American Idol: Simon Gives Paula A Moustache
You know how there's a trillion pictures on the internet of passed out drunk whores whose friends think it will be really hilarious to graffiti all over their face and shit? Well, that's what Simon Cowell did to Paula Abdul on American Idol last night. Only her eyes were open. Yeah, she keeps 'em open whenever she passes out in a Vicodin haze. The Idol producers hired a professional to teach her how to do that, so nobody would know when she blacked out.
Simon brought out the Sharpie during Motown night, which always feels like I'm watching a 2-hour long commercial. Most of the songs should only be played during the couple's reunion on Wife Swap.
But some of the whore's made the best of it. Like that little tub of Manic Panic Allison Iraheta. Personally, I thought she gave the best performance of the night, but I'm afraid that she's going to be the star of one of those "OMGSOSHOCKINGWHAT" eliminations coming up. I just want to take her scratchy voice and use it to smooth out the acne on Adam Lambert's face. Adam should get her to sing a Janis Joplin song, so she could hit 60 on the grit-scale and sandblast those pimples right off his mug.
Speaking of Adam Laaaaambert the big gay lion, he nailed his K.D. Lang impersonation last night. He does K.D. better than she does herself (not like that). In fact, K.D. should quit whatever the hell she's doing, move to Las Vegas and become an Adam Lambert impersonator. Second career calling!
I'm always on the dildo with Adam. Just when I start to sort-of like what he's doing, the judges have to barf up all the gallons of jizz their body created while watching him perform. They need to calm down. They are making me not like him. Yes, his unicorn on helium voice is good sometimes, but the judges all want to shove themselves up his asshole, so that he can give birth to them. They should all run away together and just give Allison the fucking trophy. Also, I took a good look at his face last night and all I saw was a Max Factor factory.
As for who will be killed off tonight, I think it's down to three little whores:
Megan Joy Dorkey - For once in my life I wanted my TV to kill itself. I'm re-watching her shit right now and my dog cannot take his eyes off the screen. I think he's pulling a STAINS and is trying to use his eye powers to make her fucking stop! I like her voice, but she keeps singing all these Hallmark card songs. This bitch just doesn't get it and for that, she needs to go be pretty somewhere else.
Michael Sarver - Why is he still here? Why are we being forced to sleep through his performances?
Scott MacIntyre - Scott is sweet. And his pink pants were sweeter, but fuck he's as boring as lukewarm vegetable broth! When I say that I sleep through Sarver's performances, I fall into a coma when Scott comes on.
My final guess is that Michael Sarver will be banished from the world tonight.
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I don't think Scott is a horrible singer, but he doesn't belong on this show. I can see him singing on a Christian Rock CD and singing live to handicapped children. He doesn't belong on the radio.
Sorry if that sounds horrible.
Ugh, Matt did not deserve to be in the bottom 2 AT ALL. Personally I think he belongs in the top 5, if not higher, but that's just me. Michael deserved to go, Scott deserved to be in the bottom 3, and MEGAN should've replaced Matt in the bottom 2.
Anoop has a good voice, but his outfit on Wednesday night pissed me off. If you're singing a gorgeous classic like "Baby Baby," you don't wear jeans with an untucked shirt and a track jacket - put on a damn suit!
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
Mopa ITA with most everything you said, except I kind of looooove Anoop. I was really shocked Matt G was in the bottom three, freaking Megan and her boobies were no way better than he was.
But you are spot on with that Kurt Russel shit! I knew he was reminding me of someone. HAUTE! (as Solange would say)
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
Adam sucked. He sounded like shit for about half the song-- his voice was thin and weak. I can't believe Smokey gave him a standing ovation because Adam ruined his song. And the Elvis-knockoff look was gross.
Allison was the best by far.
Danny has the strongest voice but his song choices have sucked two weeks in a row.
Megan is terrible. She is not unique and she needs to go.
I know I'm way late talking about the performance show, but I thought Matt G did a great job on Let's Get It On. I don't even really like him, but he killed that song. That's the song my husband got me into bed with for the first time when he asked me to dance to it with him. Who can resist fucking after slow dancing to that friggin song? He certainly didn't deserve being in the bottom three.
Thank God Sarver went home. He was more and more painful every week.
Adam was amazing. He looked like Kurt Russell when he played Elvis in a movie in the late 70's. He is really a great performer, probably in more ways than one. He is too much of an all around talent to be on the show. I actually think he is a little too experienced to be what the show is really supposed to be about. Yes, he does have acne scars, but who cares. He's hot, so, of course, he's gay.
