Jessica Simpson Is A Size 2 (Or 8)
Asshole Simpson was probably crying in her daddy's lap (and he loooves it), because everyone forgot she existed. Even her baby's name is more famous than she is.
So when some bitches started calling Jessica a fat fuck cow who uses the jelly in donuts to brush her teeth and smothers her face in cake frosting before bedtime so that if she wakes up in the middle of the night there's a delicious surprise waiting for her, Asshole found an opportunity to get a little attention. The poster child for famewhoring wrote this on her blog:
I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.
Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend? I seriously doubt it. How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?
Now can we focus on the things that really matter.
Somewhere in the world, Ashlee's old nose is thinking, "Bitch, shut up."
Asshole should really consult with Jessica before she pulls a JLove and starts throwing around the "size 2" shit. Jessica responded to the "You so fat that you start beeping when you back up" jokes to OK!, "Going from a size 2 to a size 8, that's not fat. If I weren't Jessica Simpson, no one would care."
In Asshole's defense, she can only count up to 2.
And what does the president have to do with Jessica's fopa? I'm going to start using that excuse when the creditors call, "I'm disgusted that you are calling me about being ten payments behind. It's only been a week since the inauguration. Let's focus on the things that really matter!"
P.S. - You can go back to forgetting that fucktard named Ashlee Simpson. Delete and reboot.
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Yes, bimbohood is a yoke, but it's one some women fight to cast off while others bow down to be shackled with. I'm stymied how anyone could legitimately claim either of the Simpson twits fall into the former category.
Don't forget Rachel Ray is a size 2 too, lol.
No matter how you look at it... Jessica simpson is NOT fat !!! Now, a dumb blonde? Hell yeah !!!
One of the MK quote hall of fame:
Somewhere in the world, Ashlee's old nose is thinking, "Bitch, shut up."
I'm quite sure everyone in Hollywood is a size 2. Everyone. From Jennifer Love Hewitt to Jennifer Lopez to Andy Dick. Everyone.
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"If you hadn't noticed, my position enables me to hear things."
- Theodore Bagwell
Uh... wasn't it her fug-faced husband who was quoted on the Howard Stern show as saying her post-preggo body was skinny again and "already so hot"? Like that's not placing unrealistic expectations on women. Ooo, and let's not forget that Asshole also got a nose job...
"That theory would be more plausible if the media didn't harp on any celeb who gains weight regardless of how they launched their careers."
Both girls opted for cosmetic enhancement, bimbo magazine layouts, and beauty product endorsements, never actually bothering to do anything substantive. Unfair or no, that's a bell that can't be unrung. Both also complained about cameras following them around. This is after they willingly profited from letting them in their homes. If you're going to lament for the mistreated talent of the world, it's probably best not to cry a river for these two.
I watched her whole performance on the radio website http://www.wkis.com/index.php?page=1175 and she is NOT a size 2. Maybe a size 10, she has really gotten thicker but she isn't fat at all.
And Bitchette - you're right, I do wear 6's also. But in no way is a size 8 HUGE for a short girl, as kendrajayner tried to state.
The bitch is not fat but shes certainly out of shape. Those lardarms and fat rolls on her torso tell me so... Its too bad thought frog face never had any kind of ass until now..There is no way in krispy kreme hell that shes a size 2. Im a size 4 and im a much smaller woman than she is.
"I don't go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth!"
- Kathy Griffin
Bitch needs a stylist, not a diet.
ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR MIND? I'm a size 8, with 37-27-38 measurements and I don't recall being called anything negative. In my own mind my hips are a little too big but at 5'2 I've got some good curves. HUGE? You are outta your mind.
Submitted by kendrajayner on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 1:47pm.
A size 8 is HUGE for someone who is 5'2
TITS- I know, we are just keeping them from being great!
I have to give them credit. I dont know what I would have done without the wise political council of the genius and highly educated minds of Hayden Pantierre and Scarlett Johannsen.
You know, without them McCAin totally wouldve won! *rolls eyes*
I guess she's boycotting that Chicken of The Sea mess.
"These are both girls who've gotten career mileage out of the way they look. Their appearances are up for public consumption/lampooning because they opened that door. If you're going to let the wolf in, you have to deal with him even when it's inconvenient for you."
That theory would be more plausible if the media didn't harp on any celeb who gains weight regardless of how they launched their careers.
She really isn't fat, yet.
She really is fatheaded, though.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Charles Manson on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 2:20pm.
