Mel Gibson's Whore Is Knocked Up
The rumor that a new spawn of Gibson will soon be upon us has been confirmed as TRUE! The old crazy goat made jokes with Jay Leno about it on the Tonight Show last night. It may be a bag full of LOLs to him, but nobody else is laughing. The only way we'll laugh is if Mel's whore gives birth to a pair of tits made out of sugar or a yarmulke!
29-year-old Oksana Grigorieva will pop out Mel's 8th child sometime this fall. Some source who sounds like they are suffering from a serious case of delusion told People that the pregnancy has nothing to do with the reason why Mel's wife of 28 years filed for divorce. According to the source, nobody knew the ho had a fetus growing inside of her until after the red stamp labeled FILED was branded into the papers.
Mel blames himself for the fact that his marriage turned into dust. Mel told Jay, "My wife and I, our marriage ended three years ago and we've been separated ever since then. When it's all said and done, I did a pretty good hatchet job on my marriage myself. I'm to blame. If you're inclined to judge, put it here."
Mel also said it was true that his trick is knocked up. When Jay joked that this will be his 29th child, Mel said, "Well, actually eight. I guess I'm Octo-Mel." OCTO-MEL?! Do you hear that? It's the sizzling sound of all your ovaries slowly melting. It's bad enough that Mel's whore looks like the IVF baby of OctoMommy and an eel.
Is there somewhere in the Catholic bible that says if you take a hatchet to your marriage and impregnate your Russian mistress, you must be fed to an overgrown raging possum (aka Kate Gosselin's hair)? Because if that isn't in the Catholic Bible, someone (I'm looking at you, Jesus) needs to add that shit now and show it to Mel. This is our way out!