How Many Douchebags From Tool Academy Would You Hit?

I mean hit it with your genitals and not hit it with a tree branch covered in nails. You know, I asked myself this question while watching Vh1's latest trainwreck Tool Academy. If you're not familiar with this refined piece of entertainment, let me fill you in.

9 mega mega MEGA mega mega assholes are thrown into a house thinking they are competing for some shit called "Mr. Awesome." Of course, only a DOUCHEBAG (caps for effect) would compete in that mess. It turns out, the 9 pieces of trash are really unwittingly enrolling into Tool Academy, because they treat their girlfriends like caca. They cheat on them, they take their cash, they lie, they talk shit on them, etc...etc.... They compete in a series of challenges with their girlfriends in an effort to de-tool themselves. The dick bag who has had the biggest transformation will win some shit in the end.

This should really should have been called DICKMATIZED, because these chicks have a bad case of it! How could they have not have put their boyfriends' peens in the garbage disposal as punishment for treating them so assy? That's because they are addicted to the dick. Dickmatization is a serious disease!

Okay, so back to the important question. How many would you hit? And be fucking honest! Below is a clip that is so douchy, it is guaranteed to completely clean the dirtiest of vaginas. I am so ashamed to admit that I'd hit 8 out of the 9. I had to give my genitals the evil side-eye every time it got a little tingly when one of the tools took off their shirts. I would even hit Celebrity! I'd put on that Monopoly money boa and take that shit. Ew. I'm so gross.

The only one I wouldn't hit is Josh. I'm sorry, but.... Okay, I'd only let him stick the tip in. That really wouldn't count as sexy times, because his peen is probably the size of an ant leg.

Posted by: Michael K

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Reality TV • Trash • Would You Hit It?

Submitted by Rican35 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:00pm.

Since I can't run the video here I am going on looks alone and I'd hit three of them but, something tells me that with video that number would quickly drop to zero.

Submitted by kaykayscorner on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:00pm.

Did I read somewhere they're gonna give 100 grand to one of these cunts? That's too wrong to think about. That's just upsetting.
Ok I'll think about this instead. Michael K is in second place so far on this thing, doing very well but he needs to be recognized as the comedic genius he is so get over there and vote:
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/

Submitted by DonkeyPunched on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:00pm.

These guys are meant to be kept in bed, naked and silenced.

Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:58pm.

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:57pm.

Crap! :(

lol

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:57pm.

Elegant Dmitri was from Toronto. This Tool Dimitri is from Arizona.

http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/133868

Submitted by Salem13 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:56pm.

One more thing and I'm done. See ladies its perfectly fine to be single than have to deal with assholes like these. Atleast you can do whatever you want.

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No, I didn't get that snuggie for christmas.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:52pm.

Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:31pm.

Aw fuck!! I read "How Many Douchebags From Tool.." and I got completely geeked and screamed all 4!!!

Alas, no Maynard....

==Heeeeee's mine bitch! I swear next time I'm in the US of A, I'm a gonna drive to Maynard's vineyard in Arizona, get drunk and kiss him. The vineyard's website is so fucking cool man. Check it http://www.caduceus.org/

Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:51pm.

I'm so completely ashamed...I'd hit one.

Now I'm going to go flog myself for saying that.

But I can't figure out who the tools are supposed to be- the guys or the girls. Who looks at ANY of these guys and thinks, "Oh yeah, that's MARRIAGE material!" IDIOTS, that's who.

Dumb hair cuts, roid rage, and no jobs/male stripper, are all nature's way of flashing you a big NO sign.

Submitted by person_of_interest on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:51pm.

I had to watch this twice because some of those moves were so familiar, I thought my ex-husband was one of the tools. However, since none of the tools have a doughy white body with bad back acne, I decided that it couldn't be.

It is all about self respect. It took me a long time to realize it and get some. I hope those girls do too.

