How Many Douchebags From Tool Academy Would You Hit?
I mean hit it with your genitals and not hit it with a tree branch covered in nails. You know, I asked myself this question while watching Vh1's latest trainwreck Tool Academy. If you're not familiar with this refined piece of entertainment, let me fill you in.
9 mega mega MEGA mega mega assholes are thrown into a house thinking they are competing for some shit called "Mr. Awesome." Of course, only a DOUCHEBAG (caps for effect) would compete in that mess. It turns out, the 9 pieces of trash are really unwittingly enrolling into Tool Academy, because they treat their girlfriends like caca. They cheat on them, they take their cash, they lie, they talk shit on them, etc...etc.... They compete in a series of challenges with their girlfriends in an effort to de-tool themselves. The dick bag who has had the biggest transformation will win some shit in the end.
This should really should have been called DICKMATIZED, because these chicks have a bad case of it! How could they have not have put their boyfriends' peens in the garbage disposal as punishment for treating them so assy? That's because they are addicted to the dick. Dickmatization is a serious disease!
Okay, so back to the important question. How many would you hit? And be fucking honest! Below is a clip that is so douchy, it is guaranteed to completely clean the dirtiest of vaginas. I am so ashamed to admit that I'd hit 8 out of the 9. I had to give my genitals the evil side-eye every time it got a little tingly when one of the tools took off their shirts. I would even hit Celebrity! I'd put on that Monopoly money boa and take that shit. Ew. I'm so gross.
The only one I wouldn't hit is Josh. I'm sorry, but.... Okay, I'd only let him stick the tip in. That really wouldn't count as sexy times, because his peen is probably the size of an ant leg.
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Those bitchy girlfriends need to grow up. I mean, that chick is crying because her boyfriend smooched some other girl while he was doing what he thought was a fashion show/competition? She needs to work on her insecurity.
http://thevinylvillage.wordpress.com
Which Tool would I hit?
I think I'd hit it with Tommy. I would just hope he doesn't throw my couch after climax. But he's probably right. I'm gonna like it cause he said so! Hmmmm that Tommy!
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:55pm.
Looks like American television has sunken to a new time low.
And so have porn star verb tenses.
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codenames La Choy and Bacos.
Submitted by dawniek on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 7:09pm.
decisions decisions. After seeing Josh and his girlfriend I don't feel much
The mystery is how ant-leg Josh even got a girlfriend.
I'll take Rojo over these tools any day.
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codenames La Choy and Bacos.
i would only let Rob hit it and thats strictly because of his looks. I haven't seen the show or heard him speak. I'm sure he's no prize ********************************************
Fish don't fry in the kitchen....
Note to women:
If you have to send your boyfriend to "TOOL Acadamy" there is a sign right there that maybe you should be looking for a different man.
uh.... I think I am going to go ahead and cancel my cable subscription
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When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.
decisions decisions. After seeing Josh and his girlfriend I don't feel much like sexy times with anyone. I can only think of "elegant" dimitri when I hear that name. Although I've gone Greek before and it's worth lowering your standards for a night.
sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
They all fall into the hit and run category. Use them and leave. It’s like the hot stud in a bar that is full of him self...yeah, yeah, yeah you can bench so much and you are a big time gym bunny, shut up take your pants off and get to it. And then you leave and never look back!
Rock of Love Bus is one mess of a herp fest.
I watched Tool and Rock of Love Bus last night instead of that god awful awards show.I would hit them all from behind with my strap-on and be very rough with their chauvinistic asses.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
"Dimitri The Stud"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c06pinaKl8o
I prefer "Labia Lickin' Lady" over his obnoxious shouts of "Hot LEZZZZZBIAN Love!"
~Me, explaining dad's wierd fascination with homo bitches.
I'd hit the host, he's kinda doable.
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"Fox News - We swing to the right more than Ann Coulter's strap-on"
~Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
I'm not watching this. I just drank 1/2 a cup of hot chocolate & don't want it all over the place, but I will say this -- some ppl only have hit-it value when they shut their mouth & keep it shut. During sexy times is an exception, but no talking. I think that prbly goes for all of these douchebags and then some.
Looks like American television has sunken to a new time low.
hello, i'm inkedgal and i'm addicted to trashy reality tv. i was clean for about four months and i broke down last night and watched (not to mention dvr'd) this bullshit last night.
i feel dirty but happy. oh, and, if no one was watching, i'd probably let them all hit it.
what can i say? i'm recovering from tv addiction, not from sluttiness.
I wonder if that Dmitri is the Dmitri of the voicemails from last year. That was some of the funniest shit I've ever heard. MK didn't play nearly all of the voicemails that douchenozzle left.
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Never hit a guy with glasses. Always use your fists.
I 'd hit Celebrity's scarf, though.
OMG EEEEEEEEEEEWWWW.
...although.. I d want to do the wigger with the comedy size gold chain, had he worn a piece of duct tape on his mouth.
I actually watched some of this horrific show last night. I didn't think it could get any lamer than the new Rock of Love, but alas, I was wrong!
Gross dudes like this are the reason we invented sex toys.
I'd hit NONE of them.
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codenames La Choy and Bacos.
Sandbitch!
