Australia Is Offering The Greatest Job In The World
This might be the greatest job in the world, but I have a few very important questions. I'll get to those in a second. So, Australia's tourism bitches think they are offering the most wonderful job that ever existed (I guess they don't know about Aretha Franklin's chichi fluffer).
The job pays $100,000USD and you will have to relocate to Hamilton Island on Australia's Great Barrier Reef for half of the year. Your duties include doing a bunch of island shit like laying on the beach, snorkeling in the ocean, digging the sand out of your snatch...etc..etc...
You must know how to swim and be able to read and write English (I'm out!), because they want you to blog about your experiences weekly. Yeah, because people really want to see pictures of you having the time of your damn life while they are sitting in their tiny cubicles, pushing papers and writing notes to their co-workers to STOP LEAVING DISHES IN THE SINK!!!! (I love those notes).
Not only will Australia pay you, but you will also get airfare from your home country and you will get to stay in an oceanfront villa with a pool.
The job is part of a huge campaign to boost Australia's tourism. They expect thousands of applicants. Click here if you want in, but that site will probably be down for the next ten years. Good luck.
Okay, they say this is the greatest job in the world, but a few things are missing for them to correctly make that claim. Um. It doesn't say there's an In-N-Out on the island that delivers. They also don't mention anything about "staying drunk 24 hours a day" as one of your duties. Also, one of your hourly duties isn't to put dollars bills (provided by them) in the g-string of the island's official go-go boy: Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. Yeah, "world's greatest job" my ass!
Thanks LoveAnderson
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Oxygen on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:25pm.
Okra
Raw Oysters and Sushi (i.e. still moving Octopus legs)
Blood Sausage
(MuthaFecking) Head Cheese
Cow Tongues
Bull's Balls
I have eaten all of those things : (
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
Sheeps,
THAT would be funny... if the chosen blogger photoshops one of their legs off for a post titled: "Crappy Swimming Session Today". And then a few weeks later photoshops off an arm with a post titled: "Thinking About Spending Less Time in the Water".
matzoh balls (and the soup it floats in)
souse
chitterlings
sauerkraut (esp. the "real" German kind)
my taste buds have zero tolerance
and I'd thought they gave vegemite to kids as a punishment....like cod liver oil.
(and yes we Americans are obnoxious ;) )
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Submitted by MrPossumsMama on Thu, 01/08/2009 - 12:18am.
Vote for MK -we're getting spanked, bitches
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Polls close Feb 13
Oxygen alll my faves! BLECH!****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Ive never had Sushi..I want to try it soon I just dont know what i would eat!
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I never stay on topic :)
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:28pm.
Would you be alone onthe island or are there other people to talk to? Like hotel staff, other island peeps?
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There's a resort there.
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When Judge Margaret Richards asked the accused if he had anything to say, he replied "I like your hair". He was sentenced to 115 days in jail.
Just bring a giant bag of Ganja, make sure they had cable, fuck, i would love this shit, I wonder if you can bring your pets?
You think NetFlix could find you?
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
VOTE FOR MK
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Submitted by Oxygen on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:25pm.
It's lots of things that I can stomach but lots that I cannot.
Vegemite
Gefilte Fish
Okra
Raw Oysters and Sushi (i.e. still moving Octopus legs)
Blood Sausage
(MuthaFecking) Head Cheese
Cow Tongues
Bull's Balls
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Only thing on your list that I eat.
lay on my stomach...flip over and lay on back...then write about it...sounds like heaven to me....
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whoa...amber is the color of your energy...
Submitted by suze on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:17pm.
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Stay tuned for next week when I teach y'all about Cheezles.
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Are cheezles twisties? And you should include a tutorial on the ubiquitous chico roll. Yummmmmmm. And matchsticks.
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When Judge Margaret Richards asked the accused if he had anything to say, he replied "I like your hair". He was sentenced to 115 days in jail.
suze; I want Locke there too, let's just say he's not REALLY dead....;)
wow, I'm having a nice fantasy sitting at my desk, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Would you be alone onthe island or are there other people to talk to? Like hotel staff, other island peeps?
Because six months on an island alone...well.....I'd go cuckoo. I'd have to bring back all my childhood imaginary friends to chat wiff.
