Why Won't People Let White Oprah Party With Her 15-Year-Old?
White Oprah had planned to have a good old-fashioned Lohan night out in Hollywood, but the bouncer at the club just wouldn't cooperate! All White Oprah wanted was to get fucked up with her daughters and maybe bond over a line or two in a bathroom stall! Regular family stuff! But the bouncer, who obviously hates family togetherness, denied them entrance.
According to UsWeekly (via The Scoop), White Oprah, Blohan and Ali Lohan tried to get into Villa and failed. White Oprah was told that Ali is too young. White Oprah apparently then pulled out everyone's favorite line that works every time, “Do you know who I am?” And to really stick it to the bouncer's asshole, Blohan added, “You’re making a huge mistake. Huge!”
The bouncer knew who these twats were. If he didn't, he would've held the door open for Ali and given her a senior's discount, because bitch is the perfect definition of BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT. While White Oprah and Blohan were flipping their coke noses over this, Ali was probably the only one sighing in relief to herself, because someone actually thought she was young! She will never forget that man again!
And White Oprah needs to try harder. The cokey gods didn't give her those Grand Canyon nostrils for no reason. Stick Ali up in there, tell her to hold her breath and then sashay into the club.
Here's Blohan and Ole' Ali killing us softly with fringe while leaving SamRo's house yesterday afternoon.
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DListers--
What the HELL does Lindsay have on? I don't know where to start---the horrible, horrific shoes or that awful fringe!
Someone is gonna pieface her someday like Ann Coulter got served...and it *will* be public!
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The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
Submitted by tojo on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:58pm.
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Dina Lohan is walking proof that you need to have a license to have a child
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
As a mother,(me being one, that is) I always thought that maybe Dina was slammed for things that were beyond her control. I mean how could someone do this to her children? Look at all of the problems LL has, and Ali's on the same path! Wouldn't she think, duh...I fucked that up, let's try something better with Ali. But no, it's like she has to wring all the money and fame from her kids for her own selfish reasons. So sad...
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the end...
Jeez, the poor kid has to live with bearing the name of his slimeball father? Tragic.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by FritoDorito on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:29pm.
Michael Lohan, possibly the only sane Lohan, will head up for his junior year to Ithaca College as a Business Administration major.
At least one of the Lohans has a brain.
A younger son Dakota...I'm not sure how old he is.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Submitted by mharker on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:33pm.
Submitted by FritoDorito on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:29pm.
Kind of like that Osbourne daughter who didn't want any part of the reality show. She was played up in the media like the "normal" cousin from the Munsters.
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Families that are famewhores together, stay together. If you don't whore yourself out to the media, you're dead to them!
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by FritoDorito on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:29pm.
Kind of like that Osbourne daughter who didn't want any part of the reality show. She was played up in the media like the "normal" cousin from the Munsters.
I've heard rumors that Ali and Lindsay have a younger brother and a younger brother and I've heard other rumors that the older son has nothing to do with the rest of the family. If that's true, maybe the older brother was the best of this bad lot and wanted to get out from under the yoke of Cokehead Mommie Dearest. Dina looks like an orange tape worm. Makes sense, bitch is a parasite.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by Reese2029 on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 8:14pm.
Interesting. I knew there was one son but not two. I guess girls are easier to market because female sexuality sells better than male sexuality. But you'd think she'd at least try to get some cash out of them.
WO has 2 sons as well. I'm surprised that she didn't try to get them in the club. You know, make it a family outing. Maybe the boys were able to escape this sideshow of a family.
BTW, I'm sick of this woman. I can't believe that she sold out the well-being of her daughters for, what?, her own Wiki page.
You know if W.O. had driven upstate to the Adirondacks and dropped her kids in the wilderness when they were young, the wolves that would raise them would have had more dignity, morality and class than her or the cell-denizen daddy.
soon she will be angling for grandkids to whore out to support her worthless ass. sickening.
What the fuckity fuck are these two idiots WEARING????
And my eternal question - why the big bag? If you've got such a big ass bag on your arm, WHY ARE YOU CARRYING ALL THAT SHIT IN YOUR HANDS? PUT IT IN THE BAG! pant pant
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I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! -MK
Ali is a busy "woman," who has a youtube channel to update. COME ON! Here's her own channel on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/alilohantv?blend=2&ob=4
Um, from the writing on her profile (left side of page), she clearly is hitting the bottle hard and not in school like other KIDS her age.
