What's Long, Douchey And Full Of Seamen?
John Mayer kicked off his annual Mayercraft Cruise in Long Beach, CA yesterday looking like he wandered in from the set of a 70s fuck flick called The Love Motorboat. John's pussy does look tight, though. However, those shorty shorts are making his thighs look wonky as all fuck! It's the way he's standing, but one looks way bigger than the other. It's like the douchefat from one of his thighs tried to escape and ended up getting stuck in the other. I have to go look in a mirror to make sure my thighs don't do this, because you know how I like to work the nut cutters in the summertimes.
I'm sure this just one of many LOOKATMEMEMEME costumes John will wear while on the Tampon of the Sea's 4-day cruise to Mehico. I also hope that for John's sake they have a Twitterdiction support group on the motherfucking boat, because he will have to go hours without dropping his caca nuggets on the internet. Although, John totally shrugs off his obsession.
John recently told E! News that he's just going through a phase, "It’s inherently silly and it’s inherently dumb. If you really think that Twitter is the pathway to spiritual enlightenment, well...It’s one step away from sending pictures of your poop. I don't have a devotion to Twitter. I didn't sell out to Twitter. You do Twitter until everybody gets off of Twitter and it's something else you go and try out."
I think one of those quotes got twisted in the wash, because what he really said was that he totally gets off on Twitter. He loves to have unprotected, dirty, nasty sex with his Twitter. Also, the whores that would think Twitter is the "pathway to spiritual enlightenment" don't exist, because they spend hours trying to figure out how to turn on their computer before they finally fuck it off and go play with a leaf instead.
And John is also wrong about the poop comment. I've been posting shit on the internet long before I twittered.
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Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:18pm.
"Here's a vid of John playing a similar cruise gig last year. I defy you to watch more than 0:30:"
I watched approx 15 seconds of that shizz and now my pussy is dried up and chapped.. I think John Mayer has given me menopause >:(
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xx
Looks like he is going to start a 21st century version of the Village People with those little ass shorts on. Kanye can be the cop.
Submitted by Lory on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:10pm.
If we drank a shot of tequila everytime this dumb fuck says "Twitter", we would develop cirrhosis within the month. For someone whose life doesn't revolve around Twitter, he talks about it way too much. Freak.
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DEAD ON! Like Tom Cruise yammering about how straight he is.
Not.
Buying.
It.
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
That's the gayest looking thing I've seen since Kanye.
Ukulele! hahahaha You know that boat is filled with chicks only. There is no way a boyfriend would accompany his woman on a douche cruise.
Is he on the male version of the Olivia Cruise. What a whanker.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:21pm.
I made it to 1:12. Is he playing in the nude?
Damn, you have a high tolerance for pain, Dee. He is nude but that's a ukulele.
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
Hahaha Sheeps. I made it to 1:12. Is he playing in the nude?
This is what I picture Adam from American Idol would look like if they ever had Village People Week and Adam sang In the Navy.
Here's a vid of John playing a similar cruise gig last year. I defy you to watch more than 0:30:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R74RPaabA_s
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
If we drank a shot of tequila everytime this dumb fuck says "Twitter", we would develop cirrhosis within the month. For someone whose life doesn't revolve around Twitter, he talks about it way too much. Freak.
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Let me dirty up your mind.
And Jen let him get away? Next he'll be dressing up like Carmen Miranda and singing show tunes. (not that there is anything wrong with that).
THIS dude has FANS????
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
That look doesn't work as well when you have an arm that's basically a tattoo.
with shorts that tight we should get an idea of what he's packin...um...well, it looks like maybe a cocktail weenie.
next he'll do a nearly nude spread in vanity fair
twit
noun:
someone who is regarded as contemptible,
an insignificant or bothersome person
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5Ff2X_3P_4&feature=player_embedded
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To make it stand, you wet it!
To make it wet, you suck it!
To make it stiff, you lick it!
To get it in, you push it!
Damn
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Threading a needle when you're older is
NO JOKE!
To the right, there is an ad for "Cloggens" - WTF. The even more evil cousin of Crocs?? Who wears that shit? Besides white trash, I mean. And people who Twitter. I guess a pair of them would go with Mayer's Village People outfit.
"Twas sailing the good ship Venus,
by Christ, you should have seen us,
The figurehead was nude in the bed,
Sucking the Captain's penis!"
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Yes, Michael K is the figurehead......
