A Blue Man And A High School Principal Walk Into A Park....
UPDATE: Before you start to read this shit, a rep for Blue Man Group told TMZ that the dude in this story is lying and he's not a member of their group of blue men who throw toilet paper rolls at audience members. The police in Chicago said that dumb dumbs lie on their arrest reports all the time and they haven't done a background check on the possibly faux Blue Man yet. Maybe he meant Blew Man? That would make more sense. It's still fucking hilarious because who pretends to be a Blue Man? The dude's real name is probably Tobias Funke. And now here's the original story:
File this under: This shit was made for puns. PUNS!!!
Two dudes were busted by the cops in Chicago last night for trying to bust nuts in a public park. One of the men is an actor in Blue Man Group. His name is Darren Stephens. Samantha, come get this bitch! Endora does not approve.
The other dude's name is Michael Pressler and he's an assistant principal at Maine East High School. Wiki says the high school's color is blue and their mascot is the Blue Demon. Don't you love it when these things write themselves?
According to the Daily Herald, the Blow Blue Man was caught blowing the assistant principal on a park bench at a lakefront park on Chicago's North Side at around 5:45pm. They were arrested and charged with getting sexay while on Chicago Park property.
Get ready to hit the gong..... Obviously, both dudes were left with a serious case of "blue" balls. GONG!
Seriously, who the fuck sucks dick at 5:45pm on a park bench? Don't look at me! Don't! If you need to get dirty at 5:45 in the evening, take your act to a bush, a public bathroom or even a sewer tunnel (don't judge). Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!
And it's a shame that Darren Stephens wasn't arrested in his Blue Man makeup. That mug shot would rival all fucking mug shots.
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Submitted by TITS on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 1:07am.
Submitted by pearface on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 1:03am.
Holy shit.
I literally screamed when I read this.
Mr. Pressler was a former teacher of mine (before he was an asst. principal) and was one of the best conductors I ever had.
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I hear he plays a mean flute.
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Oh, if that were only his real instrument... Then it would be 10x funnier. :)
Submitted by pearface on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 1:03am.
Holy shit.
I literally screamed when I read this.
Mr. Pressler was a former teacher of mine (before he was an asst. principal) and was one of the best conductors I ever had.
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I hear he plays a mean flute.
Submitted by pearface on Wed, 12/31/2008 - 1:03am.
Mr. Pressler was a former teacher of mine (before he was an asst. principal) and was one of the best conductors I ever had. I hope that he doesn't lose his job over this.
He'll be fine. He can say he was conducting.
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Nothing is more hopeless than a scheme of merriment. (SJ)
Holy shit.
I literally screamed when I read this.
Mr. Pressler was a former teacher of mine (before he was an asst. principal) and was one of the best conductors I ever had. I hope that he doesn't lose his job over this...
Submitted by Tacky Pretty on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 6:51pm.
First of all, why do cops have to spend so much tracking down gays.
Because of the Blue's Clues?
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"Slip me a" Mickey "so that I can deal with your face" Rourke --MK
First of all, why do cops have to spend so much tracking down gays. I've had sex in a park a number of times, although 5:45 PM is not my favorite time.
Also, this guy is not a member of Blue Man group...two seconds research.
Out.
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Michael K is king of the faux-mos.
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LMAO @ mahaatma re: laser beam eyes.
true story.
once i was super trashed at my work's xmas party (in LA) and David Cross was there.
I totally said to him, "I'm afraid I just BLUE myself!"
I'd do it again too!!
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your band sounds like someone choking on guitar hero.
www.haighthearts.blogspot.com
I went to that high school. Can't say I'm surprised...two of our gym teachers got fired for sleeping with students, one of whom was underage. Ahhh...I love being the product of a sexually deviant school system!
I thought that was James Haven too at first glance!
Who would lie and say they are a member of that dumb ass group?...and too give head at that hour in a public place?Losers!
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
...for a second I thought that was our own James Haven with those laser beam eyes...
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..."perhaps you'd like me to wash your dick for you too, you little shit"...
"WTF is it with gay dudes and parks anyway? They have the sign there about littering and cleaning up after my dog, can't they add a line that says "hey, don't suck any cock either"."
No way they could do that!!! Where would all the cholas go? Where would I go? Wait - I'm a gay dude...
The link from the Herald indicates that this dude isn't connected to Blue Man... Regardless, I bet this guy was right off the bike path @ Montrose Harbor or the Magic Hedge... Those are all the places I go... I mean, the mos' go for road head...
Oh, yes. We in Chicago are very intel-a-gent:
http://www.nwherald.com/articles/2008/12/29/18274530/index.xml
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You better watch out, you better not cry.
Submitted by kdracofan on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 3:31pm.
5:45pm?
kinda early no?
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Ha! I was thinking: WAY late;)
♥ ThreadKilla!
The Rules of the Internet
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
5:45pm?
kinda early no?
It's fucking cold in Chicago too! What were they thinking?! Sexy times in the bathroom sounds warmer!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
this story amuses me...
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did you sleep with charlie the tuna last night or did you just forget to douche?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrJAgdMLsMI&feature=related
I'm just prouder and prouder to be from the Land of Lincoln.
