Hold Me Back
Nobody makes me want to do harm to my laptop monitor the way Fishsticks Paltrow does. But I have to take a deep breath, stuff an Oreo Cakester in my mouth and realize it's just the messenger. I really should torture a big plate of Gorton's.
So, you know what Fishy thinks of those who don't like her big, steaming pile of maggot covered poop called GOOP? She feels sorry for you. It gets better. She said, "I think part of the problem is people get a hit of energy when they are negative about something, and it is a very detrimental way for them to get that hit of energy. They do not understand why they do not have a happy life. That kind of stuff is just noise to me. I just feel sorry for them."
All the energy I get from absolutely despising this hag isn't going to help me pull the stick lodged in her tight ass, because it's there forever. And the stick is who I feel sorry for the most. That stick has to put up with her runny caca for the rest of its days. Her asshole could bawl brown tears every second of the day from her stupid ass detoxing and that stick would still not fall out.
And let me just sprinkle a little more of her pretentious butt nuggets on you. When asked why she decided to start a newsletter where she can talk about drinking a half-cup of castor oil to get the shit going and her favorite $10 million cashmere toe covers, she said, "I have this incredible, blessed, sometimes difficult, very lucky, very unique life, and I've gotten to travel all over the place and to work and live in different cities. … I go on tour with my husband and go to cities I would never necessarily go to. So I started accruing all of this information. I am the person my friends call when they want to know: "I am redoing this bathroom, and I want a sink that looks midcentury, but a contemporary version of a midcentury. Where should I go?" or "How do I make your (recipes)?" … I thought this would be a fun, creative way to share with friends."
Oh. My. God. For someone who promotes eating seeds and grass to stay healthy, this bitch really makes me want to eat a jumbo bowl of sugar, preservatives and fat. And that's what I'm going to do right now to keep me from strangling an innocent fishstick.
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I used to sort of like Gwendo, back when she was with Brad at his hottest. But whenever she got hooked up with that dude it's like she thinks everything that comes out of her hole is gold dust. She's so irritatingly pleased with herself.
YousayyougotmybabybutIknowitainttrue
She makes me think of Coldplay which makes me think of shit.
"I am redoing this bathroom, and I want a sink that looks midcentury, but a contemporary version of a midcentury. Where should I go?"
W.T.F.?
That is so holy schmoly wackadoodle pretentious, so it's kinda hilarious that a question like that would be the inspiration for GOOP.
By the way, I knew Gwynnie back in the day. Spence days that is. I'll just say this - some things never change.
I know its ALL THE RAGE to hate on Celebs...but I've actually aways liked Gwinny...LOVED HER IN "HARD EIGHT"!!!
Since I don't know her PERSONALLY, I can't say whether or not she's truly a cunt...I can say this, she always comes off like a book isn't an "enemy"...and she did get to fuck Brad Pitt when he was www.beyondfuckinghot.com...
Having said that...I enjoy reading her website...I didn't do the total detox thing (that shit can land you in the hospital, toot sweet)...but I have gotten a lot of good advice about diet and shit (and I mean that shit, LITERALLY)...which has actually worked out for me (the fact that my big ass is 10 pounds lighter after following Gwinny's advice for a couple of months is a minor friggin' miracle)...
The only issue I've ever had with Gwinny is that her husband seems like he could take the "douchebag of the millienium" award from John Mayer (sorry, Chris reminds me of my ex- who was ALSO a stuck up, pretentious musician who substituted love for detachment and coldness)...which is the reason why my ass got so big in the first place...
Actually, that could explain a lot about Gwinny too...
When I looked up the definition of Pretentious all it had was her name.
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Never go with a Hippy to a Second Location
skank, please.
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Submitted by MrPossumsMama on Thu, 01/08/2009 - 12:18am.
Vote for MK - he's coming in 2nd by only like 1000 votes:
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Polls close Feb 13
she's old
www.realitybedroom.com
I cannot stand that bitch. She is so damn butt ugly.
"I have this incredible, blessed, sometimes difficult, very lucky, very unique life..."
Guess her blessed life has not included a 5th grade level education, which would teach her that something is either "unique" or not. It can't be "very unique..."
I can't wait for her pretentious divorce announcement.