The only mistake the bouncer made was not reporting her skank ass to the cops for trying to get a minor wasted.
I agree with Dina. How dare they not let a washed up,orange, Long Island housewife into whatever establishment she wants? And if she wants to bring in her coked-out, Harvey Firestein-voiced 15 year old in with her, no one should stop her. Dina is a national treasure and should be treated as such.
WHY IS THIS WOMAN ALLOWED TO EXIST? Honestly.
They don't let 15 year olds into clubs anymore, that went out with Drew Barrymore (if memory serves me)...Dina should be given a Mother of the Year award right here for this fuckery. I'm surprised Ali even got carded, she looks at least 45. These cokewhores need to stop their bitching and go to rehab already. ALL OF THEM!
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
sadly, there I have a worse example of parenting than Dina Lohan. I worked as a bartender when we first moved here. While working at the sportsbar, a dad showed up one afternoon to watch hockey with a three year old. he orders a beer for himself, then an odouls for his son. My eyes get huge (na beer still contains some alcohol after all) he looks all smarmy and says, what's the big deal he likes the taste. I told him to get the fuck out. i'm sure that kid is a raging alcoholic somewhere...at 10.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
What a fucking bitch. Why would she think she has some sort of right or privilege to take her vastly underage daughter to a nightclub? IT'S ILLEGAL. And why would she think it's appropriate in any way? Didn't she learn her lesson with Washed-Up-Cokehead-Daughter? Dumb whore.
what a repulsive lot they are. Dina looks so disgusting...and her sponging ways as nauseating...huge mistake my ass..
I have often wondered why Child Protective Services doesn't get involved with this...W.O. is obviously an unfit mother (Lindsey being Exhibit A), and I doubt if Ali goes to school.
Submitted by Green Is Good on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 12:01pm.
Not to be mean, but what does Ali do? She's not getting any movie, music or tv work, & her album bombed. She SHOULD be in school.
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Wait... this 15 year old put out an album? She can't sing.... WTF? I guess it doesn't take talent anymore to put out an album. OK, I think I'll put an album out as well. Here's some of my lyrics (my voice will be put through a computer program, and will end up sounding like Chris Cornell's)...
"Lohan is a nasty whore,
Paris is a diseased slut,
Kardassian likes getting pissed on,
Slutney likes it in the butt"
If we apply lohan logic to this, it'll be a #1 hit soon...
I'll bet she went home and had some Celestial Seasonings tea. And then sent a 358 word tweet.
Ur definitely right about the BK chicks,, I used to go out over there a lot, BK has some super pretentious wanna be artsy bars,, ive def backed out of convos wanting to pull a cobain
Haggardly.
If you have to ask, "Don't you know who I am?" it's over, baby, 'cause they don't.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
"you made a huge mistake. Huge." I wish White Oprah would stop stealing Pretty Woman lines.
She's come to end of line with sponging off her cash cows since their careers are pretty much dead in the water.
Submitted by Teddy Rubskin on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 11:52am.
dude, bag on long island all you want, I grew up there and moved out to brooklyn and let me tell you...the crazy's even worse over here. sure, it's different animal, but BK girls are more fucked up without a doubt. the tap water over here is laced with rabies.
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is this real life?
why is this happening to me?
is this going to be forever...
Submitted by Teddy Rubskin: "...man we sure do breed them on this island huh?"
No offense, Teddy, but Long Island is home to some freaky shit. It runs a close second to Florida as far as messed-up people and stuff.
Not to be mean, but what does Ali do? She's not getting any movie, music or tv work, & her album bombed. She SHOULD be in school.
Submitted by The C word: "She looks like she’s braying in that pic."
She does. And there are several other photos where she looks like she's braying. It's because she's an ass.
parissucksliterally...
you're probably right. people have said similar about lindsay. none of it seems to bother dina in the least. I don't understand how she got away from that club without getting the cops called on her.
Gracias Missy, For real tho, chick was pretty nutts, but her family was worse, crazy is heriditary. man we sure do breed them on this island huh?
I agree that anything anyone has ever done to help any of the lohan kids has probably always been ruined by their horrid parents. lindsay has asked her father to refrain from talking about her in interviews and he can't manage that. although he has been proven right about one thing... he said lindsay's partying was partly dina's fault because dina went to clubs and partied with her. now dina is starting in on ali. this probably isn't the first time dina has taken ali to a club.
