American Idol: OMG! Is Kelly Clarkson Pregnant? OMG!

That question was the headline all over the intrawebs after Kelly Clarkon's performance on American Idol last night. They know this ho isn't knocked up. She recently said that she doesn't want any chirruns in her life. This is just their way of saying that the bitch looks like she snacked on a Hometown Buffet, chomped on a Claim Jumper and washed it all down with a Chili's. They wanted to write that when she was singing "My Life Would Suck Without You" she was thinking of Krispy Kremes. Damn. Just say it! We're all fucking cunts here. It's fine.

Yeah, bitch added a little chunk, but I think Kelly's "Stevie Nicks on the ho stroll" outfit is mostly to blame. Did this bitch not learn anything from the big-tittied frog?

Anyway, now to the whores who went back to the world of broken dreams. I don't understand how that Anooooop bitch ended up in the bottom 4? Everywhere I go, all I hear is Anoooop. I swore that bitches voted for him only because they want to keep shouting his name every week. That ho never did it for me. He always reminds me of that one IT guy in every office who gets drunk and starts singing like a fool at the office Christmas party. Throw pancakes at me (delicious), but I would have rather he went and Jorge stayed. American Idol is already a fucking extra-large fondue pot filled with burnt cheese, but Jorge takes it to a whole new level. There's a Carnival Cruise funship calling his name....

Now about Jasmine. And by "Jasmine," I mean her mother. We must never forget. And last night she brought out the elegant nails. That made it hurt even more. Can't we replace Lock Jaw DiGrossi with Jasmine's mother? She can just sit there, smirk and silently cheer. We hardly knew her!

Posted by: Michael K

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American Idol

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:58pm.

drama: feeling sorry for Scott has become a national pastime so I don't waste my energy...

:P how MEAN!!!!

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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP

Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:56pm.

putsomestankonit!
LOL! Love it!! Satchel, Bucky, M3 and Fungo!!!

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Met a fox tonight. Loved every bone in her body, including mine.

Submitted by C on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:56pm.

i don't watch AI anymore b/c i'm one of the few who don't have cable and have not bought the converter for my TV. anyway...i looked at that woman's fingernails and then looked down at mine...i have got to cut my nails tonight. yikes!

Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:54pm.

Did anyone else feel a little sorry for Scott when they were showing the finalists' reactions to the mansion? I turned to Mr. DQ & said, "Notice how we didn't see Scott? He'd had to have said, 'Okay, what're we looking at now? Should I look excited?'" Mean, I know, but true.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:53pm.

ha ha sort of OT but Tyra has really gone too far this year with her token sob story. That poor burn victim girl is going to lose her shit.

Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:53pm.

Kelly Clarkson isn't pregnant, she's just fat. It's no real surprise, she was never a stick figure, and it looks like she's gained about 15-20 pounds. Whatever. I like her new song, but I had completely forgotten about her in the interim between her last album and now. Meh.

Get Fuzzy rocks! Best cartoon strip ever. I heart Satchel, he's so lovably dumb.

Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:52pm.

I think there are a lot of people getting sympathy votes this year. Jorge was because of the language barrier, Danny because of his wife, Scott because he's blind, Michael because he wants a better life for his family, & Megan & Alexis because they're single moms. I'm not saying that's the only reason they're there, but it definitely seems to me that AI is really playing the sympathy card this year.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."

Submitted by Romai on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:52pm.

She's just chubby. Unlike some people, she's never tried to base her career around being overtly sexual, so people don't focus on her body as much; her fans don't care. She's one I don't think would look very good super skinny anyway, she doesn't have the build for it. I like Kelly. Hate some of the music she's put out, but I like her voice.

Submitted by cio on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:51pm.

lol@ricki lake

I know, right? Stevie Wonder is a much better singer than this scott dude! There's probably millions of blind kids who can sing and have better moves (ok, that last part was mean).. I do like scott though...

Bender: Hey. What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:50pm.

ITA with Ricki except the part about Adam being HIS baby! ;P

RL look at my siggy

Submitted by cio on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:49pm.

Honestly I'm not sure that Anoop was even in the bottom 4. I think they just called out the 2 lowest and then 2 randoms. just to scare people

Bender: Hey. What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.