Oxygen- Mmm, cow tongue tacos are the BEST! So tender.
Ooo, snorkling! This is a perfect job for me, I think. I went snorkling once, and I got too close to the wave break point and one picked me up and my foot got slammed into a reef and all cut up. It wasn't that bad though. Everyone else in the other boat got stung by little jelly fishes. LOL, suckers!
It's lots of things that I can stomach but lots that I cannot.
Vegemite
Gefilte Fish
Okra
Raw Oysters and Sushi (i.e. still moving Octopus legs)
Blood Sausage
(MuthaFecking) Head Cheese
Cow Tongues
Bull's Balls
Uggghhhh...I just got the rumblies.
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
the site is down been trying since this morning
: (
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
I can eat anything no matter how odd and gave Vegemite a real try, but it's awful. I'd get knocked out of one of those Aussie survival shows on the way from the airport.
I bet the snorkeling is only within shark nets or in atolls or reefs where big sharks can't enter. The promo might have the opposite effect on tourism if the chosen blogger lost a leg.
Willllsssooonnn !!!!!!
oh, the fun someone could have with that "job".
I've been to Australia, it's pretty nice. The people are ok, they're definitely friendlier when they're tourists, but for the most part they're fairly hospitable, more so than the British. It takes about 13-14 hours from the West Coast to get there. Overall the flight is shorter than going to Argentina (believe it or not). Those are some long ass flights, next time I go I'll be sure to bring Infinite Jest to read or some long ass book like that. This job looks like it might be fun in the beginning but then you'd get lonely after awhile!
STFU!!!
Submitted by Hekki on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:15pm.
I'd LOVE to go to Australia, but I'm afraid of that long flight. I haven't known too many Aussies very well, but the ones I have met have been friendly and jolly. A friend of ours had some Aussie friends visiting, and it was a married couple and the woman's parents. The dad was dying and they wanted to do all this fun stuff in NYC before he couldn't travel any more. But it wasn't all depressing. They were cheerful and jokey and warm. They got drunk and rowdy with us at the Plaza Hotel and we had an impromptu talent show and we didn't want to say goodbye to them. They were terrific.
AW - that's such a great story.
THANKS!
"cept now I am homesick a wee bit homesick - even after 9 years of living here.
(We do tend to drink too much hehehe)
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
I spent two years in Perth and was very bummed we couldn't have our last swim because the beaches were closed due to a shark attack.
Also partied with the Aussie Navy in Abu Dhabi, three fun days I wish I could remember! :)
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Mrs. K. squeezed my ass. I can die happy.
You know what? I would pass. Now, when they offer a cottage on the coast of Cornwall, I am soooo there!
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
I can't apply, BS.
I'm going to take a wild guess and say they won't be choosing any lard-asses for this "job."
*withdrawing my application and shoving a Krispy Kreme in my mouth*
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:16pm
bwahahah!
btw, i wonder how many openings they have. A landslide of Dlisted would make Australia close their border FOREVER.
Let's go, trash the place and come back. YAY!!
(like we always do)
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:08pm
Vegemite is a yeast extract spread (yeah - yeast extract for bread - wtf??)
invented in the 40s as a way for war era kids to get some much needed vitamins.
It's now a staple favourite among most Aussies and goes best on really fresh bread or toast.
It's definittely an acquired taste and most non-Oz people don't like it. Best way to descrive it is a greasy soy sauce and it looks like black axel grease. Tempting,huh?
It's made by Kraft but you can't get it in North America anymore so expats like me rely on friends and relatives to send it over on a regular basis.
Stay tuned for next week when I teach y'all about Cheezles.
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
suze Hugo can be there for comic relief, dude! ;)
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Submitted by Farrah on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:14pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:12pm.
*knocks Farrah outta da way!*
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Sorry, beesh, i wuvs you, but you leave me no other choice...
