The New Cast Of Dancing With The Has-Beens: Nip & Pussy Slips Galore!
I know, I know. It's way too early for Lil Kim's overcooked Shrinky Dink face, but get used to this precious mug. It will grace your television screens twice a week beginning in March, because Kim will be part of the new cast of Dancing for Relevancy! The entire cast was announced last night and I recognized 90% of the has-beens or never-wases! Most of them still aren't "stars," but if you combine all their fame together you might get half of a star, so the producers are getting close!
I'm calling it right now that Lil Kim is going to win that 99-Cent store trophy at the end! The bitch probably dances like a chipmunk with a heated curling iron up its ass, but her face will kill the competition. Literally! On the first episode, everyone's going to gather on the dancefloor, take one look at Kim and either a) blackout b) run for cover or c) try to eat her face off to stop the madness. Either way, Kim has got this. And think of the nip and pussy slips! The FCC is going to make it mandatory just to cover up her whole body (and face) with a giant censored bar at all times just in case.
Anytrannywiththirddegreeburns, the rest of the cast pretty much gives Ambien a run for its sleepy money. Here's the rest:
Belinda Carlisle - Kim and Belinda can bond by injecting cooking oil into their faces together!
David Alan Grier - Think Cloris Leachman but less charming and with more annoying shenanigans!
Jewel - This won't save her soul or her career.
Lawrence Taylor - WHO?!
Shawn Johnson - Nasty Nastia totally passed this mess and Shawn was the next best thing.
Gilles Marini - If he doesn't flash the peen here like he did in Sex and the City, then I'm not interested.
Ty Murray - Jewel's husband and that's about it!
Chuck Wicks - See Lawrence Taylor.
Steve-O - Steve-NO is more like it.
Nancy O'Dell - Could have been worse. Could have been fucking Lara Spencer!
Denise Richards - Get ready for cunt eyes and moves like paraplegic ice cube.
Steve Wozniak - THE WOZ! He belongs on America's Next Top Teddy Bear You Want to Cuddle, not on this shit.
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Lawrence Taylor, LT, former New York Giant. That's football, MK.
If I were a down-on-my-luck celebrity, I'd take a job at the drive-thru window before I'd do this show. Wearing a paper hat and asking customers if they want fries with that at least allows you to preserve some dignity.
this is the saddest bunch of losers yet...
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we've all had our fair share of cock...it's nothing to shout about...
yourmommasbuns on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 5:25pm.
i totally remember ty murray from my weird bull riding addiction. does anyone else find that shit weirdly fascinating?
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Sort of, in a 'nad crushing kind of way. I just always think, "OUCH!"
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Carlisle,Richards and Jewel will make me turn on this mess.
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
i totally remember ty murray from my weird bull riding addiction. does anyone else find that shit weirdly fascinating?
That Ty Murray dude looks wierd: Like Heath Ledger starring as The Joker in Brokeback Mountain.
Damn..Jewel has turned Ty into a little bitch!!
Kathy Griffin's hot rich ex-piece is going to be on this show? Hell yeah!
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Making Al Pastor Burritos for M.E.
P.S.: Fuck you, Sarah Palin:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFdijgMytUA
"I'm a rapper. That's just what I do, Katie." - Lil' Wayne on weed.
Michael K, you live on the east coast and don't know who Lawrence Taylor is??? LT, fer Chrissakes. One of the most famous of NY football Giants (although they should be called Jersey Giants because they have nothing to do with NY).
The DWTS list does not thrill me.
WOZ just joined some start up as Chief Scientist. If I was the venture fund paying his salary and found out about this, I'd beat his fat ass to the ground. WTF?!
Getting (or not) some of that Griffin pussy must have rotted his brain.
Cheers you fat genius, cheers.
I don't know who this Chuck Wicks fellow is but I sure would like to have intercourse with him.
where Donny!?
that pic of DR is the best!
it is cocaine no-blink eyes & teeth clench.
i hope she gets tossed out on the 1st round.
SO needs to do a balls out dance.
LK is the hottest slut here, pleaze bring the sleaze. that will make it more interesting that the white bread boring it has been.
She's fucking grooooosssssssssssss. Who the hell told her she looks good for her to walk out of the house like that?
Oh Shawn, why?
Wow. Denise Richards makes me kind of sad (or sick, maybe?)...she is really, really desperate to stay relevant, huh?
Chuck Wicks is DELICIOUS. Holy shit.
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Oh look! a cast of loosers ( except the Woz)
Chuck Wicks is soooo hot! I wouldn't be surprised if he got paired up with his g/f Juilanne Hough... lucky bitch!
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Playing Russian Roulette with a Glock is a very hard game to win.
Submitted by Knuckles_Johnson on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 10:11am.
Lil' Kim should perfom "Eat My Pussy Right" on the show.
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Now THAT would be worth watching.
I don't watch this show, I don't get it, don't get AI either (except for the people who clearly suck and they make fun of).....and...other than Lil' Kim and that Jackass guy, oh, and Steve W....the CEO of Apple (he still is, yes?)I don't even know who these people ARE...
