American Idol: What Simon Really Thinks Of Kara
As the weeks go by, the pitter-patter from my loins gets louder and louder for Simon Cowell. The thumping almost deafens the doody-covered shit balls that come pouring out of the caca hole belonging to Kara DIOGetalocksmithonthatjaw. Last night, Simon delivered a beautiful love letter straight to Kara. Simon and I are soul sisters, because every time Kara opens her poop shoot, my best finger automatically salutes her. Every single time. Simon is the butter between my peen flap and that is compliment. If he ever needs a ho to smother cocoa butter on his fur tittays, I'm his bitch.
Enough of that, let's talk about the least gayest disco party of all-time and forever. JUMP!!!
Lil Rounds "I'm Every Woman" - GIRL BYE! The time has finally come for Lil Rounds to put that wig into its pet carrier and shuffle off to wherever she came from. Last night the bark from her wig sounded better than her singing, but overall I don't mind her. Truth be told, a lot of other whores (I'm side-eyeing you, Gokey) need to go first, but I'm sick as shit of hearing the judges slap her down. When she's gone, they can finally shut their yips over that "I don't know what kind of artist you are" shit. Yeah, because American Idol is the Royal Academy of singers. When Lil goes home tonight, she should go directly into the arms of Bebe Zahara Benet for some wig advice.
Kris Allen "She Works Hard For The Money" - You know that Kris makes my no-no kiss my taint, but I got a tinge of John Mayer flavor from him last night which worried me a bit. But my peen lips still declare him the winner of the night. Here's a Vicodin pill that Paula queefed out while judging Kris: "I got to tell you, Kris. A lot of women are known to shop in the men's department, but there aren't many men who are willing to shop in the womens." Oh, to be a Paula Abdul! You can just run free with your crazy hanging out for everyone to see!
Danny Hokey "September" - Whoever is voting for this mouth breather needs to get their electricity turned off, their cell service shut down and their fingers burned on a hot plate, because a vote for Gokey is a vote against humanity. I would rather Beyonce sing opera directly into my ear than watch 1 second of Gokey work the stage like a third-rate traveling Evangelical preacher. He child touches me with his voice! I HATE HIM. I also felt hate for Paula for the first time when she said, "I think you have one of the sexiest voices ever." !!!!!!!!!! Paula, please go backstage and eff your snatch with a pair of spectacles if you need to, but don't feed the beast like that! Just say no to Gokey! Jesus will deliver a kitten into your arms if you do.
Allison Iraheta "Hot Stuff" - Ain't nobody better talk trash about my Allison! When those wack ass judges said the arrangement was a doody bubble, I wanted to rip a branch off a tree and beat them with it abuelita-style. I don't get why people don't have love in their hearts for Allison. Is it because she looks like a Troll doll double dipped in Manic Panic? If that's the case, just picture her singing while sitting on the end a No. 2 pencil and everything will make sense. Pray to the Olsens that Allison isn't getting executed tonight.
Adam Glambert "If I Can't Have You" - Oh, Lamb Lips let me down. I was all ready to embrace the glitter and it wasn't there. There I was, with my arms wide open, ready for his cloud of sparklies to embrace me. But instead of wearing sequined ass huggers, shiny roller skates and a tight t-shirt that exposed his luscious under titties, he once again looked like he was starring in the one-dyke show of K.D. Lang's life story at a dinner theater in South Florida. Therefore, I cannot ride bareback on the fancy gay lion anytime soon. As for the vocals, my ears didn't twitch until he squeezed his cum catcher and screeched out his signature yelp. Every time he does that, the butt plug living in Gaycrest's ass probably bursts. It's hurtful!
Matt Giraud "Staying Alive" - I rebuke thee! Damn that Matt Giraud for covering up his hypnotizing MOLE. Because of that, I actually had to pay attention to his performance. Matt is pretty much harmless, but his "toddler impersonating Justin Timberlake" act hit a fever pitch last night. THE MOLE has all the stage presence and when he covers it up like that, all is lost.
Anoop Desai "Dim All The Lights" - Dim all the lights on his ass forever. I liked Anoop's leftover Easter Sunday ensemble, but he's like a lukewarm dildo on my tongue. A bowl of Bisquick batter could give a more exciting performance than that boring ass shit. The only way his performance would've been better is if Nina Flowers lip-synched FOR HER LIFE to it. Anoop is a lazy lay and it's time whores stop returning his calls!
On to predictions!
Who will face execution? (I'm assuming there's going to be a bottom 4): Lil, Anoop, THE MOLE and Allison (weep weep)
Who will be executed? Lil & Anoop.
