Jessica Simpson Is A Size 2 (Or 8)
Asshole Simpson was probably crying in her daddy's lap (and he loooves it), because everyone forgot she existed. Even her baby's name is more famous than she is.
So when some bitches started calling Jessica a fat fuck cow who uses the jelly in donuts to brush her teeth and smothers her face in cake frosting before bedtime so that if she wakes up in the middle of the night there's a delicious surprise waiting for her, Asshole found an opportunity to get a little attention. The poster child for famewhoring wrote this on her blog:
I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.
Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend? I seriously doubt it. How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?
Now can we focus on the things that really matter.
Somewhere in the world, Ashlee's old nose is thinking, "Bitch, shut up."
Asshole should really consult with Jessica before she pulls a JLove and starts throwing around the "size 2" shit. Jessica responded to the "You so fat that you start beeping when you back up" jokes to OK!, "Going from a size 2 to a size 8, that's not fat. If I weren't Jessica Simpson, no one would care."
In Asshole's defense, she can only count up to 2.
And what does the president have to do with Jessica's fopa? I'm going to start using that excuse when the creditors call, "I'm disgusted that you are calling me about being ten payments behind. It's only been a week since the inauguration. Let's focus on the things that really matter!"
P.S. - You can go back to forgetting that fucktard named Ashlee Simpson. Delete and reboot.
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Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:42pm.
She never should've started dating a football player, she went from Tight End to Wide Receiver in the space of a couple months.
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This comment is a 10 (11 if you're Nigel Tufnel).
the DUDE! abides...
Asslee's got some set of balls. What in HELL does the new President have to do with Chestica's epic ass?
Asslee, concentrate on remembering to breathe in and out.
Submitted by BangoSkank on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:36pm.
Fame is a fickle bitch, get over it.
Her last "movie" had her in a bikini in the posters... I know that only because I saw it here.
Or naked on the cover of Esquire, or in swimsuit on the cover of GQ... Or wearing those fucking Daisy Duke shorts. Or any of the other assorted times she was selling herself as a sex object.
Suck it up bitch. You made money whoring yourself out, and now want to be judged simple for your talent? Guess what, you've got none!
And bringing up Obama, sheeeeeeeit bitch, pull your fucking head out.
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Truth.
"Submitted by Sartastic on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:35pm.
Please tell me this fucking cunt did not just preach to us about how girls can't love themselves if we make fun of this kind of shit. This coming from the same cunt who got plastic surgery all over her fucking face? Yeah, asshole, you're the one really sending out a positive message to those little girls. If your face is fucked up, get plastic surgery!"
Exactly. Both are hypocritical cuntbags that I seriously wish they would go away.
And what's up with this whole "Ashlee is Smart" blog. Are we supposed to praise and think you're so wonderful because a fat baby came out of your vagina? No, bitch. Get a life.
Gah, I hate this douches.
And yeah, these shit-eating Simpson anuses need to step off when it comes to talking about accepting one's uniqueness, female body image, etc. They have had more goddamn fucking unnecessary plastic surgery in their EARLY TO MID TWENTIES than most people have in a lifetime. Jessica Simpson has even managed to make herself look like a stroke victim, with her taut, expressionless face, deadened eyes, and disgusting askew worm lips. What a motherfucking joke.
And Asslee...poor little Asslee. Living with so many hang-ups about her dad and sister, since Papa Joe prolly only diddled her while Jessica got the full-on meat train, Asslee decided she needed to become 'famous' too, shriek "La La" at the Orange Bowl, dance like a retarded gimp at Bug Shuffle, AK's annual spring hodown, and dye her hair a different color every day to show how different she is from her brainless cumdump of a sister.
Hot damn these dumb fucking slut bitch hos piss me the fucking fuck off!!#!@#@!#
Total......not daddy spears
Daddy Spears runs a tight......in more ways than one ship........shitney is probly really a size two since daddy's home.
I agree with angel when she says that Jessica was never a real size 2 anyway. What a joke that miss asshole, who's totally reconstructed her still-ugly mug, can attempt to seriously speak about what message this criticism sends to the young girls of the country...too dumb to see the irony, I suppose!
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:37pm.
@GIG&Tyranny:
Exactly. If the people you closest to can't say it, who can? Not everyone gets to be Jessica Simpson.
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I had to wrestle with being brutally honest with my 10 year old daughter. I don't want to give her a complex, but at the same time I don't want her to be unaware of these things. Lately she's been less than active (used to walk at least 2 miles in the evenings with me,bike ride,swim etc now that it's cold and dark early I walk/run in the mornings while shes at school) and I find her "bored eating" ("Whatcha got? "Oh chips, I was bored..")and her pants that we just bought at the beginning of the school year are tough to button. Hmmm- I refuse to just buy bigger pants. So I mentioned the winter chubbiness and started taking her roller skating, which she loves.I'll be glad when winters over.
Asshole SImpson is beyond hypocitical, not only did she have mass amounts of plastic surgery to try and be pretty, she flat out LIES about her sister's size.
