Australia Is Offering The Greatest Job In The World
This might be the greatest job in the world, but I have a few very important questions. I'll get to those in a second. So, Australia's tourism bitches think they are offering the most wonderful job that ever existed (I guess they don't know about Aretha Franklin's chichi fluffer).
The job pays $100,000USD and you will have to relocate to Hamilton Island on Australia's Great Barrier Reef for half of the year. Your duties include doing a bunch of island shit like laying on the beach, snorkeling in the ocean, digging the sand out of your snatch...etc..etc...
You must know how to swim and be able to read and write English (I'm out!), because they want you to blog about your experiences weekly. Yeah, because people really want to see pictures of you having the time of your damn life while they are sitting in their tiny cubicles, pushing papers and writing notes to their co-workers to STOP LEAVING DISHES IN THE SINK!!!! (I love those notes).
Not only will Australia pay you, but you will also get airfare from your home country and you will get to stay in an oceanfront villa with a pool.
The job is part of a huge campaign to boost Australia's tourism. They expect thousands of applicants. Click here if you want in, but that site will probably be down for the next ten years. Good luck.
Okay, they say this is the greatest job in the world, but a few things are missing for them to correctly make that claim. Um. It doesn't say there's an In-N-Out on the island that delivers. They also don't mention anything about "staying drunk 24 hours a day" as one of your duties. Also, one of your hourly duties isn't to put dollars bills (provided by them) in the g-string of the island's official go-go boy: Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. Yeah, "world's greatest job" my ass!