Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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I heard my name! Hey beeehoottcchheeesss!!!
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Woohoo whores! Ima finally gonna be rich for Royin' a bitch! Ok, where do I sign up????
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Heavens to Betsy TL!! You can rent out your cage by the hour. Dress up the marks as lion tamers and whip THEM through the cage bars!
Put socky on the organ grinder <-- get it? organ grinder? hahaha
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"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:35pm.
Its a cylinder square foot of cock! Being a fat girl you obviously have a warped sense of whats big.
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Ah me. The last resort of the 12 year old who knows it's backed into a corner: calling someone fat. *yawn*
NEXT!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by SICKITTEN on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:34pm.
Farrah, you can alter your eye color with exposure to sun. Check my post on Chris Martin's heroin eyes. My name here.com. I won't put up the links because Provolone might come a commenting(on the shanty Irish post) Sticking tongue out. p
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LOVED the article. Very interesting.
But i love better your "excuse me for not posting the link" excuse. It make me choke on my soda!
I will sure check it out!
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SANDBITCH! I'm going out for dinner and I'm going to make a point of eating carrots. Want pictures?
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:36pm.
I found Carrot lurking in my inbox!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Stick, by cock in mouth, you mean dildo? or did you get a guy to come in?
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:33pm.
Sandbitch, Carrot hasn't been seen since early this afternoon. I heard she was taken hostage by Bugs Bunny.
==Oh, I know. She took off to partake in birthday shit. Apparently you can't buy grog in Alberta on Sunday. Some barfday!
I just wanted to explain to the world why I have this ugly red headed slut for an avie. In honour of LCT's birthday.
Sorry for straying off topic...carry on.
StickaCockinWoo, did you ever have a client who wanted to be spanked while he screamed MOTHERRRRRR!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:31pm.
Hi Hos.
**It's LCT's Barfday**
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YAY!!
need to email the bafday beesh!
@TITS: sorry hun, i got distracted reading Sickkiten's link.
I'm ok, resting, thanks for the concern i'm also doing my best to surve this damn heat!!
(and to think my people roamed the desert for 40 years, and here i am, crying in front of the fan)
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I was pretty certain they were green. Scarlett's were green lol
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Sandy/Sugar,
Carrot is currently in a Bale-intervention. I have sent in the team!!!
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...my name is Bobby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Uq2Mdowss&feature=related
Its a cylinder square foot of cock! Being a fat girl you obviously have a warped sense of whats big.
My friend does this funny thing...when a dog is lying on its back he pushes its stomach skin together and goes "Look, fat girl pussy" The ignorant are easily amused
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:33pm.
I have done a couple of celebrities but I would never reveal their names just what they were into and usually it's dildos and cock in their mouth.
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oh come on - at least give us some blind item-like clues.
and seriously, i don't know how you didn't giggle. I would giggle.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
lusc, I thought Viv had blue eyes.
Stickacockin: Your stories are fantastic. LOVE it. It's not easy money, but it pays well.
Was it hard to adjust financially when you stopped?
Did you feel disdain for your clients? Did you get lots of repeat business?
Farrah, you can alter your eye color with exposure to sun. Check my post on Chris Martin's heroin eyes. My name here.com. I won't put up the links because Provolone might come a commenting(on the shanty Irish post) Sticking tongue out. p
My sin had the most beautiful bluest eyes and the around age 6 or 7 they def became more gray
Mine took longer to change and were a blue gray but have become more green since my late teens. But they really aren't shown on there, which is why i guess they are a greener version of gray. I'm not a true Vivien Leigh-type green, but i have a richer color than a true grasy and they can hardly be aclled blue anymore, although that's what my license says.
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I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
I have done a couple of celebrities but I would never reveal their names just what they were into and usually it's dildos and cock in their mouth.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Sandbitch, Carrot hasn't been seen since early this afternoon. I heard she was taken hostage by Bugs Bunny.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Hi Hos.
**It's LCT's Barfday**
The avie stays until LCT pukes carrot.
Sheeps,
LOL! I was just trying to distract from the oy-bey, umble-ray.
Kent we all jus get along?
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...my name is Bobby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Uq2Mdowss&feature=related
@ la cucaracha - oh shit. you only have one set of eyes now. Imma so drunk. How about Eminem as a client? I'd pay $5000 dollars to tell me I'm a slut bitch and have him pistol whip my ass!
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:21pm.
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:11pm.
13" around. Think about it.
Umm, Clarisse, I checked and 7X6 is like 42". Even bigger.
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Ladies, you've got the wrong math formula there.
7x6 is seven inches long BY six inches around. There's no multiplication there.
He's a little man.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU
cheesy yoga ass I'd rather read stickys posts than your spew any day of the week.
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"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by SICKITTEN on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:23pm.
Farrah, It covers all colors and where the melanin sits on the eye to get the 'hazel'.
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thanks! i'll take a look. I've always wonder why was this tendency of my father's sons having the exact same color of eyes (my brothers are from different mothers)
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Submitted by Farrah on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:17pm.
