Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
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Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:26pm.
omg - PLEASE introduce me to stretch mark man. I think I'm in love already!
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I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:24pm.
@Mr. Pres!
Well - I'll give you a pass cuz you're the President and everything
Hahaha.
Damn, not even beef jerky.
Hot pockets? Or is that another expression for girl parts.
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Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:24pm
By beef jerky I meant Mickey Rourke's face. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. *Throws "America Invented Everything" T Shirt in the garbage*
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:22pm.
_-_-_-_-
I hope you weren't using the name Tiffany in that scenario because Tiffany's are stereotyped as wasp princesses that are dingy and superficial and stuf...
:\
(that "t" of mine stands for something, ya know)
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Americans invented scaffolding.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:20pm.
Hey dlisters-
Don't tell provolone, but it's deep-seated
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Yeah - and apparently he doesn't know how the word "theory" works either.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Ok, I know we invented McDonald's and Jack Daniels. And my mom's home country totally gets credit for the tango. That's really all I got which is really sad.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:20pm.
Go figure. But I think I'm going to use deep seeded instead. Aren't emotions 'planted'? Deep seated just doesn't make sense to me. So fuck you merriam-webster
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:21pm.
Don't all those looks heighten sexuakity - just in various ways?
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EXACTLY! Just like everything else, it's all about personal preferences. I used to know this guy that LOVED stretch marks. He thought they were hot - go figure.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
luscious t
codpiece is my new favorite word. lol. It makes me laugh even to think it.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:22pm.
Wait, but we totally made tsarist Russia popular, right? I mean, the trend wouldn't have spread if it weren't for us..
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SO true! Americans make everything popular. And sometimes the Japanese:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
@Mr. Pres!
Well - I'll give you a pass cuz you're the President and everything...but...
Drying has always been a common way to preserve meat. By drying in thin slices in the sun and wind next to a smoky fire, the meat is protected from insects that would otherwise lay eggs in the raw meat. Ancient peoples—for example, the Inca—prepared jerky from the animals they hunted or husbanded.[2]
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by NonnyMouse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:08pm.
"I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition."
Bustles came into popularity in tsarist Russia. The English copied them. The Americans copied the English, as they always did. It had nothing to do with Black Americans, or Americans, or blacks at all!
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
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Wait, but we totally made tsarist Russia popular, right? I mean, the trend wouldn't have spread if it weren't for us...
I mean, it's totally like the other day when I texted my bff Tiffany and was like Tif wut is up w/ sprng fshn?...And she was sooo like telling me all the right mags to get...
Oh so, not only that but Tiffany doesen't even know my friend Meghan, and she totally got the same magazines! So, like we're looking for spring trends and stuff, and then we realize..."Wow, we are so cool"...So, we totally text Tiffany that...
And...NO JOKE..she was thinking the same thing, only she was watching the Style Channel...Anyway, I just wanted to say, like, we are all totally American and totally awesome....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Oh yeah, beef jerky. We invented that, too.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Hey now.
CANADA invented everything. Let's not get over zealous.
Keeeeeding. I love Americans.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Don't all those looks heighten sexuakity - just in various ways?
One generation focuses on tits the next on hips the next on sinched waists the nest on junk in the trunk - fahion has always manipulated a woman's sexuality. Used to be a man;s too - look at hose - which accentuated a man's calf - or the most obvious: the codpiece.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Hey dlisters-
Don't tell provolone, but it's deep-seated.
Both Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and the OED2 (Complete) agree that the correct term is "deep-seated", having its seat far beneath the surface.
"Deep-seeded" does not have an entry in either dictionary.
If you're going to call someone a dumb ass, make sure you know the words you're going to use.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:09pm.
You're absolutely right, but this was a weird incident. We were at this horrible little biker bar and it only lasted about 30 seconds so I kinda think he was just drunk enough. Plus, I was a good 100 years younger than anyone else and some of them women had more facial hair than me so it could have been an honest mistake. But who knows. This is why the boy doesn't get to choose our outings much. And he's quickly approaching the day when he isn't allowed near Netflix either.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:16pm.
Yes angel i...because white women accompanied their husbands on slave trade missions and noticed them eyeball fucking black girls thats why they invented bustles. Lol you're funny, it makes so much sense.
Are you just looking for an example of deep seeded sexual repression amongst white males towards black females??
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Wassamatter hunny? Doesn't your mama never hug you?
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by NonnyMouse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:08pm.
