ShamWow Vince Will Slap Chop A Ho!
There are a million other uses for a ShamWow towel that we just don't know of. It can be used to clean up chunky doody off the floor after your asshole got a little too into it during butt sex. It also can be used to clean up barf that fell out of your mouth while you were having a seizure after ODing. AND you can use it to wipe up blood from a hooker's face after you beat her down because she tried to bite your tongue off! Vince should really show us the last one in his informercials, because it happened to him. A testimonial!
The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby. Ahaha! Why do I picture the front desk bitch screaming, "Hey! You're the ShamWow dude!" while Vince was whining about his tongue almost getting bitten off. Oh, it's times like this that I really love being alive.
The police were called and both were arrested for felony aggravated battery. Prosecutors later decided to not file formal charges against either of them. Sasha said she might file a lawsuit against Vince to get a little bit of his ShamWow money. And no, she doesn't love his nuts.
I didn't peg Vince as the make-out type. I would think he would want to bust a mess all over that whore as soon as possible, so that he could mop it up with his handy ShamWow. You know that's the part that reaaaally turns him on.
Vince's mug shot was sponsored by the Department of Meth FACES. Damn fuck! If only Vince could use one of his magical ShamWow towels to wipe the meth damage off his mug.
And somewhere in America, Bill Mays' peen is getting raw from jacking off to this story over and over again, because he knows the cops used OxiClean to get the blood out.
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For $1000, she should at least throw in a free set of steak knives
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
This make me want to start a "legalize prostitution" rant, but I'm holding back
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Brand, Jen, and Angelina sing about love
http://youtube.com/watch?v=baSNJpfpjbE
I didn't peg Vince as the make-out type. I would think he would want to bust a mess all over that whore as soon as possible, so that he could mop it up with his handy ShamWow.
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Actually, it's because he can't be doing this all day.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
i dont care, i heart Vince. bitch hooker needs to give Vince back his 1,000 bucks.
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TEAM VINCE BITCHES
I don't like to be smug, but I'm sure in the "ShamWow Vince vs. Billie Mays* thread a coupla months ago, I opined that SW Vince was dodgy. 'Course I never actually predicted that a hooker would try to chew his tongue off.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
Hooker-ini
Tongue-atini
Smack-arini
Arrest-atini!
Vince!!!
BWAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I have nothing else to say.
ShamWeird
Are you sure that's Vince? I don't see any astronomical wonk.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:57pm.
You're right. I go there in the off season, or when I stay in the Disney hotels, I go on the Extra Magic nights when they close the park to all except hotel people. I don't even think of Disney from May - August. Talk about heat strokes for the northern folks and their kids, they drop like flies here.
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by EvilShoe on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:55pm.
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The only crazy people I saw when I was in FL were at Disney. That place is insane.
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
And HELL YES for this shit happening in Florida, I'm going to embrace that the crazies are all around me!
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:52pm.
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Awwww Tiger, don't be embarrassed! Everybody loves a little tongue now and then.
heeheehee
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
That skanks mug says "I don't give a FUCK!" lol
This children is what happens when you leave the $cieno clan. I
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Dick happens! - MK
Why isn't this posted under "methfaces"?
Dude belongs in rehab! I guess the pressures of infomercial stardom will do that to a brother.
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Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:44pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:23pm.
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:16pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:12pm.
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Perhaps we love a whore for different reasons, Provie my friend, but the important thing is: WE LOVE A HO! And I ain't ashamed to admit that shit neither...(ok, I'm a little ashamed, but not nearly as ashamed as I should be...)
Team ShamWow Vince's whore!
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Ahhh Tiger you big carnivore you! It was the tongue-biting wasn't it? You're salivating and your tummy's rumbling as we speak, isn't it?
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Pssht... No!...*tiger tummy rumbling...*....Ok, ok, yes...*bowing tiger head*....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
METHwow!!!!
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"DAAAAAAAAMN!!!! THIS IS SOME BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!"
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:23pm.
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:16pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:12pm.
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Perhaps we love a whore for different reasons, Provie my friend, but the important thing is: WE LOVE A HO! And I ain't ashamed to admit that shit neither...(ok, I'm a little ashamed, but not nearly as ashamed as I should be...)
Team ShamWow Vince's whore!
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Ahhh Tiger you big carnivore you! It was the tongue-biting wasn't it? You're salivating and your tummy's rumbling as we speak, isn't it?
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Il faut à mon avis écrire pour plaire à un seul lecteur : soi-même.
I agree, in the previous arrest photo posted on The Smoking Gun that hooker did look pretty. But what kind of fucktard bites down on a stranger's tongue and gets viciously punched for doing so, then smiles when the cops take her photo? She is obviously another attention whore....next.
"People are strange when you're a stranger..." ~ The Doors
(All together now) "All I can say is 'SHAME...WOW!!!'"
If you read the arrest affidavit on TSG you will read that she has a "LUCKY" tattoo on her lower back. LOL
Also, in her previous arrest photo she looks very pretty
FUZZY! That video was pure hotness! I think I can die a happy woman today. *sigh*
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Put the GO in GOKEY!
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Need some "Chocolate Thunder?" Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK0d2P9Hbv4
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:16pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:12pm.
