Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:48pm.
painful sore growing lump on inner butt crack. "pimple!"
That is not a haemorrhoid. That sounds more like a pilonidal sinus. That will be $100. I take Visa.
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Nope. It were a hemorrhoid. A great big itchy, burny one.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:46pm.
OMG sandybitch! we can eat all this decadent american junk food we've been reading about on this site!!!
===OMG you took the words right out of my mouth! I nearly commented a few days ago about how much merkins know about different sorts of foodstuffs. AMAZINGS. Poutine? Quesa something... enchilada OMG!
Here...Ham = sliced or on the bone? That's it.
Merkins have their favourite fucking ham GLAZE for fucks sake. I'm gonna eat til I burst when I get there. Swear.
Yoo HOOOO socky!!!!
Your mother says hello.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Look at all you P-I-G PIGS going to ATL!! Reinforce the interstate and tell Waffle House to go on Fatcon-5. On a positive note im sure you all will make beautiful mulatto babies with the locals.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:48pm.
painful sore growing lump on inner butt crack. "pimple!"
Who can resist clicking on that comment?
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
==I'll bring kangaroo steak! Tits, bring some Beaver tail!
*
nah US customs are THE biggest fucking assholes ever to draw breath. they're so nasty I've actually avoided going to the states in the past.
leave your pot at home too.
hahah funny story - knew of a young girl who was going to the states for the first time and was being questioned by customs. The usual questions, and there are a lot of them... so anyway I guess she was getting fed up because when they asked her what she did for a living she replied 'none of your fucking business'. LOL. A year later she was allowed to try again.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
painful sore growing lump on inner butt crack. "pimple!"
That is not a haemorrhoid. That sounds more like a pilonidal sinus. That will be $100. I take Visa.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:44pm.
The relief erases the embarrassment eh?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not really. I was pregnant and he told me to look forward to a lot more of them. :-0
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
OMG sandybitch! we can eat all this decadent american junk food we've been reading about on this site!!!
ooooh food tour of the american south! *fans self*
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:42pm.
TL what does one do in ATL for fun?
Is it anything like Savannah Ga? I've longed to go there.
And can we all stay with you? I'll bring some BC smoked salmon for you!
==I'll bring kangaroo steak! Tits, bring some Beaver tail!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:31pm.
Oh, Socky...get your crybaby monkey ass out of that hamper...c'mon...c'mon...lil' monkey...
Ok, Ok...*rolling tiger eyes*...All us DListers are jelly h8rs of your REAL 3 ply cashmere chesticles and your noble "cashmere" lineage...*rolling tiger eyes again*....
Now getca lint pickin' ass outta that hamper, ho...
~~~~~~~~~~~
*crossing arms & pouting* *kicking side of hamper* NO! *pouring "expensive" Purple Drank in a box down the drain*
ON T: Papa Joe Simpson would have gotten better prices for each of these hwores. You know the bitch is a pimp.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
The first time I had a hemorrhoid, I didn't know what it was and I was sure I was dying. My doctor was like "amateur!".
*
painful sore growing lump on inner butt crack. "pimple!"
The relief erases the embarrassment eh?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
TL what does one do in ATL for fun?
Is it anything like Savannah Ga? I've longed to go there.
And can we all stay with you? I'll bring some BC smoked salmon for you!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:37pm.
LMFTO...
I'm packed and ready to roll.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:38pm.
I've seen my dr for some embarassing shit in the past, but I'm okay with it because I been his patient for about 10 years and trust him, like him and he laughs at my jokes.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The first time I had a hemorrhoid, I didn't know what it was and I was sure I was dying. My doctor was like "amateur!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
I havent been to the obgyn since I was 20....and id only had sex once at that point so pain was normal...so i dunno, im kinda scared to go.
*
But you get regular physicals right? Pap smears? Oh dear.
If you're not comfortable your dr get another one. Ask around for a recommendation from friends. Go meet with them first to discuss your concerns before setting up an appt for an exam to help lessen your nerves.
You know, it's likely something really simple to fix/correct. And if you've ever seen porn, you must feel like you're missing something right?
You've really go nothing to lose.
I've seen my dr for some embarassing shit in the past, but I'm okay with it because I been his patient for about 10 years and trust him, like him and he laughs at my jokes.
If you happened to read the emergency room funny stories the other night you'll know your issue is not shocking to drs in any way.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:36pm.
@Provolone, the best cheese to use is your mother's cheese that your father just liked out of her pussy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ACK! The mental pic that brought up! Vlug! Ick!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:30pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:25pm.