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
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Um...hello? Not American - not referring to Americans. I'm referring to trade and slavery and Europe.
O, but I'm sure you guys are gonna tell me slaveowners never got hot for slaves...never mind - slavery never happened...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by NonnyMouse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:08pm.
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
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We invented internet porn. What else is there?
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Yes angel i...because white women accompanied their husbands on slave trade missions and noticed them eyeball fucking black girls thats why they invented bustles. Lol you're funny, it makes so much sense.
Are you just looking for an example of deep seeded sexual repression amongst white males towards black females??
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
O you're pulling the "ignorant" card now!
LOL!
I only came back cuz you were gone.
I HATE arguing with idiots.
They just drag you down to their level and beat you over the head with their expertise.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by NonnyMouse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:08pm.
"I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition."
Bustles came into popularity in tsarist Russia. The English copied them. The Americans copied the English, as they always did. It had nothing to do with Black Americans, or Americans, or blacks at all!
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me
A FUCKING MEN, MAN!! Excuse angel i and her piss poor fashion observation. She's just ignorant on the subject so forgive her.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Hi guys. I cannot believe Katie Holmes is on this list. People like simple looking bitches? 3k? Well, I am simple looking and want a new car? LOL.
Rihanna won't make any money nor any of the playboy bithes... Ok? I have a feeling a know why she got caught, dumbass...
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Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:09pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:03pm.
I said puffed out skirts/dresses not bustles. But yea you're right, 1850s for that specific article of clothing. But as far as the look goes, Google an image of Queen Elizabeth if you must.
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It's not the same look.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by NonnyMouse on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:08pm.
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
Angle is North American.
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Wow, this is graphic.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:03pm.
I said puffed out skirts/dresses not bustles. But yea you're right, 1850s for that specific article of clothing. But as far as the look goes, Google an image of Queen Elizabeth if you must.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by Diego on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:50pm.
Tigerlily! Haha, yes, I think I want to avoid the Georgia woods if at all possible. I mean, on all fours, I'm good up to that point, but the squealing like a pig and not having all the teefs are kind of a turnoff. I have had some scary enough experiences with bubbas that were nowhere near the woods. One being that a drunk one mistook me for a chick in a club once. He was that drunk, but it hasn't stopped my boy from being a little comedian and playing Dude Looks Like a Lady every other day.
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Good point about the Ga. woods. And my ass that Bubba didn't know you weren't a dude (not that I'm doubting your purtiness)...Bubba closet cases ARE THE WORST,no?
Well, I've got to be honest...not a fan of the closet cases, cuz they're BITCHY!!! I used to work with one...Oh, and honey that closet was like a glass cubicle...OBVIOUS...Anywho, what a cranky bitch that whore was...and that bitch hated ME the most of all...Cuz we worked in some fuckin' ass Christian/Republican lovin' company and I had the balls to be an out of the closet atheist...GASP...I only think they hired my ass cuz they were so hard core Xtian, they'd rather hire an atheist than a Jew...I'm not kidding...
Anyway, he HATED my ass, and I hated him, and now that I look back on it, I think I resented him because he had the privileges that come with the closet he chose to stay in, and he resented me because of the freedom I had of being out of the 'religion' closet. Interesting...He was still more of a cunt than I was though...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
"I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition."
Bustles came into popularity in tsarist Russia. The English copied them. The Americans copied the English, as they always did. It had nothing to do with Black Americans, or Americans, or blacks at all!
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
the first time I've made sense all night... why I never...!
I don't think the seizures are that common w/ Asberger's. I'm getting more and more certain he had Autism itself. Interesting comments - especially the ones at the end who were defending $cientology - love how they have stories about getting "medical" care but never mention psych help - and immediately jump to therapy and RX not working. Man, i grow to despise that cult more and more each day - which I thought was about near impossible after TommyGirl's "glib" interview.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:56pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:50pm.
Submitted by tojo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:47pm.
Wait...so Angelina would be her "top girl" and only make up to $2,500,
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Well, actually she said - 2 grand an hour with a minimum of 4 hours.
You might be able to get Aniston at good discount.
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Ha! Yeah - but you gotta marry her!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Provolone on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:57pm.
Haven't queens and high society bitches been wearing puffed out skirts since the beginning of time?? Were they to lure Henry the VIII away from brown sugar??
Piss poor observation angel i.
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1850s - go back to school, hunny
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:55pm.
Submitted by letinstar on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:38pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:34pm.
I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition.
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Wouldn't doubt it.
