Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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I'm pretty sure Beth O-whatever and "Steppin' Out" magazine both have Howard Stern ties. One is his trophy wife and the other used to always be mentioned on his show.
No market for Palin, but she's natural at blowing the flute..
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When you have been thru hell and life's not done with you yet...
Don't look for what's lost but live for what's left...Niller...
What about Phoebe Price or the Empress of Lucite? WHERE ARE THEY ON THIS LIST? MK WAS ROBBED!
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Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Submitted by sushi on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:30pm.
This bitch must've been on Howard Stern's show many a time because there's no fucking way that she would put Beth O on that list because that gold digging whore looks like fucking Joan Collins on stilts.
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She barely has a leg up on Heather Mills.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
This bitch must've been on Howard Stern's show many a time because there's no fucking way that she would put Beth O on that list because that gold digging whore looks like fucking Joan Rivers on stilts.
I don't think Beth O is that pretty but she has a very nice body, and she seems like a genuinely nice person. Plus she is a huge animal lover, like me.
This madam skeers me.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:28pm.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:23pm.
Bat Boy gets manscaped and plays with Xtina's makeup.
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Anna Nicole Smith's fossilized poop.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Mrs. K: I know. Where is she advertising? The White Supremacist Herald?
And she is lying. Any good madam will have a little of everything. So maybe Mr. X usually gets the leggy blonde, but maybe he is having a Gina Gershon fantasy. Or he wants a buff boy to polish his knob. The madam should be able to satisfy any desire her clients have. It would be foolish not to.
Whatever. I'm done with this ho. Obviously, she's not too swift if she got busted.
I do love her for her comment about Sarah Palin, the women who brought "cunt" into my vocabulary.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:27pm.
FOprah and gayle are a package deal: $400 plus happy meal.
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:02pm.
I read that yesterday....what a fucking joke. WHAT is beautiful about Beth Otrosky? That lady isn't pretty at all! Great bod, but that is it....
You need to work on your lesbianism, p! Beth's awesome.
She's be my number one.
Melania would be my number two, 'cause I'm a sucker for the Slavic eyes.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:23pm.
Bat Boy gets manscaped and plays with Xtina's makeup.
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
11. Oprah Winfrey: She gives you 500 bucks and a coupon for a free McChicken Value Meal.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
The problem with Beth Otrosky is that she's absolutely brainless and has no life or accomplishments of her own. If you've ever heard her talk, all she does is babble on and on about Howard and HIS life. She's such a loser.
If They Mated: Brooke Hogan and Bounty Hunter Dog
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
She doesn't look bad for a whore.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Submitted by Jinxy McDeath on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:15pm.
Since when is Melania Trump Jewish?
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Melanie is from eastern europe, from which many other top models and gorgeous women, including Jewish, come
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Ok, and what would you get for a girl from Norway? Just wondering, if I ever needed some cash.
No fucking way. My p'''' is not for sale. I give it free and willingly to my husband.
Submitted by jenni on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:21pm.
$2000/hour to listen to angie jo tell me how wonderful she is? Not bloody likely.
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HAHAHAHA! Right, you give AJ $2,000.00 and then she demands that you tell her how special and different she is.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
Why is there a picture of Christina Aguilera's mom attached to this story?
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:20pm.
Please, this woman is an idiot AND furthermore she is ugly on the inside as well as the outside.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
"Angelina Jolie would be my top girl. . . my Number one."
I call her a sack of Numb Two. And that's a polite term for her.
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$2000/hour to listen to angie jo tell me how wonderful she is? Not bloody likely.
If I was paying for sex I'd have to go with Lilo because she'd be the only one really wanting it.
And I can't swallow that men don't like Jewish women or Asian or African American women. If they're whitey whitebreads married to whitey women, why would they want to get more of the same? They want variety, no?
I know several men who were attracted to certain types (two of them liked black women and one liked chubby women). They all married thin white/Jewish girls. So what happened to that attraction? It didn't go away. If they had a chance, don't you think they'd like to bang a woman of the type they used to desire?
I am disgusted by what I consider to be her meretricious attitude.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:09pm.
I find it hard to believe there's no market for Asian women.
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right, tell THAT to the 8-year old "working girls" in Thailand.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
I noticed the cross-thing too...Interesting.
Ummm, Alien Princess and Angie Jo are the only two I would empty my piggy bank for.
I would probably end up spending a lot more money in medical bills if I choose one of the others.
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"HELL NO KITTY-Michael K."
"Top shelf poon"? AH HA HA HAHA!
*I* am top shelf poon. Becase you'd have to pay a LOT for me to fuck a stranger.
Of course looks/type is important, but I think a girl's personality counts, too. If she engages and makes the man feel special, he'll come back for more. Of course, there are men who just want the girl to shut up and do their business, but I think lots of men want attention and ego-stroking more than the sex.
But I digress.
Since when is Melania Trump Jewish?
I love the citrine-studded inverted cross.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
No market for Asian women?! Shee-it. Oh, yes there is, just not maybe where SHE's working.
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:09pm.
I find it hard to believe there's no market for Asian women.
I find that surprising too, clients willing to pay 2k an hour to get laid seem like they would have some pretty out there fantasies they couldn't bring home to the trophy wife.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women
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well maybe it's because we don't take crap from assholes.
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If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
Amazing evaluations.
I am not joking either. They're amazing in a way that shows we're either not 'in' on what's valuable in this 'market', or in a way that shows this 'professional' of the trade is f*cking out of touch with reality.
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Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.
Albert Camus
This bitch is a Brangaloonie
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:06pm.
Lilo does have an adorable little boy body. Isn't she sort of already in the business?
I find it hard to believe there's no market for Asian women.
If you're paying $2,000 for sex with someone, is their name really going to make a difference? This lady is full of shit.
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
Shit, for a moment there I thought Dog the Bounty Hunter had an extreme makeover.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
If you think I'm gonna fall for this anymore
Everybody say no no no no no
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 2:07pm.
Shit, for a moment there I thought Dog the Bounty Hunter's Mrs had an extreme makeover.
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hahahaha - you are SO right!!
I guess I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
I'll take $300 an hour, though. Fuckin' beats punchin' a time clock.
Pointlessly hypothetical list. What does Kristin in fact charge?
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Wow, this is graphic.
Shit, for a moment there I thought Dog the Bounty Hunter's Mrs had an extreme makeover.
On Lilo:
"Men would eat her up!"
Not just men, honey.
Dear MK~
Thank you so very much for listening to my pathetic pleas and giving me this spectacular post. This is chock-full of the kind of shit I have been requesting: a freakish appearance, celeb bashing, links --- this has it all.
Sincerely yours - always and forever,
luscious_t
I still say she's a tranny...
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
I read that yesterday....what a fucking joke. WHAT is beautiful about Beth Otrosky? That lady isn't pretty at all! Great bod, but that is it....
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Submitted by parissucksliterally :got an excuse for Port-au-Prince? Can you even tell me where it is without Googling it?
Submitted by carebearloves on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 5:46pm.
its a person from france.