Dude, Please
Jessica Biel has been drinking way too much ice cold delusional juice, because the dude is going around telling Allure Magazine that she's too beautiful to get cast in movies. Somebody please take the tampon out of Justin Timberlake's ass and hit Jessica over the head with it. Bitch has lost it.
Jessica says that she can't even get auditions, because casting directors can't get past her mind-boggling beauty. Personally, I think they just can't get past the giant penis between her legs, but that's just my guess. Jessica said, "Yeah, it really is a problem. I have to be blunt. I'm in there with everybody else, fighting for the good parts. Yes, The Illusionist has made a difference -- but a huge, massive difference, so I can pick and choose what I want? No. I just want an opportunity. If you don't like the audition, don't hire me! But if you don't want to even see me -- that's hurtful. And why? You know nothing about me!"
Everything I needed to know about Jessica's acting, I learned in Summer Catch. True story. But maybe, Jessica has a point. I mean, there's really no gorgeous actresses working in Hollywood today. Halle Berry? FUGLY! Charlize Theron? GROTESQUE! Penelope Cruz? DON'T MAKE ME CHOKE ON MY OWN BARF DUE TO HER HIDEOUSNESS! Kate Winslet? STAB ME IN THE EYES!
The truth of the matter is, Jessica Biel isn't getting auditions, because she has the acting skills of a parched crotch berry.
VIA UsWeekly
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so true! i am always looking at her face and thinking she looks so odd now. it definitely didn't help matters.
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I think she was very pretty several years ago, but she messed it up. I'll never understand why people with tiny noses and full lips have surgery to make their noses even TINIER and their lips even fuller. It makes them look not only fake, but actually less pretty than when they started out. Why? Why would you do that? And this orange-y beige shag she's always sporting that makes her look washed out, WTF? Oh wait, I know! She's trying to look ugly so people will give her auditions, right? That must be it.
What ticks me off in these quotes more than the beauty thing, is how she seems to expect to be able to "pick and choose what I want" as far as roles go. I mean, she admits this isn't happening for her, but it sounds like she's surprised or disappointed by this. How many people get to pick and choose? A handful of A-listers, and even they often have to fight other A-listers for the best parts. My mind is boggled by this chick.
I wish I could spray paint on her, Jessica Alba and Megan Fox's house you don't get good acting jobs becuase YOU CAN'T ACT, It's not that deep fool. As grandma would say "Girl pull your head out of your ass!!"
She is a terrible "actor". The only reason she even got any of her roles is because of her BODY, not face. She was horrible in The Illusionist. She didnt fit the role. It was like you had taken her from a club in LA and made her wear old theater dresses as part of a gag.
She never fits any roles but the ones where she is wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt...showing her sweaty boobs without bra running from a killer. Like in Tex-ASS Chainsaw Massacre.....
------------------------"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
I think she was very pretty several years ago, but she messed it up. I'll never understand why people with tiny noses and full lips have surgery to make their noses even TINIER and their lips even fuller. It makes them look not only fake, but actually less pretty than when they started out. Why? Why would you do that? And this orange-y beige shag she's always sporting that makes her look washed out, WTF? Oh wait, I know! She's trying to look ugly so people will give her auditions, right? That must be it.
What ticks me off in these quotes more than the beauty thing, is how she seems to expect to be able to "pick and choose what I want" as far as roles go. I mean, she admits this isn't happening for her, but it sounds like she's surprised or disappointed by this. How many people get to pick and choose? A handful of A-listers, and even they often have to fight other A-listers for the best parts. My mind is boggled by this chick.
i really like her natural brown hair otherwise she's just like anyone else you see in the street. Theres a difference she's factory made so is bit bit attractive but ordinary unlike (i hate to say this cauz shes such a pain in the butt) angelina or aussie actress sigrid thornton or judy davis for that matter they are unique and different looking which is what makes them stand out
I was thinking the same thing when I read it. She may have a great body, butter face. She has a neanderthal jaw. Not hot.
She's okay looking but I wouldn't say she's Penny or Charlize. Not even close.
I had a friend who looked just like her, I mean creepy fucking resemblence, but she never got a man. It made me think that whole women-that-other-women-find-attractive,-men-don't thing was true. If Jessica wasn't an actress and dating that mega douche would anyone even look at her?
