Friday, June 12th 2009
Open Post: Hosted By Betty White
Jimmy Fallon got to play beer ping bong with Betty White last night! Not Benefiber ping pong, BEER ping pong. This just proves that Betty White is seriously the hottest bitch in the game. If my own abuelita wouldn't beat me with her chankla and tie me to a tree, I'd say I wished Betty White was my memaw.
Jimmy ended up winning the game, but that's just because Betty took pity on his ass.
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Submitted by zomay on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:56pm.
I have been single for 4 years...
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why do you think youve been single so long?
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*I really want to give myself a paper cut right about now*
*Never buy anything from someone whos out of breath*
Miss Jane - Why yes I do, but he might be too young. Just turned 21.
damn double post - sorry!
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
I'm not used to it being so warm and fuzzy in here.
@PSL: It's been so fun cyber watching you over this past year - really. I think about it now and then just becuz it's a positive thing to think about. You seem to really be "finding yourself". That's awesome:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
TwitterWhore
TwitterWhore2
Mrs Jack and I just celebrated 6 years last month. Same here as far as getting better. Both in shit relationships for too long. Life's too short, so we have fun and fuck everyone if they don't like it. Our kids like us better now than ever before. She has a 14 and an 18 yo and I have a 14 yo... so it's a house full of teenagers (including us)
@ jack - totally kidding btw...there a lot of crazies in here. I don't want to be confused with them. :)
@ uvula - Trolls, trolls, trolls and more trolls. typical EH craziness and PSL has a great man. there you are caught up!
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:00pm.
ladies, I have found that once I started feeling great about things in general- I felt better about myself. I was putting out positive energy, which is why I attracted a positive man. When you are projecting shit, you attract shit- ya know? i did that for many years....I finally reached a point in my life where I felt/feel I have something to offer to someone else.
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Too, too cute. Happy for you!
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"Why would Brad leave such a beautiful woman to hold orphans for Angelina?" - Michael Douglas
zomay on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:03pm
hahahahahahaha, so no more matches then, huh?
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
"Mr. Momus walked into the lumberyard just as I literally kicked the door off its hinges and shattered the door-frame."
Damn woman! Most men need to spend time with a woman to realize her strength, but yours knew from the get-go :)
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Congrats to M.E. and her BH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miss Jane: we live in the worst city in the world to meet menz, I swear!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley
@Momus:
I just wrote a song for you and Mr. Momus!
I was working on the books at a lumberyard
When I found you!
My douchey brother nailed me in but I kicked out
Then I was face to face with you!
Don't Don't you want me?
You know that I'm so strong becuz I just kicked down this door now!
Don't Don't you want me?
You're applying here part-time so maybe I'll see you around!
I met you just last week
Fresh off the toilet seat
And now we'll be together
cuz you WANT ME BABY!
DON'T YOU WANT ME BABY!?, DON'T YOU WANT ME, OHHHHHHH!
♥ ThreadKilla!
TwitterWhore
TwitterWhore2
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:02pm.
Mr. M.E. and I are celebrating our 7th year married this year.
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CONGRATS....woohit woohit
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
I am GENUINELY happy for you. <3
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When hubby first met me, I was a cyber whore. o.O
And yet that didn't stop him from doing all he did and does for me.
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"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
Support the cause, save a cunt http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi/36997877
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:00pm.
ladies, I have found that once I started feeling great about things in general- I felt better about myself. I was putting out positive energy, which is why I attracted a positive man. When you are projecting shit, you attract shit- ya know? i did that for many years....I finally reached a point in my life where I felt/feel I have something to offer to someone else.
```
Very true. Congrats!
@ PSL...it's so true. So true. I've found though sometimes it's easier to be down on yourself than to find the positive. But it's so draining and counter productive.
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
I just bought something called "Just a drop" for toilets. It works really well in public toilets. You put a couple drops in the bowl and the previous user's smell vanishes.
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I am so bummed that jack is married.
*sigh*
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CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:54pm.
If anyone is interested, here's I finally met Mr. Momus.
I was working as a bookkeeper at a lumberyard. My older brother (who was a total ass) also worked there. The lumberyard had only one bathroom.
While I was using the bathroom, my dumbassed brother nailed the door shut using 3-inch long, double-headed building nails.
Mr. Momus walked into the lumberyard just as I literally kicked the door off its hinges and shattered the door-frame.
He had come to the lumberyard to apply for a part-time job while he went to college.
We started dating a week later.
Damn, was "door buster" listed on you resume along with 10-key skillz?!
You git'em girl! Did you kick your bro's ass or what?
Anybody care to catch a bitch up? I've been gussying up myself and the house for tonight's outting.
*shows jack smooth leg*
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:54pm.
If anyone is interested, here's I finally met Mr. Momus. ...
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That's awesome...and funneh as shit. I think we have lots of kick ass-ass kickers on here.
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:01pm.
LOL... sorry, no.
Mr. M.E. and I are celebrating our 7th year married this year.
No sever year itch here! WOOT! So far actually, every year has been better than the last.
PSL- congrats on your new man! I betcha he's "The one"
LMAO @ ELB (as usual)
Momus, funny story ♥
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 1:00pm.
You guys sound fun :) have any cute, single brothers?!?! hahaha.
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
Submitted by No Words on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:54pm.
Heh, the ole 'kill em with intelligence' tactic, eh? I like it :)
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
thanks so much angel, some day I hope to be in the position to repay you in some way for all your hard work!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley
ladies, I have found that once I started feeling great about things in general- I felt better about myself. I was putting out positive energy, which is why I attracted a positive man. When you are projecting shit, you attract shit- ya know? i did that for many years....I finally reached a point in my life where I felt/feel I have something to offer to someone else.
