ShamWow Vince Will Slap Chop A Ho!
There are a million other uses for a ShamWow towel that we just don't know of. It can be used to clean up chunky doody off the floor after your asshole got a little too into it during butt sex. It also can be used to clean up barf that fell out of your mouth while you were having a seizure after ODing. AND you can use it to wipe up blood from a hooker's face after you beat her down because she tried to bite your tongue off! Vince should really show us the last one in his informercials, because it happened to him. A testimonial!
The Smoking Gun reports that the methed out version of Billy Mays was arrested in Miami last month after he got into a brawl with a hooker! It all started when Vince picked up the pussy peddler, Sasha Harris, at a night club. The two new lovebirds went back to his room at the Setai Hotel where Sasha told Vince it would cost him $1,000 to slap and chop her snatch. Vince agreed, and so the fun and games began. While they were making out, Vince told the police that Sasha bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. This caused Vince to punch her several times until she let go. Once Vince had his tongue back in his own mouth and was able to get away, he ran crying and screaming into the lobby. Ahaha! Why do I picture the front desk bitch screaming, "Hey! You're the ShamWow dude!" while Vince was whining about his tongue almost getting bitten off. Oh, it's times like this that I really love being alive.
The police were called and both were arrested for felony aggravated battery. Prosecutors later decided to not file formal charges against either of them. Sasha said she might file a lawsuit against Vince to get a little bit of his ShamWow money. And no, she doesn't love his nuts.
I didn't peg Vince as the make-out type. I would think he would want to bust a mess all over that whore as soon as possible, so that he could mop it up with his handy ShamWow. You know that's the part that reaaaally turns him on.
Vince's mug shot was sponsored by the Department of Meth FACES. Damn fuck! If only Vince could use one of his magical ShamWow towels to wipe the meth damage off his mug.
And somewhere in America, Bill Mays' peen is getting raw from jacking off to this story over and over again, because he knows the cops used OxiClean to get the blood out.
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Submitted by girl_cheese on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 2:29am.
And he's STILL more entertaining than Phoebe Price.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Maybe it's the jailhouse lighting, but she doesn't look like something I'd pay $1,000 for. Maybe Vince was asking for a refund, much like his slap-chop customers. Anyhoo, Vince has gone from D-listed Hot Slut to this. (Which actually only proves that he IS worthy of the title.)
Meanwhile, I believe Charlie about Billy Mays - a true salesman.
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It's grilled cheese samich, hunny buns, not girl cheese.
I'll laugh my ass off if she ends up suing Vince and gets awarded the princely sum of $19.95 plus a Gratey (retail value 29.95). Then her lawyer takes the Gratey (retail value 29.95).
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by modianos on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:05pm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y <~thats on topic right? lol
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Here's the one of Vince:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsTLUSMOgas
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Ok first off, i agree with some who've said that this hooker just looks too damn happy with what she's done. second, these famous commercial guys really know how to fuck up their careers don't they? first the famous cute kid who used to advertise for Dell(i don't know if you guys remember but he got busted buying weed) and now mr. shamwow; two guys i really like. i mean is it some sort of self distruction thing or do these idiots really believe that they won't get screwed?
and lastly, if i were in mr shamewows place making his kind of money i would have gone to a classy heidi flies mayflower madam type joint for hookers. the end.
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Isn't it Bromantic?
lmao..dis shamwow guy looks just like McNulty from "The Wire"
Aw, MK, yer so relentlessy flamboyant and fierce- I love ya!
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:35am.
IG...laughing like a loon at your AV.
"Paddle Faster I hear Banjos" hahaha.
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Bloop!
Submitted by modianos on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:05pm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y <~thats on topic right? lol
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side effects...looking like a dick...lol!
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the end...
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:28am.
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I've seen both. Obviously, Vince didn't give either of you the free set of steak knives.
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Fuckyou? I mean Ginsu. :)
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
$1000!
I've only been charging $500!!!
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:24am.
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:11am.
I've never seen a hooker look so pleased in a mugshot.
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Obviously, you've never seen mine. Or Nitty's.
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I've seen both. Obviously, Vince didn't give either of you the free set of steak knives.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:24am.
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 03/28/2009 - 12:11am.
I've never seen a hooker look so pleased in a mugshot.
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Obviously, you've never seen mine. Or Nitty's.
♥♥
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
I've never seen a hooker look so pleased in a mugshot.
it's weird that in the mug shots she's wearing the same scrubs - what do they do in florida, confiscate a ho's clothing when they arrest her? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:36pm.
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:20pm.
Hey, chu. Into the grape, are we? I am gulping a 2006 Beringer Stone Cellar merlot--sorry, a '70 Château Margaux.
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Mine is more of a Bota Box Pinot from the grocery store. I'm listening to G Love and Special Sauce, in other words, I'm gettin' 'er done!!
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
Call me sick, but I feel bad for Vince. He just wanted some loving and this bitch went crazy and now everyone knows.
I'll still buy a ShamWow.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:31pm.