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Chinocchio needs to stop his lie-telling before his chin gets so big that he'll have to start claiming it on his taxes. -MK on Pete Wentz

Submitted by Salem13 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:51pm.

Another thing there was a guy that said therapy was for "weak minded people". I hope he gets penis cancer. Fuckin.asshole.

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No, I didn't get that snuggie for christmas.

Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:50pm.

shouldn't tools should be used to fix things...these douches have no redeemable value...and neither do the chicks that call themselves their girlfriends....
_____________________________________________
certified in knocking dicks outta mouths...

Submitted by madam ex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:48pm.

Ohhhhh shit, Josh gets smacked the fuck out...whoo hoo big girl for the win...Rah Rah!!

The prize is 100 grand, not 10.

Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:46pm.

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:40pm.
Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:33pm.
Team Dimitri
***********************************************

Could that be our very own 'elegant' Dimitri? Please say yes.

------------------------------------------------

Yes!

Submitted by howcomebubblegum on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:44pm.

Hahahaha, the video is hilarious!!! The Greek guy is hot. Question: what's to motorboat?

Submitted by Salem13 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:43pm.

I can't feel sorry for any of those woman. They have enough common sense/smarts to realize that these "men" treat them like shit yet still manage to be with them. Come on, muster up a little bit of courge/self esteem and get the fuck out of there. These guys ain't change they just want the $10,000. Once the money runs out you'll be back to being the doormat.

Can we please make sure these people don't breed? The world would be a much peacefull safer place once stupid, idiotic, ignorant assholes stop breeding. And that goes for BOTH sexes.

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No, I didn't get that snuggie for christmas.

Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:43pm.

Aw fuck!!

I read "How Many Douchebags From Tool.." and I got completely geeked and screamed all 4!!!

Alas, no Maynard....

*edit.
After actually watching the video. None. Pussies the lot of them.

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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.

Submitted by jellus h8er on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:42pm.

I would rather hit them with a tree branch with nails than with my genitals.

Submitted by Anonymous101 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:40pm.

Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:33pm.
Team Dimitri
***********************************************

Could that be our very own 'elegant' Dimitri? Please say yes.

------------------------------------------------

It's creamie, not prune!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQbwt-dicpo

Submitted by kittycatastrophe on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:40pm.

I don't have time for dudes like this, and as far as their women go I have to offer them a quote from comedian Katt Williams regarding women who complain about always ending up with assholes.

"Maybe you have an ain't s*** man because you have an ain't s*** p****."

Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:39pm.

Ok, maybe I don't really need a douche intervention, I don't find any of these tools attractive or even fuckable.

Submitted by madam ex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:38pm.

Im watching this nauseating show right now, omg tool is not a good enough adjective to describe these douchebags. Im so glad Im not out there, if this is the selection, thank you god for making me like pussy instead.

Submitted by Jill-The-Ripper on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:37pm.

None of the above!

Submitted by -ohmy- on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:37pm.

Tool Academy? LMAO *breath* and Girls who admit to loving Tools...... *Breath* and guys who go on national TV admitting they are tools *Breath*

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:37pm.

From just watching the clip, I'm putting all my dollars (and my womanhood) on Mega. Sorry guys, but he'll take this shit.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).

Submitted by Kevette on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:36pm.

Not that being a douchebag is much better, but a lot of those girlfriends look hideous and/or trailor trashy.

Submitted by Callan on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:35pm.

A part of me feels bad for these girls because they are treated so poorly by these complete d-bags. Then another part of me is like, they're bringing it on themselves by continuing to date these fucktards.

But then I have to remind myself that some people just have low self-esteem and can't leave a horrible relationship.

As a soon to be former NJ resident, I'm willing to bet that 80% of these guys come from the North Jersey area and vacation at Seaside Heights or Wildwood, NJ.

Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:34pm.

Yeah, I can't wait for this trash.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).

Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:33pm.

Team Dimitri