This show sounds like a ratings winner fo' sure-(not!)
so fucking what. another batch of losers on a show I will never watch.
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The waiting drove me mad... you're finally here and I'm a mess
I take your entrance back... can't let you roam inside my head
-Pearl Jam "Corduroy"
How cum baseball players never do this shit? are they too 'roided up to dance without going into a rage?
The Apple Computer guy????WTF!
Submitted by gia on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 10:39am.
For some reason I am really offended by Steve-O's face...something about it is just so ugly to me (especially when he smiles) that I just can't even stand to look at him...I want to kick his face in.
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He's got a dummy's mug..seriously. You just know if you looked behind him you'd see Johnny Knoxville's hand up his ass and moving his lips.
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Oh, just fuck it. Fuckity McFuckerson.
For some reason I am really offended by Steve-O's face...something about it is just so ugly to me (especially when he smiles) that I just can't even stand to look at him...I want to kick his face in.
I hope Lil Kim tries to cut a bitch. Specifically Samantha Harris.
who the fuckety fuck is in pic #5???
ehh, i'm ashamed to admit i've seen a few episodes of this shit, usually only out of stoned desperation though.
David Allen Grier is funny on Chocolate News...hopefully he's just doing this mess for ratings?!
Lil Kim scares me and is an utterly useless ho.
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"Dude, quit harshing my mellow!"
David Allan Geir/Belinda/Jewel contenders. The rest yeeech. :) The WOZ??? LOL
#\=u=/#
><> +
From what dryer lint remnants did they dig this loosers from?
I agree..."Dancing with Has-Beens" is today's "Love Boat."
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Who's ShawnBot's partner? A Keebler Elf? She's about what, 4'10"?
I would have turned in to see Nastia, the rest just screams fug train wreck.
~It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.~
*Douglas Adams*
Submitted by Dallas on Mon, 02/09/2009 - 10:04am.
Richards was just on GMA and Maxim is her partner!
Ok, now I think I will be sick.
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That should be interesting!
Maxim is known for liking and doing well with strong, tough, hard working women who can stand up to his ego. That is why he did well with Layla Ali, Mel B, and that Volleyball chick.
Denise Richards seems like the wimpy, whiny, crying, nervous break down type. Max is going to make her cry and probably kill her after one dance lesson!
Lil' Kim should perfom "Eat My Pussy Right" on the show.
I'll be rooting Steve Wozniak. From what I know of him, he is a very good guy and very charitable. He was funny, nice, and very open when I saw him on Kathy Griffin's 'My Life On The Dlist'
I would not be surprise if the participation money he receives goes to charity. Steve Wozniak is guy who after making millions from Apple computers, used a fake name and taught 5th grade.
He doesn't need the money and has no Hollywood career to damage or jumpstart. Go Wozzzzzz!
David Allen Grier is the one I don't understand at all. Why Dave, why?
Teams Belinda and Chuck. Belinda has 'Got the Beat'.
Go-Go music really makes us dance
Do the Pony puts us in a trance
Do the Watusi just give us a chance
That's when we fall in line...
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Once I had a love and it was gas
Soon turned out, it was a pain in the ass
Seemed like the real thing, only to find
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind
ugh I hope to GOD Lil' Kim dances to "How Many Licks" that song is a classic slut anthem!
Richards was just on GMA and Maxim is her partner!
Ok, now I think I will be sick.
I think SPF will look just like Steve-O in 20 years.
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CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!
talk about entertainment
It's obvious-they are now scraping the bottom of the d-list celebs. I'm surprised they didn't get Dustin Diamond to appear-that will be next season.
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ILLEGITIMI NON CARBORUNDUM
SteveO and Denise Richards would make the perfect couple.
chuck wicks will inevitably be dancing with his girlfriend. the dancer (julianne hough) who decided she needed a country music career... they toured together last year on brad paisleys tour and hooked up then.
he's actually pretty hot.
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"Your HR lady is a cunt." -Chris Ecclestons Concubine
You had me at Steve-O.
they should just call it 'dancing with has-beens' already. I Guess the money they invested (in the 90s?) is all gone now tehir banks collapsed. you think they all have the same psychiatrist or something? Maybe the winner gets to up their pills.
The WOZZZZZZ my instant favorite....
I'm mostly happy and partly chagrined to admit I can only identify five of these people by their pictures alone. And Belinda Carlisle wasn't one of them, which makes me question my existence as I know it.
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Fuck these bitches. I got my own problems. - The Fly
Dayum, there could be a shank involved in this season, then again, with Steve-0 there could just be a big steaming pile of caca after he does his "number."
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Oh, just fuck it. Fuckity McFuckerson.
I didn't know that Steve-O was released from the funny farm already.
Why, with all of his piles of money, does Wozniak feel the need to shame himself in this way?
Steve-O?! David Alan Grier?!! JEWEL??!!!
DAMN, this show is the new Love Boat.
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CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!