They were SOFA BATTERIES!
GREEN BEANS! TOILET TAX!
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:20pm.
Hey, chu. Into the grape, are we? I am gulping a 2006 Beringer Stone Cellar merlot--sorry, a '70 Château Margaux.
Stuff like that happens to meth users. Stay away from that stuff children...
The police were called and both were arrested for felony aggravated battery.
Stop aggravating the batteries! What did they ever do to you?
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
She looks damn proud of herself.
Sex Hooker WOW!
Vince....bwahahahahahahah....oxi-wonkified
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Billy Mays will never get caught with a $1000 hooker. He'll be caught with 100 hookers that charge $9.95 and validate parking.
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"I am the Devil, and I'm here to do the Devil's work"
I would just like to say I would still buy a sham wow from him. He still seems very sincere about that product. Maybe he is nuts, I don't know.
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:17pm.
Submitted by a f r on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:16pm.
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Affidavit edited to say $920 in twenties and 2 fives.
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And 47 cents.
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
Submitted by a f r on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 9:16pm.
I love that the affidavit says that she was found with $930 in twenties. That is not numerically possible.
Affidavit edited to say $920 in twenties and 2 fives.
Submitted by modianos on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 11:05pm.
I want one! Please bite me!
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
They both look like they are crawling with std's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y <~thats on topic right? lol
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Colt 45 and 2 zigzags, baby that's all we need.
Did she bite in between the martini and the bikini?
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
HE CANT POSSIBLY COMPETE WITH BILLY MAYS. THATS ONE HOT FUCKER. MY WIFE WORKS IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE SHE HAS MET HIM UP CLOSE AND PERSONALLY AND SAID HE WAS A HELL OF A GRACIOUS AND NICE GUY.
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:25pm.
UNCLE!! I be good.
And who kisses a hooker on the lips anyway? Lawd knows, I never do. :)
For realz, yo. And I don't either...{{looks around}}
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
Submitted by chefcammi on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:18pm.
shamwow vince's mugshot looks like a white version of benecio del torro (sp?)
ITA!
“You a motherfucker and ain’t all that.”
This story makes my day.
TEAM ShamWOW Vince's SlapCHOP bitey happy HOOKER!!
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Know why they don't play Rock / Paper / Scissors / Pussy? Because NOTHING beats pussy! -- Toom Viltrax
I bet she forgot to say WOW every time.
Whatever, dude. I'm SO keeping my Slap Chop! I freakin' love my Slap Chop!
Submitted by luckycharms on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:23pm.
Charlie is on a big Juice Newton kick. Last two weeks it was the whole catalog of Zeppelin and before that it was John Denver. Now it looks like he has moved on to Rondstat. Go figure.
YA AND WHO ARE YOU YOU GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKER. IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO MORNING FUCKING ANGEL THEN DAZED AND CONFUSED THEN TAKE ME HOME GODDAMN FUCKING COUNTRY ROADS I WILL.
wait, i thought hooker didn't kiss or is that just julia roberts?
i don't know buddy hackett very well - more dfrom the gameshow circuit than his stand up. but i'm going to look him up.
coiled - i feel the same way about the witty banter, but WTF - for every jerry there must be a dean.
johnnysgirl - i feel like i know you from somewhere. if you perform in SF i've probably seen you!
OT: yeah, don't stick your tongue in a hooker's mouth, fish! somebody's gonna catch something!
(da dum tsssh)
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i know you like to think your shit don't stink
but if you lean a little bit closer
see, roses really smell like boo boo
Submitted by peachy.mean on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:24pm.
The planets aligned just for MK with this one!
I can picture him bouncing up and down in his chair with sheer joy when this story crossed his screen.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
Submitted by TITS on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:25pm.
When I think 'charles manson' I think new age zither music. Not the carpenters.
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When I think of 'Charles Manson' I think of Smirnoff & a Roast!!!
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs
Submitted by blueice059 on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:25pm.
My friend recommended me a very interesting place
*** AffluentMeetToSuck.com ***
It's where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with.
*
Now you've gone too far.
YOU ENDED THAT SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION!!!
You.... BASTARD
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
UNCLE!! I be good.
And who kisses a hooker on the lips anyway? Lawd knows, I never do. :)
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You know the ho was chompin on his chamois.
(Courtesy of coiled-n-hissing)
Submitted by luckycharms on Fri, 03/27/2009 - 10:23pm.
When I think 'charles manson' I think new age zither music. Not the carpenters.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tigerlilly exposed!!!1!
http://www.dailymotion.com/user/fluffybunnykins666/video/x8l7lj_shes-a-t...
My friend recommended me a very interesting place
*** AffluentMeet.com ***
It's where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with.
long time reader/ first time commenter, because... i LOVE this story. fantastically written.
I can't stand Billy more. He has such a booming voice.
@TITS
Redd is funny as shit!
Hellooooooo IG!!!!!!!!
How you been?
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"...Soon we'll be away from here. Step on the gas and wipe that tear away...."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YF4-r2MpRMs