Megan makes me itchy every time I see/hear her. What a mess. She looks good, except the awful tattoo, so that keeps her around. That friggin washing machine rotator move she makes when she sings is so distracting. Thank god there is something else to do than listen to her awful singing....we can watch her awful dancing. Please go home!
Scott sucks bad. He really isn't a very good singer for a blind piano player. He needs to go, right after Megan.
As if I didn't already think Gokey was an annoying ass, he totally blows off Smokey's advice. I'm thinking Idol wanted to show what an ass he is, because they could have shown some other part of his meeting with Smokey, but only showed Smokey telling him to sing the back-up parts and Gokey went right out and didn't listen to him. They should have had a Gokey/Smokey showdown last night and Smokey would have smoked Gokey. Dumbass.
I don't even think I have a favorite this year. I am annoyed by all the Anoop love. He's alright, but boring as shit.
Big Ass isn't as great as they are making her out to be. Heat Wave sounded like she was speedreading while screaming.
I guess I want Adam to win. I hope he tones it down like he did this week for most of the rest of the season and, after he wins, he does a full out flamboyant performance of whatever sucky, sappy song Idol writes for the finale/first single.
Btw, some pics of Kurt as Elvis....
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3251/2828846729_e44cf4a15b.jpg?v=0
http://pro.corbis.com/images/U1954103.jpg?size=67&uid=%7B3798B9D2-82E9-4...
Why was it "fixed" necessarily? Michael Sarver was nice, but not very good. Just because the crowd boo'd doesn't mean America voted for him. The crowd boos every time the judges say something negative or someone gets kicked off. But, since you don't agree with the decision, of course there must be some 'conspiracy.' Whatevs. Maybe Michael Sarver should have conspired to sing better. I wasn't surprised by the decision at all (though I was hoping Scott would go home).
Finally that fat tub of lard went home. Paula will try to snort that stache off.
& tonight's show is EXACTLY why I quit watching last time. Not fixed, my ASS!
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Paula never looked better!
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Pick up your socks and drop your slots, we're going to a party.
Submitted by sparkle586 on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 5:25pm.
I sorta see what you're saying but I think she looks more like a tatted up version of Johnny Depp's wife, Vanessa Paradis.
http://www.theswellelife.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/04/09/vanessa_blu...
http://es.geocities.com/johnnydepplaweb/pics/girl-vanessa.gif
She wasn't a good singer either. A better model/actress which is what Megan should be.
I read on ryanseacrest.com that blondy,fatty and blindy are all in
the bottom 3.
FU
Paula has the hots for ADAM. She's 47 and he's 28. Bitch is old enuf to be his Mama!! If he was smart he'd totally ride that gravy train!!! Mustache and ALL.
Are you kidding, MK? No dirty sanchez reference?
Megan, the blind guy, the fatass from Texas and the boring turd with the guitar have to GO!
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Bye! Good
Am I the only person who thinks Megan is Anna Nicole Smith's doppeldanger? I mean, it is the same face. Kinda creeps me out.
this is how you sing heatwave
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTKFR3ra2ts&feature=related
Pathetic Humans- Prepare to write down the recipe!
Ugh, I killed the post.
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Put the GO in GOKEY!
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Need some "Chocolate Thunder?" Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK0d2P9Hbv4
I honestly feel Scott isn't really blind. He really knows how to work his way around the piano with no problem. And don't give me that whole "he feels his way around the piano by using his hands" bullshit. His hands were nowhere near the piano last night. NOWHERE NEAR! My conspiracy theory stands!
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Put the GO in GOKEY!
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
Need some "Chocolate Thunder?" Click here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK0d2P9Hbv4
Submitted by Aunt Bea on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 4:11pm.
I love Adam. I don't think he looked like KD Lang (although that did make me laugh). I think he looked like Elvis.
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Yeah! I love Adam, too.
He looked like young Elvis but he didn't try to impersonate him. I liked Alison this time. Loved her song choice. I wish someone had done 'Papa's Got a Brand New Bag' and 'Grapevine.' And 'I Just Want to Celebrate.' It was such a low energy night plus most of them stink. I kept turning to OctoLoon on Dr. Phil.
Whenever I see Kara's nose I think of W.C. Fields.
Submitted by cio_cio-san on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 3:02pm.
