Open Post: Hosted By Johnny Knoxville
Swab the poopy deck! Seriously, there's a million semen jokes floating in these pictures of Johnny Knoxville in a sailor hat. Just put a condom on your hand and fish one out.
So, this is an open post where you can talk about how you'd like Johnny to hit it from the back while wearing that sailor hat or why everyone in the pictures below don't look amused. Or you can talk about whatever the hell your genitals desire.
I'll start: why is that I always have to go pee pee times 10-minutes before I have to get up in the morning. It's the fucking worse. Whenever the piss is slowly tinkling out of the hole (beautiful visual), I look over at the clock and there's usually around 10 minutes left before the alarm goes and ruins my life. My choices are either to get up completely or to stay in bed and risk pissing the sheets. And my dog has had it with me telling the laundry hos that he suffers from "Fergie Syndrome." Yeah, I don't have children, so I have to blame it on the dog.
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Oh, how can I forget this one to make that house a hellhole....
This is BRILLIANT! But it's also VERY GROSS....
We used to have this piss happy cat. Well, long story short that lil' bastid hopped up on the kitchen counter a took a PISS on the stove, but in the burner part...(Perfect terlit, really smart pussy, but BAD, BAD pussy)...
Well, we COULD NOT figure out where the smell was coming from for DAYS. We searched and sprayed, cleaned EVERYTHING in the kitchen. The smell slowly faded (but it didn't really vanish). Well eventually I decided to make some pasta. I turned (that particular) burner on to high AND HOLY FUCKING HELL!!! The stench was unreal! You cannot fucking imagine!
Yeah, again any piss will do. Piss seems to get more fragrant with age.... I especially recommend asparagus piss if you are going to use your own piss... Eat a SHITLOAD OF ASPARAGUS, piss in a jar, seal it, let it marinade in the sun, and pour that shit in a stove burner, not too much...just enough...The beauty of it is that stench permeates everything! The food, your hair, the air...It's some nauseating shit!
Ok, and I had a friend a long time ago talking about putting sulfer in the heating ducts, but I don't know how that shit works....
Oh, and with the hair clogging thing, wrap a HUGE bunch of hair around a tampon...or two... and slather it with a generous portion of Crisco and flush before you leave....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:28pm.
Two things...
1) When Miley Cyrus met Brian Grazer she said "My manager would be telling me to suck up." Douche-juice.
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isn't one of her parents her 'manager'?
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Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Two things...
1) When Miley Cyrus met Brian Grazer she said "My manager would be telling me to suck up." Douche-juice.
2) Has there been no word on Jett Travolta??
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:41pm.
Also - I've heard that if you pour something like laundry detergent on the lawn you can spell out words that only show up later when that grass dies.
Ever watch the movie called the tenant (or something) with some blonde chick and um.... old batman ... geez memory gone - dark curly hair. Some good tips in that.
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Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by lazee on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:42pm.
Where can I hire a referee? I'm hosting a family party for 12.
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fuck that, have a open bar, film everything and sell it.
I bet 12 minutes before someone says in a belligerent tone of voice 'uuuhh what the hell is THAT supposed to mean?'
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Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:41pm.
live crickets.
frozen shellfish tossed under the false bottoms found in kitchen cabinets. For instance the bottom most drawer - pull it out and toss a prawn under. Or the openings where the pipes meet the wall. That sort of thing.
It'll take long enough to start to stink that you can do it well before you leave.
So I've heard.
And plant catnip seeds in the garden and in areas not likely to have the soil turned.
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Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
I can't even begin to say how much I hate The Insider and it's host twat Lara Spencer. I just want to smack the crap out of anyone who has anything to do with that show.
Anyhow, now on to Johnny Knoxville. I would so hit it in every possible direction.
That's all.
Nice to see some BIG LOVE fans.
I found some MAJOR spoilers if you're interested.
DO NOT CLICK if you don't want to be spoiled.
http://www.televisionaryblog.com/2008/12/true-love-and-false-prophets-ad...
Submitted by Mustang Sally on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 7:33pm.
Wow! I bow to obvious professionals. Wait a minute. Are you two related? :)
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Not related, but obviously both inherently evil and prepared when revenge needs to be exacted. ;)
Submitted by Farrah on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 7:21pm.
