These Two Have A New Baby
Jennifer Garner released a baby into this black-hearted world sometime this afternoon. Jen and Ben already have a toothy 3-year-old they call Violet.
Jennifer's spokesbitch told People, "Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck gave birth to a healthy baby girl." The bitch did not fess up a name.
I'm really hoping they name their girl something meaningful. I'm thinking JLo? Or maybe Fishsticks? Or maybe Band-Aid? Or SavaMarriage? And if they are going to keep with the flower tradition, they better pick a hot flower name like Baby's Breath, Goldenrod, Honeysuckle, Morning Glory or Petunia.
But knowing these two boring boiled rutabagas, they gave her a memaw name like Rose, Ethel, Bertha, Gertrude or Myrtle. Oh shit. I really hope they named her Ethel. Nobody names their baby Ethel anymore! Come to think of it, nothing is named Ethel anymore. The next time you bring a baby, dog, cat, plant, rodent, cockroach, fish, homeless person or hooker into your home, you have to name them Ethel. The name must be kept alive!
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Maybe they'll name the baby after a city like Asslee and Pete Wanker. Lemme see...what about Seattle? That'll be different!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
Yawn......
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
Submitted by lovemyboy on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:43pm.
Damn it. I hate when I can't say anything nasty. I actually like them. I hope they name the baby Ruby. It's a cool name. hahahaha
^^^^^^^^^^
My grandfather's older sister, born around 1905, was named Ruby. Their dad, born around 1885, was named Jett, which is now kinda creepy when I think about it. (We've had a few Jetts in the family since then, so it's become a family name. But none of us are Xenu worshippers.)
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Dlisted's a hellava drug.
We're on "Team Against Media-Whoring Husband-Stealing Baby Collecting Tatted-up Freakshows." - Stoney, 12/2008
Ben Affleck looks like a wigger in this picture
Submitted by James Haven on Wed, 01/07/2009 - 12:00am.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:57pm.
You are right Tiger but James Haven just reports the news. He can't make a judgement. Unless of course it is about Brad. But Jen does not want to go out in the cesspool of dating. She would rather pick up the strawberries and turn a blind eye!
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Naw, I mean Jen Garner's sitch above you in da post...That ho look like Casper The Ghost's hungover girlfreind on her periods and shit...MAKE THAT HO OVAH...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Congrats to both of you! You owe us one, though, because we had just finished a funny post about you still being pregnant when the news was announced! Check it out:
http://starcasm.net/archives/2661
Don't worry, we were nice :) Congrats again to a celebrity couple that we actually like!
http://starcasm.net When the truth doesn't hurt enough.
PHYLLIS. No one is named PHYLLIS anymore.
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If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:57pm.
You are right Tiger but James Haven just reports the news. He can't make a judgement. Unless of course it is about Brad. But Jen does not want to go out in the cesspool of dating. She would rather pick up the strawberries and turn a blind eye!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Um, James Haven,
I know you're busy, but Jenny's sitch???? Yeah... 'Kay???? You know that shit ain't right...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
"Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:57pm.
The top 10 names for baby girls in 2008:
Emily-Isabella-Emma-Ava-Madison-Sophia-Olivia-Abigail-Hannah-Elizabeth"
Somewhere in there is the Voodoo Chile's name, and when I bestowed it upon her in 1981, it was definitely unique. She was in college before she met any other girl who shared it. Now it's a Top Ten moniker. I take offense at that.
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"Now is not the time for my fuckery."
http://girlandherbooks.blogspot.com/
http://dumb-report.blogspot.com
jmo I think they named Violet after the kid in The Incredibles. You know where the whole family is under cover super heros. They did a super hero movie together, I forgot the name, and then they had the baby. But I could be 100% way off.
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So...who donated the junk in the cup? The homeless guy pictured in the main pic with Jenny-Jen or Ben Affleck?
Some suggestions:
Magenta Tulip Lily.
Daffodil Aubergine Hollyhock.
