Woe Is JLo!
On the this week's cover of UsWeekly, JLo and Skeletor's marriage is about to become worm meat. JLo didn't wear her wedding ring to some movie premiere the other day and sources say it's her way of telling everyone her marriage is going through some shit. NO! It's her way of getting on the fucking cover of UsWeekly! And that's the troof!
Let's run down all the reasons why UsWeekly thinks this magical union between a wet turd and a Ziploc bag of brittle bones isn't working out.
Skeletor's creepy controlling ways drive her to tears: "He's very, very controlling of her. The skirts aren't as short. You don't see so much of that booty anymore."
Okay, everyone gets creeped out by Skeletor, because he is the epitome of creepy! JLo probably has a coronary every time she wakes up to his Crypt Keeper face. They can't keep living plants in the house, because they wilt when Skeletor walks by. And you would cry too if you were JLo and you were married to THAT!
JLo blames Skeletor for the bowl of diarrhea she calls her career: "Jennifer looked around and said, 'This is my life now? I'm a Long Island housewife?' She hates that everything she worked for went down the tubes."
Um. No. Skeletor is not to blame. Gigli is. And by "Gigli" I mean that whole gross Ben Affleck moment. And I would love being a Long Island housewife! I mean, three glasses of Asti for lunch, long fake nails with holiday scenes on them and hair that can't even fit through the door. I need to be a LI housewife now!
Skeletor has been flirting with other hos: "One night after their tense family Thanksgiving in which the couple 'didn't sit together,' Anthony hit NYC hotspots Bungalow 8 and Marquee, where he was spotted with his hand on a woman's thigh and overheard complaining about his wife to a group of women, 'telling them, 'She's making me miserable.'
"Again, she's JLo. Her job is to make everyone miserable. Besides, Skeletor wasn't flirting with them. He was just finding out if they were virgins, because he was jonesing for some pure blood.
There's a bunch of other shit in this article, but basically I think there's no way these two are splitting up. Now is not the time. She has nothing to promote! Do you think JLo is going to let a publicity bomb like a divorce drop when she doesn't have a thing to sell? That is not like JLo. Believe me, we'll know when this marriage gets buried. JLo will be on the cover of OK! or some shit with the headline "I Can't Be Married To No Corpse Anymore!"
And here's JLo and Skeletor acting like a happily married couple while going to dinner last night.
Wenn
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one thing is Marc Anthony is not broke in any sense or way, he is huge is hispanic countries maybe not with americans so he makes his money singing
Frankly my dear, I don't give a Damn!! "Rhett Butler"
@Angel:
Who does the Puppy Cam song? Sounds like one of the hosts on Sprout.
xxyxz, I am feeling sadness in the depths of my blood caverns that you have not noted me on the electric paper.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by angel_i on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:31pm.
Ha! I had to read that a couple of times, I was so caught up in the image.
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The image of a bowl of diarrhea? My image is that the diarrhea is in a teal-blue Ikea plastic bowl that nicely offsets the light brown colour of the diarrhea. It also has lighter whisps on the surface, sort of like how latte foam looks.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by xxyxz on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:02pm.
J-Lo has THE worst luck in the world with men.
I think that is what happens when you go around sleeping with men whe are already on relationships, or while you are on relationship with somebody else.
she cheated on her 2 first husbands, I do not see why this would be diffenrent.
and whoever said J.LO is puertorican, yeah she became puertorican when she married squeletor, she was white while doing Ben afleck and Black while fucking Diddy...who knows what she is going to be next.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:26pm.
Bowl of Diarrhea!
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Ha! I had to read that a couple of times, I was so caught up in the image.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Public Service Announcement
The Puppy Cam Song
Sorry, but I see JLo as the controlling cunt, not Skeletor.
Bowl of Diarrhea! Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahh!
If I had less self control I would have just shat myself, vomited, shot sick-boogers out of my nose and pissed myself.