FARRAH!!! HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU BEESH!
Been concerned about you pookie!
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"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
being caught for them would be the most humilating thing for them but that never happen to them because I was the domme that cared.
Jesus. Type slower. *thwack, thwack, thwack*
78wo0oknd7yd289911-093uamxjcodl x
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I've been chuckling at this one for a good 3 minutes.
el b you dog you.
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"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Farrah on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:20pm.
a tiny little polar bear.. extremely random and funny at the same time LOL!
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I know it's totally random. I love squirrels and critters of that ilk so I google their pics from time to time. I found a great one of a squirrel lying on its tummy with all fours out to the side like it's flying or something.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Farrah, It covers all colors and where the melanin sits on the eye to get the 'hazel'. I'm pretty sure that it's on the link. I bookmarked it. The camera shot making eyes appear red with the flash bulb was informative.
I ran across it by accident when I googled multi colored eyes to get an image for my site last night.
No, Woody Allen was never a client but I just want stick a cock in his mouth becuase he is so disgusting fucking around with little kids.
Well you have to shit everyday. So I would tell them come at a certain time usually in the morning. I would love to shit on them in the morning before they would go off to work and knowing they would have my shit smell on them even though I had a shower for them before they went off to work. Or at night that I know they would be with their wife. I didn't care at that time or now for that matter.
Here's the thing with S/M men are deviant. Women will never know their fantasy. NEVER. From mild to wild, men will see their wives as maddonas not whores even though as a mistress you don't fuck them. I would feel sorry for the wives because women are clueless. Often times women don't ask the right questions or do things to test their husband on certain things. If you are open great a bit tough if you want a manly man. if you are closed minded, God help you.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:11pm.
13" around. Think about it.
Umm, Clarisse, I checked and 7X6 is like 42". Even bigger.
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Wow, this is graphic.
What has happened in this thread?! I got distracted reading up on the hooker reviews. What's really scary is that the people who wrote them are apparently allowed to walk around and mingle in society. You pay someone a hundred bucks for a fuck and yet you're shocked and bitter she's not into it? Really?
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:16pm.
Good eeeeeevening! No, it's a tiny little polar bear.
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a tiny little polar bear.. extremely random and funny at the same time LOL!
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Tigers have six nippies? What do Ligers have?
How about it, Tiger? Ever done a lion?
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 6:24pm.
Good for you on the no sex. I always thought that would spoil the 'scene' as it were.
Tell me more about 'sounds'?
Also - was there ever a time you laughed or almost cracked a smile by accident?
OH OH and did you ever run into a client in their normal life?
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"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:05pm.
I would love to drink some fromage with you.
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Wow, this is graphic.
@Tigerlilly
With six tits tou could fetch quite a bit of cash.
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lusc, they cover all colors with surprising facts
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:13pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:12pm.
You hiring?
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Since you have four legs and whiskers, shouldn't you get $2000 per hour?
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Yeah! And don't forget my six nipples (that stray seventh one is covered with fur...), shouldn't that be worth something? Woohoo whores! Ima finally gonna be rich for Royin' a bitch! Ok, where do I sign up????
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@sickkitten:
anything on hazel or a very light shade of brown changing to mega green in that link? Both my brothers and my father have those kind of frrrreaaaaky eyes. I love them, tho.
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Submitted by Farrah on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:13pm.
Good eeeeeevening! No, it's a tiny little polar bear.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by SICKITTEN on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:06pm.
Wow. My eyes are green and I had no idea it's the rarest color. Cool! At least something on me isn't just average!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by SICKITTEN on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:06pm.
They didn't really cover me. I guess I'm a greener-gray eye.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Keane on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:05pm.
good point. Keane, you're awesome.
@Sugaroo: hun, not worth it. Well i guess for a good sunday night laugh, it's ok. Love the new avie, the squirrel is cute, but..is that a TOOF in front of it?
@Tigerlils: can you stick out your pinky...er.. finger whilest drinking straight from the box? cause i know chu klassy like dat!
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:12pm.
You hiring?
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Since you have four legs and whiskers, shouldn't you get $2000 per hour?
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:07pm.
The bottom line is the price for all domme girls would be the same because as the owner the bottom line is money. Men called and I would describe how exotic the girls look like and they pick from that if they wanted them to go their hotel or home, noone would was sent back because they didn't like them or if they would come to the dungeon and would pick from a line up girls. I don't care if you are fat, skinny, black, white, short hair, long hair everyone was $1000.00 for the hr.
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You hiring?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
13" around. Think about it.
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...my name is Bobby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Uq2Mdowss&feature=related
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:04pm.
Im not German. Nor do i have "Aryan" features. its soooo I G N O R A N T of you to come to such conclusions. Geez, Get Educated!!
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Have you itched that itch yet, Einstein??
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by bambam on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:06pm.
Ha. Provolone. lil dick man's at it again.
Is 7x6 small??
Keane dropped the ignorant, racist AND stupid cards on me. Im so proud
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"