Pete Wentz Talks About Doing It In Asshole's Ass
Sorry if that headline made your lunch creep up into your throat. Thankfully, I don't get visuals, because I can't picture these two vaginas doing anything past tickling or light petting. I still have no idea how they actually had a baby together. Pete's lil' soldier (that's what they call it) probably accidentally slipped in Asshole's hooha (again, that's what they call it) while they were involved in an intense tickling game.
Pete Wentz wants us to believe that they actually fuck each other. On Howard Stern's radio show this morning, Pete said that Asshole Simpson lets him stick it in her no-no every now and again. Please. That bitch is no Anal Ashlee. Pete's the one who gets it in his assmouth. He probably uses Ashlee's old nose to do it with.
Pete also said that their sex life is so amazing, "If we had been on this show last year, we'd probably be doing it in the green room right now." They don't do it anymore, because of Bronx Mowgli, but they do "other fun stuff." The "other fun stuff" is probably playing Barbies and making cakes with their Easy Bake Oven. They might even play Operation together, but even that's a little too much anatomy for them.
Pete said Ashlee gives the most amazing lap dances and loves to wear thongs for him. He said it took a while to convince her to bump snatches with him, but once they did, it was amazing. "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'"
Pete's been watching soft-core movies on Cinemax late at night again, right? That's where he came up with all this crap to tell Howard.
And you know Papa Joe's genitals exploded while he listened to this interview. Check your roof. Papa Joe's blown off peen might be laying up there.
(Thanks Da Explora)
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Oh STFU already! Keep things to yourself you irrelevant asswipe.
I can just see Asslee and Papa Joe smacking their thighs laughing while Jess sits there and pouts that Tony never talks about her.
Submitted by Nippy on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 7:15pm.
I just realized I'm totally turned on and keep seeing a picture of these two bitches.
Isn't this going to condition me to associate sexy thoughts with THEM? Oh God, no.
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Me too.
I just realized I'm totally turned on and keep seeing a picture of these two bitches.
Isn't this going to condition me to associate sexy thoughts with THEM? Oh God, no.
Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 4:27pm.
RealiTEE,
Your avie is makin eyes at me.
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Who doesn't have eyes for you? ;)
(always practice safe avie admiration...those eyes are potent)
love yours as well of course.
Snowpiece! Sorry I missed ya.
Hi to the rest of you ho ho hos.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:59pm.
HAHAHAHAHA. See, this is why we should educate the world on the right ways to do this. We could cut down on ER visits by morons who resort to putting perfume bottles up there.
Of course, I'm not sure the ER visit is much worse than looking into a hotel mirror and finding out you're nailing either Pete Wentz or Ashlee Simpson.
Yes Bradi - very edumacashunul
Anal is definitely not for everyone. For some women, and I assume men, it's painful. Or they don't have the huge number of nerve endings or something...
But for the rest of us, can I haz anal? PLEEZE?
I guess I'm like Natalie Portman: I know there are people who DON'T do it, but....
I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND.
Nice way to disrespect the mother of your child -- wow
Nippy - yes, nothing replaces the real thing. Ah..........sex talk. Who needs therapy?
M.E. on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:55pm
A sexy thread on DLISTED is edumakachanel.
See, the Emo Munchkins are good for something.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
If he really respected his wife and the mother of his kid, he wouldn't be discussing his sex life like that! Douche!
@ My DL Ho's--
Be careful when playing in Santa's toyshop.
@ Diego--
This may answer your earlier question, which was "why not shove any old thing up there?"
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/graphics/VIBRATOR.JPG
or even, "on Impulse"--
http://www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html#figs
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“This is a farewell kiss, dog.” --ill-mannered Arab shoe thrower
ME--I go back and forth on that. My favorite one has the rotating metal beads (no cheap-ass plastic pearls, thanks; I want industrial-strength!), vibrator, and rotating head. My boyfriend likes the noise it makes when you reverse the rotation of the beads. (We are total geeks.)
But on some of those others, the ones with all those programmable patterns of vibration....they're kinda creepy. It's like it has a mind of its own, or something. Screw that.
The best thing of all about simple toys is that...umm..they can be used in conjunction with a tongue. Which is very, very, very good.