+++
"I love Africa in general. South Africa and West Africa. They are both great countries."
A coincidental side note. Found this on Gwyneth's IMDB bio:
"Her friendship with best friend Madonna ended, because she couldn't get along with Madonna's extravagant lifestyle."
Vote for MK - he's coming in 2nd by only like 1000 votes:
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
Gwyneth's picture was taken in her new amusement park. She replaced the Tunnel of Love with the Windtunnel of Fug.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
just so i'm clear, if i do this detox diet fishsticks suggests, then i'll become a fishstick too? no thanks...
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certified in knocking dicks outta mouths...
EATING DISORDER
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I just looked at Goop. Just READING her "cleanse" diet made me want to shoot someone, so I cannot imagine actually f9ollowing it!
Folks...her Andromeda galaxy sized ego has been spinning out of control for a long time now. Anyone getting upset at this should remember Mrs. Paul's infamous 1999 Oscar stage blubbering meltdown. The show became *all* about her.
The look of annoyed horror on her incalculably more talented mother's face as she watched this from the audience is classic television. She couldn't believe that she spawned the patron saint of entitlement.
Give it a rest, Gwyneth. No one gives a flying fuck. Maybe you should work on taming that talentless cunt husband of yours. That is certainly a perfect pairing: two talentless, annoying, delusional assholes married to each other.
really? wow.
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"This is straight up fuckery."
His Holiness MK, 9/03/08
They do not understand why they do not have a happy life.
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DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT!
I KNOW WHY I DON'T HAVE A HAPPY LIFE!
BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU! YEESH!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
VOTE FOR MK!
What an ugly woman.
I couldn't vote because that site wouldn't come up. Will try again later.
I love Gwynnie.
All of you sound so jealous of the over-privileged.
Unfortunately, her mom is just as hateful as she is. Blythe just doesn't showcase it like her nasty daughter.
She looks like an ostrich and her kids are ugly.
Submitted by sparkys nemesis
Well, you must not be that educated or good-looking.
stony and LizzyH, right on!
So if anyone calls this talentless, over-privileged twat out on her pretentiousness, that means it's just because they are unhappy people? She needs to loosen the giant pole that's lodged in her ass.
She is the WORST actress I have ever seen and thinks that talking with a stuffy voice is the way to show emotion. Mommy is actress Blythe Danner and Daddy was a very well-connected Hollywood/tv director and producer. She grew up spending the holidays with the SPIELBERGS. This talentless, fugly, pretentious twat "won" that Oscar for one reason and one reason alone - POLITICS.
How many groupies has your fugly husband banged today, Fishy?! Why don't you talk about that on GOOP!
thanks, but I put my vote in earlier. Did it again for the hell of it. MK makes my days bright. I wonder if he knows how special he really is.
i just voted for MK on the blog award web site. he is in 2nd to ONTD.
everyone vote, here is the link
http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-gossip-blog/
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Fish don't fry in the kitchen....
Submitted by Sheeps on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 5:01pm.
That was funny.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Fishsticks never really bothered me until she started this whole "Goop" bullshit.
Not only does she come off as a pretentious spoiled brat, but everything that spews out of her mouth is completely unoriginal and uninspired. She has about as much personality and creativity as a banana, probably even less...
No WONDER her husband is cheating one her. Watching paint dry is more exciting than her TERRIBLE AND HORRIBLE acting. Acting w/ your eyes is NOT acting. Detox is her IDEA of EXCITING and having FUN. I despise people like her.
BTW, she took down the post of that ridiculous fast/detox on her blog. Detox all you want Gwyneth, you'll still have saggy boobs, flat ass and nothing special face. Plain Jane Paltrowski it is!
Surely Paltrow is referring to me. My blog (my name here.com) has been ripping her a new one most of October into November.
Let's not even count the crap I laugh about on DListed, Celebitchy and Perez Hilton. She's gotta know who I am.
But I add pics of myself so she can't go after me in the beauty dept. I am what she wishes she was.
Nice try, Paltrowski. If only you had my looks and education. I do have fun calling you out for the uneducated, cosmetic surgery enhanced beyotch who still after all of the work...can never hold a candle to me.
