Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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Ooooo - Sandbitch has gone and gotten extremely clever on us, sluts!
nice :)
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I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Diego on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:04pm.
Diego, the bitch is bored and laying bait. Ignore.
Not all fat girls fuck black guys, but all black guys fuck fat girls. Thats what my bumper sticker says anyways
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:03pm.
Luscious-t
As an aside, I love your brit-tastic avatar.
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thankyouverymuch
I will ALWAYS take a complimentary aside. :)
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
So black guys fuck fat chicks? Where is this book of rules you're living by? I have several exes who are black and they weren't into girls, fat or skinny, and I've had white boys with bigger dicks. There is just no place to go with that logic because it's just several ridiculous stereotypes rolled into one dumbass statement.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Good old Provolone, after a while it always starts to stink. Trust.
Luscious-t
As an aside, I love your brit-tastic avatar.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:39pm.
Woohoo whores! Ima finally gonna be rich for Royin' a bitch! Ok, where do I sign up????
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Heavens to Betsy TL!! You can rent out your cage by the hour. Dress up the marks as lion tamers and whip THEM through the cage bars!
Put socky on the organ grinder <-- get it? organ grinder? hahaha
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AHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, she had to grind some organs to get those fake cashmere chesticles she constantly flaunts around here if I ain't bein' too subtle...I mean, does anyone buy those things are real...let alone cashmere???? Pfffft....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:56pm.
Can we share a straw?
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Wow, this is graphic.
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo...
I only just realized that your full *name* is StickaCockinWoodyAllensMouth.
Mia Farrow's daughter died!! WTF!
apparently so, Provolone - I guess we can't keep up with your brilliance.
because, yes, fat girls all fuck black guys. Duh. It was so obvious.
Is this part of a comedy routine? This shit is gold tonight.
La cucaracha-
That's true, too. Experienced girls know what they like, and how to adjust. Plus really new girls might still have to get used to the whole thing.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
la cucaracha-
That's sounds really pretty. I've seen some models with black skin and freckles, but never in real life. My freckles come out to play in summer- that's my tan. Freckles. lol.
I've had people offer to go tanning with me, but since skin cancer runs in my family, I'll just be the lamewad at the beach with loads of sunscreen and a big old hat. Just don't look directly at me. I become a mirror in bright sun. ;-)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:56pm.
Um, this discussion about cock size is kind of pointless. Every woman is shaped differently, and it doesn't always go hand in hand with her size. My 5'2" friend had sex with a well hung man of 6'1" (I think she said 9 inches long), and she didn't think he was too big for her. However, another friend I knew couldn't take anybody longer than 6 inches. So, it's really a personal preference. Plus, shape, girth and the way it's used is hugely important.
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I was talking to this guy lately and he told me he liked grls with lots of experience because they could take his shit like a pro while inexperienced ones just cant......
I think it may have more to do with experience...
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I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:19pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:05pm.
I would love to drink some fromage with you.
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Then, we shall....*getting out box o' fromage flavored vin rouge*...Wait wooly one...you have no pinky to raise in the air whilst drinking cheese flavored boxed wine...how to show you all KLASSY and shit a la Farrah's lesson d'etiquette?
Oh, wait, hold up...Yeah, I got an extra pinky right here left over from din-dins...We'll just superglue it to your drinking hoof...What? What? That's not gross it's KLASSAY! It even still has the Lee Press on French manicure still in tact! What? What? Where are you going? Psssht...The wooly are soooo uncultured! *rolling tiger eyes*...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:50pm.
Saying someone with an avatar that says skinny girls are for wimps might be rather large is a leap?
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Yes, Einstein. I had one avatar that was a guy with a mullet. It would be a huge leap for anyone to assume that was what I look like. Then again, leaping seems to be your specialty. Ribbit.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Um, this discussion about cock size is kind of pointless. Every woman is shaped differently, and it doesn't always go hand in hand with her size. My 5'2" friend had sex with a well hung man of 6'1" (I think she said 9 inches long), and she didn't think he was too big for her. However, another friend I knew couldn't take anybody longer than 6 inches. So, it's really a personal preference. Plus, shape, girth and the way it's used is hugely important.
I think it's impossible to generalize about this.
I mean, what turns some people on revolts others, (our resident domme can tell us that, I am sure- love you, stick a cock) so clearly people have very varied tastes when it comes to what they feel is sexy and beautiful.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I saved my money because I knew this is something i couldn't do forever so I purchased a couple of residential properties at the time. I was always the just in case person. I didn't know what I was doing but i figured it was something to do because nyc was shitty at the time and prices were fairly decent. So I get some money every month from them now.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by la cucaracha on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:49pm.
Submitted by pizza on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:30pm.
@ la cucaracha - oh shit. you only have one set of eyes now. Imma so drunk. How about Eminem as a client? I'd pay $5000 dollars to tell me I'm a slut bitch and have him pistol whip my ass!
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Ill pistol whip you for 2 licks and a titty twist....
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I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:48pm.
An overwight girl doen't necessarily mean her insides are big and stretched out. i don't understand how being overweight can ...
oh, just nevermind lol Honestly, I really don't care.
My comment had nothing to do with a fat girls anatomy. Her sense is warped cause black guys fuck fat girls, so she's probably seen bigger cocks then the average whore. Do i need to spell it out for everyone?!
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
*shudder*
Be back in a lil' bit.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Carrot I thought the same thing...not sure if it's the same cooch. Just the name gives me the heeby jeebies.
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:49pm.
I think that black women are just as beautiful as white women. I'm a white girl, and white can be pale, skinny, no curves, can have freckles, get wrinkles, etc...
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I was making out with this guy yesterday and he commented on how much he liked my freckles.....im black, and somehow ive developed freakles laetly....they are cute, but they werent always there...
