Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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Submitted by Thornhill on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:34pm.
No market for Palin, but she's natural at blowing the flute..
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and the old song and dance.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
Submitted by Thornhill on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:55pm.
@T-Val...Word on the street is the good Doc went for the Subway special and got him a five dollar foot long...
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That wasn't mayonnaise though.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
@T-Val...Word on the street is the good Doc went for the Subway special and got him a five dollar foot long...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
Submitted by madam s. on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:43pm.
"Easy to park and great fish and chips after at the jumbo cod"
I hate hipster code: I'm always on the outside looking in.
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Wow, this is graphic.
@Madam.S....The Jumbo cod is the main entree if you order the Ford Hilton...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
@T-Val... you would think that the poster would be smart enough to change their sign in name when logging on to a site of ill-repute...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
There's a Dlisted poster that frequents male escorts and posts reviews on the internets too!!
*
goes by the moniker 'cream balltrix'.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Jan_In_The_Pan,
Oh my god! I just checked out that British escort review website and it is HILARIOUS. No joke, the very first "review" I clicked on said this as recommendation:
"Her Place: Easy to park and great fish and chips after at the jumbo cod"
Ahhahahahha! You can't write comedy better than that! People are freaks...
Submitted by Thornhill on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:38pm.
Must not be too good, still paying for it.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
@T-Val...is the good Doc still in the house...?
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:31pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:30pm.
Submitted by Jan_In_The_Pan on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:11pm.
There's a Dlisted poster that frequents male escorts and posts reviews on the internets too!!
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Um...*ahem*...Those were PRIVATE emails, TV!
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Okay, there are 2 posters, but the other one is a dude.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by luscious_t : "I'd love to see Nancy Grace break away from Casey for 5 secs when she returns and discuss this... but you know she won't."
Nope. She's scared of the Scientos. As she should be.
I wish someone else could be as obsessed about this as I am. I am ALL over this story. Just like I was for ANS and Caylee Anthony. Like a terrier: I smell a rat and I want AT it.
Not saying they killed him, but there are a lot of weird things surrounding it - just like Anna Nicole's son. Personally, I think John is heartbroken; there is no doubt in my mind he loved that boy more than anything. Not so sure about everyone else.
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:24pm.
I wouldn't pay 2k an hour for a Chinese girl, you're just horny again an hour later.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:30pm.
Submitted by Jan_In_The_Pan on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:11pm.
There's a Dlisted poster that frequents male escorts and posts reviews on the internets too!!
***************************
Um...*ahem*...Those were PRIVATE emails, TV!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Jan_In_The_Pan on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:11pm.
There's a Dlisted poster that frequents male escorts and posts reviews on the internets too!!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Jan_In_The_Pan on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:11pm.
If you go to punternet.com, you can read "field reports" written by guys who've used prostitutes and they describe the whole thing in terms of whether or not it was worth the cash, how the parking was, etc.
I'd hate to pay $20 for a happy ending, then $30 for parking.
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Wow, this is graphic.
Nightrain, yes some men are blinded by the Blonde.....
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Submitted by parissucksliterally :got an excuse for Port-au-Prince? Can you even tell me where it is without Googling it?
Submitted by carebearloves on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 5:46pm.
its a person from france.
But you know, we have to remember, we're taling about men who are dumb enough to pay $2000 a fucking hour. Maybe they all are bland and boring
although i still can't believe none of them want an Asian chick. it's just so hipster these days to be fucking an Asian chick
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I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
What I want to know is how does a kid with 2 nannies and health probs go in for a shower at night and not get discovered until 10 am?
I'd love to see Nancy Grace break away from Casey for 5 secs when she returns and discuss this... but you know she won't.
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I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Heterosexual men like to fuck pretty women of every race, weight, and height. Most men aren't that picky. If they are that picky usually they have some emotional issues.
Jan: Thanks. Now I have another website to obsess over. Prostitution fascinates me!~
Diego: Right? I think most men would be afraid to call a strictly gay agency, but if it was their usual agency they'd be more likely to try it. And pay more than they would at a gay agency, too. But it's this troll-woman's prerogative to run her business any way she likes. Whoops! Looks like she's out of business.
But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
Sorry Jan, there aren't too many other ways to interpert her comments other than she feels her clients wouldn't want a Jewish or Eastern European Woman...either she thinks their location is unattractive, which makes her an ignorant, sterotyping cunt, or she thinks they are unattractive, which shows she's fucking blind. Frankly, rereading it makes me think she's more of an ignorant cunt who embodies sterotypes of what men what (ie, skinny blonde). Her comments that men don't want Asian or African American woman reek of ignorance of her own business as well.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
#13...Amy winehouse, a pack of Marlboro reds and a Bic lighter and she will love you longtime. Comes complete with airline barfbag (you will be needing it)...
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:44pm.
I'm telling ya. Many, many straight men are 'curious' about boys at some point. I've met plenty of them. Google Travis Fimmel and look at his old CK ads. You could make a fucking fortune with his ass on the books. And I can't believe she thinks men don't want Asian women. Please.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:51pm.
Oh my fuck. There is not enough money in the world to make me do buttsecks with Howard Stern. I can honestly say I'd rather toss it up for Criss Angel. Now I'm going to have nightmares. I find JRM hot in a batshit crazy kind of way. I'm not sure why he's still in the closet though. Maybe he's a Scientologist on the DL too.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
This story reminded me of a site I used to go to now and then. If you go to punternet.com, you can read "field reports" written by guys who've used prostitutes and they describe the whole thing in terms of whether or not it was worth the cash, how the parking was, etc. Once I started reading, I found I just kept going. Yes, I have too much time on my hands.