Bradi - see, all MK needs to do is throw us horz a sex thread and OFF WE GO!
I'm a little confused. I clicked on the source, but there is no actual quote of him saying they do anal. He just says they do "fun stuff." I would assume that means mutual masturbation, or she just gives him a BJ because she's too sore down there to mess with anything. Including anal.
I would never do anal. I have a vajayjay for a reason. I understand why gay guys do it; they don't have a V. But, when you have a beautiful front door, why let anyone come in your house by your junky, too small for them to even fit in properly back door. I don't get it. You can tear the tissue in there really easily, leading to septicemia. Hell, I got a tear inside from eating the skins of muscadine grapes (they are so damn good!)and them not digesting properly...ahem...they are sharp coming out. I would never put some giant object up there. I researched it myself when my husband asked for it one time, and I flat out rejected it after I learned about it. No. I really, really enjoy vaginal sex, and I'm a willing and adventurous partner when it comes to that. So, he'll just have to live with never getting it.
I can only imagine how pissed Ashlee is now. I would be mortified if I actually did anal and my husband told the world. I'm not embarrassed if even my grandma knows we have regular sex - there's nothing wrong with that! But for everyone to know that I have a big, gaping no no hole full of cum... I would rather die. But that's just me. Maybe she's cool with people knowing. If he even said that.
Wow, anything to make them seem "interesting", huh Petey?
*glanced through comments, took SEVERAL notes and copied websites...*
DLISTED Secsky Chat Times....
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
I've found the more complex the sex toy, the less satisfying it is. I had a rabbit and I HATED IT! Between the vibration, swirling beads, rotating head and clitoral stimulating ears, I couldn't enjoy it.
xxyxz - it's a good skill to have!1 LOL.
Nippy - No, not hard to use or manuever. Very easy. Slip it in, turn it on and WEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Submitted by Diego on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:28pm.
LMAO -
I had seen a picture of one, and it reminded me of the "cone" they put in the street to alert a pothole. That's what started me on my journey to find out - and there's no better place then Dlisted!
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Bye! Good
M.E.--Thanks sweetie! From the photo it looks hard to handle on your own, which is why I asked if a helper was preferable. I guess I'm lucky in that my boyfiend (as MK says, typo but it stays!) doesn't feel jealous of the magical instruments, just jealous of me when we use them.
Diego--No, they're not all hard plastic. Jelly and some types of silicone are quite pliable. (BTW, if you don't want soft and pliable, Pyrex can be used for purposes that chefs and bakers never imagined.)
I thought toys were freakin' weird for years and years. I mean, why would I put something with batteries inside me, or something made out of plastic?? And then I tried one at the recommendation of a fantastic and creative boyfriend--and became an instant convert.
But every toy is different (just like every body is different)...one rabbit I tried was downright painful because of where its ears hit me. It wasn't the material or anything--just the design of the thing. And then there was the one that I HEART the most, which actually kinda frightened me at first because of its size. (I got over it.)
If you're going to start exploring, I also recommend you check out http://www.selfservetoys.com/Articles/phthalate-free-sex-toys.htm for info on the materials used in toys. (The Wild G toy I mentioned earlier is phthalate-free.)
M.E
lol... I can get myself off a lot faster then Mr. XX can get me off too!
Nippy - Nubby is my "personal assistant". I think the hub is intimidated by it. I can usually get myself off in under a minute with nubby.
LOL.
Oh you slutty womens are getting to me.
When I read Creepella's post
"I did some googling myself"
I laughed out loud and thought, 'Hell, I google myself all the time."
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Bowie and Bing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGelQhYY85c
Diego - lol!! That's exactly why girls and boys need their toys - in case their real toy isn't available! ;)
Thanks M.E.! I am definitely adding that to my wish list. Question: Am I right in assuming this is best used with a loved one rather than by one's self? ;)
Nippy - my kids are too young to go out by themselves. LOL.
Maybe I can get Daddy to shower with me. HAHAHA!
Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:21pm.
Carrottttt! Where are you?? I made a Carrot/Fart funny!!!
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Farts that smell like carrots? If a bunch of people ate a whole boatload of carrots then got locked in a room to fart out a bunch of carrot farts, would carrots materialize? Circle of life, baby.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by Creepella on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:01pm.
