Open Post: Hosted By Johnny Knoxville
Swab the poopy deck! Seriously, there's a million semen jokes floating in these pictures of Johnny Knoxville in a sailor hat. Just put a condom on your hand and fish one out.
So, this is an open post where you can talk about how you'd like Johnny to hit it from the back while wearing that sailor hat or why everyone in the pictures below don't look amused. Or you can talk about whatever the hell your genitals desire.
I'll start: why is that I always have to go pee pee times 10-minutes before I have to get up in the morning. It's the fucking worse. Whenever the piss is slowly tinkling out of the hole (beautiful visual), I look over at the clock and there's usually around 10 minutes left before the alarm goes and ruins my life. My choices are either to get up completely or to stay in bed and risk pissing the sheets. And my dog has had it with me telling the laundry hos that he suffers from "Fergie Syndrome." Yeah, I don't have children, so I have to blame it on the dog.
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Submitted by TITS on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:22pm.
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:59pm.
a 'little'?
say, you're new here aren't you?
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LMAO! *nervously darts eyes and chews on toenails*
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
I sharted. Pleased?
Submitted by TITS on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:19pm.
It was going so well until I came across the picture of Paris Hilton (not literally).
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by SuperJ on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:59pm.
Thanks again everyone, I don't feel quite as deranged as I did when I posted my comment. It looks like everyone has a little evil in them.
*
a 'little'?
say, you're new here aren't you?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:07pm.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:04pm.
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My accent is a combo of Shitney Spears, Billy Bob Thorton and Matthew McConahey (I can't spell for shit) very painful to listen to.
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CUTENESS! Especially cuz of your avie I can only imagine you talking like Stewie Griffin....
Yeah, I grew up in the South but I don't have the accent, and I kinda wish I did, cuz I think it can be cute, and funny and charming and sometimes sexy. I, on the otherhand,for various reasons sound like Barbra Streissand (accent only) meets Rachael Ray tryna be Southern...Yeah, it's not SEXAY, or cute or...It's just gross...and people hate it...I should bottle that shit, and give it to the ho who wants her home unsellable...Yeah, haunt it with my annoying voice...No piss smell can match it...:-(
If any of you ho's want to cure your man of a phone sex addiction, have his ass call me...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:55pm.
To Clarisse and, then, everyone.
Love that movie. Love your siggie.
Okay, you want to go to hell more - making fun of love? :) You send titty pics? WOW!!!!
You guys are going to think I'm a broken record/tape/CD/iPod but I've got a question for everyone.
Could any and all of you tell me if you've ever been involved with a man (okay, Team Valtrex, you hot stud - you can skip this) who was affectionate. I'm being told - as usual - that men are not affectionate, by nature, and that I'm just insane if I think they are. Yep, hubby speaks.
Is that true? Remember, I'm an old bitch and I've been married for 41 years (okay, I left for 3 years and just came back - I'd give you the lowdown on why but I'm sure I'm boring you enough as it is) to the same person.
I'm going to bed now but I'll check back in the morning.
Are there affectionate men in the world and have any of you met one? That's it in a nut (me, apparently) shell.
Thanks. Love, hugs and kisses to all.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7upBJ63qGwY
Submitted by NitWitty on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:02pm.
You know, I'll only have ChiChi eyes por tu! You've ruined me for all other chichi's. *hand to heart* Don't tell Slutty tho..Cuz I keep asking her to shake them to the left and shake them to the right...
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Better watch out. She wears the falsies and they tend to fall out when she shakes them too hard.
Team V,
Try this one...
http://users.libero.it/girasole/grafica/bellucci/monica_bellucci_07.jpg
Frito,
No! It was a poor lady that had been abused then raped then drunk.....OY!!!
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Submitted by M.E. on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:18pm.
Oh for fucks sakes.
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? Care to expound? :)
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:56pm.
I got no boob pics *sniff*
*
http://tinyurl.com/9p92qy
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Oh for fucks sakes.
Ok. Good. I thought the Oscars were sooner. PHEW!!!
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:52pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:48pm.
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Aw man, I would give anything to be able to bitch people out in spanish without sounding/looking like a complete tard. I'm whiter than white and I have a Texan twang so when I try to speak Spanish it sounds so fucking stupid.
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Tommy Lee Jones can do it, you can too.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:09pm.
LMAO!
the thing is, don't ever TRY to fart after you've smelled something you like. The results could be messy
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Honey chile, that's what "aromatherapy" is for. Some farts have serious hang time...it's like they have a life of their own...they just stagnate and the winter is the worst because you can't open a window. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:11pm.
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I tried to ask some chick where the cat was and I got slapped.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
ME: They're Feb. 22. Nominations are announced Jan. 22.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:47pm.
too bad jack left town eh?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:01pm.