I'm a little concerned about the term "crotch berry" and also about the memaw shade of lipstick on Tranny Doll's mouf.
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"I took your cat. He lives with me now. The cat no longer likes you and The cat and I have become close friends." Criss Angel
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You know, she really makes it hard for people to like her. Why is it always the worst actresses who complain about how their looks prevent them from working?
It is not her looks that are keeping her from getting parts, its her lack of talent. The girl CANNOT act. She is painful to watch. She needs to STFU and open up a gym somewhere.
I *seriously* don't understand what Justin see's in this chick! She's got the arms, back, shoulders and waist and ass of a guy...
...oh...wait a minute...
...never mind...!
Submitted by ReginaGeorge on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 3:13pm.
This is a prime example of your parents giving you too much love.
Jess, Justin calling you hot doesn't mean anything. Because he's a fag. You resemble a man, which is why he says you're beautiful. Poor Jess.
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aaaahahahahahaaaaaaa
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
what the hell is this thing talking about...she got an "acting" job in that horrid movie with adam sandler...he obviously saw past her ravishing beauty to cast her in that craptastic movie...
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Some people fight fire with fire. Professionals use water.
.."parched crotch berry..." ROFLMFAO
::wipes away tears::
Thank you SO much.
I'm pretty sure criticisms of JB are more along the lines of, "that bitch from 7th Heaven? no thanks," than "no, not the stunningly gorgeous one!"
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"It's so dark out there, I feel like I'm in space."
What happened to her CD? *snort*
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"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
I think she's blandly attractive, not drop-dead gorgeous by any means. And she has crow's feet. I am way older than she is and I don't have crow's feet. Bitch better look into some sunscreen or she will have a different problem... the one where she can't get parts because she's a bad actress AND looks like an old vinyl pocketbook.
Whatever makes her sleep at night, right?
Hopefully, she doesn't read gossip blogs.
Actually, I am pretty sure sshe doesn't, otherwise, she'd not say that kind of shit.
This is a prime example of your parents giving you too much love.
Jess, Justin calling you hot doesn't mean anything. Because he's a fag. You resemble a man, which is why he says you're beautiful. Poor Jess.
She IS absolutely right, sorry to day.
Micheal K is the best writer ever!
Submitted by TITS on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 2:17pm.
Submitted by Hysteria on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 1:53pm.
the only thing better than online pig latin converters is the scooby doo translator.
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lol! there's a scooby doo translator?!! rah-row!
*runs off to google* !
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Submitted by Hysteria on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 1:53pm.
the only thing better than online pig latin converters is the scooby doo translator. god i love the internet. saves me from doing something stupid like knitting.
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"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
The nose might not be original to the face, but its not so outlandishly bad as MJ's or some other hollywood twats who have the same model. She's a mediocre(I'm being nice) actress, however if she wanted to get roles I think acting classes would definantly help(probably not much).
I've been mistaken for a responsible adult
Submitted by TITS on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 1:44pm.
lol! i need a refresher in pig latin. i was really trying too
;D
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I love it when actresses like this twit and Jessica Alba say "Nobody wants to hire me because I'm so pretty". No one loses a job in Hollywood because they look too pretty, and we all know that. Therefore the only truthful part of these girls' statements is "Nobody wants to hire me." LOL, they don't even realize it, but they just told everyone they're too untalented to get a job.
Ahahaa! ita!
"Jessica Biel has been drinking way too much ice cold delusional juice."
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Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 12:43pm.
Am I missing something I dont see anything she said as her being to beautiful was it taken out of context?
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"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
Paging Megan Fox, Paging Megan Fox...
Jessica Biel is shoplifting in your aisle of "Shit You Should Never Say & Feminine Hygiene Products..."
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
who is this person?? Her nose would look better if it was wider.....oh hold on a mo......
Me no likey the generic anglo nose that has taken over the world. Yes you too
Angelina.
whats wrong with Hispanic noses.......YOU TRAITORIOS. Me thiks Penelope Crus's nose is the only one left.
I'll burn that bridge when I come to it....
Yeah righto, bitchface.
Fucking skankwhore with her manly shoulders, just fuck off and take that weiner of a boyfriend with you.
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Well I like Colin. I'd let him jizz on my tattas anyday. - UKer.
