Wednesday, January 28th 2009

Jessica Simpson Is A Size 2 (Or 8)

Asshole Simpson was probably crying in her daddy's lap (and he loooves it), because everyone forgot she existed. Even her baby's name is more famous than she is.

So when some bitches started calling Jessica a fat fuck cow who uses the jelly in donuts to brush her teeth and smothers her face in cake frosting before bedtime so that if she wakes up in the middle of the night there's a delicious surprise waiting for her, Asshole found an opportunity to get a little attention. The poster child for famewhoring wrote this on her blog:

I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister's weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman's weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard.

Is this something you would say to your wife, daughter, mother, grandmother, or even a friend? I seriously doubt it. How can we expect teenage girls to love and respect themselves in an environment where we criticize a size 2 figure?

Now can we focus on the things that really matter.

Somewhere in the world, Ashlee's old nose is thinking, "Bitch, shut up."

Asshole should really consult with Jessica before she pulls a JLove and starts throwing around the "size 2" shit. Jessica responded to the "You so fat that you start beeping when you back up" jokes to OK!, "Going from a size 2 to a size 8, that's not fat. If I weren't Jessica Simpson, no one would care."

In Asshole's defense, she can only count up to 2.

And what does the president have to do with Jessica's fopa? I'm going to start using that excuse when the creditors call, "I'm disgusted that you are calling me about being ten payments behind. It's only been a week since the inauguration. Let's focus on the things that really matter!"

P.S. - You can go back to forgetting that fucktard named Ashlee Simpson. Delete and reboot.

Posted by: Michael K


Noelegy's picture

What is a fopa? Is it like a faux pas?

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Did I dream this belief or did I believe this dream?
--Peter Gabriel

she's fat

Zappy's picture

Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:08pm.

Um, she said she was a size eight, not a size two. Her idiot sister said that shit about a size two. Who gives a shit? Leave this retarded hooker alone.
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LOL..you are correct. We went off on this shit like a band of liond attacking a hippopotamus..

I'm smothering my face in more icing.

Zappy's picture

She's about five foot three inches and most probably a size 8. That ain't hardly fat.

Stoney's picture

Um, she said she was a size eight, not a size two. Her idiot sister said that shit about a size two. Who gives a shit? Leave this retarded hooker alone.

THINGS TELL ME YOU AND ME CAN BE FUCKING REALLY GOOD GODDAMN FRIENDS.

M.E.'s picture

You people are still discussing this?

sofster101's picture

That's bigger than a size 8.

collegemama's picture

Size 2 my ass! I'm a size 1, weighing 105 pounds and she is not even close to a size 2.

Zappy's picture

Maybe she's a size 2 in dog years...

And...I didn't think there was anything wrong with brushing my toof with jelly donut juice or smothering my face with cake frosting..is there?

She most def is not a size 2. I agree she's probably a 10 or at least an 8. I guess in Hollywood size 2 means something else. What idiots.

helenevienna's picture

I'm a woman from Europe, I'm 180 cm tall (5'11) and weigh 64 kilos (140 pounds). That means I have a BMI of only 19. I have a European size 40 (that's a 10 in America). Since I'm so tall and thin that whenever I suck it up, I'm only 15 cm thick, the size 10 is very small for a large woman. Since Jessica is small and fat (and I looked at the chart of EU and USA sizes, I reckon she's at least a size 14/16.

Asshole simpson needs to shut the fuck up & die already. That bitch still breathing air is like nails on a chalk board...

could care a less about her weight...when will she disappear into obscurity....that pose is pure skank.......

portlandgirl's picture

Submitted by dutchmodernist on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 2:16pm.

Jessica isn't fat at all. And she looks like a size 6 in these pictures.
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there's no way she's a size 6!! did you see the other pictures of her at that event? i saw them on another site... she looks fatter in some of them, especially around her stomach. i'm her height (5'3") and usually a size 4 (36 26 36), and quite a bit smaller than her (like, no rolls of fat anywhere). very rarely i am a size 2. when i was 15 pounds heavier i still didn't look like she does, and i usually wore size 6. there's NO WAY she's a size 6. she's a size 8-10 at least.

also, those pants are AWFUL. didn't everyone agree they make even a normal sized woman have a womb-pocket? (that's what my ex called that bulge from high-waisted pants!) high-waisted pants should be outlawed, especially the wide-leg ones with those huge pockets. she needs a stylist to help her dress more flattering for her figure.

angel_i's picture

It's so funny, actually. ALL of this hullaballoo over an observation. The girl has put on weight, she wears tacky clothes and she's a retard.
What's to discuss?

♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!

Khensu Hetep's picture

Also...is Ashlee Simpson really qualified to make comments about girls letting the media change how they feel about their image?

I mean, after all, she did get a nose job and has confessed to an eating disorder in the past, yes?

She's as affected by the media as everyone else is. I agree to an extent, but her acting as though the topic hasn't affected her at all and that she's "ahead" of the media's standards for beauty sounds a little bit delusional.

If people didn't say things about the size of her honker, she'd have never felt self-conscious enough to consider cosmetic surgery in the first place.

Fail.

dragonfly's picture

If she would just admit she's an 8 instead of trying to pass as a 2 she (or her ridiculous sister) wouldn't seem so pathetic. Hey, women of all sizes are beautiful - just don't lie about it! I agree the getup is kooky, her creepy perv manager father Joe probably picked it out at Forever 21. Actually, if Joe put on some of Jessica's "Hair-do" brand extensions and caked on the makeup he could almost pass as her double.

Is this news true?----Someone mentioned that you met your man on the famous celebrity&rich romance seeking club__--------celebmingle com__----------? True or not??

Submitted by patty cake on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 9:59pm.
that's a 12

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at least a 12, possibly a 14

Andraya's picture

There is NO fucking way Anne Hathaway weighs as much as 125/130 lbs. What drug are you on? That girl is a skeleton.

Jessica Simpson is hot with a huge rack and nice ass. If it weren't for the horrible wig and white trash outfit I would so tap that, and I'm straight. Anyone who thinks she's "fat" is a total moron and a pig.

"It kind of looks like a little girl and her memaw bonding during karaoke hour at Shady Pines."

patty cake's picture

that's a 12

xoxox

The war isn't working.

Home's picture

If this is "FAT" then obesity-ridden America needs to take a good look in the double-wide mirror.

Romo asked her to bulk up, saying it's what he's used to seeing under center.

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Regardless of race, juveniles with unpopular names are more likely to engage in criminal activity. http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090128/sc_livescience/boyswithunpo...

Stoney's picture

And since when is ANYONE criticizing a size 2? A real size two is thin as shit and if we criticize it at all, it's when it looks too skinny, a la Blohan! Asshole Simpson is a fucking plastic delusional retard.

THINGS TELL ME YOU AND ME CAN BE FUCKING REALLY GOOD GODDAMN FRIENDS.

shut the smurf up's picture

Sorry Jessica simpson Has NO ASS, no matter how much weight she gains.
that is a flat ass for a curvier girl.
She is not a Fatty, but she definitely gained a lot of weight.

He Dicho! caso cerrado!!

Little miss's picture

I'm a size 0 and I don't like Jessica Simpson, but I do believe it's time for society to start glamourizing healthy/curvy looking girls and stop that anorexic, over aerobicised and android looking craze.

We do need women, who look like real women back.

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There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
--Buddha

sexy's picture

F.A.T. fat ass titties.

BettyB's picture

HAHA this is too funny!!! mk you crack me up

Deb's picture

Let's see. JLove, Kim Zolniak, and Jessica Simpson are size 2? Well, I'm glad I'm a 6/8, because from what I've seen, 6/8 is smaller!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Stoney's picture

I like her better now that she publicly embraced size eight...

THINGS TELL ME YOU AND ME CAN BE FUCKING REALLY GOOD GODDAMN FRIENDS.

Aww!! Jessie is not fat. Her ass looks great! I think that people are so used to seeing stick figures for modeling that we forget what a normal size should be.

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Khensu Hetep's picture

Submitted by Chunky Monkey on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 5:35pm.

If she really wanted to let go of herself, she'd have gained more than 10-20 ish lbs.

I know from experience.