LOL!
per usual :)
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
I think women look much sexier a little plump. Bottom line is Jessica is not sexy no matter what size she is because her fat mouth distracts from any demure sexiness she might have been able to attain.
Submitted by Kp on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 2:21pm.
kayne and/or diddy too.
what? you don't automatically associate the success of a politician with a musician?
traitor.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tupperware is not an eating vessel.
Submitted by yiooooooo on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 1:45pm.
Anne Hathaway is 5'8 and weights around 125 to 130 (150 before) and she is a size 4 , there is no way that 5'3 Jessica is size 2.
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clothing stores and designers screw around with sizes all the time.
I'm 5'10 and 150lbs I've worn everything from a size 4 to a 14.
It's all nonsense. Frankly it really annoys me because I HATE shopping and spending the time picking out stuff to try on only to find it's too big is a real pisser.
woman, thy name is vanity.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tupperware is not an eating vessel.
Ok, I am SO over using the inauguration for these celebrities to bitch and try to make us EVIL people feel guilty . "Things were just so great after Obama was inauguration, why do you PEOPLE have to bring up ____ and focus on me! You know, ME! The poor unfortunate Me!"
Asshole and Alba both brought this shit up. I wouldnt have even known about their bullshit until they blogged about it.
Submitted by mrs bundy on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 1:45pm.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU FUCKING WANT TO BABY. YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF WHITEY DARKY AND SLOPEHEAD TOO. THE ONLY RULES IS THAT YOU HAVE TO GODDAMN FUCKING BE DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS AND DONT USE THE FUCKING GODDAMN WORDS GODDAMN OR FUCKING AND DONT TYPE IN ENTIRE PASSAGES FROM THE FUCKING BIBLE REAL LATE AT NIGHT. THATS MY JOB.
These are both girls who've gotten career mileage out of the way they look. Their appearances are up for public consumption/lampooning because they opened that door. If you're going to let the wolf in, you have to deal with him even when it's inconvenient for you.
Frankly, there is something very Anna Nicole about the elder girl's ever-vulgarized body, her desperation to stay above the notoriety radar, and her need to share her addlebrained "thoughts" despite no one asking.
Shes not that fat, she just needs to tone up. Her body just seems a bit marshmellowy.
If Jessica wanted to address it she would have (which would've been kind of funny considering what usually comes out of her mouth), Ashlee is a chock full of fuckery.
Jessica isn't fat at all. And she looks like a size 6 in these pictures. That outfit is horrible on her, but I'd LOVE to have her body any say.
*****
My brains tell me he's a douche,
but my genitals tell me he's a hot piece.
It must just be me but I'd stick my cock in that in 2 seconds....then take it out 2 seconds later and say gee sorry that usually doesn't happen.
Dumb or not, I can't imagine alot of guys saying no if she was just some random chick that came up to you in a bar. I mean I be happy to tap such a pretty girl. Just sayin...
She's a chunky little midget, but she probably wouldn't look so bad if she wasn't wearng flared pants on her stubby little legs and a giant belt, hiding what little waist she has left. She could still look good at that size, if was dressed better.......
Submitted by missy on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 2:06pm.
I was a size 0 when I was a total drug addict and looked like a zombie cancer patient.
Size 0 is NOT HOT.
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DITTO!
Lor - there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a size 8....it's trying to convince us that you are a size 2 that is pissing us the fuck off.
she's not fat, just a lil fluffy around the head and chest area. she still has a pancake ass tho. lol all that poodle hair makes her look top heavy.
for the record, i don't think jessica is fat more so than those jeans she's wearing are a poor choice for her body...and the fact the fox news is making it headline news speaks for itself...
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we've all had our fair share of cock...it's nothing to shout about...
I think Jessica Simpson is a talentless piece of crap and her sister is even worse. I wish she would stop being famous so I didn't have to hear about either of them any more.
That being said, i'm shocked at how many people are talking about her weight from these pictures. Yea, she looks like an idiot wearing those jeans, but even if she did gain weight, who really cares?
As annoying as celebs are, why are they under the microscope with their weight? Why was it such a massive deal with Jennifer Love Hewitt and her bikini pics?
So what! I feel like puking in my mouth for defending Jessica Simpson, but people really need to give it a rest.
I was a size 0 when I was a total drug addict and looked like a zombie cancer patient.