I took Spanish in HS, I was hedging my bets in case we lost the Spanish-American war. I remember how to ask where the fire extinguisher is, how to ask where the cat is, and how to ask where the fire extinguisher is, for the cat. I also remember how to say "Sonny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" in Spanish, because I worked with a Mexican that called himself Sonny, and it's my job to annoy people.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:03pm.
I have no sense of smell from 25 years of smoking and from snorting entirely too much coke in my salad days. Don't ask which salad bar has lines of coke.
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HA! Sizzler! I fricking KNEW IT!
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Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:04pm.
Hahaha. I picture you saying grassy-ass.
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Grassy-ass! :))))))) Par lez vooz ez cocker spaniel?
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
I can clear a room when I fart.
*MUAH*
Question. What night are the Oscars?
Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:07pm.
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LMAO!
the thing is, don't ever TRY to fart after you've smelled something you like. The results could be messy
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by Manimal5 on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:04pm.
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My accent is a combo of Shitney Spears, Billy Bob Thorton and Matthew McConahey (I can't spell for shit) very painful to listen to.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Frito wrote:
I think George Carlin said it best when he said "Have you ever noticed your own farts don't smell that bad?"
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Aww man. I miss George. *wee sniffle*
Funny thing about farts...you know it's bad, I mean DEFCON 1, get out your gas mask, huddle in a corner and cry bad when your OWN fart is too much to take.
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:03pm.
Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:00pm.
I have no sense of smell from 25 years of smoking and from snorting entirely too much coke in my salad days. Don't ask which salad bar has lines of coke.
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Damn! I was just about to ask that too. I want some weed but me no have any.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:52pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:48pm.
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Aw man, I would give anything to be able to bitch people out in spanish without sounding/looking like a complete tard. I'm whiter than white and I have a Texan twang so when I try to speak Spanish it sounds so fucking stupid.
Hahaha. I picture you saying grassy-ass.
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Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:00pm.
I have no sense of smell from 25 years of smoking and from snorting entirely too much coke in my salad days. Don't ask which salad bar has lines of coke.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by DeeDee on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:57pm.
Submitted by NitWitty on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:50pm.
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You know, I'll only have ChiChi eyes por tu! You've ruined me for all other chichi's. *hand to heart* Don't tell Slutty tho..Cuz I keep asking her to shake them to the left and shake them to the right...
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"I'll get handcuffed for you and gladly spend a night or two in the clink." ~MK
Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:00pm.
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:54pm.
My mother is fucking smell blind. She can't smell anything. Do you know what she does to literally rub our noses in it? She fucking farts alot.
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Frito, that ain't playin' fair! That's a whole nudder kind of 'gas' chamber of horrors. I'd feel kinda sad if I couldn't smell my own farts though...the subtle bouquet of elderberries, raw broccoli and garlic toast wafting ever so delicately... Oops. Did I just write that? ;p
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I think George Carlin said it best when he said "Have you ever noticed your own farts don't smell that bad?"
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:52pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:48pm.
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Aw man, I would give anything to be able to bitch people out in spanish without sounding/looking like a complete tard. I'm whiter than white and I have a Texan twang so when I try to speak Spanish it sounds so fucking stupid.
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Amen sista girl! I'm a white ho too, and can only speak a lil' French, but no Spanish, even so, getting OWNED in French ain't NOTHIN' compared to gettin owned in Spanish...Aw, HELLS TO THA NAW!
I kinda wish I took Spanish in HS, cuz then I could own a bitch in Spanish, but I'm kinda glad I took French cuz when some snotty French ho's be all condescending to me, I can be like "bitch, I understood you the first time, ho...Don't make me get up out this here seat, bitch...Yeah, I own that ass right there..n'est pas, mother fucker?...
Yeah did you catch my French up in there?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:55pm.
I am soooooooo going to hell. I ended up watching Intervention and the drunk chick said "I want to know what real love is..."
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was that the one where the drunk chick kept falling the fuck over and her mom kept giving her booze?
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:54pm.
My mother is fucking smell blind. She can't smell anything. Do you know what she does to literally rub our noses in it? She fucking farts alot.
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Frito, that ain't playin' fair! That's a whole nudder kind of 'gas' chamber of horrors. I'd feel kinda sad if I couldn't smell my own farts though...the subtle bouquet of elderberries, raw broccoli and garlic toast wafting ever so delicately... Oops. Did I just write that? ;p
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
Thanks again everyone, I don't feel quite as deranged as I did when I posted my comment. It looks like everyone has a little evil in them.
@Mustang Sally- Thank you for taking the time to look for skunk smell. I'll keep trying, it's a good idea.
To the person who asked if what we do might hurt our credit etc. - The answer would be no. We told them to put their little offer where the sun doesn't shine. So we're free to do whatever we want.
