Dumb Dumb Madam Rates Celebrities' Ho Value
Kristin Billie Davis is the ho that I briefly fell in love with during that whole Spitzer drama. She sold top shelf poon through her Wicked Models escort service. Spitz was one of her clients. Kristin pleaded guilty to selling whores back in October. While she's waiting to be sentenced, 32-year-old (cough, HACK, choke) Kristin shared her pro-ho skills with Steppin' Out Magazine (via Gawker) by saying how much Brit Brit, Sarah Palin, Wonky McValtrex and others would make if they sold their ass for her.
It's hard for me to listen to a creature who looks like she hasn't been exposed to natural light since the early 90s for fear that the sun might turn her into a puddle of silicone.
Kristin's assessment is totally WTF-ish. This dumb whore makes no sense. I mean, she says Katie Holmes could make up to $3,000 an hour, because she has that "girl next door" look. Yeah, if you live next to a methadone clinic for snails. Has this plastic moron seen Katie Holmes lately?! Kristin also thinks Brit Brit's chitterling pie could sell for about a grand. And if she didn't lose her brains, she could get $2,000.
I don't know why Wonky McValtrex is even included. That bitch is already handing out her broke down snatch for the bargain basement price of $0. The dumb fucks who hit that shit are the ones who pay the price by receiving a standing appointment to the free clinic.
I wish they would've asked her how much The Empress of Lucite would cost for an hour of fucky times. Kristin's Tupperware tittays (that's what she thinks with) would have exploded from trying to put a price on Shauna Sand's priceless lucite flower.
Kristin's entire list with her comments is after the jump. Warning. You might be offended and your outer (or inner) vagina will probably weep over this fuckery. JUMP!!!!
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
3. Beth Ostrosky: I like Beth. She's tall and blonde. It's always a homerun if I can get a girl who's 5'9” or above. She's usually perfect. Beth would be in the upper ranking. I could get $2,000 an hour for her easy.
4. Katie Holmes: Katie would be very popular because she has that All American, college girl look. She would be super popular. Men want girls who look like Howard Stern's wife; the tall slender model type or they want that non-flashy, classically beautiful fresh face young look. The girl next door whom they could never get. They want the runway model they can't have now, or the prom queen they couldn't have then. I could probably get $2,500 an hour for Katie. Maybe even $3,000. I could max out on her.
5. Angelina Jolie: She would be my top girl. I call it my “Number one.” I would put her at $2,000 an hour. But you couldn't get her unless you booked her for 4 hours. I wouldn't let her go for just an hour. Maybe if you were a good client you could get her for an hour, but I would charge a lot more. At least $2,500.
6. Sarah Palin: (Laughs) I wouldn't have any market for her. She couldn't work for me. She's cute, but not for my kind of clients. There are escort agencies that specialize in specific kinds of demographics. She could work for a cheaper agency. Maybe a $300 dollar an hour type agency. I would call her a mid-range escort type.
7. Playboy Playmates: I had many Playmates call me for work. Many! I'm talking about centerfolds. But I would only work with 1 out of 5. Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking. They look too California. For the most part I wouldn't use Playmates.
8. Lindsay Lohan: She would do great! She's got that fresh face and freckles. Men would eat her up! I could get $1,800 an hour for Lindsay….Easy! I would let her go for just the hour. She would work more volume for me. Short stays and busy all night. But I'm sure I could get clients to extend time with her if I asked.
9. Rihanna: I think she is stunning and gorgeous. If I were a client I would choose her. But honestly, I don't have a market for her. She couldn't work for me. It's unfortunate. The African American and Asian models never do well. Rihanna wouldn't bring in any business for me.
10. Melania Trump: She's hot. She would make a lot of money. But the one problem with her is that men don't like Jewish women and eastern European women. So I would have to lie about her nationality. Maybe say she's from Amsterdam or Sweden. Otherwise she would have trouble getting work. I would also change her name. I could get $2,000 an hour for her if she played along and didn't let it slip where she's from.
All you can fucking do is shake your head and cackle. I'd sell my kidney just to touch RiRi's forehead with my pinky finger. Besides, most of these women make three times that an hour just from breathing.
Usually, their boobs are too big or too fake looking
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what a hypocrite..look who's talking
Beth Ostrosky? Nobody even thinks about her. The reason the madame mentions Beth is because she has the big face and bleached hair, too. She identifies with Beth's big face.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 6:15am.
Not even with someone else's dick. I can't believe he was so skeeved out by the herpes paper. Like that motherfucker ain't intimate with the herp.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
I'd hit the Rock of Love guy with my car - and that's about it.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by TITS on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:40am.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:10pm.
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
Excuuuse me, TITtay, but we DID invent everything.
Obviously you haven't memorized our American textbooks!!
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
Submitted by Diego on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 4:40am.
True confession time: Rock of Love Guy--would you hit it??
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
Oh where are all the insomniacs? I can't be the only one who stayed up to watch Rock of Love 3 so I can figure out which skank I'm going to hate for the next couple of months.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
WTF-ish..............roflmao.
I love it....you have such a way with words Michael.
