the books.
That'z right. Some of us are literate.
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:54pm.
aww, come stay with us anytime you like! I mean it!
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Fucka doodle-do.
I'm late to the party but Christ in a sidecar. These bitches are ridiculous. I love this guy more than the next ho in line but I would never a) show up on set, b) try to get a piece of him like that or c) forget that above all, there's a human element and there's not a soul on the fucking planet that wants to get groped by lunatics when they're on the damn clock.
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. He's not even THAT attractive..
I don't get it. I've seen interviews with this guy, and he seems like a big dork who's not that bright or interesting.
?!
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:44pm.
CTH!!
Hey hot stuff!! I got my first unemployment check today!! I'm a little scurred, as a months worth of those checks is less than I made in a week....But hey..i'm hangin in!! I'm better off than others.
Ugh. Stay strong.
The C Word!
Indeed chica!! He's yours on Saturday!
CTH,
Yeah....cuz if not, i'm sleepin on your couch! LOL!!!
Momus,
I've been a buyer my entire career, not sure how I would transition that into contract work. I am workin on it...maybe not the same career, if I can help it! *wink*wink*
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These "adoring fans" are probably paid by the studios just like the screaming Beatles' fans when they first came to America.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:44pm.
Have you thought of doing contract work?
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Clarisse
keep the faith, it will get better~!
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Fucka doodle-do.
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:42pm.
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Hahahaha...no, we actually want him to finish his projects. Thursdays/Fridays, right? ;D
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It seems that different people have an idea of what I am, and what I should be. And then there's me.
CTH!!
Hey hot stuff!! I got my first unemployment check today!! I'm a little scurred, as a months worth of those checks is less than I made in a week....But hey..i'm hangin in!! I'm better off than others.
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Submitted by Soy on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:31pm.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:20pm.
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I don't really understand it, either. Especially since some of these female fans take it a bit farther than that. But come to think of it, I guess it's not a male vs. female issue. Mark Chapman anyone?
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Oh yeah, definitely. I'm not saying shit like this happens because they're wimmenz and they just can't help themselves because it's their NATURE to do that.
All I'm saying is that this crap is disgusting and unjustifiable, and it doesn't matter if It's a male or a female.
That said, that dude looks like he needs a shower STAT, and so do his fans. He's gonna get seriously fucking bald in a few years if he doesn't stop using all that crap on his hair.
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"Perseverance: The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back."
MissJane!
No..Not Christian! Eddie Izzard. Barely known in the States.
The C Word,
Um, did you try to use it on TV?? Cuz it may not have much power left...
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Submitted by urmomma on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:28pm.
I have self control.
No.No. No, It's true, otherwise you would have heard of the serial dumbass slapper...me. I resist the urge every 20-30 minutes; however, I would probably try to touch him. Just a 'lil.
Oh, crap, now I wanna slap me.
LOL.
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:12pm.
It must be nice to be so famous and popular, but is he mobbed by any really stunning girls?
It seems like the ones who chase him are either too young, really obese, or socially inept, aging shut-ins who live vicariously through books because, beyond the daily Big Mac and hoagie runs, they fear the real world too much.
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I dunno, I can't answer that question, I got Big Mac and Hoagie runs to make, GODDAMNIT! *waddling out the do'*
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 7:59pm.
LOL.
You so crazy.
Clarisse
nervous side eye.
how are you?
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Fucka doodle-do.
This dude doesn't interest me enough to read MK's entire post. But, going from the header, I can only ask:
WHY? this dude's lame.
@ Clarisse - are you telling me you met Christian Bale?!!?? I am so super jelly.
I think he is hot but I love British men, great jaw lines and tall, lanky man. So he is all that for me.
Most girls drool over him because he plays Edward Cullen....the reclusive bad boy who falls in love with the plain girl.. It gives the dorky, obese girls hope in the world.
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:29pm.
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*writing a check to LA as we speak*
I got a taser you can borrow, slightly used but still in good working condition.
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It seems that different people have an idea of what I am, and what I should be. And then there's me.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 8:20pm.
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I don't really understand it, either. Especially since some of these female fans take it a bit farther than that. But come to think of it, I guess it's not a male vs. female issue. Mark Chapman anyone?
........
Fer sure maybe, fer sure not, fer sure eh, fer sure bomb...
Submitted by dreamhypnotique on Mon, 06/15/2009
It's like trying to put Herpes in its place, when you're syphilis.
I feel sorry for this guy!! Those girls are crazy