What's strange to me isn't that men pay for sex. What's strange is that they pay for the girlfriend experience. Um, if you want the girlfriend experience, get a girlfriend. Paying for sex just seems like a convenience to me. But paying for a simulated girlfriend is too pathetic.
There's gotta be a peen under that dress. There's gotta!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Fucking torsoist!
Submitted by Jan_In_The_Pan on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 4:05pm.
You're just a head, you have no trunk.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
See but I still don't think she's said EE and Jewish women aren't attractive. She's just saying her clientele don't ask for it or don't like it. I've got all sorts of junk in my trunk and my husband digs it. He'd rather have someone built like me than someone built like her highest earner any day of the week.
She's just running a business.
I'm not religious, but upside-down crucifixes are not cool.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
12. Star Jones: 2 dozen Krispy Kremes and a Fresca. Comes with free blindfold.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
I think that SHE has a narrow idea of what men want, and chooses hookers accordinly. If you've ever watched cathouse, you'll see thicker girls, girls next door, over the top boobs and amazon blondes, black, asian, a little person...obviously there is a market for all these girls, or they wouldn't be there.
As for her Jewish/Eastern European comment, that poves the bitch is crazy, when you consider how many models are Eastern European, and how many beautiful actresses are EE and Jewish. Men like the way we look.
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
What's most interesting about this really is the fact they don't want playboy types. Real men (or rich men) don't apparently want LARGE fake titted bimbos. They'd rather have a slender type with more natural breasts. Interesting.
Submitted by fulgora77 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:42pm.
She sort of looks like she's wearing one of those "woman masks" MK had on here awhile ago. yikes.
She does! LOL! Was this thing born a woman, I wonder?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
I can't believe I'm defending this beast, but she is only talking about escorts she'd hire for HER agency. She obviously specialized in blonde "model" and girl-next-door types, and her clients only wanted women who fit that mold.
I used to work in finance and knew plenty of guys who were obsessed with blondes. It didn't matter if a woman had supermodel looks or not, or if she was a natural blonde or not, they were just in love with their fantasy of The Blonde. I'm guessing guys like that are the kind of guys who made up most her client base.
I don't think it's racist or bigoted to say what's marketable in her business. She knows what callers ask for and so it doesn't make sense to keep escorts on the roster when they're not going to get requested. Someone could be gorgeous and fifty years old...but if nobody was looking to pay $2000/hour for someone over thirty, it wouldn't be ageist to say she wanted young women only. I am, however, horribly offended that she didn't want large-breasted playboy types. Fucking boobist!
Submitted by Salem13 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:37pm.
Submitted by Kp on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:23pm.
I dunno she is catering to higher up politician/wallstreet types. I can definitely see some racist among them.
Even if these racist assholes hated black women/Jews/Asians, it doesnt mean they wouldnt want to have sex with them. Fuck, it might even make them WANT to have sex with them.
Angie would make a lot less than she makes now huh? Crazy! But she would be the top one which could help her out in the long term. The problem with Paris is the herp though, so no kissing or touching aloud unless the customers got a vaccination or protection against the petri dish of diseases that is Paris. Ditto for Lindsay! I bet that's another option in terms of work for her though, she should seriously think about getting in touch with this madam. She could make BANK!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:44pm.
Well, she can't work now that she's under the cops eyes. I bet this 'list' is just an attempt to gain further notoriety and earn a income.
Didn't that tired old whore who used to do the worst dressed list die recently?
This press release of hers is nothing more than a publicity stunt.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Diego: "What about the boys?
Maybe Howard gets "tossed" in with Beth.
JRM has skeery crack eyes.
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
Submitted by Diego: "What about the boys? What madam doesn't have at least a few boys on the payroll? You can't tell me that some desperate fucker who's willing to pay 3 grand for some tail isn't going to have some fantasy that involves another guy."
That's what *I* was wondering, too! Unless her agency was called "Thin White Women Only"... Agencies usually have a menu of different types of things. It would be unwise from a business standpoint not to.
For Katie Holmes, I'd substitute Natalie Portman.
HaHa!!
If Santa Angelina entertained gentleman callers 24 hours a day, every day of the year at $2000 per hour, that's a lousy $17.5 million a year.
She sort of looks like she's wearing one of those "woman masks" MK had on here awhile ago. yikes.
how old is this broad?
would her clients like to do her or would they want to know how much she charges to haunt a house??
@kp...Also- Do men really find tall women that much more fuckable?
Usually only tall men think that way. I prefer mine short with a flat head, so I have somewhere to rest me pint..
_____________________对您的和平_____________________
When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
what a racist cunt. According to her, Jewish, Eastern European, Asian, and black women aren't attractive. Bitch.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Submitted by Kp on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 3:23pm.
I dunno she is catering to higher up politician/wallstreet types. I can definitely see some racist among them.
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We worship a dancing peanut for corn’s sake!
What about the boys? What madam doesn't have at least a few boys on the payroll? You can't tell me that some desperate fucker who's willing to pay 3 grand for some tail isn't going to have some fantasy that involves another guy. How much would Jared Leto go for? Or Matthew McConaughey? Chace Crawford? Then you need some dirty boys. What about Colin Farrell and Jonathan Rhys Meyers? Old school Travis Fimmel would be a good one to have on the books too. He'd kick Katie Holmes ass when it came time to cash out.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"