The funniest goddamn thing is that American Express commercial where they show her talking about how she had to carve a name for herself or somebullshit and then "Independent since..." Anyone see it? It's a fucking riot.
Does this bitch actually believe herself?? People call her for info? Isn't she just another spoiled rotton child that dropped out of Spence in New York? Didn't finish high school, slept with a few guys,chummed up with Madonna,puts people down,looks ugly for a hobby. Did she have to work for any of this? I can see why you hate her. She is a flaming shit pile. Totally offensive. Brad sure knows how to pick the nuts, all except his own I guess.
She's so fucking ugly with flat pancake gross saggy tits. I didn't realize A cups would fucking sag but she's living proof. Just one ugly fuckpig.
Oh, you KNOW she'd butt in and share her oh so enlighted opinion, and would dismiss any alternative way of thinking because SHE KNOWS BEST. No wonder she and gristle are such good friends. I think that if the CIA is looking for a new torture, they should record her and vadge babbling on and on and on. I'd confess to anything just to shut that up.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Submitted by idiots drive me loco: "her "newsletter" is like Oprah's favorite things--crap the average person can't afford, or has better sense than to buy."
I was going to post this!
Also: How much do you want to bet that if you are telling someone that you want a midcentury sink, she will butt in and tell you where you should go? And anyone else's suggestion will be inferior to hers.
Hey, Gwyneth! How 'bout a nice cup of Shut The Fuck Up?
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
VOTE FOR MK!
Fuck this elitist bitch.
I want to beat her to death with her own Oscar, or poison one of her "toxin-removing" colonic drinks.
She is such a d-bag. I hope Chris Martin is nailing as many Coldplay groupies (are there even such a thing?) as possible, so she ends up with egg on her face. I really loathe her. She's up there with Tommy Girl and Jessica Simpson for me.
She needs a swift kick in the vagina. nuff said
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This ho wouldn't know dignity if it fucked her in the ass.- Michael K
!#%^&@%$&$#&#$&@$%@#^@#%&^!$%@#$- Me 10 seconds ago
Dear Goop:
I'm redoing my bathroom--the one I wash the dog in--and the current sink is mid-century (1957) and rust-stained. Also, the hair trap is busted. The grout on the vanity is flecked with black and dead, curled ants that somehow lodged there. My budget is $60. Any suggestions? Keep up the good work!
Your colonial pal,
Sheeps
Submitted by poor unfortunat... on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 2:56pm.
No wonder her marriage is on the rocks. Who wants to listen to her boring, pretentious, babble?
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hahahaa! funny
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Submitted by Candy on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 4:30pm
I heard she cheated on him. With who though I'm not sure.
Are we sure she's not a Scientololoonie? She's spewing some dogma I don't understand. Or maybe it's Kaballahawalladingdng.
Why is it that all these twat actresses/musicans that marry Englishmen are such stuck up bitches? It's like they all think they're posh English now. Shouldn't Gwynie be popping pills and living off her rich husbands money? It's in her genes afterall she was Greenwich/Park (explains a lot) before she married that Coldplay idiot. Cmplete Stepford. And it would save us from having to see her stupid mug on [any of] our screens.
Choke on Chris Martin's tartar sauce, Fishy!!! There's some GOOP for you!
God, I hate this pretentious t-w-a-t!
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Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Submitted by Candy on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 3:33pm.
Voted Dlsted is right behing ONTD. The voting have to be stepped up. I have two computers so...
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What is this voting and where do i go exercise the right to humiliate myself?
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Wendy? Darling? LIGHT OF MY LIFE.
I think Michael K should do his own GOOP, but it should be all about Big Lots, In and Out Burger, Back Alleys in Tiajuana, and Trannies
Gweneth is just another asshole with a theory. Good luck with that.
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Wendy? Darling? LIGHT OF MY LIFE.
MK, You should just start a new item called "Dumb Douchebag of the Month" that way you can really spread your love & make Fishy your first postergirl.
I love how she just brushes over the fact that detoxing put her in the hospital for liver failure. We all remember this right??? It was when Chris Martin attacked the paparazzi picking her up from the hospital last year and everyone thought she had a miscarraige. I remember the look on her face. It was like a teenager being picked up from the police station by their parents for getting into trouble at the high school football game.