Charles Barkley Just Wanted His Dick Sucked!
I never in my life thought I would want to party and do hood rat stuff with Charles Barkley, but now that's all I want to do after reading this shit. So, Charles was busted for DUI in Arizona early this morning. According to the police report, when the cop pulled him over for running a stop sign, Charles said he was just in a rush to get his dick sucked! If I was the officer, I'd let the bitch go on his way. I'm all about hos sucking dick and getting their dicked sucked.
TMZ says the officer wrote in his report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat. He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job. He then explained that she had given him a 'blow job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."
This explains Charles' sweaty mug shot above. He was suffering from a bad case of blue balls. Now, if Charles' ho was so skilled at sucking dick, she should be a master at road head. There's no need to pull over! Any expert peen sucker knows just how to handle it without your head touching the steering wheel. A real pro can even shift gears while making out with the wang.
Charles' comedy act didn't stop there. At the police station, drunk ass Charles told one of the employees that if they got him out of the DUI, he'd tattoo HIS name on THEIR ass. Charles then laughed it off and corrected himself by saying he'd tattoo THEIR name on HIS ass. He's a comedic genius. I think I'm going to tattoo Charles' entire police report on my ass.
Because I'm a serious journalist, I did a little research on Charles and found that he's still married with one kid. He's also considering running for the Governor of Alabama in 2010. Let's see: Charles is a gambling addict, was arrested for drunk driving, and will run a stop sign in order to get a little good head from some random trick. No need for election. It sounds like he has all the qualifications needed to become Alabama's next Governor!
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Ohh...haha..stranger than fiction
I live in Alabama, and I have pics of him out in Birmingham completely wasted face and dancing. It is not pretty.
TMZ has Chuck's credit card receipt for the night: $1800 with a $360 tip. I'm just impressed he could get it up for a BJ after all that.
He is a stupid drunken fool. I remember at the 1992 Olympics he said he did not believe in helping the other team up when they fell on the court even if it looked like they had not eaten in a few months. He is a perfect example of the "ugly American."
He looks fresh as a fuckin daisy. :\
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"jim is our Dollar Store version of commingback." -christine the hoff 12/04/2008
Looks like he's sweating alcohol from every pore in his face. He probably could only get a blowjob, there's no way ANY woman would kiss that sweaty ass face! EWWWW!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
Yeah he lives in Scottsdale I think and hangs out at a bar called "Dirty Pretty" which is where he was last night. I have never been there but my sister says it is always extremely crowded, meat market, and of coursed over-priced like most of Scottsdale. Alot of good nightlife though.
Submitted by nocgirl on Thu, 01/01/2009 - 1:36pm.
Him and his wife have been married a while. She has got to know of the extra marital shenanigans he does. I think she has just learned to ignore it or "keep it away from home". I think their daughter is pretty close to 19 or 20 now.
They must be very proud. Doesn't he live near where he got busted?
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Giant beaver on loose in England:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081231/ts_afp/britainanimalsoffbeat_081231...
Men who feel powerful cheat. They don't even have to be truly powerful, its all their perspective. The owner of a popular inner city business feels just as powerful as DC politicians. Women married to powerful people put up with it for a while because its expected in their world. I have a hard time understanding that thinking.
Him and his wife have been married a while. She has got to know of the extra marital shenanigans he does. I think she has just learned to ignore it or "keep it away from home". I think their daughter is pretty close to 19 or 20 now.
Here is a pic of wifey Maureen
http://www.blacktie-arizona.com/premiere_events/largepics.cfm?id=423&par...
Look-a-like daughter
http://thesportsculture.com/2008/07/10/would-you-beat-sir-charles-daught...
Sheeps: No, not ALL men are pigs. You're right.
But as a species, they can be placed in that category. It's like saying "Dogs like people food" or "The Hiltons are trash". Doesn't apply in every case, but it's conventional wisdom.
Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 01/01/2009 - 11:53am.
Men are fucking pigs.
Hey! Not all of them or at least not all the time. I will allow that NBA players have been known to cheat. :)
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Giant beaver on loose in England:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20081231/ts_afp/britainanimalsoffbeat_081231...
As per usual ITA with Hekki... some guys will have the most lovely woman and still troll for tatty tail around the way. Oy. Wasn't Paul Newman who originally said that quote about 'Why would you go out for sirloin when you have steak at home' Or was it fillet? Pot roast? Ha ha. They don't make them like Paul anymore (and yeah I know he cheated on his first wife but I think she was loyal to Joanne. He just met his soulmate a little later that he expected I guess)
What is Charles up to anyway? He no longer plays right? He looks fat and unhealthy. Is that a black eye? Ick. Nothing is more nast than seeing once elite athletes plummet into sloth:)
PS- Happy New Year everyone. Thanks for the laughs!
xo
Submitted by Poopele on Thu, 01/01/2009 - 11:53am.
I've seen Charles say that sometimes he hits the Krispy-Kreme
Just goes to show he'll hit anything with a hole.
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
Latarian in 30 years or 30 hours.
Submitted by Bondagebarbie: "...I feel for his wife though..she needs to up her head game.."