Lavender Sunflower Marigold
I think a boy would have been a better Band-Aid baby, maybe Ben would have stuck around for a boy. It's too bad because I like them as a couple, but I think he is wanting out of this relationship.
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
Congrats to them!!
Now that I said that, I feel I need to remark on some of the lousy comments regarding Garner. First off, how miserable is your life if you feel the need to pick on "minds her own business" Jennifer? Crackin' on her looks, just for the sake of talking shit about someone? She's a cute girl. She seems to have a good marriage, a loving daughter and now another healthy baby. She is so low key it's almost impossible to detest anything about her. Seriously, I can only feel pity for anyone that tries to pick this couple apart. I guess people that aren't THAT exciting, warrant nasty comments and deserve for people to pick the crap out of their marriage and children. Grow the hell up! Yes I know this is the site where we spew the nasty shit about celebrities but I just thought it was towards the celebrities that were deserving of it. Not these two.
So what color did they name the kid? Jenifer: Talk to the hand, my ass stopped listening.
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Submitted by Karen Flatts on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:18pm.
Don't bet the rent Karen. Jen has the goods on Ben. He ain't goin' anywhere. All James Haven will say is it involved Matt, rope, fondue, and a strawberry!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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I call my laptop Myrtle. I don't think that counts though.
My grandma's name is Ethel and she kicks ass.
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Virtue and Talent are obviously overrated.
Congrats to them!
~♥~I love you, I love you
Whats wrong with saying it the easy way?
I love you, I love you
Whats wrong with saying it the easy way?~♥~
She is one homely bitch, for sure. I give this marriage 6 more weeks.
Submitted by shoe addict on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:14pm.
SmOOches shoe!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Gonnaburn... on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:13pm.
Thank you GB James Haven goes to great pains to keep his cheekbones softened yet manly.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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james Haven
Im not worthy!!!
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Fish don't fry in the kitchen....
James- I was trying to read your last post and then I got to your cheekbones and it was all over. Damn! They are mighty fine. Chiseled marble perfection.
Submitted by shoe addict on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 11:02pm.
if you ever wanna know why i am a successful thirty year old intelligent woman and still single...its not because im so humble (LOL) its because i waste years on guys like Ben
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If you ever wanna know why James Haven is a successful actor/MaryKay rep, thirtysomething, intelligent with high cheekbones and a great skin regimen who's still single, well it's not because he doesn't try but it's because he lives with his sister and her bossy boyfriend and no one wants to ride on the back of a Vespa or sleep on a cot in a closet!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Hey Michael,
I bought a cement garden ornament last summer, a peahen with big, sad eyes. I named her Gertrude Agatha. Does that help you?
Submitted by Charles Manson on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:52pm.
HE HAS THE BIGGEST GODDAMN FUCKING HEAD I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN. HE LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN ELEPHANT MAN. FUCK.
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Hello, Cholly.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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if you ever wanna know why i am a successful thirty year old intelligent woman and still single...its not because im so humble (LOL) its because i waste years on guys like Ben
I effin love him!!!!
and all my friends know and make fun of me
what???????knowin is half the battle.
its one of the things i want to fix in 2009
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Fish don't fry in the kitchen....
Submitted by Charles Manson on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:52pm.
HE HAS THE BIGGEST GODDAMN FUCKING HEAD I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN. HE LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN ELEPHANT MAN. FUCK.
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Cholly, you ruined my fantasies when I realized you were talking about the head above his neck...
:-(
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Bland- yeah, she is. BUT I like her way better than Fishy or JBlow. I hope their marriage is ok. Who the hell is he anyway but the guy who played the lamest superhero ever(Daredevil, not the guy who played the guy who played Superman- that kinda rocked)and a gambling/alcohol addict???
Submitted by Charles Manson on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:52pm.
Good observation Charlie. He does have a rather large head.
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Submitted by Charles Manson on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:52pm.
dammit, Charlie! why did you have to show up so late? we were desperate for your comments on the "whatever the fuck you want" thread!
