ShamWow Vince Will Slap Chop A Ho!
There are a million other uses for a ShamWow towel that we just don't know of. It can be used to clean up chunky doody off the floor after your asshole got a little too into it during butt sex. It also can be used to clean up barf that fell out of your mouth while you were having a seizure after ODing. AND you can use it to wipe up blood from a hooker's face after you beat her down because she tried to bite your tongue off! Vince should really show us the last one in his informercials, because it happened to him. A testimonial!
The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby. Ahaha! Why do I picture the front desk bitch screaming, "Hey! You're the ShamWow dude!" while Vince was whining about his tongue almost getting bitten off. Oh, it's times like this that I really love being alive.
The police were called and both were arrested for felony aggravated battery. Prosecutors later decided to not file formal charges against either of them. Sasha said she might file a lawsuit against Vince to get a little bit of his ShamWow money. And no, she doesn't love his nuts.
I didn't peg Vince as the make-out type. I would think he would want to bust a mess all over that whore as soon as possible, so that he could mop it up with his handy ShamWow. You know that's the part that reaaaally turns him on.
Vince's mug shot was sponsored by the Department of Meth FACES. Damn fuck! If only Vince could use one of his magical ShamWow towels to wipe the meth damage off his mug.
And somewhere in America, Bill Mays' peen is getting raw from jacking off to this story over and over again, because he knows the cops used OxiClean to get the blood out.
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How is that ho worth $1,000? That skank looks she would suck and fuck for only $10.
Really, why were they kissing?
Submitted by HotSlutOfTheDecade on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:32pm.
i think shes goodlooking. as for inbred goldfish, real cute making fun of fish not responsible for the inbreeding of their parents. go fuck yourself fascist!
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"You know, and we know, and you know that we know that it's nonsense"-Daniel Hannan
I wonder if MK has ever slipped a girl the salami?
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:22pm.
Why are you defending the prostitute, Provolone? I honestly want to know.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
WOW HE LOOKS WORSE THAN I DO AFTER A 7 DAY SMIRNOFF BINGE. THAT GUY IS FUCKING DEFINITELY SMACKED OR CRACKED OUT.
since this hooker didn't like the taste of sham wow vince's tongue, i can only imagine what damage she would've done to his nuts...
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nice ass...when does it open?
Wasn't Vince a Sciento at one point?
*running off to Google it*
oh SHIT i would've never guessed that was him. He looks like he's 50 in that mugshot.
greatttt story
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visit my art gallery :)
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WOW you are so fucking classy (with the underage whore in your picture, pedi) making fun of people with "FAS" that they can't control,and using it as an insult, fuck you are really a cunt.
girl next door? shut the fuck up she is a dirty ass hooker, who FUCKS vince shamwow for money and gets her face broken.
you are a dumbass, go fuck yourself, you have the intelligence of an inbred goldfish, THANK YOU.
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:22pm.
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You give good cunt, bitch! :D
And I love how it looks like one corner of his mouth is smirking and the other side is frowning.
EDIT: Oh SHIT, hers looks that way, too!
Submitted by Uncle Ashtray on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:15pm.
You know.....if you look at ShamWow upside-down....it spells Mom Ways......yeah......fucking think about that.......
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AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
itted by Hekki on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:16pm
I'm catching the Hep just thinking about sitting on a toilet seat (guilty when black out/college binge drinking drunk, sorry) in a Titty Bar dressing room..
But I thought Prostitutes had a rule about no kissing, or was that just the Pretty Woman fantasy?
I'm also assuming the SPACKLE the foundation on his face, because i had NO idea he was 44 (Meth ages the hell out of people). They make him look human on those infomercials.
I prefer "Labia Lickin' Lady" over his obnoxious shouts of "Hot LEZZZZZBIAN Love!"
How the mighty have fallen. Vince, I am VERY disappointed in you! *shakes head*
ETA: I'm lovin' all the ShamWow jokes in here, tho'.
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"Dude is titty fucking and prematurely jizzing on all of us with his eyes." - MK
Submitted by your ex on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 4:56pm.
she's not methfaced. take away the mascara tears and she would look like the girl next door. now go measure the distance between your eyes, i want a good laugh
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"You know, and we know, and you know that we know that it's nonsense"-Daniel Hannan
Dominic West could play Vince in a movie! Doppelgänger!
Submitted by JennyBoom: "A few things i know about the adult profession..
You don't kiss"
Exactly. I was yelling this at my computer.
Who in their right MIND would kiss a hooker? That's like licking the floor in a peep show and then licking a toilet bowl. And maybe licking random dogs anuses and the sidewalk outside a bar for dessert.
And I don't know what this girl claims to do/let you do, but I think $1,000 is pretty steep. Must be some really depraved shit.
You know.....if you look at ShamWow upside-down....it spells Mom Ways......yeah......fucking think about that.......
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Show Biz! I'm tellin' you!
wow this gives new meaning to "you are gonna love my nuts" - I thought he was gay, did not figure him as the type who would pay for pussy. my gaydar must be broken...and isn't prostitution illegal in Florida? they both can get charged for that regardless of what went on between them.
and this hooker looks like Michelle Williams...at first I thought it was her!
Ok. Wait a second. Is this really the sham wow guy?
Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 4:59pm.
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Type it? Try saying it three times fast. "SHAM WOW! THAM WOW! THEE HOW!!"
Never mind, that's just me. *pours another glass*
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Sounds like the ideal first date, doesn't it?
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Fucka Doodle Doo!
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 4:45pm.
I wonder if he thought she was absorbent?
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Hehehehe..I bet there's a Sham Wow Pow-Wow going on right now at Sham Wow headquarters. Geez that's hard to type.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
he looks like he's been dating chris brown, too.
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Do they have video photoshop nowadays cuz he looks nothing like this in commercials.
And my old BF was from Florida and he was the craziest person ive ever met!!!
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Beware Conficker worm come April 1!
Scan your computers bitches!!!
aw provolone, how kind of you, sticking up for a meth faced hooker,
right up your alley hey?
Wasn't Vince's face already busted up?
You can take a guy out of the carnival, but you can't take the carny out Vince.
It always FLORIDA! lol
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
Oh look kiddies, this happened in FLORIDA.. SURPRISE SURPRISE
@your ex, she is cute, probably a lot better looking then your fetal alcohol syndrome looking face
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"You know, and we know, and you know that we know that it's nonsense"-Daniel Hannan
Meth and hookers. A leathal combo.
And I call shinanigans, this dude's whole persona screams punch happy violent sex freak show. She kissed him too hard, my ass.
You must die. I alone am best.
He was willing to pay $1000 for that? Def on drugs.
Couldn't they have a least used a Sham Wow on his face to get the dried blood off?! Sasha is as HIGH as a kite.
SHAM.FUCKING.WOW
Is that a face of meth or crack???
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"
I love Vince. I hope his tongue is all better now. That bitch better watch her back!!
I wonder if he thought she was absorbent?
who would fuck that ugly skank?
and why is vince's eye all puffed out like he has the herp in it, in the shamwow imformercial?
A few things i know about the adult profession..
You don't kiss
Strippers
Male strippers (but it happens alll too often).
Prostitutes
Common Sense.
I prefer "Labia Lickin' Lady" over his obnoxious shouts of "Hot LEZZZZZBIAN Love!"