Madonna IS Marrying Baby Jesus
Baby Jesus' father, God, has told Brazil's Who Magazine (via Gatecrasher) that the rumors about his son marrying Madonna are true. I'm not even a practicing Catholic anymore, but I feel like I need to pray for the fuckery I read in that last sentence. SANTO DIOS! Hand me a rosary and light a candle! Get my veil too! The lace one!
God said that they will "marry" in a Kabbalah ceremony in New York. Since it's not going to be a real marriage, he's not sure if it's legally binding or not. The magazine also asked God about the rumors that Madonna was making Baby Jesus take ESL lessons, but he says that's all just lies. God chirped, "Jesus already spoke English very well before he knew Madonna! I've spoken by phone with Madonna - in French, because my English is not fluent - and she appears to me to be a normal and polite person. She is feminine. I don't feel she is a harsh person."
If you swallowed your tongue after reading the "feminine" part, you're not alone. I've been trying to pull my tongue out of my throat ever since I read that. Madonna is about as feminine as a T-Rex's dick.
You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this Kabbalah ceremony thing. Methinks Vadge is up to something. This isn't a commitment ceremony, this is a de-nutsack ceremony! And while she's in there, she's going to take his peen's hoody too! Because if you're going to be knocking it with Madonna long-term, you gotta leave your ballies at the door.
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I. DON'T. GIVE. A. FUCK.
vadge may now join the list of fuck off and die.
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Ho-lee shit now this is just plain ridiculous! The other day, I found some old CDs and The Immaculate Collection was among them. I completely forgot that I used to like, no LOVE Madonna's music, or even that she still makes music now. When your whole career consists entirely of sleezing your way from one publicity stunt to another to the point that actual fans forget you ever did anything of worth, it's time to hang it up.
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Remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."
Submitted by Sugaroo on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 3:29pm
Yep, I am suga. I haven't been able to sign back in since this morning.
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"Let me tuck you in" is doucheanese for "I want to ass-to-mouth you", right?" MK 5/14/09
"Feminine as a T-Rex's dick." MK for American Poet Laureate!
What is this, the sequel to "Like a Prayer"? Bitch danced around a black Jesus and now she's going to marry a white one. She is SO contrived.
Lavadama! R U having issues wiff Twitter? I is!
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I do not celebrate the death of any man, but Satan does. When OJ Simpson dies, a number-one draft pick will have finally arrived.
I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what is a Madonna?"
Desperate HaGbeen
She's such a pathetic hag.
She better keep an eye on Lourdes; she's going to be gorgeous and young - something Vadge can't ever be again.
wow...the desperate need for attention has no limits for madonna...
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Some people fight fire with fire. Professionals use water.
Both of their faces are frozen
She's officially not even a person anymore. Just a walking publicity stunt. Give it up grandma. Nobody cares!
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God has nothing to do with this pairing! He does not approve of soul stealing madonna marrying this "too pretty and dumb to know better" twat.
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"Let me tuck you in" is doucheanese for "I want to ass-to-mouth you", right?" MK 5/14/09
You've got to be fucking with me. Puhlease. Romance of the century, this ain't.
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
Adopting him maybe, but marrying? Me no think so.
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It's Dee's fault that I learned how to make the ♥ thingy. And I promised her I'd use it excessively.
I thought HeyZeus was the ghey. No?
She has to marry him, or be charged with statutory rape.
I call a great big pile of hairy old bullshit.
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I do not celebrate the death of any man, but Satan does. When OJ Simpson dies, a number-one draft pick will have finally arrived.
she's a vain fucker.. anyone else bet she has some frozen eggs hanging out, waiting to get used? She could be the next surrogate twinsies mom!
With all of that money she HAS to have some eggs on ice. She always wanted to find that perfect hispanic sperm donor..and maybe this is it!
Yep. That'll be her next 'surprise'.
She's looking pretty desperate for attention!
Oh, I hope she wears white.
“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”
Lawd she's pullin a Speidi!
LET ME NOT GIVE A FUCKING SHIT!!