I honestly know to this day there are so many white men that won't admit they have the same or more attraction to black women because that kind of racism still exists...
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Trudat.
Where I come from race is RARELY a factor. But I do know that friends will avoid certain neighbourhoods because it's just NOT comfortable being a mixed race couple. And it's not just the white people they're worried about - not by a longshot.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:55pm.
Word Tiger!
Haven't queens and high society bitches been wearing puffed out skirts since the beginning of time?? Were they to lure Henry the VIII away from brown sugar??
Piss poor observation angel i.
Good point about mulattos. They usually are amazing looking. And when you see pictures of their parents, their parents are fucked up looking.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:50pm.
Submitted by tojo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:47pm.
Wait...so Angelina would be her "top girl" and only make up to $2,500,
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Well, actually she said - 2 grand an hour with a minimum of 4 hours.
You might be able to get Aniston at good discount.
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Submitted by letinstar on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:38pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:34pm.
I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition.
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Wouldn't doubt it.
I honestly know to this day there are so many white men that won't admit they have the same or more attraction to black women because that kind of racism still exists...
I could tell a story about that, but it makes me kind of sick and sad...I just believe that most PEOPLE (and fuck men and what they want, what about women????) are attracted to other people in general but their cultures and prejudices and insecurities and such keep them w/in their race.
I'm not talking everybody. You are attracted to what you are attracted to. I don't think you have to make excuses for that at all, but I think A LOT of people are SEXUALLY attracted to people outside their race, but their racism or lack of character does not enable them to take it to a real level, out in the public relationship. I think that's common, and I think it's a shame. I think it's sad.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Luscious T...sounding like me is the first time you've made sense all night!! Though white people tan more to be like italians/greeks then lets say naomi campbell ;)
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Tigerlily! Haha, yes, I think I want to avoid the Georgia woods if at all possible. I mean, on all fours, I'm good up to that point, but the squealing like a pig and not having all the teefs are kind of a turnoff. I have had some scary enough experiences with bubbas that were nowhere near the woods. One being that a drunk one mistook me for a chick in a club once. He was that drunk, but it hasn't stopped my boy from being a little comedian and playing Dude Looks Like a Lady every other day.
Angel, I'm serious! Where is my beautiful mandingo with his gorgeous lumber cock? I am serious. Need him. Now. Thanks. Last night I had to watch Maurice [talk about a ripoff. where is the buttfucking?] which killed my drunk after an awesome playoff matchup between Indy and the Chargers. I will gladly trade the boy who made me do that in for LL Cool J. And that bustles/collagen theory is very interesting. You're onto something there.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by tojo on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:47pm.
Wait...so Angelina would be her "top girl" and only make up to $2,500,
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Well, actually she said - 2 grand an hour with a minimum of 4 hours.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Wait...so Angelina would be her "top girl" and only make up to $2,500, but Katie could make up to $3,000...?
K so I lied about that no drinking on Sunday thing.
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:43pm.
Psychological testing has shown the majority of people find a "mash up' of sorts of all ethnicities as the most attractive.
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YAY! I WIN!!!
Where do I get my leggings?
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
thank you Hekki! I'll be back after checking out that site! :)
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Psychological testing has shown the majority of people find a "mash up' of sorts of all ethnicities as the most attractive. So it makes sense that whites are out tanning while blacks are straightening their hair (man, now I sound a little like Provolone - lol). grass is always greener, no?
And isn't it funny that some of the most beautiful people in the world are from mixed backgrounds?
I think it's mankind's destiny to eventualy all become one race. If there's a god or some kind of higher power, that is what I personally think (s)he wants from us. Someday we'll all be Soledad OBriens
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Bugabooooo!
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"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge."
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:37pm.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
I'm soooo sorry I haven't been on in forever. My mother got me hooked on crack rocks, so yeah that's taken up a LOT of my time man.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Submitted by luscious_t:
Well, here are some of them.
http://justjared.buzznet.com/2007/05/24/bikini-body-guess-who/
The official JT site has a bunch of photos taken by the wedding photographers who are supposedly Jett's caretakers.
Also, there are some interesting comments on that page, made WELL before Jett's tragic death.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 10:34pm.
I do believe that bustles or whatever you call them that make your skirt all poof out like you got a huge ass became popular around the time that African women were first noticed by white men. I do believe that white women wore them in competition.
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i never thought about the puffy skirt thing being competition until you brought that up...these days it's ass and lip implants...lol...
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certified in knocking dicks outta mouths...