ShamWow Vince Will Slap Chop A Ho!
There are a million other uses for a ShamWow towel that we just don't know of. It can be used to clean up chunky doody off the floor after your asshole got a little too into it during butt sex. It also can be used to clean up barf that fell out of your mouth while you were having a seizure after ODing. AND you can use it to wipe up blood from a hooker's face after you beat her down because she tried to bite your tongue off! Vince should really show us the last one in his informercials, because it happened to him. A testimonial!
The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby. Ahaha! Why do I picture the front desk bitch screaming, "Hey! You're the ShamWow dude!" while Vince was whining about his tongue almost getting bitten off. Oh, it's times like this that I really love being alive.
The police were called and both were arrested for felony aggravated battery. Prosecutors later decided to not file formal charges against either of them. Sasha said she might file a lawsuit against Vince to get a little bit of his ShamWow money. And no, she doesn't love his nuts.
I didn't peg Vince as the make-out type. I would think he would want to bust a mess all over that whore as soon as possible, so that he could mop it up with his handy ShamWow. You know that's the part that reaaaally turns him on.
Vince's mug shot was sponsored by the Department of Meth FACES. Damn fuck! If only Vince could use one of his magical ShamWow towels to wipe the meth damage off his mug.
And somewhere in America, Bill Mays' peen is getting raw from jacking off to this story over and over again, because he knows the cops used OxiClean to get the blood out.
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Charlie is on a big Juice Newton kick. Last two weeks it was the whole catalog of Zeppelin and before that it was John Denver. Now it looks like he has moved on to Rondstat. Go figure.
I can't quit you babe, so I guess I got to put you down for a while--Led Zeppelin
Hey UA. Loving the foxx!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKEnQ5TS9uU&NR=1
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
coiled-n-hissing on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:13pm.
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I don't know why you say that, all I know is that you always crack me up. :)
And thanks...
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
shamwow vince's mugshot looks like a white version of benecio del torro (sp?)
~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~<3~~~
The Early Bird gets the worm but the Second Mouse gets the cheese.
Submitted by Charles Manson on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:08pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 8:38pm
OH GOD. I THINK I WILL DOWN A COUPLE MORE NOW. OH TIGER.
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is anyone saving these tiger love poems for posteriortory?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
@IG
I lurk here everyday...numerous times. I just can't keep up with the witty cleaver banter so I keep mum. Enjoying the show always.
Have at the siggy.
coiled-n-hissing on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:00pm.
Tongue? His tongue?
Please.
You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
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HAHAHA!! Haven't seen you in awhile, where have you been? And can I use that for my siggy?
ooh that mugshot is offensive.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 8:38pm
OH GOD. I THINK I WILL DOWN A COUPLE MORE NOW. OH TIGER. DO YOU LIKE LINDA RONSTADT?
I DONT WANT YOUR LONELY MANSION WITH A TEAR IN EVERY ROOM. ALL I WANTS THE TIGERLILLIES YOU PROMISED BENEATH THE HALOED MOON. BUT YOU THINK I SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH YOUR TIGERLLY AND YOUR NAME. AND HID MYSELF IN SORROW WHILE YOU PLAY YOUR CHEATING GAME.
SILVER TREADS AND GOLDEN TIGERLILLIES CANNOT MEND THIS HEART OF MINE. AND I DARE NOT DROWN MY SORROWS IN THE WARM GLOW OF YOUR TIGERNESS.....
Tongue? His tongue?
Please.
You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
That girl looks exactly like Ross' girlfriend, Elizabeth, on Friends (actress Alexandra Holden).
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3385367296/nm0005016
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:13pm.
Who makes out with a $1000 hooker? Or any hooker?
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Seriously!!!!
Look, I'm no prude. I am a pro-sex, sex-positive, horny lil bitch. BUT - having sex with hookers is gee-ross! You don't know where that shit has been! Ew ew ew!!