I totally agree. I like Allison, Matt and Anoop. Adam did well yesterday but he generally annoys me so I can't really get all giddy about him. And I disagree with Randy, Adam isn't all edgy, alternative rocker. He's completely a throwback to the hair band days -- sometimes when he wails, he sounds like the guy from Slaughter and honestly, IMO he looks like Mick Mars. I think maybe he wants to be Freddie Mercury but Freddie was a mega talent and visionary.
But yes, if there's any justice in this world, the next three to go will be the ones MK listed. Sarver first and then it doesn't matter Megan or Scott as long as they both go. I'm guessing most of Scott's votes are somewhat "charity" votes (he is nice, it is unfortunate he's blind but he just isn't that good) and I don't think America will vote Scott off until they get the "OK" from the judges. Simon being "rough" with him last night is only paving the way. If he's not gone tonight, all the judges will probably let him down easy next week and America can be guilt-free in voting for someone else.
Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 4:08pm.
And I noticed Paula turn and make a face at Simon and say something while Kara was talking! I bet these two stale whores hate each other.
I love Adam. I don't think he looked like KD Lang (although that did make me laugh). I think he looked like Elvis.
I too noticed Kara make some faces while Paula talked. Wasn't sure what that was about, except maybe music knowledge snobbery (at one point Paula tried to identify someone's note as a high A or something, and we all know Paula could never really sing lol). Paula and Kara are supposedly friends, going back from before AI even started, so...yeah, weird.
I was shocked by Paula's sobriety last night, but the main thing I kept noticing was the bitch-face Kara put on every time Paula talked. Anyone else see that?
My faves last night (and of the competition so far) were Adam and Matt. I'm probably the only one, but I just wasn't feeling Allison. I like her, but last night just didn't do it for me.
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
yes, Paula seemed less cloudy than usual, true dat!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 3:24pm.
I don't believe the pink pants could have been that bad, as I didn't even notice Scott was wearing them.
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You're right...they weren't really that bad. I only noticed them when he was towering next to Seacreast.
OT: I heard a DJ say Scott should be voted off because he "doesn't look at the camera". The DJ was serious. I thought that was pretty low.
=^.^=
YES! I can't be the only one who noticed. She was unbelievably lucid, spat out full sentences without stumbling over words or taking 10 years, seemed alert, was rolling with the punches, got the jokes...it was bizarre. I really hadn't realized for awhile how far gone in her Vicodin haze she usually is. I hope she makes it a regular habit. It's sad to see someone who really tries to be nice and supportive turn into the joke of the show.
I think Scott or Megan will go..but I think it will be Scott.He is boring and every song sounds exactly the same..he really has no range.Megan's shtick got old fast.I saw the acne on Adam last week,he had obvious craters.They were almost gone last night and he looked great.I think it will come down to Adam and Alison in the finals.
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Wait! Ricki Lake,
Did you say that Paula was SOBER last night? Is that the pic of a sober Paula? Oh my damn!
Snow!
I KNOW!! Lambert, the sheepish lion!
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I don't believe the pink pants could have been that bad, as I didn't even notice Scott was wearing them.
Sorry Snowpiece! I didn't mean to spoil ANTM! And the fatty Anoop pic was posted in the Shawn Johnson stalker thread. Good lord that boy went through a sexy transformation!
Clarry: OMG he's the cutest thing ever!!!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
Who picks out Scott MacIntyre's clothes? Pink pants? And style the kids hair for cripes sake. The make him look like a K-Mart reject. Is it his Mom who dresses him?
It could have been funny if they drew a mustache on him too.
Where did all the Oly go?
I like Allison on ANTM too, but i didn't watch last night's epi yet so lalalalalalalalalal I can't hear you.
ok so it was after Alison on AI that the mustache shit happened. drama is correct.
Megan makes me very stabby too.
Ricki: where was that that someone posted that funny fatty pic of a young Anoop this morning?
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
Snowy,
You are probably too *coff*bitch*coff* young to know Lambert.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRtKAQJUc3g
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I just want Megan GONE. Her voice brings out my stabby urges.
"Jesus and God really need to file a joint lawsuit against bitches for dragging their good names into unadulterated fuckery!" MK 2/15/09
They could barely even give Allison their comments they were laughing so hard, which I thought kind of sucked.
I thought this was interesting:
Not Exactly a Ringer - Anoop Desai Has Previous Television Experience
Here’s something that wasn’t made part of Anoop Desai’s backstory.
According to the Raleigh area local TV station, WRAL, Anoop appeared in a local award-winning kids’ TV show in the late 90’s called CentralXpress.com.