Bowl of diarrhea.
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Own it like a strap-on.
These two bitches won't leave each other because they are broke as a joke. There would be no big money payout for either one in a divorce settlement. I bet Jlo pawned her rings to make a christmas for the dragontale twins.
And what career is she going on about? SHe had a couple of hit songs and a string of crap movies. Was her fucking Diddy and Affleck her career?
Bitch, give it a rest and don't identify yourself with just being a housewife. You give the real women who do that job a diservice
Her sexy face brings up the urge in me to punch something soft and furry.
I really love her outfit in those pics! And is he wearing makeup?? His skin is too even with a nice matte finish.
I doubt it, those two aren't going anywhere. I agree with MK that this is just to get on the cover of a mag.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Submitted by mentirosos :
Ha! You mentioned Yoville. I'm on there as a guy dressed as a girl:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Public Service Announcement
The Puppy Cam Song
Wait. Is JHo even allowed to wear jeans?
And I'm pretty sure the housewives from Long Island aren't crying any tears that she is one of them. Then again, if they are crying, it's BECAUSE she's one of them!
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Don't surround yourself with yourself; move on back to square.
She's just pissed cuz he's no Brad Pitt.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Public Service Announcement
The Puppy Cam Song
Submitted by P.T.Bull on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:15pm.
mentirosos : I was going to use the nude dude for an avatar, but never got around to it. Folks need to remember that when they are web-chatting with that hot 21 year old chick, that's whats on the other end of the keyboard.
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lol
I know. You know how peeps develop relationships on WOW and 2nd life and stuff....like seriously, half the time, the female avi is a man baby! Thats why you cant ever get too involved in life on the internet, there are just too many unknowns....
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Why would you go outside and run around in the sunshine and fresh air when you can link up to team speak, get on-line and do something that matters!
I never understood how J-lo had a career in the first place, every movie she's been in sucks major balls.
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BAH, HUMBAG!
JLo needs to give Skeletor a LV jerky wallet for Christmas because he needs some meat on those bones & he's a jerk.
WHAT.THE.FUCK.EVER!
You think Jenny doesn't read? J.Lo knows everybody thinks she's a skanky has-been and she tryna get some sympathy. Everyone else is working the rags - why not her? Long Island housewife - please, bitch. For a week??? Because first you were a marathoner and then you were political and then you had to party...I mean, try it for ...a year! That's how long our mat leave is...One year - go ahead, be a housewife. I dare you to go find out how much value there is in that.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Public Service Announcement
The Puppy Cam Song
I can't wait for the day those spider legs on her eye socket quit the bitch and run away
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Drink up! It's Xmas!
You know, I loves me some Puertorican but homegirl needs to put some lip gloss or SOMETHING! For reals, enough with the nude lip bullshit!
That's one lame push-up bra. All she needs is to hold a beer stein on each finger to make it really work.
Its always a surprised when self-involved pseudo-celebrities aren't able to maintain long-term relationships. Maybe her thriving movie career put too much pressure on her time....
At a party this weekend and somone almost threw Maid In Manhatten on the DVD. Fortunately, I was able to create a diversion and derail the effort. Hate to vomit my guts out without even having a drink.
Now what happened to the gayelle and any-elle? ro and lo? Those are the only two I care about.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:14pm.
I shun the "Real Housewives of..." shows, but I think I would watch, "The Real Housewives of Long Island."
Thats actually a great idea! Everyone on Dlisted should Email bomb bravo that idea.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
DOES ANYONE GIVE A FUCKING SHIT ABOUT EITHER OF THESE 2 FUCKHEADS?? I DON'T KNOW ONE FUCKING PERSON WHO LISTENS TO THEIR SHIT MUSIC AND I WAS FORCED TO WATCH FUCKLO IN SOME MOVIE AND SHE IS A FUCKING JOKE!!
Submitted by smokeybaconflavour on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:11pm.