WHat is that telling young girls, that being a 6, and 8, a 10 isn't acceptable?
Fucking douchebag.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:42pm.
She never should've started dating a football player, she went from Tight End to Wide Receiver in the space of a couple months.
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LOL!!!!!
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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE
"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08
I've saw her at a free concert at Chase Field... what can I say, I wanted to see the train wreck and trust me it was no let down. I can honestly say she is a complete idiot. I really just have no respect for her... I used to think it was an act, but I'm pretty sure it is just her. She should really learn to just shut up, especially when people are booing her because she is two minutes into talking about "Her boyfriend Tony Romo." She would literally talk about a song for 5 mins. before she sang the fucking song!It was seriously fucking ridic.!
Apparentlym Daddy Spears got her to be the opening at for Rascal Flats... What a shit show that is going to be.... kill yourself.
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Playing Russian Roulette with a Glock is a very hard game to win.
Trying to be fair, FOX News can SUCK IT.
This issue is clearly one to be addressed by us Interwebular Specialists, we know how to do it correctly and with extreme bias.
Asslee, your sister is a cow pie cum dumpster.
See?
Expert analysis right there.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
VOTE 4 MK http://2009.bloggies.com/
Submitted by cornpone on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:44pm.
oh another thing I don't get about ashlee simpson, she wants to tell everyone that they need to respect and honor women, but her idiot husband can go on Howard stern and tell everyone how she loves anal sex?
calling out her shit LMAO. loves it
She said size two cuz that's what fatass JLove Hewitt said.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
She never should've started dating a football player, she went from Tight End to Wide Receiver in the space of a couple months
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Classic. Just Classic.
But really, Jessica is one of those hos that was never meant to be thin. She starved herself and worked her ass off and got herself a tight, hot little ass and now it's over. This is where it starts to matter if there's anything at the heart of you or not. If not - get outta here! You're done! Thanks and Bye! Good. NEXT!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
ricky lake - I understand what you are saying, but the non standard sizing of today, doesn't fake a size 8 for that of a 2. BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE!
oh another thing I don't get about ashlee simpson, she wants to tell everyone that they need to respect and honor women, but her idiot husband can go on Howard stern and tell everyone how she loves anal sex?
I'm with those of you saying......hey bitch you been hauling in the dough for 10 years for your sexy little figure. ITS OVER go with grace.
I'm not the size I was in my 20's now either, don't get to have a famous hair dresser put yarn in my hair, and most importantly
I WASN'T UP ON STAGE>>>>>>> that's why we're talking about you Jessica.......you put yourself out there how about this if she will fucking go hide I won't talk about her EVER AGAIN, oh yeah take your dumbass can't sing married to a homo sister with you.
I love this comment on her blog...
"How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?" Give me a break!!! You had plastic surgery...what kind of message are you sending to young girls!!!
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Hypocrite much?
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"Suave! Goddamn you're one suave fucker!"
She never should've started dating a football player, she went from Tight End to Wide Receiver in the space of a couple months.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
size YUCK!!! plump or rail thin, that getup is fucking wretched!!! Mom jeans, a married to the mob belt, and a beater. She looks like that really bad kid in school's mom right as she's leaving for her "night job".
Oh, also, clothing sizes aren't standard AT ALL, from brand to brand and era to era. The much-touted "Marilyn Monroe was a size 12" crap is really kinda erroneous, considering most of her gowns were made for her by studio wardrobe people, and the average size 12 back then is now more like 6 or 8 in today's "vanity sizing." I am quite sure that many of the people clothing these celebrity hooches use vanity sizing, for obvious reasons (i.e. trashy shit whores like the Simpson succubi).
She looks like at least a size 10. Just waiting for the pregnancy rumors to be confirmed.
And these Z list celebs and their fucking blogging
I curse the day they realized they can blog like anyone gives a shit about what they have to say
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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE
"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08
I'm not allowed to hold a celebrity to a different standard than everybody else? Then why the fuck are they being paid so much money? SHUT UP!
And I've seen more detailed pictures from this Chilli Cookoff or whatever that Jessica performed at, and she is definitelt a size 2 (2-much-chocolate-cake)
her arms alone are a size 2
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:38pm.
Yeah, she's huge. I'd still like the opportunity to try to fuck her brains back in.
lol..back in.
shes just positioning her self for a jenny craig ad. valerie bertanelli will have some competition
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
bye iheart!♥♥
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:38pm.
Yeah, she's huge. I'd still like the opportunity to try to fuck her brains back in.
Respeck!
I'm certainly not defending this vapid cunt or her rancid, functionally-retarded sister, but Jessica Simpson claims she is 5'4", while real accounts put her more at 5'2". I have heard from people who have met her in person that she's pretty teeny. I'm friends with a lot of short girls (5'1", 5'2") and many of them are size 0's and 2's because they are petites, not because they necessarily appear super skinny or now (many of them don't). I'm not gonna make a judgment call 'cause I don't really know, but I think it's possible....certainly more so than with JLove. (Also, Jessica's weight has fluctuated a lot over the years...just becuase she is not currently a 2 doesn't mean she wasn't necessarily one recently).