@ Alice...oh I hear ya! The guy makes me gnash my teefs! Seriously though hasn't he got a smug face that you would love to punch? A face made for punching! Oh god and his awful, horrendous, dopey, wanky music...arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Don't get me wrong he is pretty to look at. And I LOVE pretty men but his personality (or lack of) fucking reeks. I'm telling ya the guy is a sociopath. He doesn't give a rats about anyone else...it's all about him, him, him and him! I pity the next woman who goes out with this shallow fucktard.
Is this retarded douche F-ing kidding me right now?
He's giving the village people a bad rap and on top of that my Dad was a Naval officer for 20 years and would beat his ass if he saw this bull caca.
El Douche-a-rino needs his ass beat!
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 1:20pm.
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Hey Dee...still snowing?? (You actually get snow there? Amazing)
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
I'm revisiting my 'gay' thoughts on this one. His socks are ALL WRONG.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
John Mayer is a glib, shallow douchey asshole.....
But, uh, I'd still hit it. Only once or twice, though. And repeat sessions only if the dick is REALLY good.
Submitted by tinkuy on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 1:39pm
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eh merci Tinkuy.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
As Kanye was described below, in these pictures you're now looking at a Mayersexual.
Oh, MK, you've given me another new term to use!!
hey joe shmoe: you're pleasing more than just one reader ... moi-même.
The thought of going on a cruise with John Mayer makes me violently seasick.
Nah, they're probs passing out free weed to everyone.. and combined with the all-you-can-eat cruise buffets.. anything that comes out of Mayers piehole can be tolerated
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xx
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:47pm.
I guess the rumours of a 12 inch trouser python can now be put to bed.
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Hahahaha!
Wanna bet John Mayer & The John Mayer Band provides most of the musical entertainment? I predict a mutiny off Todos Santos.
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
He's had the hair on his arms and legs removed.
My money is on permanent laser removal.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
Who in THE HELL pays, nay, WANTS to go on an official John Mayer cruise? It boggles the mind.
he's on the good ship lollipop.shake that moneymaker dork.LOL
>..< it's Caturday, MEOW!!
The Village People are missing a member and it's the Cruise Director.
lighten up. its funny. and don't even like the guy much.
He ain't got nothing on Capt.Stubing...
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
What kills me is that people actually PAID to spend four days stuck on a boat with this douchenozzle. They now have to sit through hearing him sing and listening to his pseudo existential bullshit. Even worse, they have to LOOK at him. And they PAID for this? Hell, HE'D have to pay ME and he doesn't have that kind of money. All the money that Bernie Madoff stole is not that kind of money!
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
He is a pre-mixed, pre-measured, disposable douche.
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~Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Anonymous~
Aniston seems to like them stupid. He is as big a douche as Pitt and his stupid hats. I hope the sex was worth it.
I guess the rumours of a 12 inch trouser python can now be put to bed.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
Mayer isn't even a regular douche.. he's like one of those fancy floral or mountain spring scented douches that no one would ever want their pussay to smell like.
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xx
Goddamn, I hate this tool. Even my intense seething hatred for Pete Wentz doesnt come close to how much i despise John Mayer. . He thinks he's so charming and witty. He's a pompous famewhore. I hope someone pushes him overboard off his doucheboat during this cruise. Then all would be right with the world.
He's lying. He's doing fanservice on Twitter and he knows it, and if he wasn't getting anything out of it, like actually accumulating more fans (shudder), he'd be done with that & on to something else.
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It's grilled cheese samich, hunny buns, not girl cheese.
Those shorts are a tad snug.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
Hmmm, if you substitute Aniston for Twitter in his quote, it sums up his entire relationship with her...
"I don't have a devotion to Twitter/Aniston. I didn't sell out to Twitter/Aniston. You do Twitter/Aniston until everybody gets off of Twitter/Aniston and it's something else you go and try out."
.
xx
id let him hit it raw.
I really fucking hate and despise and loath this narcissistic, douchebag! He thinks he is so cool and hip and funny. He is about as cool as Vanilla Ice, as hip as Ashlee Simpson and as funny as Genital Warts. I hate him so much that he almost does my head in. I would love someone to seriously hurt this guy lol. Someone to just go up to him and give him a swift kick in the nuts.
Jennifer Aniston what were you thinking!!!!????
He is looking like Marc "Skeletor" Anthony in these photos. Maybe it's the sunglasses...
This guy thinks he is the cat's pajamas and he just is not all that. He looks ridiculous. I do hope he enjoys his time with the ladies because the men are waiting in turn for him.
survivorville
dint the village people have a sailor?
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