American Idol: What Simon Really Thinks Of Kara
As the weeks go by, the pitter-patter from my loins gets louder and louder for Simon Cowell. The thumping almost deafens the doody-covered shit balls that come pouring out of the caca hole belonging to Kara DIOGetalocksmithonthatjaw. Last night, Simon delivered a beautiful love letter straight to Kara. Simon and I are soul sisters, because every time Kara opens her poop shoot, my best finger automatically salutes her. Every single time. Simon is the butter between my peen flap and that is compliment. If he ever needs a ho to smother cocoa butter on his fur tittays, I'm his bitch.
Enough of that, let's talk about the least gayest disco party of all-time and forever. JUMP!!!
Lil Rounds "I'm Every Woman" - GIRL BYE! The time has finally come for Lil Rounds to put that wig into its pet carrier and shuffle off to wherever she came from. Last night the bark from her wig sounded better than her singing, but overall I don't mind her. Truth be told, a lot of other whores (I'm side-eyeing you, Gokey) need to go first, but I'm sick as shit of hearing the judges slap her down. When she's gone, they can finally shut their yips over that "I don't know what kind of artist you are" shit. Yeah, because American Idol is the Royal Academy of singers. When Lil goes home tonight, she should go directly into the arms of Bebe Zahara Benet for some wig advice.
Kris Allen "She Works Hard For The Money" - You know that Kris makes my no-no kiss my taint, but I got a tinge of John Mayer flavor from him last night which worried me a bit. But my peen lips still declare him the winner of the night. Here's a Vicodin pill that Paula queefed out while judging Kris: "I got to tell you, Kris. A lot of women are known to shop in the men's department, but there aren't many men who are willing to shop in the womens." Oh, to be a Paula Abdul! You can just run free with your crazy hanging out for everyone to see!
Danny Hokey "September" - Whoever is voting for this mouth breather needs to get their electricity turned off, their cell service shut down and their fingers burned on a hot plate, because a vote for Gokey is a vote against humanity. I would rather Beyonce sing opera directly into my ear than watch 1 second of Gokey work the stage like a third-rate traveling Evangelical preacher. He child touches me with his voice! I HATE HIM. I also felt hate for Paula for the first time when she said, "I think you have one of the sexiest voices ever." !!!!!!!!!! Paula, please go backstage and eff your snatch with a pair of spectacles if you need to, but don't feed the beast like that! Just say no to Gokey! Jesus will deliver a kitten into your arms if you do.
Allison Iraheta "Hot Stuff" - Ain't nobody better talk trash about my Allison! When those wack ass judges said the arrangement was a doody bubble, I wanted to rip a branch off a tree and beat them with it abuelita-style. I don't get why people don't have love in their hearts for Allison. Is it because she looks like a Troll doll double dipped in Manic Panic? If that's the case, just picture her singing while sitting on the end a No. 2 pencil and everything will make sense. Pray to the Olsens that Allison isn't getting executed tonight.
Adam Glambert "If I Can't Have You" - Oh, Lamb Lips let me down. I was all ready to embrace the glitter and it wasn't there. There I was, with my arms wide open, ready for his cloud of sparklies to embrace me. But instead of wearing sequined ass huggers, shiny roller skates and a tight t-shirt that exposed his luscious under titties, he once again looked like he was starring in the one-dyke show of K.D. Lang's life story at a dinner theater in South Florida. Therefore, I cannot ride bareback on the fancy gay lion anytime soon. As for the vocals, my ears didn't twitch until he squeezed his cum catcher and screeched out his signature yelp. Every time he does that, the butt plug living in Gaycrest's ass probably bursts. It's hurtful!
Matt Giraud "Staying Alive" - I rebuke thee! Damn that Matt Giraud for covering up his hypnotizing MOLE. Because of that, I actually had to pay attention to his performance. Matt is pretty much harmless, but his "toddler impersonating Justin Timberlake" act hit a fever pitch last night. THE MOLE has all the stage presence and when he covers it up like that, all is lost.
