Open Post: Hosted By Johnny Knoxville
Swab the poopy deck! Seriously, there's a million semen jokes floating in these pictures of Johnny Knoxville in a sailor hat. Just put a condom on your hand and fish one out.
So, this is an open post where you can talk about how you'd like Johnny to hit it from the back while wearing that sailor hat or why everyone in the pictures below don't look amused. Or you can talk about whatever the hell your genitals desire.
I'll start: why is that I always have to go pee pee times 10-minutes before I have to get up in the morning. It's the fucking worse. Whenever the piss is slowly tinkling out of the hole (beautiful visual), I look over at the clock and there's usually around 10 minutes left before the alarm goes and ruins my life. My choices are either to get up completely or to stay in bed and risk pissing the sheets. And my dog has had it with me telling the laundry hos that he suffers from "Fergie Syndrome." Yeah, I don't have children, so I have to blame it on the dog.
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Have you ever had a dream where in the dream you had to pee, but couldn't find a place to pee?
Well I have and when I woke up, I actually had to get up to pee.
Ooh I will have to try those suggestions too!....my lips are tortured after spending yesterday at Disneyland. (It was HOT)
hydrocortisone, eh? hmm...
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All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.
-Ted "Theodore" Logan
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:11pm.
So if anyone can give me a suggestion on how to heal severely chapped lips & soften scratchy sheets I will be your friend forever.
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Ms. Caligula (OMG...I saw that crazy movie and have nightmares with fists)
1. Chapped lips...if you do this, try not to lick them. Your saliva doesn't moisterize...instead it dries them out more. Try sloughing with washclothe after warm showers and just keep them moisterized. You will probably have to go to a dermatologist because from the sounds of this and #2, you may have atopic dermatitis...allergies to things that mostly result in extremely dry, itchy skin.
2. Have you tried Dreft or detergents and softeners made for babies? What about dryer balls (opposed to sheets)?
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
"Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:18pm.
@ILovePapaSmurf:
Well, not hilariously ironic but, somehow, a karmic righteousness..."
Oooh, very true. It still gave me a huge chuckle.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
"Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:12pm."
Hey, use the fabric softener made for babies. It's supposed to be non-itchy forming so it may be perfect for your problem. If not, then the best place to buy sheets that are soft as heck is from Bed, Bath and Beyond. Target has great, soft sheets, too... but those can get expensive.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
@ILovePapaSmurf:
Well, not hilariously ironic but, somehow, a karmic righteousness...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
Would it work just as good if I rubbed the cod liver oil on my lips? I don't think I can stomach drinking it.
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Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:12pm.
You could try DRINKING the olive oil. Or Cod Liver oil. Just like a teaspoon a day. Yeah, it's gross but it does the trick, usually.
@Ms. Caligula:
Get your sheets at a department store, not some wholesale club. If it ain't 1,000 count threads, it ain't going on MY bed. Yes, you WILL spend some money but trust - it's worth it. The bedroom is my sanctuary, and probably the only decent room in my house, sadly. Kids are NOT allowed in, only the dogs, and THEY have dog pallets. And they know momma and daddy's bed is OFF LIMITS.
No, I haven't tried either of those. You're talking about regular old sunscreen right? And just regular hydrocortisone cream? I'll pick some of that up this evening & when I go grocery shopping. Thanks!
Submitted by -ohmy- on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:14pm.
Have you tried hydrocortisone or putting on a sunscreen on your lips then balm??
Mrs. Caligula, are you well-hydrated? If not, trying drinking more water. Chapped lips can be a sign you need more water.
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Hi Snowy...Hi Christine! :D Nice to see ya right where I expected you.....HERE! ;P
So chapped lips...I has them too...:(
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All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.
-Ted "Theodore" Logan
I sent this to MK and he probably wont post it but, does anyone find it hilariously ironic that a guy who is a registered sex offender won the lottery that was implemented to help raise funds for rape victims?: http://news.aol.com/article/sex-offender-wins-lottery-to-aid-victims/302...