CarmenElectrical-
I am a citizen of the United States. Born in Maine, the forgotten state.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by vanyvrgs on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:59am.
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:42am.
Oh I meant cheap ass fake tittied whores with no education... it could be that the french are ahead on that as well... LOL.
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No...I think you're right about them cheap ass fake tittied women! French like flat chested and bucktoofed;p (just KEEEEEEEEEEEDING!)
You know - I like America. I hate it too...but, mostly, I like it. All your fighting about this and that has always been groundbreaking for social advancement. The only thing is that those that need to STFU seem to have more of a voice than those that NEED to be heard down there...from what I've seen anyway. There are a lot of pure, clear voices muffled out by all the silicone.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:42am.
Oh I meant cheap ass fake tittied whores with no education... it could be that the french are ahead on that as well... LOL.
As for the America debate, I like to make sure we all divide each other... yep, North, South, Central, Caribbean.
All kidding aside as a US citizen, we are Americans, but that is not what we are when we talk about our identity, we are US citizens, despite our ethnocentrism, people to our north and south don't want to be us, and rightly so.
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Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
Submitted by vanyvrgs on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:52pm.
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:37pm.
Mr. Pres and Angel I -- the only thing the US invented is bitches like this wh think they knw how to "judge" other bitches....
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Ha! I thought the French invented that! LOL!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:10pm.
You Americans who think your country invented everything just slay me.
Angle is North American.
*
oh fuck no!! gotta nip that crap in the bud. CANADIAN is the word you're looking for.
North American makes me think those blasted americans are just trying to 'claim' us and our oil as a part of the states.
Stay the fuck out of the northwest passage too - we called dibs on that decades ago.
but do come visit - we like your money!
kiss kiss
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
2. Paris Hilton: She would get $1,500 an hour. She's slender and doesn't have implants. She's blonde and I could get away with selling her as a Ford model.
==Bitch doesn't need to sleep with anyone for money. Her mother does that chore for her.
Submitted by vanyvrgs on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:13am.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:01am.
Tiger, tight clothing, sweating, touching men with titles like "tight end" and "full Back" and "wide receiver".... certainly nothing to see in American Football!
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Whoa, cowboy...After that post, I need a cigarette and a deep sleep...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by thlayly5 on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:15am.
I don't hate America. I like to make fun of it. ;-)
And where are you from?
Ahem, Catherine Zeta Jones.
Carry on.
Submitted by luscious_t on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:00am.
Wow - all this America hate - interesting.
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Nonsense, here's a little love for your heart...
*ahem*....
Oh bootyful four shades of sky
That Amber's jeans may be...
for saline mountain majesties
and her plastic surgeons' fee
America America, how you have disgraced me
And crowned these whores
With open sores
From sea to shining sea....
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rry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:04am.
How did this thread go from a Hooker thread to a Hate America thread?
And in between, a racist thread.
I am just anti-assholery.
On Topic, if I can remember the topic, a price guide to the top celebriwhores, this is one top ten Skeletina actually earned.
But Melania Trump was really random.
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Hello Love Anderson, (I stil feel weird since you left Brad). Like you let everyone lighten up...
Oh and Skeletina, she would be a top earner. I understand you think Melania is random, but I am still WTFukcing about Katie Holmes? To me that is way less likely...then again both Melania and Katie turned to whores when they married old disguisting men for money.
I don't hate America. I like to make fun of it. ;-)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I'm pretty sure that if she gives that dress back to Tom Cruise he'll retake the top spot on the list.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 12:01am.
Tiger, tight clothing, sweating, touching men with titles like "tight end" and "full Back" and "wide receiver".... certainly nothing to see in American Football!
____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
How did this thread go from a Hooker thread to a Hate America thread?
And in between, a racist thread.
I am just anti-assholery.
On Topic, if I can remember the topic, a price guide to the top celebriwhores, this is one top ten Skeletina actually earned.
But Melania Trump was really random.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Submitted by vanyvrgs on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:52pm.
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:37pm.
Mr. Pres and Angel I -- the only thing the US invented is bitches like this wh think they knw how to "judge" other bitches.... LOL Oh and American Footballl, where men wear tight clothing and touch each other (not that there is anything wrong with that).
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I know! What is with all of that touching???? Not that there's anything wrong with that and not that I don't find it incredibly hot!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Wow - all this America hate - interesting.
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Hey, here's a random fact-
it's "All that glisters is not gold' from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice. He likes to invent new words, so he combined glisten and glitter.
Plus, no one ever calls the reindeer Donder by his rightful name- "Donder." That's how the original poem "Twas the night before Christmas" spelled his name. It shouldn't be Donner. Sobs.
I care too much.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:37pm.
Mr. Pres and Angel I -- the only thing the US invented is bitches like this wh think they knw how to "judge" other bitches.... LOL Oh and American Footballl, where men wear tight clothing and touch each other (not that there is anything wrong with that).
____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
I love weird speech things. I love the english language. I mean, since I'm an American, I only had to learn one, and I figure I should try to use it the best I can. ;-)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
You know - she really contradicts herself. She goes on about these sweet types yet says Ange would be her top girl...