Anoop Desai "Dim All The Lights" - Dim all the lights on his ass forever. I liked Anoop's leftover Easter Sunday ensemble, but he's like a lukewarm dildo on my tongue. A bowl of Bisquick batter could give a more exciting performance than that boring ass shit. The only way his performance would've been better is if Nina Flowers lip-synched FOR HER LIFE to it. Anoop is a lazy lay and it's time whores stop returning his calls!
On to predictions!
Who will face execution? (I'm assuming there's going to be a bottom 4): Lil, Anoop, THE MOLE and Allison (weep weep)
Who will be executed? Lil & Anoop.
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WORD WHAT RICKI AND STONEY AND DRAMA SAID!!!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
I stop watching AI when they get down to the Top 12, I don't care anymore. And Kars sucks. Adding a 4th judge was stupid.
Geez Ricki, I must have struck a nerve.
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http://wethinkyoushould.blogspot.com/
http://bleedingthecorgan.blogspot.com
COME AT ME, BITCH!
"Submitted by Reeter on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:35pm.
The judges are too hard on Lil and they kiss Allison's ass."
Name one performance Lil' has done this season that was good. Name one, I dare ya.
And poor Allison had not received positive critique from the Judges until last week and that's super sad. She's quite talented that one. Great voice. Great personality.
Fuck Lil. She needs to go. Buh-bye.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
Lol, no, of course not. That sucks Missy. Feel better. Like I said, I didn't want to pick a fight with YOU, since you're one of the few hos here who consistently knows what's up. Fuck that asshole skeeze!
Sensimina, it's not the "Idol is stupid" that bothers people. It's the "I don't know who would watch this stupid trash, they must be retarded" type comments that bother me. Nice of you to not distinguish between the two...of course. PS I miss your slutty ghetto-ass MySpace. You're so amazing.
but ricki, I just broke up with my abusive boyfriend of seven years yesterday. If I can't fight with my dlist bitches who the fuck am I gonna fight with? Are you tellin me to go back to the abuser?!?!?!?!
:-p
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by kanderso on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:24pm.
Agreed! I wanted to hear REAL disco, not non-disco disco.
And NO ABBA! That's sacrilege!
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Adam SUCKED last night! He was so off pitch-wise and yet, the judges praised him! How fucking annoying, for real! URGH!
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
I'm beginning to think Hokey's wife killed herself just to get away from him.
This shit is getting too Just Jared... "If you don't like it, don't post!!!". It's okay to say your opinion on the topic....it's like if someone said "If you don't liek ceiling eyes, DON'T POST ABOUT IT!". There wouldn't even be one comment.
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http://wethinkyoushould.blogspot.com/
http://bleedingthecorgan.blogspot.com
COME AT ME, BITCH!
You know, I can get that people want to talk in the most recent post. I can even get that peoplpe hate American Idol, and want to say it. I will NEVER get why people come to the Idol post, trash Idol and those are watching/discussing it, then get SURPRISED that people get annoyed. I really like Missy, so I will refrain from saying anything, but uh...duh. Don't pick fights if you don't want to be in them. And no amount of big-eyed, tee-hee "who me" is gonna erase that extremely obvious fact. Ugh.
Totally understandable, missy. I've been in one of those moods today, too. *adjusts tampon* What I don't get is, why do all men suck and where's my chocolate?
LOL
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
Okay if people don't like AI or this post just skip the damn thread sheesh...
I was dissappointed in Adam last night, I thought he would bring the gay.
Allison is cool but starting to sound the same.
My fav was actually Kris.
Kara Diowhatever has to go! Hate her and don't care for her commentary either.
Was Paula heavily medicated last night?
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I was on a diet for a month and lost 30 days.
Submitted by kanderso on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:17pm.
Gokey - Okay, I have to admit something here. Gokey's voice is growing on me, kinda like a fungus. I do not think he should win because he has zero looks and zero charisma on stage and is generally irritating, but I I dig the voice. I finally get the Gokey love.