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
Re
chapped lips
bag balm. yes, it's made for cow udders, but it's all natural, organic and I know for a fact the doctors use it at night because they wash their hands a million times a day.
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Child? Fucking grown-man poo. Your anus will be in grown-man shambles.
Ohhh and don't use petroleum based products... for your chapped lips that is... lol
Have you tried hydrocortisone or putting on a sunscreen on your lips then balm??
Okay, I need some advice from my fellow D-listers on 2 things:
1. Chapped lips. My lips are chapped as fuck, & nothing is helping them, & I mean nothing. I've tried the following remedies: Carmex, Medicated Blistex, Burt's Bees Wax (this stuff actually seemd to make them worse), Avon Moisture Therapy Intensive Lip Moisturizer, some other medicated Avon lip stuff that I can't remember the name of, C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Shine, Eucerine Aquaphor Healing Ointment, Vaseline, & olive oil, AND NONE OF IT HAS WORKED!!! Does anyone have any other suggestions for a surefire way to cure chapped lips??? PLEASE HELP ME! My life is miserable because MY LIPS HURT REAL BAD!
2. Bed Sheets. My mom gave me these super soft Court of Versailles bedsheets that she got at Sam's Club. I decided that since they were so soft I wanted another set, so I go to Sam's Club & get a 450 thread count Court of Versailles sheet set. They felt soft enough in the package, but after taking them out & washing them twice they are still scratchy as fuck!!! What can I do to make these bastards softer like the other ones? They shouldn't be so goddamn scratchy at 450 thread count! Why aren't they as soft as the ones my mom gave me, dammit!? I know they have to be around the same thread count, cuz that's about the only thing you can get at Sam's Club. And naturally, I can't use liquid fabric softener cause it makes my skin itch like crazy & gives me a rash. So I just have to use unscented dryer sheets.
So if anyone can give me a suggestion on how to heal severely chapped lips & soften scratchy sheets I will be your friend forever.
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:10pm.
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You could try DRINKING the olive oil. Or Cod Liver oil. Just like a teaspoon a day. Yeah, it's gross but it does the trick, usually.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
I'm such an ass, I totally thought that was Rob Lowe at first.
@ Hekki
Madoff might actually do serious time (or get bumped off)because he screwed people who actually have the money and power to do something about his ass. I predict he will die from a "heart attack" pretty soon, if you know what I mean. And frankly, it could not happen to a nicer person.
MK, if you're having frequent, sudden urges to urinate, check your prostate health! (that's what the tv ads say anyway)
i often have the urge to pee just before i get out of bed in the am too. it is annoying.
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High, nova!
timely discussion. I put my son's happy ass on the bus and went back to bed.
my friend came over and I tried to convince him to nap with me, it was awesome.
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Child? Fucking grown-man poo. Your anus will be in grown-man shambles.
I wonder why no blogs have posted the Amy Wino pics of her taking a public Pee - or did that happen days ago and I'm just now hearing about it? LOL
hey Nova!!!!!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Submitted by itsthebritneybitch on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:02pm.
Blahh, I feel so down today :(
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awwwwwwwwwww....sorry
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
Re Mann Coulter one the view: Did anybody notice how quiet Elizabeth was? She didn't even defend coulter when she was being attacked.
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No, I didn't get that snuggie for christmas.
AHOY!!!! Is what I thought his shirt said when I first looked at this picture....which straight crackered me up. Oops...cracked, i mean.
*cough*
So yeah...that peepeetimes thing happens to me every morning but probably more like an hour before time to get up. Guess that's not as bad because you still have time to climb back into bed and hit snooze a couple of times. :D
Oh...and HI ALL!! :) Been away so long...:(
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All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.
-Ted "Theodore" Logan
OH okay, never mind, I spaced for a minute.
yeah, how do you violate parole terms and stay free? fukker.
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Child? Fucking grown-man poo. Your anus will be in grown-man shambles.
Sorry, y'all, I'm on "Madoff watch". Now that we know what happened to Caylee, he's my new obsession.