****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:42pm.
*****
I knew it I knew it I knew it!
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Goodnight hookers. Play nice. ♥
Who is worth more on the whore market? The proof is in the panty pudding.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by thlayly5 on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:34pm.
Not trying to pick on you too much, Provolone.
What I was just teasing you about was an oronym.
"...In the case of Toyota and toy Yoda, our brains are faced with oronyms virtually identical speech that can be interpreted in different ways. English is full of these devilish duos. For example, I scream versus ice cream, a notion versus an ocean, and some others versus some mothers..." (swot.com)
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I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!...you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~~
I want to rip his nuts off with my teefs, filet his penis, cook it up and feed it to him with freshly squeezed nut sauce on top! ARGGGHH!
OMG a Lindsay/Samro tape and a Paris Britney conversation at the same time! Or are you whores in here just chatting to yourselves?
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:29pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:22pm.
_-_-_-_-
I hope you weren't using the name Tiffany in that scenario because Tiffany's are stereotyped as wasp princesses that are dingy and superficial and stuf...
:\
(that "t" of mine stands for something, ya know)
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Sowwy, it was a most sarcastic post about stereotypes....think of it as irony...No 'fense....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
SoR-RaY JiM-MaY!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by No Words on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:36pm.
Butting into the conversation...
I had a friend who thought "an arm and a leg" in New York City was "a nominal egg."
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LOL! That's a good one.
My daughter is forever calling me an "ingenious!"
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by No Words on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:36pm.
Butting into the conversation...
I had a friend who thought "an arm and a leg" in New York City was "a nominal egg."
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LOL! That's a good one.
My daughter is forever calling me an "ingenious!"
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Proof is in the PUDDING!
I always thought it was "putting" - like you'd know fersure if you tried.
Alas - The proof of the pudding is in the eating is the original phrase. It meant: Looks good - let's see how it tastes:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:30pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:24pm
By beef jerky I meant Mickey Rourke's face. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. *Throws "America Invented Everything" T Shirt in the garbage*
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O don't do that! Din't America invent T-Shirts with sayings on them? Din't T-Shirts used to be underwear before Americans got their hands on them? =)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
angel and Vany: Yes, I learned all my History from John Wayne movies.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
asking and ass king
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
Butting into the conversation...
I had a friend who thought "an arm and a leg" in New York City was "a nominal egg."
Submitted by Diego on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:19pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:09pm.
You're absolutely right, but this was a weird incident. We were at this horrible little biker bar and it only lasted about 30 seconds so I kinda think he was just drunk enough. Plus, I was a good 100 years younger than anyone else and some of them women had more facial hair than me so it could have been an honest mistake. But who knows. This is why the boy doesn't get to choose our outings much. And he's quickly approaching the day when he isn't allowed near Netflix either.
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Meh, hang out wif a tiger...Nobody will mess wif ya...
Ha, no seriously, I'm a small woman, but I'm a bitch on wheels! (Peeps don't expect that)
I usta lurves me my nerds (guys) in highschool and when them dumb jocks ( nearly twice my weight) would try to pick on them, I would RELISH publicly humiliating those fuckers. I was like a chola without the make up. It was almost too easy, like taking candy away from a baby, because inside they were WEAK people...so it wasn't anything special I did...
I don't know if any of the guys I was defending were gay, (back in my day you were NEVER gay in H.S.,) but I just know you don't pick on my tribe, PERIOD....Those fuckers knew to leave those bitches alone when my 105 lbs. ass was around....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by luscious_t on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:31pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 01/04/2009 - 11:26pm.
omg - PLEASE introduce me to stretch mark man. I think I'm in love already!
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I know, right?
I SO wanted to love him!
Alas, he was my step-sister's boyfriend!
(but he was my friend first - I always wondered if I could steal him away based on that little tidbit;p)
♥ ThreadKilla!
Five Famous People I Would Invite To Dinner
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Who invented Beef Jerky? I thought it was the Incas or the native americans thousands of years ago...... LOL.
Anyway, nice to be back and notice how peeps here are arguing about race cause some bit tittied loser said that she could not sell Rihanna...
Lighten up...
____________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
Save an animal in a shelter: Http://dogsindanger.com
Not trying to pick on you too much, Provolone.
What I was just teasing you about was an oronym.
"...In the case of Toyota and toy Yoda, our brains are faced with oronyms virtually identical speech that can be interpreted in different ways. English is full of these devilish duos. For example, I scream versus ice cream, a notion versus an ocean, and some others versus some mothers..." (swot.com)
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
I see I used an 's when i was pluralizing in my post befoore last - and that is one of my biggest pet peeves and I'm pissed at myself over it
but I'm on a self-imposed ban on preoofreading because I'm trying to lighten up a little on the grammar squad thing
so please son't go to Webster on me!
TYPOS CAN HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE!!
*****
I'm a Sarah Palin in a Beth Ostrosky world.
lol at Provolone. Do what you like.
I know the phrase is "for all intents and purposes," but I like "for all intensive purposes" more. Sounds better.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
We invented Mexican food.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."