You are so right on!! Let noone question your opinion of beauty. How could you not love a girl that takes no guff, This girl is HOOOOTTT!!
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Perhaps we love a whore for different reasons, Provie my friend, but the important thing is: WE LOVE A HO! And I ain't ashamed to admit that shit neither...(ok, I'm a little ashamed, but not nearly as ashamed as I should be...)
Team ShamWow Vince's whore!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
It can be used to clean up chunky doody off the floor after your asshole got a little too into it during butt sex.
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MK, I believe Chunky Doody was Howdy's obese, pedophile brother kept in the attic.
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. —Groucho Marx
Are ya followin' me, hooker girl?
Who kisses a hooker? He should use the ShamWOW to wipe his mug.
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Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. —Groucho Marx
This is 2 good 2 b true...Im sure MK is just screaming and convulsing with absolute abandon.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:12pm.
You are so right on!! Let noone question your opinion of beauty. How could you not love a girl that takes no guff, This girl is HOOOOTTT!!
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"You know, and we know, and you know that we know that it's nonsense"-Daniel Hannan
Submitted by fuzzyslippers on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:14pm.
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I KNOW! I kind of wanna slap chop my eyeballs, because I am just fucking wrong for thinking that impure shit! *excuses self to toilet*
Submitted by Sartastic on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 6:12pm.
You need to be put down.
NO HAHA! But seriously, that is kind of sick.
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For all you Alan Rickman lovers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqgZ595PHk
!WARNING!: This video will make pie goods temperatures reach critical levels. Risk of pie goods explosion is high. Use extreme caution.
I KNEW THAT GUY HAD A PROBLEM!!! Freaking nasty-ass shit right there. What a weirdo...
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♥*♥*♥*♥*♥* Grossness... *♥*♥*♥*♥*♥
Can I just say I LOVE LOVE LOVE ShamWow Vince's hooker (she no longer needs to be called by an actual name now cuz that's her claim to fame)? Look at that hot whore smiling like the cat who ate the canary in her mugshot (I can realte). PURE UNADULTERATED AWESOMENESS! I love that skank!VH1 GIVE THIS SLUT A REALITY SHOW NOW, NOW, NOW!!! (no...scratch that, wait until I get a t.v., then give that skeezer a reality show...)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Holy fucking shit! I just gagged. And to think I thought that stroke victim/meth face was kinda hot in that Slap Chop commercial. Ok, no. Maybe a little? What in the hell is wrong with me??
Damn. If that ho can charge $1000 for a fuck, I can surely get at least $500,000. No lie, these pie goods ain't cheap.
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For all you Alan Rickman lovers:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqgZ595PHk
!WARNING!: This video will make pie goods temperatures reach critical levels. Risk of pie goods explosion is high. Use extreme caution.
She looks pretty perky about the whole arrest situation.
Now, if you're with a hooker and something goes wrong, don't you just get the hell out of there? You don't ALERT the public and the media that you were just with a hooker and something went wrong! Damn. Someone needs to teach Being a John 101 at the Community College.
Provolone to your ex
Meth is not doing Vince's face good.
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Put the GO in GOKEY!
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Need some "Chocolate Thunder?" Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK0d2P9Hbv4
damn ...she's almost as cute as debra lafave...I want some o dat
shiomi?? what kind of name is that?? Finland??
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
My dad just turned 65 and he's not that wizened and haggard. Not even close. Seriously.
These things just write themselves, don't they?
I knew he was messed up! THAT'S the BEST $1000 can buy? Plus....biting his tongue???
Submitted by Santos: "The Smoking Gun article says that the chick's mug shot is from 2008. It isn't the one of her after the sham chop. She had face fractures and whatnot, a la RiRi."
Face fractures? Okay. That changes the story a little bit. So he beat her that badly because she bit his tongue? There's more to the story then.
Maybe she charged so much to be an S&M sub and he took it too far.
Who knows? Whatever. He beat her up. That is not cool.
1000 dollars! fuck, I wasn't my time getting educated.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:29pm.
Is "The Smirk" secondary trait of Meth use? <
Maybe Meth makes you want to kiss, kind of like how E will make any lesbian (cough cough) crave dick?
I prefer "Labia Lickin' Lady" over his obnoxious shouts of "Hot LEZZZZZBIAN Love!"
This is by far the best news I've heard all year.
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"You're a whore. And your mother was a whore, and her mother, and your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, cause he was a whore too."
- Don Self
He paid $1000 for that in Miami? Seriously, that had to have included multiple kinky add-ons.
The Smoking Gun article says that the chick's mug shot is from 2008. It isn't the one of her after the sham chop. She had face fractures and whatnot, a la RiRi.
When I first saw the pic, I though that was Eileen Wuornos!
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The pair of moobs that makes a cameo at the 0:45 second was an interesting surprise - MK
I don't think she's bad looking at all.
But I don't think she looks upscale enough to be charging $1,000 for sex, either. Unless it's a long session of doing really kinky stuff.
The only things I can picture this girl doing (based on this photo) are retail at a mall store, porn or receptionist.
Submitted by Provolone on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 5:36pm.
She looks pretty good as far as hookers go, I'll agree with you there.
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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.