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Dammit! I was down with everything you said, (ignored they *I wouldn't buy an Adam CD or whatever it said along those lines* lol) But I cannot condone the Gokey Love. Now, go smash your fingers in your car door while you're holding a pic of Doughy Gokey. ;p
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:34pm.
Coudn't tell, sorry. I'm in a bad mood tody and extra sensitive. Sorry for the harsh laguage.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
The judges are too hard on Lil and they kiss Allison's ass.
Idol isnt that bad.
I never got the chance to watch idol until that year that Carrie Underwood won and this year!
I like it and I think that Adam is by faaaar the most talented!!
He reminds me of A.F.I and he would have a greeeaaat career if he decides to do music like them!
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When incorporating food into sex, hindsight is 20/20.
OMG I was kidding beesh!
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
Stoney - selfishness?
I think you're taking this too seriously and I don't appreciate being labeled selfish by you since you don't know me at all. Chill the fuck out.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
now the peta thread is picking up again, so I can go blab over there.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I HATE AI and will never watch it again in my life, but it is worth reading the post just to read "He child touches me with his voice" and "I rebuke thee." I'm totally going to use both of those today. Somehow. Someway.
Of course your selfishness makes sense to me.
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
who the fuck watch this shit? Srsly American Idol is soooo 2003!
yaaawn
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TEAM CHICKEN TETRAZINNI!
<3 @Katelliecouture
Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:24pm.
because dlsted is my most-often visited place on the web, I like to converse with the people here the most, and the idol thread is pretty much the only on on dlisted at the moment where there are people conversing.
make a bit more sense now?
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Oh, another insight: Why even have a disco night when almost all the contestants completely change the arrangement of the song so that it no longer resembles disco at all!? I kind of doing get it. Just let them pick any old song every week then...
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
If you hate Idol posts, there are about one hundred trillion other places you could be on the web other than IN an Idol post.
I'll never understand it.
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
I hate Idol posts, too. I haven't watched that shit in like 5 years and even back then it was boring. I'm pretty sure most of the people that end up on AI anymore are complete setups. I can't believe anyone follows this, it has no entertainment value, even if I were fall-down drunk and smoking a blunt to my face.
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http://wethinkyoushould.blogspot.com/
http://bleedingthecorgan.blogspot.com
COME AT ME, BITCH!
Thank you, Michael K, for being just as frustrated about Allison as I am!!! She's freaking amazing, but the judges can't get their heads out of Adam's ass long enough to pay her a compliment that's not paired with an insult. Sure, they praised her singing, but ragged on the arrangement. I feel they create this aura of ambivalence about this poor girl that prevents her from really showing her stuff! I know she chose "I Can't Make You Love Me" for a reason. They keep ragging on her "unclear" personality, but I'd rather someone be boring and themselves, than have that canned, rehearsed "spunky" and "full-of-life" shit others put on (like that damn Diana DeGarmo) And you know, she wouldn't be the first ugly bitch with an awesome singing voice in history, so what the hell is their problem??? I LOVE YOU ALLISON!
Submitted by JoMama on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:15pm.
I was betting that Adam would sing "It's Raining Men!" by the Weather Girls! How awesome would that've been? Him in tight shorts & white socks roller skating around the stage...MK would've fainted from LOVE!!
I would have drowned in my own drool!
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I'm a gay man, trapped in a woman's body.
I hate idol posts. Fuckin show bores thecrap out of me. I haven't followed it since the gayken season which is when was in rehab. I was really into it that season!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by ViVee on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:19pm.
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:11pm.
Since when is I'm every woman considered Disco?
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I was think the same thing about "She Works Hard for the Money"
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Now, that's a crossover song, right there.
WTF do you call that eighties music? It was like rock and roll sorta but with an "urban"/musical theatre twist...? LOL! Pop Music.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
MK is right - bye-bye Lil and Anoop.
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"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?" -Heather Chandler
"He looks like a furious masturbator." -Sheeps
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:11pm.
Since when is I'm every woman considered Disco?
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I was thinking the same thing about "She Works Hard for the Money", other than it being a Donna Summer song I don't think its disco.