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www.va-holocaust.com.
Tolerance Through Education
I THINK HYACINTH, ROSE OR DAISY WOULD BE GREAT.
OXA
Submitted by Charles Manson on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:52pm.
When did you see Affleck with his pants off??
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Don't you just love public humiliation when it doesn't happen to you? It's truly what makes the world go round.--MK
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:50pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:40pm.
Was she wearing a tiara and stamping her tap shoe'd foot as well?
==Ballet slippers, imagine a 200lb Suri Cruise. It was priceless.
The top 10 names for baby girls in 2008:
Emily-Isabella-Emma-Ava-Madison-Sophia-Olivia-Abigail-Hannah-Elizabeth
And that's in order of popularity. Imagine naming your kid "Isabella" or
"Sophia" ten years ago - she'd be getting ragged on in school now from Ashley, Tiffany, and Jordan.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:49pm.
ROFLMAO! Cousin Eddy at the dinner table:
Naw, he's just yakkin' on a bone!
Okay, speaking of birthdays, got to go celebrate Mr. Nitty's bifday..He likes to reenact the way he was conceived! 'Night, loverlies!
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"I'll get handcuffed for you and gladly spend a night or two in the clink." ~MK
rutabegas! yeah, that' a sad face when I get that for dinner..
puurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,
moosh
http://twoliablog.com/teacups-and-couture/
Submitted by lovemyboy on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:43pm.
Damn it. I hate when I can't say anything nasty. I actually like them. I hope they name the baby Ruby. It's a cool name. hahahaha
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But not with "Tuesday" as her middle name.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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HE HAS THE BIGGEST GODDAMN FUCKING HEAD I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN. HE LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN ELEPHANT MAN. FUCK.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:40pm.
Was she wearing a tiara and stamping her tap shoe'd foot as well?
_Submitted by Callan on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:45pm.
@ NitWitty
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Seriously, we watch that movie every Thanksgiving. Son has a dark green dicky with a white V-neck sweater..He wore it for the worst xmas sweater party. No one got it..lmaoo..guess we're old...and he is too, by proxy. eeeee
Ruby Sue...lmaooooo
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"I'll get handcuffed for you and gladly spend a night or two in the clink." ~MK
Submitted by NitWitty on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:46pm.
Haha! All time favorite line:
Rusty (wanting to play Atari): Do you have Asteroids?
Inbred Cousin Boy: No, but my dad does. Somedays he cain't get off the toilet fer hours.
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Don't you just love public humiliation when it doesn't happen to you? It's truly what makes the world go round.--MK
any time a man marries you and you have the same name as his last girlfriend, it should be a warning. Like he's too lazy to learn a new name to scream during sexay times.
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"Hasta la bye bye!"
Submitted by yesyes on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:43pm.
I hope they named it Iris to go along with their spring-y flower-y theme
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I really love the name Iris. I guess it's kind of meemaw-ish, but my future crotchfruit might have to deal with that.
“I ejaculate boiling venom, so I’d need to wear like fifty condoms.”
Submitted by Stoney on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:27pm.
I totally can't stand Jennifer Garner. I know it's weird, but I totally believe she's actually that obsessively square mom from Juno in real life.
lol, I feel the same way!!
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the end...
_Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:38pm.
LOL! Don't ferget..the bit about: It's a miracle, a donkey kicked her and she went crosseyed and another donkey kicked her and straightened it out!
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"I'll get handcuffed for you and gladly spend a night or two in the clink." ~MK
Submitted by yesyes on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:43pm.
I hope they named it Iris to go along with their spring-y flower-y theme
I like the name Marguerite a lot, but the nickname Margie is grotesque, so it might be better as a middle name.
Saw a bab-yee named Ethel Rose in the local rag a few days ago.
Payday came and with it beer.
~~Rudyard Kipling~~
@ NitWitty
Best scene ever!
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer...
Eddie: Shitter was full!
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
I also love the part when Eddie is wearing the black dickey under the white sweater.