Huh? What? I live in ATL, no shortage of brothers here...I'm gonna make a quick trip to Krispy Kreme, Taco Bell, Baskin-Robbins, Micky D's...I'll check you skinny no brother gettin' whores later....Yeah, my fat tiger ass gonna get some brother lovin' tonight....
==Next time I visit Altanta...can I hang wif you TL?? Get both of us some bruvver luv. I'm heading to Atlanta for a wedding later this year :)
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Yeah, sure, but...*munching on Krispy Kreme*...apparently they will only love on ya if you're fat *slurping milkshake*...so, no offense, but if you ain't a porker...*stuffing chili cheese fries in tiger mouth...*, I don't want you crampin' my style....Hanging with a skinny bitch could be a liability...*eating lard with a spoon out of the can*....Know what I mean, ho? *BEEEELLLLCH*....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@Provolone, the best cheese to use is your mother's cheese that your father just liked out of her pussy.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:32pm.
==Next time I visit Altanta...can I hang wif you TL?? Get both of us some bruvver luv. I'm heading to Atlanta for a wedding later this year :)
*
ROAD TRIP!!!
===FUCK YES! COUNT ME IN.
==Next time I visit Altanta...can I hang wif you TL?? Get both of us some bruvver luv. I'm heading to Atlanta for a wedding later this year :)
*
ROAD TRIP!!!
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:25pm.
Take it easy, luscious_t! ;)
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
We must never fail to protest
www.urbanyuppyhippy.blogspot.com
v-v-v-v-v-v-v--v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v--v-v
32, 32?
Men don't like the Jews, HA, tell that to my husband!
"smacks ass"
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:18pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:03pm.
AHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, she had to grind some organs to get those fake cashmere chesticles she constantly flaunts around here if I ain't bein' too subtle...I mean, does anyone buy those things are real...let alone cashmere???? Pfffft....
~~~~~~~~~~~
You no lurves me no more? *adjusting CASHMERE chesticles* They're REAL!! *taking match to huge bag of high grade catnip & zoo keeper's torso* *sob* *walking away...hanging little sock monkey head & dragging little sock monkey tail* *opening hamper* *jumping in* *closing lid*....*sob*
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Oh, Socky...get your crybaby monkey ass out of that hamper...c'mon...c'mon...lil' monkey...
Ok, Ok...*rolling tiger eyes*...All us DListers are jelly h8rs of your REAL 3 ply cashmere chesticles and your noble "cashmere" lineage...*rolling tiger eyes again*....
Now getca lint pickin' ass outta that hamper, ho...
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
lol @ myself ALTANTA
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:25pm.
Huh? What? I live in ATL, no shortage of brothers here...I'm gonna make a quick trip to Krispy Kreme, Taco Bell, Baskin-Robbins, Micky D's...I'll check you skinny no brother gettin' whores later....Yeah, my fat tiger ass gonna get some brother lovin' tonight....
==Next time I visit Altanta...can I hang wif you TL?? Get both of us some bruvver luv. I'm heading to Atlanta for a wedding later this year :)
ok sluts - I'm taking a break, as I absolutely spent waaaay too much time here today
but... Viv Leigh's eyes were green. there I've gotten that out there. lol
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:12pm.
just my luck I'm stuck in a nearly all-white town
and here I could just eat to my heart's content and still get LOTS of big dick if only some brothers were around.
Fuck you, geography!!!!!! *waves fist in anger*
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Huh? What? I live in ATL, no shortage of brothers here...I'm gonna make a quick trip to Krispy Kreme, Taco Bell, Baskin-Robbins, Micky D's...I'll check you skinny no brother gettin' whores later....Yeah, my fat tiger ass gonna get some brother lovin' tonight....
**********************************
Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
HEY DOMME WHORE!! What cheese is best to use up someones ass???
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
My avie is of Erin Andrews ass, she's a ESPN sideline reporter-ess
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:16pm.
about your name being an italian cheese and that's why someone assumed your heritage was mediterranean
geez louise - it wasn't that long ago! you need to keep better tabs on your good material :)
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
I'm so confused! And I'm still not sure how it makes 'fat girls' confused about size even if they do fuck black guys.
I used to work in NYC. When you work in NYC you notice how big all the buildings are, how vast the city is. Then you go to like Boston and go this is a city?? How can that be? its so small compared to the one i see everyday. But someone that lives in say Akron, would go to Boston and be like...wow this is a big city.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:16pm.
