What's Long, Douchey And Full Of Seamen?
John Mayer kicked off his annual Mayercraft Cruise in Long Beach, CA yesterday looking like he wandered in from the set of a 70s fuck flick called The Love Motorboat. John's pussy does look tight, though. However, those shorty shorts are making his thighs look wonky as all fuck! It's the way he's standing, but one looks way bigger than the other. It's like the douchefat from one of his thighs tried to escape and ended up getting stuck in the other. I have to go look in a mirror to make sure my thighs don't do this, because you know how I like to work the nut cutters in the summertimes.
I'm sure this just one of many LOOKATMEMEMEME costumes John will wear while on the Tampon of the Sea's 4-day cruise to Mehico. I also hope that for John's sake they have a Twitterdiction support group on the motherfucking boat, because he will have to go hours without dropping his caca nuggets on the internet. Although, John totally shrugs off his obsession.
John recently told E! News that he's just going through a phase, "It’s inherently silly and it’s inherently dumb. If you really think that Twitter is the pathway to spiritual enlightenment, well...It’s one step away from sending pictures of your poop. I don't have a devotion to Twitter. I didn't sell out to Twitter. You do Twitter until everybody gets off of Twitter and it's something else you go and try out."
I think one of those quotes got twisted in the wash, because what he really said was that he totally gets off on Twitter. He loves to have unprotected, dirty, nasty sex with his Twitter. Also, the whores that would think Twitter is the "pathway to spiritual enlightenment" don't exist, because they spend hours trying to figure out how to turn on their computer before they finally fuck it off and go play with a leaf instead.
And John is also wrong about the poop comment. I've been posting shit on the internet long before I twittered.
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He's hoping the ship gets boarded by butt pirates.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:01pm.
Tiger. Too much dancing and not enough douche tenderizahing. GET THAT DOUCHE!
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Know why they don't play Rock / Paper / Scissors / Pussy? Because NOTHING beats pussy! -- Toom Viltrax
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:25pm.
*sticking little sock monkey head out of hamper* *singing*
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a!!
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*Standing up on tiger back legs, doing YMCA dance...*
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A.
They have everything that you need to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys ...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I can honestly say that I've never heard a John Mayer record. Is he even popular?
If I found myself on any cruise with him, I would *pray* for a Poseidon-sized wave to capsize the ship and would actively beat down Gene Hackman and Red Buttons if they tried to save my ass afterwards.
Oh, this made my day!
"you know how I like to work the nut cutters in the summertimes" MK you're the best...
that said, I think this guy is a complete and utter moron...
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the end...
Ugly, douche ass piece of no talent shit who is in the spotlight for reasons un known to most of the general population.
call me when he falls of a cliff, I hate this asshate with the power of a thousand suns.
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Fucka Doodle Doo!
what an idiot! ...who will be the next Jenny?
Off topic, but A) the topic is Mayer and B) MK is prob cranked right now, so no open post..
There was a story here in Cleveland about a little girl that got popped with a baseball, was fine, then a few days later got a headache. The day that Natasha passed....
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/26/head.injury.emergency/
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That photo. So gross. It's not funny. It's campy but not cute.
Perez said that at Jessica Simpson's behest, he kissed JM while she rubbed JM's crotch. I remember the post. It could've been for like 2 seconds like a game of spin the bottle. The part about JS is what trips me out b/c she was dating him at the time. And what would be the point of that for her? Gross.
If it were a lie, JM would've sued. More importantly, PH would NEVER open him up so easily to $$ liability.
Definitely true. But we don't know how long the kiss was...
Submitted by Mr. President on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:34pm.
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Oh...ergg...this is like the time I accidentally walked in on my FIL and he was naked. There are some things that God never intended the human eye to see or the brain to try and process. JM kissing cochon Perez kinda trumps that, though.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
John Mayer was kinda hot with the long hair, black/dark clothing, tattoos, poetic artist/"edgy" pop music (ok, that always sucked).
Now he is short-haired and douchey. WTF? How can someone change so dramatically? Short shorts? Really?
So gross.
I went off to google land because I was sure I had seen the evidence.
Could not find due to legal reasons.
In other words, true.
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
I can't believe Aniston let herself be associated with him. I mean, really, is it worse to be a rich, attractive, fit, intelligent, creative single woman? Really?
So gross.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:30pm.
I believe it really happened. To kiss a monster like Perez, you would have to be really gay.
http://www.usmagazine.com/perez_hilton_john_mayer_definitely_bi
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Mr. President on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:26pm.
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He kissed Perez Hilton? Mr Prez! Have you been into the Turpentine again?
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:23pm.
Hi Joe. Mayer's rumored make out session with Perez Hilton is becoming more believable by the day.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Mr. President on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:16pm
Rum, sodomy and the lash? Ouuu I'm getting all tingly-like.