Man, when I watch movies like "From Hell" or anything that depicts the whoredom and "bangtails" of Victorian London all I can think about is the complete lack of hygeine, the diseases, the stench, not to mention the fact that when those whores got something which is now treatable, like say a UTI, they probably died from it. >shudder<
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I should be thrown into the loony bin for posting this shit. And we can share a padded room, because you're reading it! -MK
Submitted by mcnightmare on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:48pm.
Buddy Hackett too! He's a fucking pissa!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
my dad was a HUGE fan of redd foxx - he grew up in chicago back in the day, so i was aware of his 'blue humor", although i didn't get it at the time, of course
here's the redd foxx (thank god for youtube):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24a8vS_sQuA&feature=related
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Submitted by mcnightmare on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:39pm.
You TOTALLY busted me!!!! Redd Foxx it is!!!!!!!
One of the funniest lines I've ever heard from him!!!!!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Lord he looks beat. He looks a bit used even on the 'mericals where I assume he has make up. This is really beat. How old is this pee paw? 67?
Submitted by Uncle Ashtray on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:21pm.
$1,000.00 for a hooker??!! Fuck that!
I'll buy me a jar of cold cream and jack that shit ALL NIGHT LONG and still wake up the next morning with $995.00 in my pocket!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
damn, i love redd foxx - *and* the beatles...
"one two three four five six seven
all good children go to heaven"
every time i see your siggie it erases whatever foul pop song was going through my mind and replaces it with "...one sweet dream came true today........"
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
man, shamwow's lookin like one busted ass bitch! not that the hooker's looking any better. hope almost losing his tongue was worth the $1000!
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:18pm.
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:13pm
$1,000.00 for a hooker??!! Fuck that!
I'll buy me a jar of cold cream and jack that shit ALL NIGHT LONG and still wake up the next morning with $995.00 in my pocket!!!!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:13pm.
Who makes out with a $1000 hooker? Or any hooker?
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Oh, how soon the woolly one forgets last weekend's Saturday Night FEVAH....Yeah, and you owe me $999.00 and a tube of Abreva...Pffft...Never make out with a sheep is more like it! SKANK!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I love that the affidavit says that she was found with $930 in twenties. That is not numerically possible.
i wonder if she got that $930 back?
it would be a shame, to go through all that and ave nothing to show for it, eh?
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Who makes out with a $1000 hooker? Or any hooker?
Submitted by KittenKatinCanada on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:08pm.
I'm looking forward to Vince's new commercials for "ThammWoww".
Tee heeee!!!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
I'm looking forward to Vince's new commercials for "ThammWoww".
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" . . . this is what we call the floating world . . .” (Ryoi, c.1661)
Is that ho laughing cuz she kicked his ass, or what? You know, he can't go around telling his buddies "But you should see the other guy!" this time.
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
Submitted by TITS on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:01pm.
Bonjour Noop!
Saaay.. I've been meaning to ask... is that you in your avatar? :)
No! Martin Lawrence is generally a very UNfunny actor, but there was a one minute bit in one of his dumbest movies (I'm not too fussy about my movie viewing, I confess) that cracks me up, and this is from that.
I'll tell you what- if YOUR tits were MINE my husband's hands would be surgically attached!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
Bonjour Noop!
Saaay.. I've been meaning to ask... is that you in your avatar? :)
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
She looks so proud of her career choice. I'm sure her high school guidance counselor/pimp is too.
At least they didn't have their skankified bounce party at the FontaineBLOW in Miami Beach; that place sucks !
Remembering Marsha P(ay it no mind) Johnson.
HOW embarrassing!
Wassup horz!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
I know this is mean, but this shit is just too good to be true. This story was MADE for MK to write about it.
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Use goodsearch instead of google. Each time you search, you can donate money to your favorite charity without having to spend any money yourself! Spread the word.
Submitted by miso-horny on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 8:30pm.
Paul Lynde to block!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
Submitted by Charles Manson on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 8:22pm.
AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN AFAIRD OF TIGGGGGERLIES
THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER KNOW IS TIGERLILLIES--JUICE NEWTON
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Aw....Ain't my Cholly just a dreamboat, gals...Ain't he???? *wiping tiger tear from tiger eye*... Juice Newton???? It's all just too much...*ahem, clearing tiger throat....*
So many nights I sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now
You've come along
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life
You do, Cholly, you light up my life....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 7:37pm.
For $1000, she should at least throw in a free set of steak knives
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she did, that's why his face looks like that.
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Judging by Vince's mugshot, this wasn't his first time at the rodeo. That spokeswhore looks like he just came off a three year long meth binge. And who knew that infomercials paid so well?
ShamWow-izah!!
Womanzier!
Fucky for a dolla-izah!!
Afterwards... get some Sanatizah!
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"Nothing can kill The Grimace!"
I WANT TO KNOW HOW I CAN GET A GODDAMN FUCKING FACE LIKE THAT. I STOPPED SHOOTING HERION IN ABOUT FUCKING 1978. NOW IF I STARTED SMOKING A LITTLE GRASS COULD I GET A FACE LIKE THAT.
Hot slut for sometime for the biting Lady!!
Coma Caca!!
Meh, Vince was askin' for it....TEAM ShamWOW Vince's HOOKER!
She turned his ShamWows into ShanWoes...:-(, but bitch smirked her funny ass through it AND that's why SHE deserves HOT SLUT OF THE DAY, WEEK, MONTH, YEAR!!! chant with me hooker lovin' DListed whores : HOT SLUT, HOT SLUT, HOT SLUT!!!
MK, purty, purty please, make this hot bitch a hot slut! What's hotter than tryna tongue castrate a spokeswhore for some shady ass infomercial trash instead of takin' $1K to fuck him in a dirty, dirty way? (You know Vince likes pee, poo, snot rockets and whatnot...)
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Funny, I always pictured him as a Pocket Fisherman.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN AFAIRD OF TIGGGGGERLIES
THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER KNOW IS TIGERLILLIES--JUICE NEWTON
Fettuccine, linguini, martini, bikini!
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 7:37pm.
For $1000, she should at least throw in a free set of steak knives
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Dearest T.,
Your comment made me fall off my chair laughing...
I pictured Sham Wow Vince ducking for cover as Miss 10x100PussyClams threw a set of steak knives at Vince, one at a time...Bwahahahahahahahahaha!
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I want to live only till I die, no more and no less - Eddie Izzard
Seriously, I would fuck up someone in order to get my tongue free.
I wonder if this bitch will have to lower her prices after this. Can't be good advertising.
Goodbye, career.
words of my wisdom for you, Vince: Don't agree to pay a 50 dollar hooker a grand. Don't ever kiss them. MAKE SURE THEY DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And always wear a condom, whether the hooker is male or female. You poor devil. Fame, fame, fatal fame.
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"You can get it doggy-style or you can get it laying on your side. Those are your only choices. This is my house and I get the say."
He should just cover his face with that ShamWow. Look at the smile on that hooker, she's posing!
For only 10 payments of $99.99 You can get
-Your Tongue bitten
-Punched in the face
-A run through a lobby
AND THAT'S NOT ALL!...
OMG MK today is too fabulous, between this and Kim losing her blog...What a damn Friday.
To hell with ANY kind of fame.WTF is this world coming to when you can't even count on 1000buc an hour ho's to deliver good service...AND LEAVE !?!
Hope it does'nt nuke his "career".HOBBYISTS TAKE NOTE OF THIS ONE: Hope she ends up back at the cosmetics counter @ Niemans.Have a lousy day-BITCH.
Poor Vince. that sucks for him. Not that I am saying I am ok with prostitution or whatever but hey, it's real. and for Vince's side...that sucks that she bit his tongue. wow $1000..thats a lot for fuckery.also known as sexy times. what did I just say? hmmm
Coma Caca!!