Submitted by Cunty LaRue on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:01pm.
Where the fuck is Snowy to put this ho in her place?
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
I love how people actually think their opinions are interesting on these matters.
@devilgirl: Ha! And I totally forgot about Whitney Houston! There's an example of pop eating itself, right there;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:14pm.
I stand corrected, I was not aware that Chaka Khan had orig. done the tune in 1978.
I was only aware of the Whitney Houston version.
I honestly remember tons of songs from the Disco era as my mom was into that stuff, but I had never heard the song beofre. Thanks for prompting me to check out the origin of the song! : )
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
devilgirl: I'm Every Woman by Chaka Khan (the original disco version from 1978 produced by Arif Mardin)
Anoop - I want him to record an album. I will buy it and listen. I LOVE his voice. But, I could do without the live performance. I get that he's a little boring on stage.
Kris - I thought Kris was great last night. He's growing on me.
Matt - Blah
Alison - I didn't love her arrangement but of course she's awesome. And MK, she TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A TROLL. LITERALLY. Love you for pointing that out.
*Sidenote: I think MK really looooves trolls and has an extensive collection. He equates many things/people to trolls. Although...most of those comparisons are accurate.*
Adam - No, I can't take his voice. Sure, he's pretty and entertaining on a stage, but I absolutely, under no circumstances whatsoever, want to listen to him. The voice - it grates on me.
Lil - She's got the ability, she just doesn't know how to use it. Makes me sad, but whatever, be gone, Lil!
Gokey - Okay, I have to admit something here. Gokey's voice is growing on me, kinda like a fungus. I do not think he should win because he has zero looks and zero charisma on stage and is generally irritating, but I I dig the voice. I finally get the Gokey love.
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
Submitted by ricki lake on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:13pm.
Simon doesn't subtly give anyone the finger, I don't think. EVERY time he scratches his face (which is a lot, I've noticed) he uses middle finger,
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I concur. I've only ever seen 8 or 9 clips of this show all told and he's done it almost every time.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
I was betting that Adam would sing "It's Raining Men!" by the Weather Girls! How awesome would that've been? Him in tight shorts & white socks roller skating around the stage...MK would've fainted from LOVE!!
I'm kinda digging Kris Allen-loved the arrangement on that song, very cool!
Kara (love the way Simon says it, "Kah-rA") needs to STFU
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Why in bronzer on the nutsack hell is she naked, but he's fully clothed? Take all them panties off, Zac!
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:11pm.
Since when is I'm every woman considered Disco?
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Um...what else would you call it...?
(not being facetious...I think it's Disco...)
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Simon doesn't subtly give anyone the finger, I don't think. EVERY time he scratches his face (which is a lot, I've noticed) he uses middle finger, regardless of the situation or who's talking. He does it on Britan Has Talent, too. Is it a British thing or a Simon thing?
Wow, I just read what I wrote. I am a loser. LOL
And could Paula be any more of a fucked up moron? She basically told everyone they are going to the finals. Um, only two make it to the finals, retard! And could you please critique their SINGING at some point instead of making some sweeping statement about their "souls?" Christ on cracker, she's a numbskull.
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
I think I'm one of the few who doesn't like Allison. Yes, she can sing, but I feel like she's always pushing her voice out instead of just letting it come out, if that makes sense; I can never understand what the hell she's singing, even though I know the words to all of the songs she's sang.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Since when is I'm every woman considered Disco?
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Submitted by Miss Thang on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 10:17am.
I aint no psychiatrist, but I am bipolar ............
TMZ has an amusing clip on thsi caption. She cut Randy off and thier response was classic. I love how Simon subtley gives her the finger. Everyone dislikes this chick but she's oblivious. If she comes back next season and someone else doesn't I'm done with this show.
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
And Gaycrest annoyed me when he said Adam's name last night like Colbert does his..Adam Lamb-bear. UGH!
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Just because no one understands you, doesn't mean you're an artist.
Albatross,
MK is so damn funny with these reviews, that I don't even watch the show and I look forward to them!