What's Long, Douchey And Full Of Seamen?
John Mayer kicked off his annual Mayercraft Cruise in Long Beach, CA yesterday looking like he wandered in from the set of a 70s fuck flick called The Love Motorboat. John's pussy does look tight, though. However, those shorty shorts are making his thighs look wonky as all fuck! It's the way he's standing, but one looks way bigger than the other. It's like the douchefat from one of his thighs tried to escape and ended up getting stuck in the other. I have to go look in a mirror to make sure my thighs don't do this, because you know how I like to work the nut cutters in the summertimes.
I'm sure this just one of many LOOKATMEMEMEME costumes John will wear while on the Tampon of the Sea's 4-day cruise to Mehico. I also hope that for John's sake they have a Twitterdiction support group on the motherfucking boat, because he will have to go hours without dropping his caca nuggets on the internet. Although, John totally shrugs off his obsession.
John recently told E! News that he's just going through a phase, "It’s inherently silly and it’s inherently dumb. If you really think that Twitter is the pathway to spiritual enlightenment, well...It’s one step away from sending pictures of your poop. I don't have a devotion to Twitter. I didn't sell out to Twitter. You do Twitter until everybody gets off of Twitter and it's something else you go and try out."
I think one of those quotes got twisted in the wash, because what he really said was that he totally gets off on Twitter. He loves to have unprotected, dirty, nasty sex with his Twitter. Also, the whores that would think Twitter is the "pathway to spiritual enlightenment" don't exist, because they spend hours trying to figure out how to turn on their computer before they finally fuck it off and go play with a leaf instead.
And John is also wrong about the poop comment. I've been posting shit on the internet long before I twittered.
• 
Freddie Mercury another one bites the dust. Cum cum on out of the closet.
Ugh. Enough of this man whore already. He's like that oh-im-so-inlove-with-myself attention whore in highschool nobody really gives a rat's ass about.
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.
-anonymous
he looks like Johnny Knoxville
One time I hung out with a gay guy all night and he was so fine that after 10 Cuervo shots I started to forget he was gay....at least until he asked me to dance and started doing pirouettes. The only thing is that I was 20. Jen is entirely too old for this shit to slip by her gay-dar.
That beeoch is CURSED!!!!
He is one of the worst singers ever. Period. He whispers when he sings and it's only made worse from the diarreah-faces he makes while "singing". His songwriting skills equal that of a 5th grader ("Your bubblegum tongue"? wtf?). Who buys his shit?
He is the patron saint of douches...I loathe him!
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Why in bronzer on the nutsack hell is she naked, but he's fully clothed? Take all them panties off, Zac!
What a jerk!I don't know how anyone can stand him or that tripe he calles his "music". The only decent thing he has doone was an outright rip-off of Curtis Mayfield!
oh good god, I'm ashamed of myself for actually liking his music. I want so badly to hate his music as much as I hate him, I just can't bring myself to. I don't like his voice, I don't like his lyrics - but the man has talent on that guitar.
However, I wouldn't miss him if he disappeared off of the face of the earth.
GOD I HATE this idiot.
Don't hate me for this MK, but I think he looks hot. The tight shorts look pretty damned good. Nice bulge.
Let's just call him John GAYer, and call it a day. That is all.
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
DOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCHE
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!
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Better Living Through Chemicals!
OMGWTF... That outfit just reaffirms my belief that this "dude" is the biggest douchebag ever. I can't even stand his "music." What all these women see in him I'll never know.
He never should have shown those legs.
Jen should be beat upside her chin for running after that for any amount of time at all.
She is need of a serious upgrade!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
What a puss!!!
Nope, cant go there with you guys. I dont mean this cruise and I dont want to go there either. But I have been reading alot about this. Many of the biggest names in the world do this. But they go out private bidder....under agreement that them selling out for four days on the LIDO deck doesnt go public knowledge and it runs the gamut from the Stones to the Bare naked ladies. Mayer is just consistent with the rest of the stuff he does...He started calling himself Douchebag and writing it on his face backwards when he interviewed with x17 for 5-10 sexonds all that...I think its funny. I think he is funny. And Gem...He prolly hates your coworker too. And since the whole deal with these cruises is to make the celeb accessible to their fave star....she no doubt showed him her lipo scars too...first 3 mins probably cuz he is like FAMILY to be sure.