Don't worry, D-Listers. Danny won't be able to sing once I sit on his face. heh heh heh.
Hate on him all you want, that just means more for me.
...mad at this, "I know you weren't born when I did what I did and I know that I was an inspiration to you and I take that as a complete compliment." Mark Spitz
Oh, and Bitches is dumb!
She is such a cuttie.I saw her photos at billlionaire personals site________A f f l u e n t B a c h e l o r s . c o m______ last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.
Why are peeps in uniforms considered sexy?Wanna dating more hot girls and guys in uniform, you can log on_www.uniformmate.com_
Lil Rounds in the next installment of "BRICKHOUSE BUTTS" 3,2,1........
Seriously now, if I had to pick one person to go it would be that annoying as fuck schmuck Kara. Yes, I'd even keep Matt or Anoop if I could get rid of this waste of airtime. At least Paula delivers with oddities that cause Simon's eyes to roll. His comments about Paula are more fun than his comments about the contestants. The only frightening thing is I kind of understand some of the shit Ms Abdul babbles about.
I am also over Gokey and his glasses. If he wins, I see him joining Taylor Hicks at some local county fair. Or Mall opening. And Taylor was so damn forgettable, I swear I just had to Yahoo Idol winners to find out his name. No I don't 'google.'
I say they ditch Matt, Anoop and Lil and get this shit moving along. We know they are going home, so why drag it out?
Anoopdog and Matt will go but Jesus, Michael K, you are soooo funny from the Matt Mole to the Danny evangelical thingy. Just friggin hilarious and you are the master of scathing satirical hotness.
Um, I kinda like Kara. She's direct, cogent, and has helpful comments. I usually always agree with Simon, but I am *over* his rudeness to Paula (despite her insanity), speaking over her, negating everything she says. It's just a tired act. He should just get on with his commentary.
I thought all the performances last night kinda sucked.I think Lil will go.
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:32pm.
"Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:30pm.
UGH! Why can't we talk about something IMPORTANT like ANTM!?!?!"
Are you excited for tonight's episode? Please let that Splinter looking-rat bitch Aminat (or however her hobag name is spelled) go tonight. She sucks!
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O - I LIKE Aminat! But I agree she takes shitty pictures.
I also agree with ricki lake that it's getting stale - Make Me a Supermodel is also running!
Sadly I won't be seeing either til like tomorrow earliest cuz I watch everything online.
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
Oh honey, don't be like that. It makes me so sad.
Whatever Cunty LaRue. We have said many times we know this show is a festering turd. That doesn't mean it still can't be entertaining. Thanks for playing, you clearly didn't read anything we said. Go away now.
Well, I guess how much you don't like American Idol is on topic for an American Idol post. Don't get me wrong, I watch some unspeakably embarrassing shit, but I also don't try to act dignified and defensive when someone calls me on it either.
With that, I take the point that it gets annoying to hear after a while since American Idol has been on for so long and is so bad it begins to sound like a broken record.
In the future, I'll leave you to your omgs.
I have dubbed Matt G "JUST-IN case TIMBERLAKE is not available to perform tonight"
* * * * I HEART CAVEMEN & DEXTER * * * *
I lurve me some Allison, but this is what she reminds me of..
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g318/pauladee/Heat_Mizer1.jpg
Awww.. Poor little cholita! :'{
I keep hoping Adam will give her a "GLAM" makeover like they did in the movie "Too Wong Foo.."
xoxo
I knew I hated Gokey, but I didnt realize just how much until last night. His smugness actually made me wretch a little. I had to stop looking directly at his face because the hatred kept bubbling up in me.
Good luck to your Allison and my Lil. May the best woman win!
I was disappointed last night because my sister watched AI for the first time. I had been telling her about how good Adam is and about the obnoxious mole. The mole was covered and Adam was subdued.
Ah, well...she promised to watch next week.
"Submitted by Reeter on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:37pm.
Okay, I can't BUT only because you put me on the spot! LOL
I like her, okay. I just like her."
Awww, Reeter. Hugsies! :)
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:51pm.
"Submitted by Reeter on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:35pm.
The judges are too hard on Lil and they kiss Allison's ass."
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Okay, I can't BUT only because you put me on the spot! LOL
I like her, okay. I just like her.
snowpiece on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:31pm.
LMAO @ the turn Adam Straight Brigade. What about the Brigade That Will Never Admit He's Ghey in the First Place!
- Oh, you mean the Clay Aiken defectors, the ones soooooo disappointed he is gay, the ones who felt betrayed and lied too???