Total spoiled American question here...Can't you just buy them from the site?
Dude,
When you sleep with dogs, you gonna get fleas.
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
I am so ashmed! I watched it and actually want to see it again next Sunday. Or maybe it was cause I was drinking. The BF and I were just laughing so hard. We started our bets on who would "win" the douchebag academy.
Oh and mmm...Yeah I would hit all of them minus Josh.
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
"Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:23pm.
I hate vivid dreams like that
They feel so real."
It was actually an amazing dance, but my god, dreaming about Britney Spears is as low as you can go. Especially if its regarding a song of hers.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
If you stick around in a fucked up relationship you get what you deserve.
Life's too short to be spent worrying and arguing and all that other bullshit that goes along with drama seekers.
If you date a lowlife, it's probably because you are a lowlife.
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:15
I hate vivid dreams like that
They feel so real.
WOW these cunts are just as toolish as the dicks....she wind up leaving with him and he said I love you in the limo, that made it all better.
Blehhhhh I wanna slap the shit out of her, I hope someone will when she gets back home.
Wow. I think I just threw up a little. And my soul is in a little bit of pain. If they didn't speak or if I became temporarily deaf, I'd probably hit a few of them. Then cleanse myself in bleach. Blegh.
I swear - it HAS to be Dimitri the lover. The guy's a catch! And his girlfriend did seem rather elegant.
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"IT'S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!" - Kanye West
Stupid tricks get what they deserve.
The end.
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
LMFAO, sorry Dimitri but you've been expelled, you're just a tool and your girlfriend wont be there to meet you....OMG LMFAO
This show was deliciously trashy.
I kept feeling SO sorry for these females. Then I kept reminding myself that they allow these "guys" to treat them like garbage. Demand the respect you deserve, or you will never get it from losers like those "tools".
Sad to think that idiots like them really exist. YUCK!!!
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"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." -Mae West
I was kinda turned on when Tommy Tool threw the recliner, but he also threw his beer and kicked his cooler. That is alcohol abuse. He should be beaten severely.
Dimitri is kind of cute. But, like the rest of 'em, he's a douchebag, so no sexy times, sorry.
********
Heath Ledger
4/4/79 - 1/22/08
"Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:10pm.
ILPS
It's spreading! somebody on the captionthis thread starting singing it too!
SORRY BITCHES!!"
You know what's even sadder? I had a dream that I went to teach at my old high school, became head coach of the school's cheer squad and choreographed a dance to Cheetoah's "Circus" using our school's female and male mascots.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:02pm.
Sandbitch!
You kidding me babe! I own a Caduceus T-shirt!!
Next time you are in the states, I will pick you up and we will stalk MJK together!!! Bail money is already in the bank!
===Get the fuck! I totally want your t-shirt Clarisse! And a bottle of Merkin Vineyards Chupacabra. And Maynard.
"Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:09pm.
I know! I'm getting on the short bus early!"
Hahaha. I'm going to be joining you. Purple helmet and all!
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
ILPS
It's spreading! somebody on the captionthis thread starting singing it too!
SORRY BITCHES!!
Oh hell no!!
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the end...
I wouldn't hit any of these jerkoffs! Just my luck I'd get knocked up. And have to bring one of their idiot babies into the world. Screw the Tool School. They need to put these dumbass bitches in a School for Stupid and Desperate Women with no Self esteem.
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Ho buster #1!
Submitted by Salem13 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:56pm.
One more thing and I'm done. See ladies its perfectly fine to be single than have to deal with assholes like these. At least you can do whatever you want.
-- Thank you.
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:07pm
I know! I'm getting on the short bus early!
Submitted by Anonymous101 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:01pm.
You mean, there's more than one elegant Dimitri?? No wonder we are all doomed - the world is not ready for so much elegance :(
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'Fraid so. I guess in addition to staying away from guys with the last name Peterson, we should avoid guys named Dmitri.
Guys named Dmitri Peterson should be rounded up and imprisoned immediately.
"Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:05pm.
I need a cheeto report
I'm listening to woooomanizah"
That song is like crack. <3!
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
I need a cheeto report
I'm listening to woooomanizah
I almost fell out of my chair. Josh looks like this guy I knew a long time ago who neglected to tell me that his vacation with the guys was actually a vacation with an ex he'd decided to get back together with and marry down there. It wasn't serious, but---douche alert. No, I wouldn't hit him now and thanks to that and other reasons I haven't hit anything for like 6 years.
Provolone,
They don't "date" fat girls. The string them along for late night fucks after the bar.
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Sandbitch!
You kidding me babe! I own a Caduceus T-shirt!! I REALAALLLAY wanted the hoodie, but I am not paying 50-60 bucks for it!!!
Next time you are in the states, I will pick you up and we will stalk MJK together!!! Bail money is already in the bank!
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:57pm.
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You mean, there's more than one elegant Dimitri?? No wonder we are all doomed - the world is not ready for so much elegance :(
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It's creamie, not prune!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQbwt-dicpo
'Players" dont date fat girls. Lol, lying fucking tools
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Ew ew ew ew ew.
Thanks, MK, for constantly reminding me people like this exist.
Ew ew ew ew ew.
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"Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase. " -- H.I. McDunnough