How about the fact that his sons were not only the ones who turned him in initially, but they also reported his parole violation? WTF?
I am outraged by the whole bail sitch. True, he's not much of a flight risk because everyone in NYC knows what he looks like, and he's not getting out of that apartment building unless he digs a tunnel to the next street over. The media is camping out over there. (I walked by his place last week and forgot that he lived there. It was a clusterfuck of media just waiting for him.)
But if he had been some black guy who stole $50 from someone, he'd be at Riker's right now. Hmmph.
@Hekki on madoff
and all those Wallstreet/banking whores who begged for a taxpayer bailout . . . now using that money for big bonuses & luxury trip, yet more buyouts . . .
the police need to just and lock those assholes up right now.
.
When did it become cool to look like a five-year-old?
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
I'm still on my Del Taco deal....
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:56pm.
Nobody wants to talk about Madoff?
I read that Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick were ripped off by that asswipe Madoff. He steals money from alot of people and doesn't go to jail? That's some bullshit.
Never incriminate yourself, that's what pets are for--always blame the dog!
Submitted by kaykayscorner on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:01pm.
To me, the only thing worse than listening to Coulter is watching The View. Both of them together is unimaginable to me.
@breaktheleash!
Pauly Shore is in Africa adopting a baby!!!
http://www.myspace.com/paulyshore
♥ ThreadKilla!
Pose Like a Chola
VOTE FOR MK EVERY DAY!
Either a pee slave or Depends, Michael. Speaking of adult diapers, did you see Barbara Walters on The View this morning, talking about how Kate Winslet was having an orgasm when she gave that dumb speech? Baba seemed really into it - even did some panting herself. That is one nasty bitch, and senile! We spend half the show waiting for her to spit it the fuck out. Also (I'll just bitch til I get tired, thanks), they blew the Ann Coulter spot. If they can't figure out how to stop drowning each other out ... htf can they expect to humiliate that cunt? HUGE FAIL!
"Submitted by No Words on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:59pm.
I would, but I am not well informed and that stunt the judge pulled today just pisses me off. Madoff is such a sleazeball criminal it makes my head hurt."
You know, house arrest can be a big time bitch. Just think about it, he can't leave the place where he most likely came up with the plot to steal billions, and each day it must kill him inside that he's going to lose his lavish lifestyle for prison garbs. He's most likely going mad.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
Hekki: he gets to stay at home? that bastard
Blahh, I feel so down today :(
Vote for Dlisted! http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Jim Rice finally made it into the Baseball Hall of Fame.
YAY!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:56pm.
Nobody wants to talk about Madoff?
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man, i think a certain amount of news reading should be a requirement for a democracy. just sayin
.
Johnny Knoxville is sexy.
I want a "laundry ho". Where do you get one? I got a Kitchen Bitch, but no laundry ho.
Hekki: he's a pig, what about that clip they keep showing where the reporter basically smacks him, LOL
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"
"HoHan's idea of a bath is putting on more eyeshadow." devilgirl VOTE http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
He's not all that bad when you meet him- it's all an act...
puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh
http://twoliablog.com/teacups-and-couture/
"me telling the laundry hos"
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You have laundry hos???
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the end...
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:56pm.
Nobody wants to talk about Madoff?
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I would, but I am not well informed and that stunt the judge pulled today just pisses me off. Madoff is such a sleazeball criminal it makes my head hurt.
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:32pm.
How about Madoff getting to stay in his million-dollar apartment, even though he violated the terms of his bail?
I'm doing a little research on the crooked, crooked, corrupt and assholish judge who made THAT ruling. Madoff must be blackmailing or bribing him. It's the only explanation.
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ITA!! that big shit head! he should be locked in hole at the bottom of the darkest pen on earth right now!
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Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:56pm.
Nobody wants to talk about Madoff?
sorry, as my self centered american self I don't know who that is??
'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 2:56pm.
Nobody wants to talk about Madoff?
who dat?
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Child? Fucking grown-man poo. Your anus will be in grown-man shambles.