Tuesday, May 5th 2009

Brooke In The Middle

I'm just going to give it to you straight, because that's what Jack Bauer would want. Kiefer Sutherland straight-up head butted Jack McCullough at SubMercer bar in NYC last night after the MET gala. Jack had to go to the hospital and wasn't released until later today. Jack is one half of the design duo Proenza Schouler.

So why would Kiefer bring down his mighty head upon Jack's nose?! Guest of a Guest says Kiefer was upset over Brooke Shields. YES, they fought over Brooke Shields. Booze, crack, heroin and massive amounts of delusion had to have been involved, because who fights over Brooke Shields anymore? Andre DeShields, ok. Brooke Langton, maybe. But Brooke Shields?!

Kiefer has a girlfriend. Brooke is married. Jack is gay. How did this happen?! My imagination can't even travel to a possible reason for this, but I'll try.....

Maybe the entire bar Kiefer consumed triggered an acid flashback which caused him to see Jack as that damn Christmas tree! You know, the one that's always fucking with him. Kiefer thought it was back for more and he wasn't about to let it get the last laugh, so he headbutted the bitch! Let's relive the memories:


That's really the only reasonable explanation for this, right? A taunting Christmas tree is Kiefer's worst enemy.

Posted by: Michael K


CRAZY's picture

@ Message In A Bottle

I lurve your avie!

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Wow, did you attend the David Caruso School of Typing? You type...just like..(sunglasses off).... David..........Caruso..(sunglasses on)....acts. BADLY.
-Team Valtrex

CRAZY's picture

Bahahahahaha! I still lurve him! Come save me Jack Bauer!

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Wow, did you attend the David Caruso School of Typing? You type...just like..(sunglasses off).... David..........Caruso..(sunglasses on)....acts. BADLY.
-Team Valtrex

Teddy Rubskin's picture

"Well that explains everything.." HAHAH this dude is the GOAT. Come on, don't act like you wouldn't want to go shot for shot with this dude and egg him on.. He's "that" guy

r5bales's picture

But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 12:45am.

Even odder is the spin that BS's camp is throwing out. THEY said, "There is nothing htat happened with Brooke. We don't know why any of this happened." I would love to hear what a by-stander says.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

Mother Superior's picture

Kiefer means fir tree in German. Maybe he was irritated.
Funny situation with Brooke though :D

flyinghotpocket's picture

You should really put some square quotes around "Keifer has a girlfriend," because I've heard from various gay LA friends they see him out in WeHo bars macking on mad dudes.

JunkieBenevolentSociety's picture

Ah, the ol' Liverpool kiss...

Message In A Bottle's picture

According to TMZ [[Yes, I went there]], Brooke is actually defending the person Jack...I mean Kiefer...headbutted...methinks something fishy is going on!

::"You backstabbing two-timing scallywag! And as God as my witness, I will never shampoo your hair again!" - Blanche Deveraux::

Message In A Bottle's picture

You know, I totally choked snorted my sprite as I was reading this... Kiefer is actually an actor I STILL have the hots for and ya gotta admit, he's one of the few in Hollywood that actually has talent!

::"You backstabbing two-timing scallywag! And as God as my witness, I will never shampoo your hair again!" - Blanche Deveraux::

Candy's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 12:17am.
Submitted by Pinay Pie on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 12:14am.

So where is Brooke Shields' husband in all of these?

_________

he is busy settling the Sexual Harrassment suit filed against him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isnt that Cindy Crawford's husband?
蜘龍====================龍蜘

(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

But.Seriously.Folks's picture

From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell us Kiefer Sutherland headbutted a man in New York City last night, causing lacerations on the man's nose -- all while defending the honor of one Brooke Shields .. so he says.

It happened at an after-party for the Met costume gala last night. We're told witnesses say the alleged victim -- Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough -- allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt.

A police report was taken and the incident is under investigation.

Complicating it for Kiefer -- he's on probation in L.A. for a DUI, and one of the terms is that he obey all laws. No word on whether L.A. prosecutors will pursue the matter.

I loves me a chivalrous, drunken, crazy son of a bitch!

Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON

Pearl_Necklace's picture

Am I wrong to love this shit -- No! LOOOOVE this head-butting motherfucking old douchesack!

parissucksliterally's picture

Submitted by Pinay Pie on Wed, 05/06/2009 - 12:14am.

So where is Brooke Shields' husband in all of these?

_________

he is busy settling the Sexual Harrassment suit filed against him.

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Submitted by Stock Broker on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 10:32am.

Nothing is worse than to have a morning boner with a woman you can't stand.

Pinay Pie's picture

So where is Brooke Shields' husband in all of these?

_________

http://travelogphilippines.com/

so... it's back to jail?

Candy's picture

Ok. So now we know why he head butted the guy. He went into Jack Bauer mode because he believes in chivalry. Enough said. Leave Kiefer alone. Brooke obviously doesn't have a man strong enough in her life to handle shit like that.
蜘龍====================龍蜘

(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")

TITS's picture

That was an insincere xmas tree, and shouldn't have been there with the other trees. It needed killin.

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"Jacksonville, hello..."

TITS's picture

Submitted by vanyvrgs on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 9:38pm.

An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
*

Vany, if I took one of your eyes, and you took one of mine - we'd still each have one eye therefore ... not blind.

Or am I missing something?

That sentence has always niggled me.

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"Jacksonville, hello..."

I sometimes feel that way about Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are so hot.

pomegranate's picture

That's one cute gay!