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I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
I'm not sure I want to know how the discussion turned to shitting on people and the penis size preference of fat girls.
Reminds me of a bit from the old Dating in the New Millenium email I got years ago. While guys like to hear "Wow, you've got a really big cock!" teling a woman "Wow, you've got a really big cunt!" doesn't have quite the same effect...
Saying someone with an avatar that says skinny girls are for wimps might be rather large is a leap? HAHAHAHA. Come now Sherlock.
How did i find dlisted...i have a gay cousin that talked about it. Then i heard it mentioned on the Joe Scarborough show one morning. Go figure.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Oh Jesus cooch is back?
Ugh.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Submitted by pizza on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:30pm.
@ la cucaracha - oh shit. you only have one set of eyes now. Imma so drunk. How about Eminem as a client? I'd pay $5000 dollars to tell me I'm a slut bitch and have him pistol whip my ass!
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????
My eyes are very dark and very large, it appears as if i have no whites of the eye in the right make up and in the right lighting...
Anyone else like this?
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I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
I think that black women are just as beautiful as white women. I'm a white girl, and white can be pale, skinny, no curves, can have freckles, get wrinkles, etc...
White can be very vanilla. It's bland. Why would this madam limit herself? If I were a madam, I'd have every kind of woman, to appeal to the broadest range of men. Durr.
And what about sexy asian women, eastern european women, indian women, latina women.... etc?
(Anyhow, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
@sickkitten, both!
@Sugaroo, I don't know can't remember. Usually I made them count and tell me how much they want more and how much they liked it and want it.
@luscious_t know I can't. One was a movie critic and one was fine cute white boy that worked in Young and the Restless and I was like ewww, how dare you, I only watch All My Children.
Yes repeat business is key. I had guys coming 1 or twice a month every month. One it's hard to find a domme mistress to fullfill a fantasy and enjoyed doing the fantasy. I couldn't think so hard about thier fetish because who am I, I am fullfilling thier fantasy and of course I wanted that cash. Some was upset that the mistress looked at them with disgust so they would feel guilty and disgusted and they would tell me so I had to find them someone else to fullfill their fantasy. Often times with s/m its not about color it's about fullfilling the fantasy.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
An overwight girl doen't necessarily mean her insides are big and stretched out. i don't understand how being overweight can ...
oh, just nevermind lol Honestly, I really don't care.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
going for dinner thanks for the info people
It's been GREAT, thanks PSL.
Clarisse, that's it. I'm stealing your avie and I'm going to do sexy times to it and there's no way around it. This Bale Bennnnddeerrrr's going out in style.
Whew, Pauly, I think I just fell in love with you.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:21pm.
So I would tell them come at a certain time usually in the morning. I would love to shit on them in the morning before they would go off to work and knowing they would have my shit smell on them even though I had a shower for them before they went off to work.
I feel pretty silly complaining about the pressure to get my time sheets in each morning.
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Wow, this is graphic.
Yawn was already used. you can't retort with same word. duh
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:42pm.
I didnt make fun of her for being fat. Im saying overweight girls might have a warped sense of whats big. How is that making fun of her?? You love leaping dont you...yawn.
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YOU made the leaping assumption she's fat, Einstein. Come on now. You're not even TRYING to appear intelligent! Why? We already know you have the IQ of a pack of month-old gum, so why not admit it and move on already?
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Ah Provolone - how good of you to switch gears and rag on the fat girls when here that was my defense for you.
well, then, it good to see you really are an equal opportunity hater.
I'm curious to know how you found dlisted...
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Farrah on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:36pm.
I'm ok, resting, thanks for the concern i'm also doing my best to surve this damn heat!!
(and to think my people roamed the desert for 40 years, and here i am, crying in front of the fan)
==Where are you again Farrah? I be sweating along wid ya kid. I'm in Queensland.
Ok, no post-carrot-eating pictures.
Come here for a big birthday kiss, Carrot! MMMOOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHH!
Hey LCT, how's your b-day been so far?
StcikACockInWoo, more stories please.......?
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Submitted by parissucksliterally :got an excuse for Port-au-Prince? Can you even tell me where it is without Googling it?
Submitted by carebearloves on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 5:46pm.
its a person from france.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:41pm.
==oooooh, no.....no pukey carrot pics pls. I'm not good with puke...gag hoik.
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I threw up spaghetti once!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Hahahah Sandy you can buy booze here on Sunday, it's just that alcohol and my tummy have a hate-on for eachother, plus, it's Sunday so if I re-introduce them then it's not like I have a day to recover.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Hehe - speak of a carrot
Ooooh! Pauly is gonna eat Carrot!!!! I want video!!!
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...my name is Bobby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Uq2Mdowss&feature=related
I didnt make fun of her for being fat. Im saying overweight girls might have a warped sense of whats big. How is that making fun of her?? You love leaping dont you...yawn.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:34pm.
My sin had the most beautiful bluest eyes
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yes, I am quoting myself but only because I just noticed what may be the best typo ever. sin is supposed to be son
what would Freud fucking say about that?! LOVES it~
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Pauly Shore on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:38pm.
SANDBITCH! I'm going out for dinner and I'm going to make a point of eating carrots. Want pictures?
==oooooh, no.....no pukey carrot pics pls. I'm not good with puke...gag hoik.
Hee hee hee!! I poked her with spoons!!!!
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...my name is Bobby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Uq2Mdowss&feature=related
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:39pm.
I heard my name! Hey beeehoottcchheeesss!!!
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I dealt it and you smelt it. Word.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
I see our resident sexist racist pig is in full swing. I can't stay long but I loooovesss yoooooooouuuuuusssssss.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."