"And I would love being a Long Island housewife!
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Hey Bravo! You thought Nene was badass, JLo would put her to SHAME!
0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0
Why would you go outside and run around in the sunshine and fresh air when you can link up to team speak, get on-line and do something that matters!
mentirosos : I was going to use the nude dude for an avatar, but never got around to it. Folks need to remember that when they are web-chatting with that hot 21 year old chick, that's whats on the other end of the keyboard. ;)
Actually, if dude shaved his beard, might be mistaken for me. :o
Submitted by Miss Priss on Wed, 12/17/2008 - 5:12pm.
J-Ho is a bitchy cunt, so no surprise there
And why is skeletor wearing velvet?
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Seriously. He looks like a Las Vegas lounge lizard. No offense to lounge lizards!
I shun the "Real Housewives of..." shows, but I think I would watch, "The Real Housewives of Long Island."
I imagine it to be like the Mary Kaye party in "Goodfellas."
"I told him that if he touches me again, I'll cut off his fucking hands."
"She means it, too!"
Okay, who called "december 2008"? Come up and claim yer prize.
J-Ho is a bitchy cunt, so no surprise there
And why is skeletor wearing velvet? Don't let papa Spears see that shit, he'll try to cook it in Shitney's grits "mah baby likes velvet-ah with greets for her breakfasts!"
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Drink up! It's Xmas!
I think Jlo's just happy she made the cover of a magazine, its like 2003 all over again!
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I wanna nog your egg.
"And I would love being a Long Island housewife! I mean, three glasses of Asti for lunch, long fake nails with holiday scenes on them and hair that can't even fit through the door. I need to be a LI housewife now!" -MK
Shit like this is why I love DListed and Michael K.
Highlarious.
Oh, fuck them both. Two shitty people equals a shitty marriage.
"Just wondering but how many of you bitches acctually read the book? because Im thinkin not many of you have the brain spain too read...."
-Mrs.Hardin21 on Twilight
Its well known that J lO wanted kids for the LOOONNNNGGGEESSTT time and if picking up the cutest, random within a 12 inch radius of you isnt your cup o tea, youre going to have o sacafice some sh*t to get into a relationship in which children can be made....
0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0
Why would you go outside and run around in the sunshine and fresh air when you can link up to team speak, get on-line and do something that matters!
M.E
True.... I hope she can be happy with her dragon tales kids and I hope she doesn't jump into another bad relationship
In order to be a Long Island housewife you HAVE to be either jewish, irish or italian. Sorry Jlo we don't do puerto ricans.
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"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort"
Marc Anthony is a controlling bastard. She probably can't take his ways anymore. LOL.
They deserve one another. Thought they will be married for the rest of their lives
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Pretty looks fade...dumb is forever -- Judge Judy
This douchenozzle is wearing sunglasses at night.
I wear my sunglasses at night
I wear my sunglasses at night
I say to you now
I wear my sunglasses at night
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Don't surround yourself with yourself; move on back to square.
I can't stop laughing at Jlo's "sexy" face. Can you imagne what her "O" face must look like. LOL
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I wanna nog your egg.
Not exactly a shocker.
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I've been thinkin bout you....
And there ain't no doubt about it, I'm in love
- Evelyn "Champagne" King
So who didnt see this coming?
Seriously.
I can almost believe this crapola though.
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"We do not gnaw on our kitties"
Dr. Evil
Colour me shocked.
So if I run out of the house one morning in a rush to get to work and I forget my wedding ring, does that mean I'm headed for divorce?
I was just reading about this online, there's no way they're getting a divorce...she just had her friggin' kids last year. UsWeekly are such lie-tellers!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
xxyxz - that is what happens when you marry out of desperation, not love.
Good
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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(='.'=)
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Nice of that footman to escort the movie star from the car to the door.
At least they won't be making anymore creepy ass babies!
J-Lo has THE worst luck in the world with men.