What was my line about italian cheese???
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That you prefer mozzarella in the ass over ricotta.
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:03pm.
AHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, she had to grind some organs to get those fake cashmere chesticles she constantly flaunts around here if I ain't bein' too subtle...I mean, does anyone buy those things are real...let alone cashmere???? Pfffft....
~~~~~~~~~~~
You no lurves me no more? *adjusting CASHMERE chesticles* They're REAL!! *taking match to huge bag of high grade catnip & zoo keeper's torso* *sob* *walking away...hanging little sock monkey head & dragging little sock monkey tail* *opening hamper* *jumping in* *closing lid*....*sob*
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
OK Provolone - what I really want is an explanation of your avvie - I've been meaning to ask the story behind* it for ages
*pun intended
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:13pm.
Submitted by la cucaracha on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:06pm.
You've told this to your doctor right? If you have and gotten no useful info - see another one.
Can I ask have you ever used a dildo on yourself with different results?
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I havent been to the obgyn since I was 20....and id only had sex once at that point so pain was normal...so i dunno, im kinda scared to go.
And ive never used a dildo....I dont think ive ever masterbated or anything like that...that stuffs just not for me...
~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~~
I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:07pm.
My bumper sticker - hahaha
your best line since the one about Italian cheese
for real - I LOLed :\
What was my line about italian cheese???
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by bambam on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:10pm.
**
bambam I just clicked on your link, and I totally support your support of big bums. Yes Sir.
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I’ve turned from an ordinary Australian housewife into a gigastar, icon, talk-show host, swami, spin doctor… and now I’m a style guru!
Submitted by Diego on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:10pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:05pm.
I'm so confused! And I'm still not sure how it makes 'fat girls' confused about size even if they do fuck black guys.
===Yeah, coz the bitch is talking crap! Not a true troll, but displays troll like characteristics regularly. Shit stirrer.
tits is right - what you're experiencing is wrong - seek a doc that will listen and help
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by bambam on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:10pm.
I have no issue with discussing cock size. I could talk about this all night.
And I agree. I mentioned yesterday that one of my good friends is a big girl and she's awesome. Much happier than a lot of 'hot' girls I know.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by la cucaracha on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:06pm.
You've told this to your doctor right? If you have and gotten no useful info - see another one.
Can I ask have you ever used a dildo on yourself with different results?
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:05pm.
Not all fat girls fuck black guys, but all black guys fuck fat girls. Thats what my bumper sticker says anyways
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And with that statement you proved that you don't really mean a thing you're saying; you're just saying it to get a rise out of people. You are as transparent as a window, Cheese Wiz. Trust me when I tell you, my cremated auntie has better material than you and she smells better. HAHAHAHAHA! You are truly laughable!
And pathetic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
just my luck I'm stuck in a nearly all-white town
and here I could just eat to my heart's content and still get LOTS of big dick if only some brothers were around.
Fuck you, geography!!!!!! *waves fist in anger*
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
I'm so sorry the conversation turned to cock size, that wasn't my intent. It's just that in my experience guys with big asshole personalities tend to be overcompensating is all.
And yeah, my first couple of experiences with girls were with plump, chubby, thick or fat girls. Why? Because they were unpopular in school like I was. They were much nicer. It's true what they say about personalities, good ones make the person all the more attractive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:05pm.
I'm so confused! And I'm still not sure how it makes 'fat girls' confused about size even if they do fuck black guys. The idiocy in that is astounding. And now all black guys fuck fat girls? Well, someone bring me a milkshake because I must be a fat girl and I never even knew it. Plus, the biggest dick I've ever had the pleasure of playing with was on a Puerto Rican boy who was in the army.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
My bumper sticker - hahaha
your best line since the one about Italian cheese
for real - I LOLed :\
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 7:45pm.
==Where are you again Farrah? I be sweating along wid ya kid. I'm in Queensland.
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*waving from South America*
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Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 8:01pm.
La cucaracha-
That's true, too. Experienced girls know what they like, and how to adjust. Plus really new girls might still have to get used to the whole thing.
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I dont know if somethings wrong with me or what, but everytime I screw...its hurts so bad, I was screwing the same guy I mentioned earlier and I just put a pillow over my face so he couldnt see the pain I was in and I just let him go as deep and as much as he wanted. After ahile the pain turns into a throb so thats better...but it never feels good for me....
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I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
I guess Jenifer Aniston would only get to watch Anorexolina have sex with her clients. Maybe sloppy seconds?
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