*********************************************
I don't want to stop just because , people walking by or watching us
I don't give a damn what they think, I want you now
- Janet Jackson "Any Time, Any Place"
I love your desert stories, elb.
Mother superior, maybe you should type up one of those obnoxious bathroom notes and tape it over the toilet explaining the difference between men's and women's restrooms and how you'd appreciate it if the hideous wife-buying urine sprayer could try to be more human?
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
M.E. - I always say shit to her when we get on the feminine (sp?) product aisle... Has that big-ass rash gone away?! Or she'll get in front of the douches and yell out 'hey honey, what flavor you want tonight' just stupid shit. We are in our early 30's but sometimes act like we are 2.
Oh no! Did we run off Carrie D for good, do you think?
Momus, I love your story of meeting Mr. Momus. Cuuute.
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"Why would Brad leave such a beautiful woman to hold orphans for Angelina?" - Michael Douglas
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:54pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:36pm.
...I can't believe you stole that shit!!!...
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LMFAO....these are the best kinds of relationships...mine's like that right now. Funneh shit like that happens all the time.
Submitted by El Bastardo on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:53pm.
Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:26pm.
Yeah! Tell the goddamn desert story you dumbass cunt!
OK!
I was in Egypt several years ago on an Archaeology dig and somehow we ended up lost in a desert. Had to suck off camels for fluid, saved our lives. Dont judge, you'd do it. Whatever!
{In a loud whisper} WHOA!!!
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm
if you put fish oil in the fridge you wont get that fishy taste when you burp
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
There is a brand of fish oil I used to take that didn't make you burp up fish taste all day. But I can't remember what it is. Sorry.
Semen?
@ smurf...
me too :(. It will happen though..
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
There is a brand of fish oil I used to take that didn't make you burp up fish taste all day. But I can't remember what it is. Sorry.
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Was it this one?
http://www.amazon.com/Source-Naturals-Flavored-Softgels-softgels/dp/B000...
jack in the hat - That is funny! That is something the BH would do to me, but he'd say "I'm not with her" and leave my ass there!! For an hour or so anyway. LOL
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
I love love love to see people in love... Or close to it ;)
I wish I was like that or at least with somebody that feels the same way about me :(
He Dicho! caso cerrado!!
Submitted by snowpiece on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:53pm.
ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is that for me or are you keeping it?!!?!?!?!?!?!
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No, hunny - it's yours! Sorry - i have cramps and can't remember what I'm doing moment to moment:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
TwitterWhore
TwitterWhore2
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
Well congrats, girl. It's been a long time for me too and I am waiting....as patiently as I can. My patience is starting to wear thin.
Maybe I should take up karate :)
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Respect the woman, desire the slut and cherish the little girl. Then You have the mind, the body and the soul.
If anyone is interested, here's I finally met Mr. Momus.
I was working as a bookkeeper at a lumberyard. My older brother (who was a total ass) also worked there. The lumberyard had only one bathroom.
While I was using the bathroom, my dumbassed brother nailed the door shut using 3-inch long, double-headed building nails.
Mr. Momus walked into the lumberyard just as I literally kicked the door off its hinges and shattered the door-frame.
He had come to the lumberyard to apply for a part-time job while he went to college.
We started dating a week later.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by DiamondDawg on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:49pm.
Wait. Is Flaxseed like Omega-3 or totally different?
Flaxseed tastes like fish. Nothing like taking a pill and burping up FISH later. gross.
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I can top that!
Herbal sleeping pills that smell like poo (don't know if they taste also cause I've never tried poo).
Digest overnight and guess your breath in the morning.
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"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
Support the cause, save a cunt http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi/36997877
angel_i and JillyPoo...
I am going to address the Brangeloons like that from now on...they will run like rabbits!
Submitted by Mother Superior on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:52pm.
Really, I think the only solution is to wack his penis off in his sleep bobbit-style.
_____________________________________________
CLICK ME www.theanimalrescuesite.com
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:51pm.
.....and he makes me laugh hysterically, which is the most important thing to me!
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Thats how my guy was. Id be in hysterics, non stop for hours!!!! He would go on these funny roles and I would just laugh on the phone with him without saying a single word for hours.
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*I really want to give myself a paper cut right about now*
*Never buy anything from someone whos out of breath*
Submitted by M.E. on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:36pm.
M.E. - I think it's hilarious... sounds like me and my wife - we have a very sick sense of humor. We went to Wal-Mart a couple of weeks ago and had like 2 carts full of shit and as we started out the door she says (loudly) I can't believe you stole that shit!!! The lady by the door heard her, of course, but the best part is the fucking alarm went off at the door!! It was the razors or some shit. anyhow, they "detained" us for like an hour looking through all of our shit... we were irritated but laughed it off (since it was our fault).
Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:26pm.
Yeah! Tell the goddamn desert story you dumbass cunt!
OK!
I was in Egypt several years ago on an Archaeology dig and somehow we ended up lost in a desert. Had to suck off camels for fluid, saved our lives. Dont judge, you'd do it. Whatever!
@diamondawg:
Naw, the flaxseed I take doesn't taste like fish I should hope not since it's made from organic flax...(!??) but neither does the Fish oil I take. I have ones that taste lemony.
ANGEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is that for me or are you keeping it?!!?!?!?!?!?!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"When you see crazy coming....cross the street." John Salley