*sharpens shank*
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S'ok, chica, I go through life like The Karate Kid;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
I'd LOVE to go to Australia, but I'm afraid of that long flight. I haven't known too many Aussies very well, but the ones I have met have been friendly and jolly. A friend of ours had some Aussie friends visiting, and it was a married couple and the woman's parents. The dad was dying and they wanted to do all this fun stuff in NYC before he couldn't travel any more. But it wasn't all depressing. They were cheerful and jokey and warm. They got drunk and rowdy with us at the Plaza Hotel and we had an impromptu talent show and we didn't want to say goodbye to them. They were terrific.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:12pm.
*knocks Farrah outta da way!*
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Sorry, beesh, i wuvs you, but you leave me no other choice...
*sharpens shank*
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
YAY!!!
I got a credit!!!!!
SNOWY ♥♥♥♥♥
Mah Boo, Me and MK, Mah Boo better take extra Vitamins.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
VOTE FOR MK
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 12:59pm.
It would be fun to play it straight and get the position and then go all surreal and crazy on their asses once you start blogging from the island.
Talk about your conversations with the nice man you met on the island made entirely out of jalapeno peppers.
Dig a big hole in the ground and photograph yourself peering out of it.
Rave about how the best food on the island is bark soup.
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Now THAT is hot.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
I'll fecking do it....Learning my song now
"I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich. "
Down Under...Men At Work
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:08pm.
I'm only getting stuck on this Craphole Island if I can have James "Sawyer" Ford, Sayid Jarrah and Desmond Hume to keep me company, and Jin Kwon to get me fish.
You have excellant taste, but you forgot Hugo.
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
Vegemite and marmite are definitely acquired tastes. I hated them both at first and now I love them. Mmmm... Twiglets.
Submitted by Farrah on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:06pm.
*packing*
expect my blog to be something like this:
day 1: sleep. Beach. Nap.
btw, the site IS down. Good job, Australia!
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*knocks Farrah outta da way!*
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
Oh yeah and The Great Barrier Reef......SHARK CENTRAL!
At least the water is clear and you can see the fucker coming.
Uhm, if I didn't have such young children I'd be all over this shit.
I'm only getting stuck on this Craphole Island if I can have James "Sawyer" Ford, Sayid Jarrah and Desmond Hume to keep me company, and Jin Kwon to get me fish.
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Submitted by suze on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 1:06pm.
Hahahahahaha that was funny...and what is vegamite?
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I never stay on topic :)
Submitted by jussayin on Tue, 01/13/2009 - 12:58pm.
that is a good job but if they make you eat Vegemite then I'm gonna have to pass! I work with this bony Aussie chick and she brought in some Vegemite once and all I can say is "holyfuckindayumhellisdatshyt?"
Rancid! No wonder the chick is bony!
Plus I don't know why but whenever I meet Australians they all seem to have to really funky chuckle noise. (Yes like Steve Irwin) and they use it all the time even when ain't shit funny. It annoys me.
2things:
Vegemite is awesome especially on Sourdough toast.
and
2. - Yeah we do have a weird chuckle noise. I see that.
Kinda like the way Americans all seem to talk all loud and obnoxious and be all opinionated and shit when no one around them gives a fuck.
: )
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
This looks like a wonderful job but no way in hell would I be snorkeling in an area that has such high density of sharks and I believe that is one of the requirements.
I just looked up shark attacks and this was the first thing that popped up:
"Australia Facing Shark ‘Plague’ After Three Attacks in Two Days"
No thanks...
*packing*
expect my blog to be something like this:
day 1: sleep. Beach. Nap.
btw, the site IS down. Good job, Australia!
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
lol @ TV's comment
That's a smart promo. Bet a lot of people would start to get really fidgety after one month on-island.
Is there an open bar?
Who the hell would apply and then want to read the winner freakin' blog about it? I'd wish a tsunami hit the ass who took my prize.
Put Jemaine Clement on the island as part of the deal and I will start getting my paperwork in order this very minute.
It would be fun to play it straight and get the position and then go all surreal and crazy on their asses once you start blogging from the island.
Talk about your conversations with the nice man you met on the island made entirely out of jalapeno peppers.
Dig a big hole in the ground and photograph yourself peering out of it.
Rave about how the best food on the island is bark soup.
I dont think I would enjoy this....I mean is it like a lonely Island with no restaurants or malls or people? This would be o.k for like a month max but thats it I would go nuts!
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I never stay on topic :)