Hey, Farrah, I thought I left the comforting of Machine in your more than capable hands. Whatcha doing over here?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 7:11pm.
Submitted by kittenwithawhip on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 7:29pm.
Wow! I bow to obvious professionals. Wait a minute. Are you two related? :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
Thank you Tigerlilly- Those are some very, very good ideas. I like them very much. And will use all of them. We have a couple ideas already. One involves a few rats purchased from Petco, two males and two females left in the attic with plenty of food. What do you think?
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Do you like American Music? I like American Music!
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:41pm.
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Go to a hunting supply store, like Cabela's, and buy a large bottle of deer scent. It's deer urine. Apply liberally to carpets, and soak the filter from your heater in it. Wear gloves and a mask for this. Re-insert heater filter, turn the heat up high and get out of the house. They'll never get the smell out.
Submitted by lazee on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:42pm.
Where can I hire a referee? I'm hosting a family party for 12.
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forget the referee! grab whatever alcohol you can find and get the fuck outta there!!
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
MK TRY 10 minutes AFTER you're already laying down in bed and it's freakin' cold in my hallway in the aparment to get to the bathroom....it's totally misery city either way. 10 minutes before you gotta get up totally sucks even more, I feel that my bladder is constantly invoking revenge on me for drinking water all the time. Honestly, I have like three sips of water and BOOM, gotta go to the bathroom so bad it hurts. I don't know when my bladder shrunk so bad but I'm not even that old either!
STFU!!!
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 6:41pm.
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OOOOOOOH...YES! OK, NOTHING smells worse than cat piss, but any piss will do, just soak the carpet enough to get down into the sub flooring. Do this in an inconspicuous place or places so the source of the smell is hard to find. Also, to attract pests, sprinkle the carpets with sugar. Do this also around doors and windows, only mist it with water, so it's not too obvious and no one cleans it up. Also do it immediatedly outside the doors to attract them. If there is a basement or crawl space, try to bury some (LOTS) seafood in there. If not, and there's a closet with carpeting, see if you can pull up a corner of the carpeting and shove some seafood under there (a tin of anchovies. Then try to glue the carpet back down...Save the hair from all hairbrushes and combs to stuff down drains and/or flush down toilets so that they clog. Adding cooking oil or a heavy dose of hair conditioner or Crisco or something like that, will help the process a long....Oh, and you can toss the good old fashioned stink bombs we loved so much as kids in right before you leave. If you can, leave the heat on fairly high so that all these "aromas" can develop thier perfume....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by xxyxz on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:17pm.
I would soooooo do Johnny Knoxville
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the paramedics have been called and should be there shortly.
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Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Where can I hire a referee? I'm hosting a family party for 12.
To make a long story short, the house we are renting has been foreclosed on and we are being forced to move out. The bank that now owns the house sent us a signed proposal (Cash for Keys) for $6000 to move out quietly in 30 days without trashing the house. We said yes to that amount and then 10 minutes later they called back and said it was a mistake, the amount was now $2000. We were naturally upset and told them to put their $2000 in a dark and snug orifice. We have already sought legal advice and all is well there. But when we leave we would like to say goodbye in a very special way. Keep in mind that the house will be empty. Only the carpet, microwave, stove, gas fireplace, attic, etc. will be left. Any advice on little things we can do to make it a very smelly, expensive, rodent filled adios would be most appreciated. Use your imagination! Any suggestions of "Karma will get them in the end.... blah blah... bs" will be met with a torrent of rage. So don't bother. This particular bank just received over a billion dollars of all of our money in the bailout, so I'm happy to be part of the Karma that will be getting them. So put your thinking caps on and come up with some good stuff! Thanks.
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Do you like American Music?I like American Music!
CARLA!!!!!!!
Where is Lufti and Addon?
Hee hee hee.
My open Post
I miss Oklahoma
bitch has my last name on his damn shirt!
M.E
So she might be moving? LMAO! And ITA.... She isn't ready for her comeback!
But the real question is...Where is CArla??
CHEETO REPORT: Shitters might be moving to Calabassas, uhm, her former manager gave a scathing interview about how she isn't ready for this "comeback"
Uhm....K-Fed got fat...
Uhm....