Hahahaha
Edited to add: Ok maybe not the sodomy part.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
*sticking little sock monkey head out of hamper* *singing*
It's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a!!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
How desperate IS Aniston??
The only thing more revolting than his gayer than gay, 'look at meeeee' stance (in those teeny weeny kiddie shorts), are his big floppy loose lips. UGGH!!
Aniston!? How COULD you! You desperate, desperate, desperate cougar. Have some pride, please!!
He must have heard that quote about "rum, sodomy and the lash" being Royal Navy traditions and decided he wanted to take part.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Douchey or not, I still think he's hot! These pics are great but they won't beat the green banana thong pics LOL
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Ok who drank my Vodka! Dammit!
Meanwhile, Sheeps will be following both ya'll checkin out your booties!!!!
Bow chicka bow bow....
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No I is following you!
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
EEG, Ima following you....
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
I don't like this guy.
"It's the Lifestyles of the Rich & Shameless"
Lost Boyz
Sheep's a tweeter, Andi's a tweeter, wouldn't you like to be a tweeter too...be a tweeter...
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jt
holy shit, that is the gayest outfit I've seen since the old West Side Pier days! the Chelsea queens have some serious competition now! all aboard, boys!!
Ugh! I would have dumped his goofy-ass ages ago.
I thought he was supposed to be packing, too?
If ashton krutcher and kayne west were also on this cruise the entire ship would sink to the depths under the weight of the douche-iness.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
Wow, what the hell could Aniston have been thinking? This guy is Douche Central, and if he were a 1/10 as good looking as he thinks he is, he'd be a killer. Fortunately for him there are airheads like Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson and desperate cougars like Aniston who are willing to swallow his shit whole, not to mention the many moronic groupies he can polish off on the road. Can you imagine what this cruise is going to be like? He obviously wants to be the Hugh Hefner of his generation! A very lofty ambition, indeed. Jesus, imagine the STDs he's had.
Why didn't someone toss his ass overboard when they had the chance? Really people.
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
LA,
I just joined today to follow MK, weird shit. You can see my user name on his tweet. (I felt stupid just typing that)
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
He is a twit twat who twitters shit and douchbag fits him to a T. I used to like his music but his in your face annoying publicity stunts are one too many . Just go away already
Ever saw this one on
___ AffluentMeet.com ___
It 's where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!
Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 4:37pm.
Ha! I had to dump Mayer cuz he's sooo annoying, then followed him again 15 mins ago just to see what he's doing on the cruise. Sorry, but I had to drop Anderson.... the news guys give ya too much news, yano?
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
He really does fancy himself. He looks like an advert for a loveboat movie: Captain Stubbing, the Gay Years.
Aniston will be taking him back before the summer
Sheeps on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 4:35pm
You're a TWEETER TOO!?
I Tweet as well, I did not choose to follow him though.
Of course I follow Mah Boo...
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Jeez, Aniston really is desperate. This douchebag is a living proof.
He might be tweeting at sea. He posted this 14 hrs ago: "Just finished a new song called 'Hot Nutz'. I really feel like this track will define my career."
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
He's such a twat.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Submitted by AttentionWhore on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:47pm.
Mayer isn't even a regular douche.. he's like one of those fancy floral or mountain spring scented douches that no one would ever want their pussay to smell like.
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xx
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I was thinking more like no-brand douche but you're probably right on this one.
I like my pussay to smell like...ummm. Pussay.
x
At least when he was with Aniston, she kept his doucheness at bay. But I won't forgive this egotistical asshole for squirming airtime on Conan's last show.
I do not think violence is right at all. However if someone slapped the crap out of him it would be okay.
Submitted by TiredofthisCrap on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:45pm.
Looks like he is going to start a 21st century version of the Village People with those little ass shorts on. Kanye can be the cop.
==Pete Wentz can be the construction dude.
What the fffff...I smell Aniston behind this fuckery!
-.-
The internet, where the men are real men,
the women are real men, and the children are the FBI.
Submitted by AttentionWhore on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:45pm.
I watched approx 15 seconds of that shizz and now my pussy is dried up and chapped.. I think John Mayer has given me menopause >:(
hahahaha. Sorry.
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 3:27pm.
You know that boat is filled with chicks only. There is no way a boyfriend would accompany his woman on a douche cruise.
No kidding. I hadn't heard of anyone else on the bill and there are 7 other musical acts. It's a 4-day trip from San Pedro (Long Beach) to Cabo and back. On the fishing boats, it used to take us 3 days one way from further south (San Diego), so the cruise ship is ripping. They spill out the tourists for the day in Cabo, to buy trinkets and T-shirts and tank up on margies, then speed home again.
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
He should hook-up with Fishsticks so they can talk about their favorite subjects (poop and themselves) all day long. Fishsticks is more his type and is basically single as her husband keeps his distance from her for obvious reasons.