Her lipstick is hideous. I used to wear that shade when I was in my cyndi lauper / punker stage years ago.
thank you chowgirl!!! You are the only one who noticed my comment! LOL. I got so fucking irritated when I read that shit! It's as bad as Nicole Kidman claiming she has a completely different face because she uses sunscreen! UGH! These liars fucking PISS ME OFF.
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“I am going to ask Victoria and David to be godparents to my children. I’m going to name my kids David and Victoria because she is so hot and I want kids as beautiful as her."
-Paris Hilton
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 05/19/2009 - 10:53am.
oh, BTW, I have lost ALL respect for Kate Winslet. She gave an interview to InStyle Mag, and was asked when she looks at pics of herself over the years, what does she think? Her reply: "I don't even recognize myself in some pictures. If I didn't know myself, I'd swear I had plastic surgery. Even my nose looks different." WHAT? You fucking LIAR. Your nose looks different because you had a NOSE JOB! UGH, these people who deny they have had work done when they have DIFFERENT FACES from 5-10 years ago make me sick!
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I read that article as well PSL. And in the last issue with Jennifer Garner on the cover, they did the same thing with the photos of her throughout the years and her commenting on each. I couldn't believe my eyes when it showed a pic of her OBVIOUSLY before she started plumping up her lips and all she had to say was, "Oh haha, that was before someone got a hold of my eyebrows" Your EYEBROWS....bitch please!! ITA, just fess up to it, how stupid & gullible do they think people are??
Am I missing something I dont see anything she said as her being to beautiful was it taken out of context?
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WOA four sacagaweas? Whered you get THAT??!!
...the post office
I saw this CUNT at Southern Hospitality in NYC a while back. I was sitting at the bar, and the chick next to me was her friend. When the cunt walked in she ran up to her friend, and I was going to say hi but she shunned me like I was just a piece of shit. Whatever bitch, you are not that cute at all!!! Justin's little bitch ass made a run for it to the back since he thinks he is too good for the regular folk!!
She is beige.
I remember that green lipstick! LMAO!!!
I think it turned that hot pink nightmare shade on everyone.
Maybe she's not getting cast because she
sucks as an actor. Last time i checked
being super attractive was essential to
succeed in the world of acting/modeling ect,,
Maybe if she could actually ACT, she'd get more auditions. She's a pretty face with no substance! Well questionably pretty. She can be when she's not looking like man!
H-wood women only have a few options. Be young fresh eye candy, have exceptional talent or be popular with the public.
Biel strikes out in all three -- what does she expect?
She's very mechanical - there's nothing 'inside' her - no guts. Reminds me of that other one - megan fox - empty eyes, no personality.
She was okay in the Illusionist, but it would have been a better movie with another actress in that role. Had Kate Winslet or Naomi Watts been in that role that would have been enough to hit that movie out of the ballpark!
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"I'm not a victim, I'm a slut" - overheard in a park.
I've been trying to tell people she's the devil.
They purchased 3 extra apartments. 2 are for Tommy's ego, the other is for Katie's tears."-MK
She's meh.
What I want to know is why MK isn't at least as famous as this bitch, because his hawtness makes me fucking swoon. *glee*
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass." ~ Cordelia Chase
I actually really liked her performance in Powder Blue....**ducks and runs for cover**
I think she is a good actress but I wouldn't say that she is TOO pretty or anything. She's attractive.
She is definitely on the D List: dumb, delusional, desperate.
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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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She looks so old. Minutes away from looking like Kelly LeBrock. Current fat-assed Kelly LeBrock
shes "d" list at best...bitch is annoying.
cry me a river you dumb cunt. Lets be blunt: you have fake slug lips; you have no fucking talent; face it and move on. grow some balls, oh wait you already have some, so this should be easy...move the fuck out of hollywood and rid us all of your putrid whining..oh and hold on tight to your money bag boyfriend cause thats all you got!!
I have an idea for an audition Jessico!
How'bout that Ru Paul's drag queen show?
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♪I don't care how bad I fuck up, I care about how fucked up I get♫-NOFX
~GIT IT!! -MK 4/24/09
"I began to live my life when it forced me to stop taking it so seriously"-Hunter S. Thompson
I find her plain and boring. Neutral comes to mind.
And maybe its because I am lacking in self confidence but I cant imagine that someone would actually think that they are too beautiful, that that would be the first thing that would come to mind. It actually boggles my mind.