Makes no difference. She could give the best head in the world, but he'd still be looking for another mouth (or whatever orifice). Men are fucking pigs.
http://www.blinkx.com/video/charles-barkley-donut-taste-test/PT38rTyOo_-...
I've seen Charles say that sometimes he hits the Krispy-Kreme drive through window, picks up a dozen and eats the entire box while he drives to whereever the hell he is drinking, gambling, and getting blown by hookers that day.
Submitted by TexnDoc: "I'd suggest he legally change his name to Kennedy if he's serious. And move north."
LOL
he looks like buttah....
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WHAT IS THIS PLACE!?!??!!
If they were to take an X-Ray of my liver this morning it would look something like that mug shot.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
gross.
he looks all schweaty and stanky.
It would have been amusing had he told the officer his name was Gnarls Barkley.
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You better watch out, you better not cry.
It's Gnarls Barkley! I remember when I remember I remember when I lost my mind...
Happy New Year to all you guys! Dlisted is a blast.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by forever.now on Thu, 01/01/2009 - 1:18am.
oh... I don't think he told them the truth. the truth is something way less, um, respectable than what he claimed happened. gross.
True dat. The voice of reason...or, experience??
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"Slip me a" Mickey "so that I can deal with your face" Rourke --MK
Its hard finding a good oralist! I understand the rush... Mandingos cant find one that can take it deep too often.
xo
Rants, Thoughts & Merde
http://rantsthoughtsmerde.blogspot.com
He was really funny on some talk show I saw last year (can't remember which one).
Daym he must have been drunk to admit that when he's married knowing it would get out to the public!
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Never go with a Hippy to a Second Location
wow charles barkely has realy taken a turn hasn't he?
___________________
Brenda: "he braught HER to my sons bar mitzvah"
Annie: "was she a gift?"
The first wives club
At least he was honest,I would have let him go..I feel for his wife though..she needs to up her head game..
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
TV,
Hmmm...I imagine that $$$ makes many of pro-wives head turn the other way...Kobe anyone....
Happy NY!!!
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Soft lips are open
The nuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
Your dying!
sheeps great visual!!!
xoxox
The war isn't working.
awesome
and that ladies and gentlemen ends the year 2008!!!!
xoxox
The war isn't working.
I picture some balding, harried cop typing out "blow job" on his IBM Selectric, on an arrest report with multiple carbon copies.
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Nothing is more hopeless than a scheme of merriment. (SJ)
oh... I don't think he told them the truth. the truth is something way less, um, respectable than what he claimed happened. gross.
Dear God, he looks like he had a bucket of water poured over him.
By the way, all Republicans love getting their dicks sucked by pieces they aren't married to. That's the point for them. He'll be elected in a landslide.
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"Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life" ~~ Isola Pribby
http://girlandherbooks.blogspot.com/
http://dumb-report.blogspot.com
I live in Birmingham, and this is how this little saga will play out......
He will go on a sports radio call in show or a local golf tournament and get interviewed. He'll make a comment to the effect of 'hell, at least you know the truth about me' and everyone will laugh it off.
The really sad thing is that if that was Fantasia in the picture, it would be the best picture of her ever.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:26pm.
... and miss the look on your face? Never.
Submitted by Manbearpig on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:22pm.
DON'T DICK AND DRIVE!
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Now you tell us? *hic*
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:23pm.
donkey punch?
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by MzSassy on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:02pm.
My guess is your perception is skewered if you're a street hooker high on crack....
In that case, I guess more than one thing would be "skewered," no?
Wonder of CB and Eddie Murphy get their ho's offa craigslist.
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"Slip me a" Mickey "so that I can deal with your face" Rourke --MK
Submitted by mike on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:13pm.
*covers own ashy feet with Charles Barf-ley face grease*
That oughtta do it. ;-)
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"Slip me a" Mickey "so that I can deal with your face" Rourke --MK
How about A punch - for auld ange syne...
DON'T DICK AND DRIVE!
Submitted by TITS on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:15pm.
Hola TV - would you like some punch?
Thanks, but I prefer my vodka undiluted and my pupils dilated.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Clarisse on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:10pm.
I just wonder what the Vegas odds are on him getting a beatdown from the old lady. And how much he'll lose betting on the outcome.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:05pm.
Submitted by MzSassy on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:02pm.
And What In The Name Of All Things Xenu would make a woman want to do him???
Maybe in 2009 people will dredge up some self-respect.
I've made some poor choices in my life, but all my regrets have at least bathed first.
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My guess is your perception is skewered if you're a street hooker high on crack....I mean...NOT LIKE I WOULD KNOW...:::runs away::: lol
"People are strange when you're a stranger..." ~ The Doors
Hola TV - would you like some punch?
Must be one of the few perks of being a piggy - you get to hear shit like that.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:08pm.
Submitted by mike on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 11:04pm.
You'd prefer an mugshot of him looking ashy???
@ mike--
My BF said there has never been a look like the one on my face the first time a kid said to me, "Give me some grease. I'm ashy."
I was all WTF?
I used to work with this black chick who had a problem with dry skin, and one day she took of her shoes and her feet were super ashy.
I was like, "What the hell? Was there a volcanic eruption on your way to work? I haven't seen feet like that since the footage from Mt. St. Helens."
(we were cool, so I could joke with her like that)