We have no intention of taking a sledgehammer to the house, that would be too obvious. It's so last year! I'm looking to do something vile, sneaky and underhanded that will be discovered weeks after we are gone. The surprise that keeps on giving. In 5 years I want them to sit around their office and say "Hey remember those people at 666 Satan Dr. and all the shit they did to that house?". I want it to be LEGEND! We will all be a part of this legend!
Thank you all so much! I am humbled by your brilliance.
SuperJ
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Do you like American Music?I like American Music!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:52pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:43pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:31pm.
Wait, tigers get Alzheimer's? Do they forget mauling you and claim to be zebras?
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Or they forget they're mauling you...sit on you, click on "Wheel of Fortune" piss on you, pass out, and wake up the next day answering the iron and pressing dirty clothes out of the hamper with the telephone....
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I'm free on Thursday
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by NitWitty on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:50pm.
Are you getting chichi shakes from another sex hooker?!?!?! *stomping off, taking my chichis elsewhere*
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:46pm.
I got no boob pics *sniff*
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:46pm.
2009 is treating me like it caught me with it's wife.
My favorite revenge tactic: fill a ziploc freezer with dog shit, push opening of bag under door with putty knife, stomp forcefully on bag.
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2009 already sucks that bad, TV? OUCH! Keep your nipper up, sweet guy.
Your revenge tactic ROCKS! If I had shitty neighbors I'd write this all down but luckily my next-doorers are good people. -But, seriously...someone should write all this down for posterity. Dlisted Revenge 101. lol Hmm. lol looks a lot like 101? I just noticed that. Stop laughing at me.
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
I am soooooooo going to hell. I ended up watching Intervention and the drunk chick said "I want to know what real love is..."
In my head, I busted out with "I wanna know what love iiissss...I want you to show mmmmeeeee....."
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:52pm.
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LMAO!
Or they put wet laundry in the microwave. Gotta love those metal buttons.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:51pm.
TigerLils,
I'll be curious to see/read the article. I've heard of color-blindness but never "smell-blindness"?
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My mother is fucking smell blind. She can't smell anything. Do you know what she does to literally rub our noses in it? She fucking farts alot.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:43pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:31pm.
Wait, tigers get Alzheimer's? Do they forget mauling you and claim to be zebras?
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Or they forget they're mauling you...sit on you, click on "Wheel of Fortune" piss on you, pass out, and wake up the next day answering the iron and pressing dirty clothes out of the hamper with the telephone....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:48pm.
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Aw man, I would give anything to be able to bitch people out in spanish without sounding/looking like a complete tard. I'm whiter than white and I have a Texan twang so when I try to speak Spanish it sounds so fucking stupid.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
TigerLils,
I'll be curious to see/read the article. I've heard of color-blindness but never "smell-blindness"?
Yes, sugar is a good and cheap revenge tactic in the ol' arsenal. So is salt. Salt deteriorates shit fast.
What about taking the "Blair Witch" angle and putting all kinds of creepy little voojoo looking shit all over the place. Some people take that shit seriously. I mean...REALLY SERIOUSLY. lmao
The poster formerly known as ".". You're welcome.
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:46pm.
Sends more boob pics to Nit!!!
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Don't do that, lady. I fell off the chair on the first one...after that, I realized I'd have to enjoy you for your wit. There'd be no way to live in your high beam-assed world, loverly.
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"I'll get handcuffed for you and gladly spend a night or two in the clink." ~MK
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:36pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:31pm.
Submitted by FritoDorito on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:11pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:05pm.
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Your neffy poo reminds me of me. I remember asking one of my uncles why his house smelled like poop one time. I'm never having children.
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Yeah, I will have to say that kid is a model child, BUT now he's gettin' a TEENAGER 'TUDE, cuz he's going on 13...AW, HELL 2 THE NAW! Forch, my SIL is Hispanic and OWNS his ass in Spanish!
But anywho, it's REALLY hard to get the piss smells out...
Any nasty liquid smell that you can get into a pourous place OR a place that will be or is a source of heat is gonna be hard to battle....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by TITS on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:45pm.
Hi. Yes, including the guy in the pic, there are now 2 jackasses present.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Sends more boob pics to Nit!!!
TV,
Sweet cheeks! Sends more boob pics to TV!
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Fuck off, Ken. They're filming midgets.
Submitted by on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:42pm.
2009 is treating me like it caught me with it's wife.
My favorite revenge tactic: fill a ziploc freezer with dog shit, push opening of bag under door with putty knife, stomp forcefully on bag.
***********************************************
I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:35pm.
Well hello Mr Fancy Pants.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
Sketti Cat F.T.W!!!!!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 10:31pm.
Wait, tigers get Alzheimer's? Do they forget mauling you and claim to be zebras?
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.