Size 0 is NOT HOT.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
people these days get so hung up in size numbers...it is all about how the mass is distributed and carried. One person can be a size 2 and have a thick waist and horrible figure, whereas another can be a size 12 and still have a great body with a 23" waist...that 12 size was the ideal back in the 50's when Marilyn reigned supreme and lots of bitches still want to be her or look like her. Yet these days, everyone claims or wants to be a size 0 but that rarely happens naturally in the USA where most of the population is overweight. And unless you are a midget a size 0 is basically a skelleton for an anatomy class.
I really don't care if she has gained some weight. She still isn't fat. I just don't like the girl. She is so full of herself and she can't sing and she isn't pretty. She fucked the right people to get where she is at... She's gross skinny or heavier... And she is always sticking that damn tongue of hers out and shoving her ass in our faces... Obviously, she thinks she looks okay enough to do that.
"How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?"
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...said the woman with the nose job, dyed hair, and veneers.
Meh, I shouldn't take anyone who names her kid 'Bronx Mowgli' seriously anyways.
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A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.
what the hell is wrong with being a size 8?
To Assley, why don't you have a big bowl of "Shut The Fuck Up"!
If Chestica doesn't want people to notice her weight gain then why be in the public eye and show up as a guest STAR at a hillbilly chili off?
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Submitted by mrs bundy on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 1:54pm.
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Oh, and Charles Manson and ALL CAPS jim are actually funny, unlike you.
Just sitting at work, reading my Dlisted for the day, scrolling down.. FUCK! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF MY FACE! No, seriously, that scared the shit out of me.
No one should have commented-that way she would keep expanding and we could continue to watch!!Now, her self esteem is sure to have taken a huge tumble, so watch for her to rapidly shrink over the next 2 weeks. Thanks, media.
"How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?"
This coming from somebody who has had such drastic plastic surgery, she is no longer recognizable as the idiot who got famous for screwing up on SNL? You might want to look up the word "irony" in the dictionary, dear.
Jessica is a talentless moron, but basically she's harmless and I think bitches should just get off her case. She's not fat, she's normal. (actually skinnier than normal if you really look at all the fat asses wallowing around America)
"People who try to pretend they're superior make it so much harder for those of us who really are."
-Hyacinth
Submitted by Clarisse on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 12:57pm.
I guess men can overlook a LOT of stupid if it comes with a great rack, long blonde hair and cock-sucking lips.
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Please don't take offense, but don't they teach you that in like 3rd grade?
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by mrs bundy on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 1:45pm
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Quit ripping off Charles Manson and ALL CAPS jim. Not original or amusing.
I'm not sure what their deal is, there's nothing wrong with being a size 6. I am a size 6!!! And I'm short and perhaps 5-10 lbs overweight compared to this celebutards who essentially lie abuot their weight and size. It's just a fucking number, who cares? If you base your life on this shit you are a shallow dimwit loser. That being said, Jessica looks terrible in those pants, anyone who is of average height or weight would look "fat" in these jeans. And I don't think JS is fat, but she's clearly put on weight and shouldn't be wearing this shit either.
"The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house." Audre Lorde
A size 8 is HUGE for someone who is 5'2.
Anne Hathaway is 5'8 and weights around 125 to 130 (150 before) and she is a size 4 , there is no way that 5'3 Jessica is size 2.
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
YA ASSLEE, CAUSE EVERYONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKHEAD OPINION ON YOUR SHITEOUS BLOG, DUMB ASS BITCH! PROBABLY LEFT HER BABY IN THE BATHTUB CAUSE SHE FELT SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS ISSUE THAT SHE HAD TO WRITE IT ON HER FUCKHEAD BLOG SO WE REMEMBER SHE IS STILL ALIVE, STUPID FUCKING CUNT!! HOW ABOUT YOU COMMENT ON REAL ISSUES LIKE HER DAD DIPPIN HIS DOODLE INTO JESSICA, OR PETE WENTZ FUGLY ASS FACE, MOTHAFUCKIN SLUT.
For a woman to basically build a career on appearence, wouldn't she expect for that career to be destroyed by the same vehicle?
That being said; "size 2"? you better put a 1 in front of that.
We pay these bitches salaries! Do you see many FAT ASS ladies on the tv or movie screen??? NOPE! You blow up like a Kirsty Alley and your career is over - no one wants to see that shit!
It's annoying cuz these bitches have all the money to get trainers, chefs, etc. and we expect their asses to stay small and not get FAT like JS! I'm 33 and have kept my shit to a size 5/6 and have NO personal trainer or chef.
What's this LAZY bitches excuse???
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Hold up! Hell NO! Like Britney Spears I wear no drawers!