Hells bells, LORETTA!
I found a great site _______Wealthybeauty.COM_______ . where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true! I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy
as my father would say "WHAT A FIRST CLASS PRICK!"
Those shorts are from the GAP ladies wear. I own 2 pair.
Where did all the Oly go?
um yeah...G A Y
why else would he be with maniston... BEARD
xoxox
The war isn't working.
so, the captain goes down ON the ship these days?
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Thank you anasakrana, I must bump this for the world to see:
"ASS. SEMEN MAYER!! REPORT TO THE POOP DECK IMMEDIATELY.. WE HAVE REPORTS THAT THE SPACE STATION IS NOW CIRCLING URANUS... OUR GOVERNMENT DID NOT PAY BILLIONS FOR IT TO BE LOST IN A BLACK HOLE... REPORT TO THE POOP DECK IMMEDIATELY, SO THAT THIS SITUATION CAN BE "RECTIFIED".. PREFERABLY BY ME...... THE REAR ADMIRAL..."
John looks like he was dressed by queer eye for the douche guy.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Other than him being associated with Jen Aniston, I've never heard of him.
How did he get to be a celeb?
IS he a celeb?
Submitted by zomay on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 11:55pm.
Well he always has a future in cruise line entertainment.
I think "Tom Cruise Lines" may have an opening...or two.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
I did enjoy this guy's music before he became some famewhore mega douche. He is a bad ass guitar player and if I hadn't heard so much shit spew out of his mouth since he dated all those whores I might have hit it. Shit, he even had sex with PEREZ HILTON. That's right, PEREZ the pig.
He is so douche that if it came between him and Ashton on a afternoon dinner date, I would choose the latter. All Ashton would do is make fart jokes.
wow, looks like he's joining the gay navy or the gayvy.
you've just been violated!
Well he always has a future in cruise line entertainment.
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Proving that douchitude is immune to salt air and international waters, Mayer left this tweet 2 hours ago: "Watched the sunset. I just had a beer with the unknown, and it's actually really cool if you shut up and listen to what it has to say."
I guess it's too much to hope he throws himself off the stern like Hart Crane.
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Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons.
Could someone please explain what "Twitter" is.
I know I'm CLUELESS!!
i can actually enjoy some of his music; not so much the pop stuff, but he can do blues pretty decent. as far as his persona - he's the biggest douche ever, hands down.
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major asshole...
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nice ass...when does it open?
Submitted by Gem on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 10:48pm.
If you can pixel out the peoples faces and just leave the douche, you should upload them for shits and giggles.... and maybe cash.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
Don't worry, I'll be bombarded w/pictures the second I see her @ work. She's a nice lady but she assumes that everyone on the planet wants to see pics of every second of her vacations, see pics of her grandkids, she actually showed me her lipo scars within about 10 minutes of meeting her, her first day on the job, and I think everyone on our floor has seen the tramp stamp that she got when she went on her last cruise with her daughter....I used to feel sorry for the daughter but I found out that they got matching tattoos....no matter how drunk I ever got, I know that I would NEVER get a tattoo, especially not the same one that my mother got (not that my mom would every have gotten a tat, may she R.I.P. (crossing self)...
Who's he think he is? One of the Andrew Sisters?
PFFFT!
Submitted by sybil on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 10:29pm.
You spelled tigerlilly wrong.
hahahahahhah.
you're DEAD!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
The ship's cat was Tigerlippy,
Her hole was black and shitty.
But shit or not, it had a twat
The Captain showed no mercy!
Friggin'in the riggin'
Wanking on the planking,
masturbating on the grating
when there's fuck all else to do!
Submitted by Gem on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:58pm.