Cuz Ima thinkin', they loves the Adam.
LOOK OUT ADAM! They will turn on you after your first gay surrogate turkey baster babeh!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
looked like he was starring in the one-dyke show of K.D. Lang's life story at a dinner theater in South Florida. Therefore, I cannot ride bareback on the fancy gay lion anytime soon.
Did you know that when you laugh and coffee comes out of your nose it hurts? It was totally worth it though.
Omg, I would LOVE to have regular ANTM posts! Although I probably won't watch anymore after this cycle. It's so stale now.
"Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:30pm.
UGH! Why can't we talk about something IMPORTANT like ANTM!?!?!"
Are you excited for tonight's episode? Please let that Splinter looking-rat bitch Aminat (or however her hobag name is spelled) go tonight. She sucks!
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
LMAO @ the turn Adam Straight Brigade. What about the Brigade That Will Never Admit He's Ghey in the First Place!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
UGH! Why can't we talk about something IMPORTANT like ANTM!?!?!
♥ ThreadKilla!
With my super lawyer powers, I can rid our town of cats so our kids can NEVER get high again! Mr. Broflovski, South Park
A DListed Youtube Gallery
"Danny Hokey "September" - Whoever is voting for this mouth breather needs to get their electricity turned off"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA....Aaannnd that would be mah naybor.
Love him or hate him, Kris worked it out last night.
I wanna hate him so he needs to stop being, you know, good.
I wubs my wittle Alison. JUST LUV HER!!!!
And Adam, so what he didn't do Donna Summer, Simon lost the $10k bet that he would.
He WAS STILL AWESOMENESS!!!!! i like the tender emotional gay lion of Glitter Narnia.
And yes, it's Lil & Anoop leavin'....
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
President of the "I Can Turn Adam Straight" Brigade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRldf5NX1NQ&feature=player_embedded
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
"Submitted by ricki lake on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:13pm.
I agree PapaSmurf, Adam was off. And I wasn't trying to pick a fight if that's how it came across. I like Kris enough I suppose, and thought he was GREAT last week. I just didn't get so many enthusiastic comments from the judges when the whole night was basically 'meh' lol."
Hahaha. Hakuna Matata. I was just simply stating that I enjoyed Kris more so than Adam last night. Adam is really theater and it shows, maybe more so in my eyes since I am a theatre gal myself. But my god, he is not as good as people think. Yeah, he can sing, but he shouts the songs he sings and tries to be someone he's not, and personally, I don't want that in my "American Idol." He is no David Cook - not at all.
Personally, I think this season has some great singers, but none that stand out "as the one" in my honest opinion.
I do enjoy Allison, though, but there's no way she'll win because of the excessive "I Can Turn Adam Straight" brigade that keeps voting for him each week.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
I love Anoop's voice, but I agree with those of you who say he's kinda boring. He just doesn't look like he's really into it any more.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
"Submitted by ricki lake on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 2:08pm.
Kris was COMPLETELY flat on his high notes. Quite obviously so. Saying he was on pitch is as ridiculous as the judges calling it 'brilliant' lol."
He was more on pitch than Adam Lambert and his excessive screaming. No one was perfect last night. If anything, the performances were Meh compared to other nights.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
He sounds ok to me, total Anoop, I guess I get the boring part tho......it's better when you're smoked out, LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XGNQuJUFQc
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
I agree PapaSmurf, Adam was off. And I wasn't trying to pick a fight if that's how it came across. I like Kris enough I suppose, and thought he was GREAT last week. I just didn't get so many enthusiastic comments from the judges when the whole night was basically 'meh' lol.
Jilly: I see Julia "I'm Gonna Steal Yo Husband & Still Be America's Sweetheat" Roberts in Kara.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
ha ha I was at the Administrative Professionals' Day Lunch, I didn't realize I was being paged to the Idol thread, STAT!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
Snowy: I thought Anoop was a'ight, dawg, but I wish he'd picked it up a bit at the end, even more than he did.
I wanted to love Allison, but I did not last night. Actually, I didn't LOVE anyone.
I enjoyed Kris. He seems to actually listen, process, & give the judges what they want.
I hate to say this, but Adam disappointed me. He's done his "unplugged, ungayed" thing already. I'm w/ MK -- I wanted glitter, sequins, & GLAM!
I thought Lil was awful. She barely even sang -- the back-up singers did most of the lyrics, & she screeched out some "Yeah"s & "Come on, ya'll"s.
As I recall DialIdol had Lil safe last week & Kris at the bottom, so I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what they have to say.