I usually like what Blohan is wearing but that is awful and those gladiator sandal boots..horendous!
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
I wonder how much money Dina has stolen from Lilo?
Submitted by CandyPerfumeGirl on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 11:41am.
Seconded!
I move that the entire useless Lohan clan and the Kardashian clan PLUS Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, and whoever else all the other jizz-lipped, useless, whores on this Earth are, be removed and sequestered into some form of solid biomass. These are like the most useless pieces of trash ever: they dont deserve one cent of what they got and without their money they really wouldn't be anything. All they do is take and take and never produce anything of value. Disgusting.
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Submitted by Teddy Rubskin on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 11:07am.
I used to date a chick that looked like a Lohan,, it's gotta be that Long Island tap water cause she was a fucking headcase too
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hahahaha funny comment and LOVE THE NAME!! ahhaa
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Dina belongs in jail.
Ali won't live to see 20.
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I don't walk around trying to be what I'm not
I don't waste my time trying to get what you got
I work at pleasin' me cause I can't please you and that's why I do what I do
-Erykah Badu
Submitted by skinny fat on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 10:54am.
Charles Manson - Hohan set to be the next Julia Roberts? No wonder they don't let you out of jail, you crazy fuck.
IF IVE TOLD YOU ONCE IVE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND FUCKING TIMES. I DIDNT KILL ANYONE. THOSE BITCHES DID IT NOT ME.
She looks like she’s braying in that pic.
Which is exactly how I imagine she sounds IRL.
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"There's a kid on a Pogo stick in front if my house. It's nearly midnight so let's assume he's been drinking. This should end well for him."
- excerpt from Christopher Walken's Twitter
The Lohans remind me of this story by David Sedaris in one of his books. He lived in a crappy apartment and the neighbor kid was always visiting him because her mother was having boyfriends over and shit. He felt sorry for her and tried to teach her things and it just wound up biting him in the ass in the end. The little girl starts stealing from him and wrecking his things and when he tells the mother about it, she insinuates that he just spends time with the girl because he's a pervert.
I imagine that people have tried to help those kids, out of sympathy, but White Oprah just ruins it and makes trouble.
Poor kids.
Dina can scream all she wants. Ali is underage. End of story. They should try Chucky Cheese instead.
Submitted by ginger_t on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 11:08am.
They are both misguided, unemployable, and rudderless. And that makes me sad, no matter how obnoxious they are.
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thanks ginger, I learned a new word today. my mind is rudderless!
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is this real life?
why is this happening to me?
is this going to be forever...
I love "Don't you know who I am?". I wish I was a bouncer just so I could hear that shit!
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Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 04/02/2009 - 11:01am.
angry_secretary see if you can claim a deviated septum, that's how I got mine done and paid for mostly by the insurance!
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yeah, I think insurance will cover half of my nose job since my allergist told me I HAVE to get my septum fixed, she said it was one of the worse cases she's ever seen and was like, "why wasn't this taken care of right away when it was broken?" and then gave the side-eye to my mom LOL
but I also want my nose to be cosmetically fixed too, because it really does look fucked up from some angles, so I think when you do it as a nose job for a medical reason AND as plastic surgery, insurance only covers half.
anyway, I don't even have any insurance right now because I can't afford the insurance plan my job offered me because it was way too expensive for my current salary. oh wells!
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is this real life?
why is this happening to me?
is this going to be forever...
white oprah wants to go with ali to the bar so she can constantly send ali to fetch stuff... drinks, men (of the slow-moving, near-sighted variety), blow, toilet paper.
she probably thinks everyone starts drinking by age 10. too bad no one called the cops on her for endangering a minor.
also, "do you know who I am?" i'd be interested to know who she thinks she is. I cut lindsay and ali some slack with the worthless, selfish, loudmouth, famewhore parents they have.
Stoney, I have wanted to use that hormone line when fighting with my ex during that time of the month,,,but I figured I'd lost all chances of a BJ
BTW: Paul Rudd is the GOAT, that dude undersells his lines and it's pure hilarity....
I was crying when they were tripping out and he's like "There are 5 different chairs in this one room!" I feel like that's how people sound ripped on Mush