Described as a precursor to to shows like iCarly on Nickelodeon, Anoop played a character named Raj who, along with a group of fellow students, helped maintain the school’s website.
As a kids progam, so it maintained a serious after-school special vibe, dealing with topics like race relations and death. It ran from 1997 to 2001.
The show’s producer, David Creech describes Anoop as “A delight to work with” and “Very intelligent.”
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
Omg, I second Romy's suggestion of more ANTM!!! (Although I do love the AI coverage as well, so keep it up.)
Kortnie or whatever...was fat. I'm not sure why she was on the show, since she didn't have a model face either. Thalia was being a baby, but it was so, so wrong of Celia to call her out on the runway like that, and I'm glad Tyra called her on it. I really liked Celia until then, but now my estimation of her has really gone down now. I hope she redeems herself. I mean, did Celia really think she was going to convince them to kick off the #1 girl of the week to save KORTNIE?! LOL...not so much.
My girl Allison had better take the entire thing. LOVE those freaky doll eyes!
didn't they do that mustache crap after Scott sang? and then Seabreeze had to explain what was going on? I know they had to explain something stupid to him.
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
Adam doesn't have acne, but he does have some noticable scarring from past acne. The thick pancake makeup they slather on him with a trowel makes it look worse. I still think he is very handsome, and seems friendy and well-liked amongst the contestants. I will kill that average twink boyfriend of his if I spot him in the audience again, though. Back off slut, he's mine!!!
Allison. Is. The. Shit. I can't believe she's 16 or 17. She just gets up there and lets loose like no one's watching. She and Adam are the best "performers."
Anoop was so good! Boring, but very pretty and sweet. He is also my AI crush this year. I dig those heavy-lidded eyes and full lips...mmm...
I think Michael Sarver seems like a really good guy, and I'm digging his cornfed hotness...but his time may be up, alas.
I'm not sure if I thought Scott or Megan was worse. I'm pretty sure they both blow goats. However, I'd rather look at Megan, so...buh-bye, Scott.
Okay Adam, I think I like you now. He made me feel kind of stabby towards him last week but he's redeemed himself. My mom always says he looks like a young Elvis, and I never really saw it until last night. Then I had sad times, because I'm massively in love with young Elvis. Anyway, I hope Sarver goes. He's just plain fucking boring. The thing about Megan is I think she always sounds really good when they show her practicing with the "mentors", but once she gets on stage she sounds horrible.
Submitted by gia
lmao.. scott does make every song sound the same!
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I'm over Megan, I never thought she was quirky but I liked her voice. Yesterday she was so fucking awful though. And her Amy Winehouse shake makes me want to punch her in the gut.
Adam was good but I thought Allison was better. I liked Matt and Anoop's performances too
Pathetic Humans- Prepare to write down the recipe!
Ricki: I do agree that I don't think Scott wants to be treated differently.
I felt sorry for him when they did the video of them seeing the mansion for the 1st time. I said to Mr. DQ, "Do you think someone's saying, 'It's the pool! Look excited!'?"
Same thing w/ the Ford commercials. I think they should put him behind the damned wheel! Have fun with it. He certainly does.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
MK, how about LESS about those idol losers and MORE about the america's next top model losers?? Like on how they keep eliminating the prettiest ones! At the end we're probably gonna be stuck with Hatchet Face and Bob Hope lookalike!
Anyway write something about antm will ya!?
I'm sorry, but I'm tired of seeing them walk on eggshells around Scott. If he wasn't blind, they would be giving him much more specific and bad criticism. It is really annoying, and a little insulting, actually. I doubt he wants to be treated differently because of it either. Fucking ridic.
And holy hell - how was Paula SOBER last night?! First time in many seasons!!! It was actually kind of shocking, and really made it obvious how far gone she usually is. Paula can speak complete sentences!!! Yay!
also MK the judges didn't like Adam at all last week, I guess you were to drunk too remember that? :P
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
It was really funny when Simon drew that moustache on Paula.
Clarisse that was MK, I don't even know who that is? LOL
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
WATCH THIS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB_fUEe5Eh0
dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 2:41pm
Awww. He's all soft and smooshy.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Bradi: Ditto. Plus, I'm up for MK's idea of Kris performing nekkid. That's the kind of guy I want my daughters to end up with.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."
I want what's in Paula's sippy cup .. actually can't say as I blame her for self medicating before this shitfest.