Nicollette Sheridan Is A Fine Jewel

Desperate Housewives has lost all of its sparkle now that its finest jewel has left the show. That's what Nicollette Sheridan seems to think anyway. In a new interview with TV Guide, Nicollette says she decided to quit that old bitch, because it just didn't make her pussy pucker anymore. She wanted to leave earlier, but a little thing called a contract got in the way.

Nicollette also said that Marc Cherry, the head bitch on DH, stopped paying her any mind. Marc never put her in the opening credits and barely talked about her ass in interviews. That's when Nicollette compared herself to a shimmering gem stone, "When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?"

That line was left over from her Knot's Landing days. It's kind of amazing and Nicollette totally means it! She's right though. She is a fine jewel. The kind of jewel that can be sold for 4 flex-plays of $29.99 on HSN at midnight on a Saturday. The finest!

Nicollette continued scratching at Marc's nalgas, "Somebody up there really wanted her dead. I think whoever Edie represented in Marc's life was somebody he didn't like. And he had a very difficult time distinguishing between fact and fiction."

Marc, being the big queen that is, wasn't going to let Nicollette have the last bitch slap. Marc said there were really no more men for Edie to fuck and that the network made him cut costs, so with her gone the show is saving around $200,000 per episode.

When asked if they were going to put a new whore on the block, Marc said, "What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. Nicollette performed the aging, neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before."

Hey, that's aging, neighborhood JEWEL to you!