Granted, I haven't seen many and I have no experience with them, but the ones I have seen look like hard pieces of plastic. Maybe there are different kinds out there? I mean, why not just shove any old thing up there if you're going with that? I prefer the real thing, or, you know, something that tries to be like the real thing. I know, TMI. Too bad my boy has appointments until 7 tonight. The fucker.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Nippy - I have something called "Nubby G" that thing is the BEST toy EVER!!!!!!!!
http://yourpassionconsultant.com/consultants/sierra/gspotvibes01.php
Scroll down to the nubby G
Oh, and while you girls are Googling the wonderful world of modern sex technology, may I humbly make a suggestion?
The Wild G-Spot Vibrator is the best product I have ever bought in my entire life. I am not exaggerating.
If you buy it, or anything else naughty, google Adam and Eve. They usually have a 50% off coupon on Google that you can use, and RetailMeNot often has free shipping coupons you can add on.
M.E., you are a wild bitch. Forget the kids. Put a coat on 'em, shoo 'em outside, and get busy in that kitchen.
Classy. It's funny how ScarJo freaks out when a magazine makes up a quote about her and Ryan Renyolds have a loving relationship, but Pete Wentz goes right out and gives graphic details of his personal life. No one would even want to make up that stuff.
Nippy - I will be having to take a shower when I get home, just for the sole purpose of getting myself off. Otherwise I'll end up raping my husband in the kitchen.
Don't need to scare the kids.
I did some googling myself:
http://www.tootimid.com
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Bye! Good
Sheeps!
LMAO! Right-O! Tomorrow, I am going for the ear!!
When he mentioned that he spoke Latin I was so tempted (and would have if'n he hadn't smelled so purty) to ask him how often he got a chance to speak a completely dead language.
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Bowie and Bing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGelQhYY85c
Carrottttt! Where are you?? I made a Carrot/Fart funny!!!
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Bowie and Bing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGelQhYY85c
Have fun, M.E.! After reading all this horndoggery I may have to get my Seahorse Triple Action Vibe out tonight. Boyfriend out of town.
He will be sad to miss out, so I will have to call him to share the fun. On behalf of us both, thank you, D-Listed sluts!
http://www.hersextoybox.com/hersex_ItemDetail.cfm?From=qu&mainkeyword=SO...
I'm sold
Yes! poooo. I need to wipe off some toys we've been doing research on!
http://www.hersextoybox.com/hersex_ItemDetail.cfm?From=qu&mainkeyword=G-...
I'm never going to need a peen again.
I smell.. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Own it like a strap-on.
I think I'm going to buy a mini bullet.
*cheshire cat grin*
Yay! Carrot times
Great, now I'm shopping for toys.
It's getting hot in hurrr
I love this place!
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Bye! Good
I found this on butt plugs:
"Some women use butt plugs to help intensify their orgasms. Because the muscles in the vagina spasm during orgasm and because the same muscle group also works the anal sphincter there is a consensus among some women that by inserting a butt plug into the female anus and restricting the contractions of the sphincter muscle during orgasm it causes the vaginal muscles to contract with more intensity and thereby increases the intensity of the female orgasm.
Both men and women report that by moving a butt plug slowly back and forth it can have a very pleasing sensation. Also, both men and women state that they like the “filled up” feeling they get when they insert a butt plug to the point were some people insert their butt plug and wear it all day long."
And now I am completely turned on.
I think I'm in heat or something.
*goes off to diddle self*
xxyxz♥ lol! I don't know man. I'm no prude, but gdi I know more about them now than my bffs know about me. Y'know?? And it's THEM.
Kinda like a Screech sex tape vs. a Pam and Tommy sex tape. Both in bad taste, but one doesn't make you wanna go to confession then off yourself.
Wanna do it in mah butt? As long as we don't tell, it's okay. lol
Submitted by Nippy on Tue, 12/16/2008 - 6:09pm.
I think I love you
Girlfriends, please! A little ass play can be a wonderful, beautiful thing, and not just for those with prostates. Butt plugs, anal beads, and other magical items filling up the no-no hole can make a girl very happy. Just use a lot of lube and go slow if you're a beginner.
How disturbing is it that I have something in common with Asshole Simpson? Oh God, I feel dirty.