Newportjoey's picture

A Pirate Man??? Try butt Pirate Man....

"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."

angel_i's picture

Submitted by putsomestankonit on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 10:20pm.

Huh? Am I reading this story correctly?

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Well, you gotta tell me what you understood...which would be great, actually, cuz I don't get it.

♥ ThreadKilla!
"So, I'm sorry - but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours: it's not our fault," she said...That's what the President of Hollywood said to Britney Spears!~Chris Rock

Manimal5's picture

Submitted by grapedrinkbaby on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 10:34pm.
Kiefer and alcohol do not mix...just ask that Christmas tree he raped

Hi Grape!

That tree didn't even see it coming.

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Shhhhh! I'm not really here.

grapedrinkbaby's picture

Kiefer and alcohol do not mix...just ask that Christmas tree he raped

putsomestankonit's picture

Huh? Am I reading this story correctly?

EastEndGirl's picture

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 10:02pm.

Cause they are Canadian like me.

You know...polite.

Madam Pince's picture

What the hell is wrong with this motherfucker? Why the fuck can he not control his alcohol intake? And why the fuck was he fighting with a gay man over another guy's WIFE?!?

p.s. -- Sutherland ain't gonna have a cent left when McCullough gets done with him.

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"If it were up to Fiona, she'd lock the toddlers in the church basement with a big batch of peanut butter cookies and a sack full of marbles and see who managed to make it out alive." ~~Sarah Dunn, Secrets of Happiness

xerquina's picture

Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 10:02pm.

why i like Sutherland and his father, i have no idea, but i do
-----------
it's their voice. especially the elder Sutherland.

frankYKL's picture

WTF?!!
Why would you headbutt Jack?!!
This guy is truly a drunk shameless...

EveryStrangersEyes's picture

why i like Sutherland and his father, i have no idea, but i do

-----------------------------
"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."

NitWitty's picture

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 9:45pm.

His acting skills are the only thing worse than his drinking skills.
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Don't hate..I'm always two drinks away from head butting a designer bitch over my love of you and MK.
And on that note..I'm taking my snotty ass off for a shot of Nyquil with a Tequila chaser. Keep up the funnay!
________________________________________________________
Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.

guaiguaidu22's picture

************************************************
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i just wonder if i can meet a mature women here,
because i am at the beginning of my career and i need someone's support..
i uploaded my hot photos on http://sugarmommameet.com under the name piccolo ,
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Team Valtrex's picture

His acting skills are the only thing worse than his drinking skills.

***********************************************
"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"

Freak Speely's picture

I don't give a lovely FUCK, I adore Kiefer's drunk bitch self! xD

That Christmas tree was an expert in espionage. It had to be taken out.

-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.

Manimal5's picture

Let them all fight over each other...they're all buttheads.

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Shhhhh! I'm not really here.

vanyvrgs's picture

Looks like Keifer is back to drinking...

that is a shame.

Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.

An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!

Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com

letinstar's picture

isn't keifer my age? and by my age i mean too fucking old to be head butting over brooke sheilds...
_____________________________________________
Some people fight fire with fire. Professionals use water.

maDalice's picture

WTF. I straight-up hate on Brooke Shields.

dlaugher's picture

"Kiefer has a girlfriend. Brooke is married. Jack is gay. How did this happen?! My imagination can't even travel to a possible reason for this, but I'll try.....

"Maybe the entire bar Kiefer consumed triggered an acid flashback which caused him to see Jack as that damn Christmas tree! You know, the one that's always fucking with him. Kiefer thought it was back for more and he wasn't about to let it get the last laugh, so he headbutted the bitch!"

This was so much funnier before i saw that the christmas tree reference was to an actual incident.

head-butting is what my two boys do, and it's very annoying. i sure hope they've found other ways to "express their feelings" by the time they're keifer's age.

Tigerlilly's picture

Poor Brooke, she made nicey with a fuckin' cult member who trashed her on the Today show (Tommy Girl), and now, I'll bet she down plays this shit...
FUCK THAT BROOKE! Getcha ass ovah here at some DLISTED, and we'll tell ya how to get all in that Keifer ass and make it werk fa ya...
This mutha fucka a drunktard to the criminal level...Naw, bitch...You BROOKE FUCKIN' SHEILDS...you don't need to take no shit from this fucktard....HELL NAW!

**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

WANNA talk with more millionaire friends,meet many rich people and good guys inculding some celebrities all these on ___classymingle.com ___ the place share your Success stories,the place find your classy lover, the place make your dream come ture!!

kiefer = bad tv and I don't mean tranny

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/

yeah Keifer and Chirstmas trees, Jack McCullough. what's the diff? go JACK B!

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Tigerlilly's picture

*Belch* I dunno why anyone would fight over Brooke Shhhhieldshhh *hic*...But if any of you muverfuckersh go near her, I'll head butt your assheshs...fer shhhhhhhhhhhhure...*hic*....*Belch*...

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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...

RichBitch's picture

Why would anyone want to hurt that guy's pretty face? Oh Jack Bauer, I hope you've got a good reason!

christine the hoff's picture

that is some funny shit.

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Fucka doodle-do.

valorious's picture

Sluttsvill, pride is highly overrated.

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Am are have Krissmess funneh!

guest's picture

random hilarity.

Sluttsville's picture

Submitted by valorious on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 7:27pm.
I had to give up the Tequila a long time ago. I still have some pride!!
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I thought about your statement and I have to say that I would rather have the tequila.