Submitted by ricki lake on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:49pm.

My baby Adam Lambert blew everyone else out of the water!

I like Anoop, and am glad he stayed. I think he's cute. I was ok with Jasmine going home, but Jorge did not deserve it. Blind guy (Scott?) needs to go. Sorry, people are only voting for him 'cause he's blind, and that's insulting...like it's SOOOO miraculous that a blind person can sing or something! The way they make such a big deal about his blindness and his accomplishments in all his 'background' videos that you'd think blindness meant you were practically comatose! Wtf, American...lamez.

Submitted by putsomestankonit on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:49pm.

Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:46pm.

Off Topic and I don't care, I'm just happy to see that someone else is a Get Fuzzy fan! I love me some Bucky.

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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.

Submitted by IrritableBowel on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:48pm.

kelly clarkson has always been chubby. big deal. she is my nominee for the next face of enorme.

Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:46pm.

I must not speak American Idoleze cuz I did not understand one fuckin word of that post!!!

Team hot gay guy that Snowy likes!!!

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Met a fox tonight. Loved every bone in her body, including mine.

Submitted by LA on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:44pm.

Yeah, Kelly definitely pulled that jacket out of the Stevie Nicks sportswear collection of her closet. I should know.

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:44pm.

I like her too, actually. And I like how she is honest without herself about being too selfish to have children (hear that, Brit Brit??!!).

So what if she's on the short busride to hell for butchering Ave Maria, in front of the Pope no less - aren't we all? ;)

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It's creamie, not prune!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQbwt-dicpo

Submitted by iHeartHaters on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:41pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:38pm.

She's not preggers. She has a bloated bladder because she didn't have a chance to shower -- and pee in it -- before the show
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LMFAO!

Hey snow! Xo

(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)

2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.

"Sam put drugs in Britney's biscuits"

Submitted by greenfinch on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:41pm.

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:38pm

haha i saw this in the paper this morning.... ewwwwwwww remind me never to use her shower.

Submitted by bitchette on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:40pm.

KC is a gayelle! duh. won't ever be pregnant. just chubby.

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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:39pm.

ha ha I like Anoop's parents
I think it's funny how they call them all kids, I mean Jasmine is a kid, Adam's pushing 30.

Submitted by missy on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:39pm.

shes a chunker, thats for sure.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

Submitted by Miss Thang on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:38pm.

I don't know why but I just cannot get into this show. Kelly always had a little junk in the trunk. Now, she just has a little more junk in the trunk. I really do love her. I don't care how much weight she gains.

HAVE SOME DUMBASS WATER. - Charles Manson!

Submitted by Falkor on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:38pm.

That ho is NOT fat...shes has a nice body type and she dosent look disproportionate...

Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:38pm.

She's not preggers. She has a bloated bladder because she didn't have a chance to shower -- and pee in it -- before the show.

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"Oderint dum metuant." Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
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Submitted by dramaqueen365247 on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:36pm.

I have to say, I was very impressed at how composed Jasmine was. She's only 16. I think she handled herself remarkably well. I think she & Megan should've gone last night. I also think, sorry Stoney, that fucking Alexis Grace should go next. Dyeing the tips of your hair hot pink do not make you edgy. I don't know what it is, but I detest that girl.
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"So? I'm intellectual and stuff."
"You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff."

Submitted by The C word on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:35pm.

Naw, Belly Clarkson's just chubby.

And I'll miss Jasmine's mother too. The only other (somewhat) interesting parent is that David Crosby hippie dude (I think Alexis' father?).

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A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jdP7HUPbVs

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:33pm.

LOL @ haters avie!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP

Submitted by dbella on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:33pm.

Jazmine's mom looks more like this:

http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i23/rach169/?action=view&current=Ramse...

Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:33pm.

I liked Kelly last night, I like her in general.
ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP I agree MK, it's all about the name!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more" TWOP

Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 03/12/2009 - 1:31pm.

Jasmine is a hundred times better than Megan, but of course, votefortheworst.com kept that tatted up freak from getting cut. I really don't care as long as they don't cut the Memphis girls.