Bitch is a swamp whore?
That is all I've got.
It's official. I must leave Dlisted and go find me an old folks' blog. Until I Googled him, I had never heard of this guy, had no idea who he was or what he had done. Now that I do, I really don't give a shit.
It's been nice knowing all you young 'uns.
Farrah, if you're still around, I've left Machine in your care on the Hot Slut thread.
Damned stupid goofball - Johnny Jackass, I mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
AnnC's interview today. WOOT!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeZ9UM_auxs
now, this is a classy outfit. i'd wear that out anytime, anywhere. he's a trend setter. wait til pete wendz sees these shots, or even katie perry, attention whores, and it'll be on this site's afternoon crumbs. mark my words.
Submitted by Stoney on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 5:27pm.
And Johnny Knoxville is SO the fuck you and never call guy
& I'm okay with that
lol
And Johnny Knoxville is SO the fuck you and never call guy.
Oh yes, I'm feeling the Big Love love. The Tudors is coming back soon, too! I was going to cancel my premium channels, but now I can't do that shit.
Knoxville has the herp?
Jesus, who in Hollyweird doesn't?
What kills me is that Ann Coulter still gets air time, although maybe The View brings her on to make Elisabeth look even stupider...
And I would totally do Johnny Knoxville dirty. If someone hadn't mentioned herpes, that is. I don't care what modern drugs can to help me horseback ride and kayak again - I'm staying away if I can help it.
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Did somebody say PCP? I LOOOVES THE PEACEY P!!
I would soooooo do Johnny Knoxville
get your asses over to the weblog awards and put michael k on top. you KNOW that's where he wants to be.
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
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but, then again, what do i know?
Have you ever had a dream where in the dream you had to pee, but couldn't find a place to pee?
Well I have and when I woke up, I actually had to get up to pee.
** When I was pregnant with my son I had a dream I had to pee, and I peed the damn bed. My husband thought it was so funny and loved to tell people about it.
A week later he peed the bed himself while we was sleeping. It was great. I made sure to tell everyone about it.
Hey, in case i'm not the last one off the train with this...Hot Ginge Prince Harry's in trouble...he said bad things!
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article5497509.ece
...I'm with mishma on the Big Love thing....I CANNOT WAIT for my favorite perverts to be back on the air....
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....proudly poisoning our men with Hungarian lemonade since 1906...
Submitted by KD on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 4:09pm.
-ohmy- if you go into the area where they sell a ton of different types of lint rollers, there is also something that can be used to go over the nubbies and it shaves them off. Not sure exactly what it's called, but I think you can get it for under $10.
Now you have to shave your sheets?? Lord, just throw a blanket on the mattress and be done with it...lol
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the end...
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 3:57pm.
I'm watching a clip of Ann Coulter on "The View" this morning and my god, she's a giant bitch.
I don't want to get into it, but she needs to lay off single mothers as some do work hard for their children, including my mother who worked her ass off to make sure her kids are the people they are today. God she needs to be stabbed.
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I think she's like that because she's trying to get attention. I mean, if she didn't piss people off she wouldn't even be a blip on the radar. And you're right, regardless, she is a fucking bitch.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
hell no we are still waiting on HSOTY voting and talking about sheets and dry flakey stuff...
God, this day is FUCKED! Just getting back in. Did I miss anything interesting?
touché
Way to live up to your name "ezleecee"...
i would do johnny knoxville - but only if he promised to wear the sailor hat...
Any "Real World" fans here? the new season started and it looks like a good one.
@mishma - UH, no, they won't let Johnny be "the cook" no more on account of how he blew up the last joint.
Submitted by Ms. Caligula on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 4:07pm.
But how do they dry with no head (typo, but I'm keeping it)?
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BWAHAHAHAH!! i fucked up bigtime!!
yes, you take a chainsaw and cut that bitch's top. THEN you set what's left of the dryer on NO HEATTTT.
There's a reason why "reading glasses" got that name..
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
That's one hot homo!
I thought Johnny was manufacturing meth for Steve O. Poor Steve O.
Also, Johnny Knoxville & his whole Jackass crew are just straight up fucking nasty. I just want to throw on some thick rubber gloves & scrub them all down with a wire brush & bleach.