Get pictures.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
As embarassed as I am to admit this, I actually work with someone (a woman of course) who is on this cruise right now with her daughter (cringing)...they were all geeked up about going too...this is the 2nd time my co-worker has been on one of this d-bag's cruises....the last time she was all excited because of that gross thong-looking thing he wore and I had to tell her that EVERYONE on this website was making fun of him! Of course she thinks he is "cute" (gagging)...'scuse me, I must go hurl now....
You know AJ makes Brad wear the same outfit for fucky times.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
he's a douche, but i would give him head in the back of a theater (a NICE theater)(or an expensive restaurant, yeah) because he's a good guitar player, he's written several good songs, and i'm a groupie like that.
just one time, cause i want to see how big it is.
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
i think a round of gay porn is in order here.
all assess on deck!
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:37pm.
Oh, all right, but I'll need extra Soy Sauce to take that Summer's Eve after-taste out my tiger mouf...Ugh...Can't you get those cougar or lioness
whores on this job??? I mean, really...
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Not to tell you what from what tiger, but soy sauce does not go well with Mayernaise. Jussayin.
*hums to self* In da navy..
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Know why they don't play Rock / Paper / Scissors / Pussy? Because NOTHING beats pussy! -- Toom Viltrax
Submitted by RichBitch on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 8:29pm.
I can honestly say that I've never heard a John Mayer record. Is he even popular?
I had the misfurtune of hearing a few notes of one of his "songs" once.. Apparently he is famous merely for being famous, and the company he keeps.. The only way he could create any quality entertainment for anyone, is if he got tossed in Folsom, or san Quentin prison.. in that sailor suit...
Submitted by Clarisse on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 7:47pm.
There was a story here in Cleveland about a little girl that got popped with a baseball
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Dang! You just reminded me of something I had not thought of in years...when I was a kid I was hanging out with a friend by the pool we went to. It was right next to a golf course (no, we weren't rich, this was out in the country). I was looking right at her when she got clocked on the head by a wayward golfball. It made the loudest crack. She just blinked, and her eyes got real wide, and a trickle of blood started running down her forehead, and then she started screaming.
She was okay, she just had to get a couple of stitches but it remains one of the craziest things I have seen with *edit: my OWN eyeballs.
They closed the pool soon after cuz it wasn't the first time.
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I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! -MK
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:16pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:01pm.
Tiger. Too much dancing and not enough douche tenderizahing. GET THAT DOUCHE!
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Oh, all right, but I'll need extra Soy Sauce to take that Summer's Eve after-taste out my tiger mouf...Ugh...Can't you get those cougar or lioness
whores on this job??? I mean, really...
Ooooh, ooh, next dance number....
In the navy
Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy
Yes, you can put your mind at ease
In the navy
Come on now, people, make a stand
In the navy, in the navy
Can't you see we need a hand
In the navy
Come on, protect the motherland
In the navy
Come on and join your fellow man
In the navy
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Oh Jennifer, so glad you got away from this one. What a dork!
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I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! -MK
ASS. SEMEN MAYER!! REPORT TO THE POOP DECK IMMEDIATELY.. WE HAVE REPORTS THAT THE SPACE STATION IS NOW CIRCLING URANUS... OUR GOVERNMENT DID NOT PAY BILLIONS FOR IT TO BE LOST IN A BLACK HOLE... REPORT TO THE POOP DECK IMMEDIATELY, SO THAT THIS SITUATION CAN BE "RECTIFIED".. PREFERABLY BY ME...... THE REAR ADMIRAL...
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 9:19pm.
He's hoping the ship gets boarded by butt pirates.
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Yo ho ho and a bottle of lube?
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Know why they don't play Rock / Paper / Scissors / Pussy? Because NOTHING beats pussy! -- Toom Viltrax
This and the mankini confirm it: he is packing a pretty small pistol for his height. I wouldn't care if he was hot and had a great personality, but in this case...
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Did somebody say PCP? I LOOOVES THE PEACEY P!!