In other news, I hope they both die in a fiery plane crash.
You can tell how fat a person is by their arms. Her arms are pretty average.
She IS looking noticeably "fat" compared to how she's looked throughout a decade of famewhoring.
If she can pack on 15 to 20 that fast, wait until she hits 30 hahahaah! I gotta get my fat ass outside and shovel some snow. Fucksakes I hate winter! Have a good one, all!
XoXo
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"jim is our Dollar Store version of commingback." -christine the hoff 12/04/2008
I was gonna comment back to Bango, then to Green is Good, then ...
you sluts are all speaking the truth!
truth times asslee, look into it!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Yeah, she's huge. I'd still like the opportunity to try to fuck her brains back in.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
She looks more like a size 4. But yeah, if she wasn't Jessica Simpson everyone would think she looked great. Hell, I would love to have her body the way it is now. But when you're a celebrity, a size 4 is fat. And she signed up for this life so she is going to have to take the good with the bad.
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People Suck!
@GIG&Tyranny:
Exactly. If the people you closest to can't say it, who can? Not everyone gets to be Jessica Simpson.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
Submitted by Nanners on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:24pm.
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Exactly. When you're in the public eye, they're going to pick you apart. If she doesn't like it, then she should DISAPPEAR! Trust me, no one will cry over it.
Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:33pm.
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Never come between a Vietnamese and their cock. They're very protective of their chickens.
the DUDE! abides...
I'm thinking that Jessica may have the fat gene in her...I think she said it was difficult to get that Dukes body way back when...heehee can't wait to see her "size 2" after squeezing out a couple of kids..
Fame is a fickle bitch, get over it.
Her last "movie" had her in a bikini in the posters... I know that only because I saw it here.
Or naked on the cover of Esquire, or in swimsuit on the cover of GQ... Or wearing those fucking Daisy Duke shorts. Or any of the other assorted times she was selling herself as a sex object.
Suck it up bitch. You made money whoring yourself out, and now want to be judged simple for your talent? Guess what, you've got none!
And bringing up Obama, sheeeeeeeit bitch, pull your fucking head out.
The only retard I dilike more than this one, is Paris Hilton.
Please tell me this fucking cunt did not just preach to us about how girls can't love themselves if we make fun of this kind of shit. This coming from the same cunt who got plastic surgery all over her fucking face? Yeah, asshole, you're the one really sending out a positive message to those little girls. If your face is fucked up, get plastic surgery!
Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:31pm.
Off topic:
http://www.kontraband.co.uk/pics/15677/Her-Cute-Little-Doggy/?gpage=12#s...
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OMG! You see that pink ball? That's the ball my dog ate in ENTIRETY! And when we played with it - he looked like that dog too:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:28pm.
Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend?
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"You're getting a little chubby" ??? Hell, yeah!
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Ha ha! My Mom has said that to me! Hey, I'd rather she was honest. It got my ass off the couch.
Submitted by Provolone on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:32pm.
The only size this bitch needs to worry about is the size of her cunt after im none ravaging her innards with my man-ram!!
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Is it wrong that I found that kinda hot?
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"jim is our Dollar Store version of commingback." -christine the hoff 12/04/2008
Few people annoy me, these idiots are among the chosen.
I don't think Jess is FAT, but she certainly has packed on a good 15 lbs. She yo-yos so much though, it is no surprise.
I also think she is the BI on CDAN about being pregnant, but things aren't great with the bf, so that is why it hasn't been announced.
oh, and STFU Asslee....worry about giving your baby a STUPID NAME and all the shit he will get for it.
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"Maddox probably thought he hit the jackpot, but then Angie proceeded to take him to every other Third World country on the planet. He’s probably like. 'Bitch, when the fuck are we getting to Malibu?'" - CH
Yeah, yeah.. she's right. Humans come in al shapes and sizes and there are WAY MORE important things out there than Jessica Chicken of the Sea Simpson... BUT I'll say Chestica Pimpson is a fat cow out of Asshole's hypocrisy. If all women are different, then why the hell did this piece of untalented shit get tons of plastic surgery?. Same can be said for this gem that came out of Asshole's mouth a few years back, right after she got her plastic surgery: "Everyone is made differently, and that's what makes us beautiful and unique. I want girls to look in the mirror and feel confident."
And I would honestly tell ANYBODY they are fat and need to lose weight. Maybe not always mentioning the "fat cow" remark, but saying OBESE is more than enough. Believe me.
Chicken of the sea Simpson is not fat, FAT, but she's quite chunky. And those clothes she has been wearing don't help her cause.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
also what a hypocrtical bitch that asslee simps is. i think what made it worse, was her saying "we criticize a size 2 figure " i mean why did you have to put her supposedly "size" out there??
ugh cunts these days