Russell Crowe Is Too Fat For Sienna Miller
Russell Crowe's movie about Robin Hood is falling apart, because he's a fat old sack of fugness. That's what Page Six claims anyway. According to their sources, Russell's movie Nottingham is a fucking mess, because the bitch is not losing the chunk. Shooting was supposed to start in February, but now that's been pushed to April, because mega slut Sienna Miller quit that bitch.
A source said, "Russell never lost the weight he put on for 'Body of Evidence' - and so the love scenes between him and Sienna would have been laughable. He's so old and fat and she's so young and gorgeous. It's just . . . gross."
A love scene between Sienna and a Seawolf (Russell does kind of look like one) would be believable, because she has a nonpartisan pussy. Sienna has a gift that most sluts would give up their no gag reflex for. She has the ability to make any fuck session work despite any odds. They need to give the whore the credit she deserves!
Anyslutty, the producers are now looking for a fatter, older ho to play Maid Marian. Um. Harvey Fierstein is available!
The movie also has other problems thanks to Russell. He demanded a complete rewrite so that most of the movie's focus is on his big ass. A source said he's also trying to get director Ridley Scott fired.
A studio bitch confirmed that Sienna busted out, but said Ridley is staying.
This is easily solved. Work with what you've got. Bring in Kristie Alley, change the title to Eatingham, rename Russell's character Robin Food, and instead of a Kraft services table, get Claim Jumper to cater that shit. BAM! Problem solved.