Finally, I agree w/ Ricki, Stoney, & Snowy. Insult the show, insult the performers, but when you insult the viewers (us), it's insulting. (HA!) If you read what we viewers post, we don't love everyone or the show -- we have our faves, & we bicker good naturedly, but we don't question each other's "smarts" because we enjoy something others don't.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
This is kinda random, but does anyone see the resemblance between Kara and Anna Paquin? Every time I see her I picture a dark-haired, mousier Sookie.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Kris was COMPLETELY flat on his high notes. Quite obviously so. Saying he was on pitch is as ridiculous as the judges calling it 'brilliant' lol.
ok Smurfy, let me go look for it on youtube, last night I was a little Snooped out,,,,,
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
"but why would u waste hours on this shit?"
Why are you judging what we find entertaining?
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
I love Anoop still Snowy (about fucking time you showed up!!!), I just thought his performance was kinda blah. But everyone's was - disco week is as stupid an idea as Michael Jackson week. He is still so cute though, I just want to squeeze him! Go Anoop!
(My love for Adam, alas, is kinda fading. Not gonna lie.)
kanderso welcome to the cult, LOL I didn't vote for anyone last night because Imma lazy beyotch! Now my Anoopy might go home. :( I'm glad you voted. I always know Adam is safe so I don't bother voting for him (until he's in the finals with the real KD Lange (Chokey)
I won't mind if Allison goes home tonight, I'm kind of over her too like all of y'all. I hope it's Lil, Matt and her in the bottom and not Anoop (oh god, stoney's gonna hurt me now!)
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
David Artichoke?
__________________
TEAM CHICKEN TETRAZINNI!
<3 @Katelliecouture
And Adam is overated, and will probably make it in the business because of that.
I didn't call anyone retarded but why would u waste hours on this shit? Watch some free Internet porn or go to gym srsly
last years weiner David Tartila? Nachos? Dunno somethin mexican food ish
was all over but like who cares? Kid won 100g's to record an album
Yaaaaawn
__________________
TEAM CHICKEN TETRAZINNI!
<3 @Katelliecouture
"Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 04/22/2009 - 1:59pm.
really, no one liked Anoop last night? I did. I am dumbfounded at dialidol having Lil as number one (sorry stoney). I was sure she'd be going home along with Matt, now I'm not so sure at all.
freaking Lesbian Gokey made we want to become a gay man just so I would never ever have the chance of hooking up with that shemale, LOL"
Anoop was off - totally off. My god. He sucked hardcore.
The only ones that sounded decent and kept on pitch last night were Allison, Kris "Sly Mouth" Allen and Danny "Put the GO in" Gokey.
The rest were off, totally off - especially Lil and Adam "I Love Theater" Lambert.
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P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Chris Brown should get his ass kicked:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo65yaAumko
MK (and the coolest people on dlisted LOL) obviously love to talk about Idol so everyone wants to get in on the fun!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
snowpiece, don't get me wrong, I totally voted for Anoop! I just can see why he probably won't win.
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer
I get Kara use to be Paula's roomie, but still don't get Kara.
It's just that some of you come in here going "I HATE AMERICAN IDOL POSTS" and not "I hate Adam Lambert" or "I hate Lil Rounds." It's not the same thing at all as hating on Britney in a Britney thread because we don't say "I HATE BRITNEY THREADS" and continue commenting in them anyway. Just trying to clear things up a bit. A lot of us actually like AI threads, so the insults get a bit old.
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You have a fucking signature quote...come on now. Doesn't get much worse. aeon312 4/3/09
really, no one liked Anoop last night? I did. I am dumbfounded at dialidol having Lil as number one (sorry stoney). I was sure she'd be going home along with Matt, now I'm not so sure at all.
freaking Lesbian Gokey made we want to become a gay man just so I would never ever have the chance of hooking up with that shemale, LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi"
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related
NitWitty - I know, and I'm ashamed. Please believe me when I say I would NEVER EVER EVER vote for Gokey out of principle. Ever. Okay, unless it was him v. Lambert in the final round, because I have to do my part to prevent Adam's voice from hitting the airwaves.
Oh, and all you Idol bashers are just JELLIZ H8RZ! You wish you had the glitzy gayness of Adam, the 50-year-old-chain-smoker voice of Allison, and the vast array of pastel shirts of Anoop! You are all pathetic loserz! Go get your own thread and DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hee. Just kiddin. I didn't like AI until about 3 weeks ago when this fucking bunch of twats converted me and PS I STILL HATE YOU ALL FOR IT.
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You're a rebel? You think you're a rebel? You're not a rebel, you're fucking psychotic! ~ Veronica Sawyer