MushroomStamp's picture

I agree.. I like with the extra pounds.... Ass and Tits lookn like I wanna motorboat 'em both :)

Mike Litoris's picture

I like her ass all big and shit.

TITS's picture

Submitted by stevebeans on Wed, 01/28/2009 - 5:43pm.

I bet the same bloggers who are making fun of Jessica Simpson also made fun of Hohan for her sudden weight loss. Go figure
*

good call. it needed to be said.

and to repeat - I'd love to have an ass like hers.

.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Tupperware is not an eating vessel.

She's not like Kirstie Alley fat, but she is definitly chunky...and that hideous cheap-looking outfit doesn't help. Oh and a couple of push-ups/bicep curls if you're exposing sloppy arms.
Her face looks distorted somehow...don't know if it's the weight or results of a "procedure"-she looks weird.

I bet the same bloggers who are making fun of Jessica Simpson also made fun of Hohan for her sudden weight loss. Go figure

Chunky Monkey's picture

Lay off the donuts you fat cow!

Khensu Hetep's picture

The next fucking braindead guy who complains about a girl needing to gain weight, I'm going to show this picture, since clearly a lot of men have a bullshit romanticized idea about weight gain.

Reality check: not all your body fat shifts to your tits, hips, and ass, now shut the fuck up.

MAD's picture

I fucking lie awake at night DREAMMMMMING of being a size 8 - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessica Simpson was hot before she went on the Atlins diet foe the Dukes of Hazzard. She had a gorgeous, curvy-in-all-the-right-places figure but she sacrificed it all to pursue our society's current ideal of so-thin-you-can-count-all-their-ribs. By starving her body of the carbs it needs she's completely fucked up her metabolism so the moment she started eating again her body stockpiled the food in the fear it may go through a period of famine again. Hence she now looks a little chunky on the top but her butt still looks hot I have to say, I'd love to have a curvy ass like that. Plus she eats all the wrong kinds of food all the time: pizza, burgers, macaroni cheese for dinner every night. She has no concept of nutrition whatsoever. Its no wonder her weight is constantly fluctuating. Ladies, let Jessica Simpson be an example to you, eat sensibly and do not crash diet, it totally fucks up your body in the long-run.

I read this comment on her blog that I wanted to share...I really hope Ashlee reads it.

"P.S., Ashlee, my eight-year-old cousin is half Jewish and now she wants a tiny, "pretty" nose and asked how YOU managed to shrink yours. Good job bitch. You are sending a fucking horrible message to this precious little girl, who now thinks her big nose is ugly and wants to emulate your plastic surgery, and you think you have the right to act all high-and-mighty about body images?"

Well said.

zomay's picture

I think these jeans would make anyone look beefy. Not a good look. You can be a size 8 and look very beautiful. But these jeans are shitastic.

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Stock Broker's picture

You know you're one step away from being a Trival Pursuit question when you're headlining a Chili Cook-Off.

missy's picture

I remember before jesica was famous she did anti-pot psa ads in 17 magazine.

hated her since way back then

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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

Bad outfit, caked on makeup, fried overdyed hair, and to much botox. She did put on some weight, the outfit certainly isn't helping her. She is so overdone, she go a little more natural.

Maybe if she didnt make such a big deal about how 'fit' she was during Dukes of Hazzard people wouldnt be giving her shit.

Hate her and her phony sister.

babybunny's picture

both of those twats are repulsive...but I REALLY CANNOT STAND that fake ass Asshole. She has some nerve to gripe about how we are so shallow and blah, blah, blah...and in the meantime she has had more plastic surgery than Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers, and Priscilla Presley combined together. Both of them are white trash and basically ugly with ABSOLUTELY NO TALENT WHATSOEVER....so how on earth did they become famous and relevant in any way...I ALWAYS HATED BOTH OF THEM AND STILL DO...and whatever comes out of there mouths always sounds like BullS***t anyhow.

Rocket's picture

Thanks for the video link Bastian.

Wow! My ears! She's lucky she got the Chili Cookoff gig. Really bad.

Gry's picture

Yes, bimbohood is a yoke, but it's one some women fight to cast off while others bow down to be shackled with. I'm stymied how anyone could legitimately claim either of the Simpson twits fall into the former category.