"Bitch, please! It's fucking personal!"
Frozen cocksicles. A holiday treat for the discriminating palate.
Neither one of these fucksicles could afford a hotel room???
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You better watch out, you better not cry.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:41pm.
Submitted by Haribo on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:36pm.
why do the fags insist on doing sucky and fucky in public places!? the straight don't do it in public places as often as the gays.
it must be some fetish of theirs.
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And it's never the lesbians either, you never hear about 2 chicks scissoring on the bike path.
LMFAO!!!!!!
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:51pm.
You're not alone, I find them useless.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
I hate Blue Man Group. I'm sure I am alone in this.
Darren Stephens? That is hilarious! Much like Endora on Bewitched, the press should call him by other names, Dustbin, Dobbin, Donald, David, Dumbo, etc.
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You better watch out, you better not cry.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:41pm.
hahah so true!
Should of got a room at the Red Roof Inn.
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Seriously, who the fuck sucks dick at 5:45pm on a park bench?
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O please, MK - like you're one to judge *eyeroll*.
♥ ThreadKilla!
The Rules of the Internet
It might seem like I'm stalking you. I'm not.
You just go on about your business:)
Submitted by Haribo on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:36pm.
why do the fags insist on doing sucky and fucky in public places!? the straight don't do it in public places as often as the gays.
it must be some fetish of theirs.
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And it's never the lesbians either, you never hear about 2 chicks scissoring on the bike path.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
The main story here should not be whether the man is from that blue Group or not. He was sucking the frozen cock of a principal in a public park. I'm more concerned about that. Since most principals, male and female act like they have dicks up their asses everyday, I'd hold that fucker accountable if he hasn't resinged already
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
(")_(")
Mrs. Gosling,
The fact that the troupe is denouncing his ever being involved with them only makes the story even MORE Tobias Funke!
Blame it on the boogie.
why do the fags insist on doing sucky and fucky in public places!? the straight don't do it in public places as often as the gays.
it must be some fetish of theirs.
Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:29pm.
I was thinking they should have a blowfish as a mascot: Billy Blowfish says zip it up!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
The guy was not from The Blue Man Group
http://www.suntimes.com/news/24-7/1354535,w-blue-man-principal-arrest-12...
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Christmas is over :(
can't imagine the thrill of sucking a frozen cock in the park at night, maybe because I've never tried but still.........
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What do you think he was doing in the first place? He was trying to give CPR to that half dead cock! He was protecting it from hypothermia with his mouth and warming his balls with his hands! Gee...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Thanks Migraine!
My inspiration to haiku comes at unexpected moments.
oSubmitted by Mrs. Gosling on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:12pm.
How the hell havent I heard of this? Maine East is a pretty good school I figured I would have heard this from somewhere else not Dlisted lol
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Seems to me that ya hear everything here first!
Why do i get the feeling these blue bitches have wives and kids?
Some people call it a Kaiser Blade, I call it a Sling Blade.
Team V.,
Maybe they need a cutesy sign campaign like: "Smokey the Bear Says NO Smoking Poles!"
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:24pm.
WTF is it with gay dudes and parks anyway? They have the sign there about littering and cleaning up after my dog, can't they add a line that says "hey, don't suck any cock either".
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No kidding! And "no exposing your shrivelled up peen to girls out for a nice afternoon run", too.
madam s.
I LOVE when you haiku!!
Anonymos sex happens all the time. One thing I can't understand is why these bitches can't afford a roach infested room at a motel 6? If they don't want to look deeply into each other's eyes before the cock sucking fest, I suggest blindfolds or big hooded hats before they get where they're going.
I can't imagine the thrill of sucking a frozen cock in the park at night, maybe because I've never tried but still..........
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:21pm.
WTF is it with gay dudes and parks anyway? They have the sign there about littering and cleaning up after my dog, can't they add a line that says "hey, don't suck any cock either".
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Team V.,
"Brangelina's picnic table sexually assaulted!" works for me too.
Haiku:
Blue Man blows Park Friend
Principal's Wife hears the News
Bad Night at Pressler's
I'm guessing that this took place in boystown.
Has this anything to do with the Polar Bear Club? Joey has never had a case of Blue Balls, but hey! There is a time and place for everything. I will call my sister in Glenview and check on flights into OHare......
"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."
Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:13pm.
What if we find a "lady gets ass stuck to Lohan" story?
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
<"Darren Stephens. Samantha, come get this bitch! Endora does not approve.">
I thought their used to be a Mrs. Kravitz for completeness sake around here....it usually wasn't hard to find her.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 2:02pm.
Submitted by followthisbeat75 on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 1:59pm.
ok, so I dont know if any of you have been to chicago around this time of year, but it's fucking cold! I mean like arctic cold or something...
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For Chicago in winter, it was warmish yesterday. I think it got in to the low
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Its like spring for us over here!! Weather in Chicago is crazy...were used to it lol
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Christmas is over :(
I know I'm a sicko, but god I love stories like this. I find them far more interesting than the celebrity stuff. For me "picnic table man" trumps Lindsay Lohan and "lady who gets ass stuck to toilet" trumps Brangelina every day of the week.